Absolute Nonsense.

Trump Against Humanity takes a famously inappropriate card game and makes it yuge

Just as a preface I am a college student and a year shy of being the glorious two-one so naturally like every felonious college kid, I have obtained a fake ID. Anyways, so earlier this morning I went to the gas station to buy beer for the upcoming week since it it going to be a hectic week I knew the only time I could go would be this morning. I walk into the gas station and grab a case of beer and proceed to the counter. I plop the beer on the counter and am asked for my ID. Now before I continue I need to preface that I have terrible handwriting. Like that of a second graders. No idea why the elementary school decided I should pass but they did me wrong. Anyways, so just remember I have terrible handwriting. I give the ID to her without fear and just wait for it back. She takes a look at it and tells me to get out the store. Confused I ask her what the big deal is and she tells me that my ID is obviously fake and that I need to get out now. I have never ever had this problem before so I tell her that its not fake at all and she turns it around and points to my signature. She says there is no way someone has that bad of writing except for someone trying to forge a signature since it obviously wasn’t natural. Without hesitation, me and all my brilliance decide to pull out my real ID to prove that hey its a really good fake ID and I just have really bad handwriting. I point to the signature on my real and she just gives me that “Oh my god I can’t believe we let people like you breed” look and starts to just laugh. Needless to say I am having a dry week and living a life without any fakes from here on out.

division

square roots

dividing percentages

IT EVEN FOILS

AHAHAHAHAHA-

oh my god

or plot graphs

even 3D graphs!!!

use tools

Can be taught to speak (like parrots)

Have huge brains for birds

like seriously their brain-to-body size ratio is equal to that of a chimpanzee

They vocalize anger, sadness, or happiness in response to things

they are scary smart at solving puzzles

some crows stay with their mates until one of them dies

they can remember faces

SIDENOTE HERE BECAUSE HOLY SHIT.  They did an experiment where these guys wore masks and some of them fucked with crows.  Pretty soon the crows recognized the masks = douchebag.  But the nice guys with masks they left alone.  THEN, OH WE’RE NOT DONE, NO SIR crows that WEREN’T EVEN IN THE EXPERIMENT AND NEVER SAW THE MASK BEFORE knew about mask-dudes and attacked them on sight.  THEY PASSED ON THE FUCKING INFORMATION TO THEIR CROW BUDDIES.

They remember places where crows were killed by farmers and change their migration patterns.

Every day, I would watch Buck from my window until one day I opened it and started talking to him. He was small and gangly and he couldn’t caw right. His feathers were all over the place and I felt a kinship. So I made a deal with him. I told him that if he could do it, if he could fly, then I could find the strength to get up. Well… near the end of the season, after talking with him every day, I finally saw him get out of the nest. He went to the edge of his branch, braced himself, and jumped… and just before he hit the ground, he soared back up into the sky. I cheered harder than I ever had before.

That winter, Buck left the area. I was crestfallen. I felt like I’d lost a friend. But I was so damn proud of him. 

Cut to the next spring? I’m walking up the driveway one day when suddenly I hear a sound… a broken caw. I look up, and Buck is sitting in a tree above my head. He stared at me and puffed his feathers, then hopped down in front of me and cawed again. I was so damn thrilled, and I told him how proud I was of him. He ruffled his feathers and then soared off into his old tree. 

That summer? I heard two broken caws. One from Buck… and one from his chick.