Othree - The Boy Named Me

Would you love me in the morning, Or would you be embarrassed and ashamed? I’ll get your number, and I’ll text you, But would you even remember my name?

You were all I could have asked for. You were maybe divine. You were all I could have wanted, But you weren’t mine.

After giving it careful thought We’re not just right for each other And if it’s now you want to tell me how you feel Please don’t even bother.

With you. It’s so great being with you. You make my sunshine and my skies blue, but you play these games every day It hurts but it’s fine, I’m okay? I’ll play it with you.

How can you tell me I’m projecting, please behave. Do you know what I pass through every day? Do you know what I think when I'm in my cave? When I eat, when I laugh, when I play? Life can’t be this bad, I try to believe. What’s the worst thing that happens these days? Just a few murders and a few thefts where I live, And you want to tell me “This is a phase” The only thing that’ll make sense is when the sky does fall. I’ll finally have won that war. Fuck you anxiety, I’ve been through it all and I’ll ask you to go check the door. What do you do when your head is a mess, and all you want to do is live? What do I do, because my head is a mess and all I want to do is live.

I know I said I’ll take a place by standing at your door, but I’m having much more pain than I thought would occur. Now I have to make a case on why I should get more and I’m forced to play a game, and I don’t do that anymore. It’s hard to see someone as the sun but they don’t see you the same way. For all I know I’m just a lab rat or a pet or even clay. It’s hard to see someone as the one and see they cannot stay. Oh, words cannot explain the shit going through my head today. They’d say if I really loved you, I won’t so easily go. But I tend to suffer in silence, you just can’t easily know and I get that you just can’t trust, lies don’t just easily show but I can’t make you safe at my expense, I just can’t. Easily, No. I know I said I’ll take a place, but maybe I’d stay far I’m too familiar with this chase, and the energy isn’t par Now strangers on the street, sigh, this life isn’t fair. But at least, I have this sheet and my delirium is clear.

When I said you gave me strength, All of that was true. And when I said you’re heaven sent I’m sure that’s nothing to you. For you’re an Angel far from home, and it’s clear from how you shine. Brighter than Solomon's great ivory throne. How do I make you mine? Everything I learned of you was more with what I saw. So dear, make my dreams come true I can’t wait anymore. If the feelings are not the same I’ll still stand by your door. For love’s a bet and a risky game and I could not be more sure. So tell me all your hopes and dreams And let me make them true. Yes, tell me all your wildest dreams I would do them on cue. From everything I have seen I can tell you're the one You're one amazing human being You feel like the sun.

I’ll be telling you what you’re telling me. I’ll be giving you what you’re giving me. I’ll be seeing you how you’ve been seeing me. I’ll be leaving you, so be leaving me. The shit that I’ve been going through for you. Is the same shit I’ll be putting you through. You threw this out the door. I long for you no more. I'll be showing you what you're showing me. No, I'm not drunk you just don't know this me. there's really nothing else you need me to see. I'm leaving you, believe me. You thought I won't get up from this fall. You thought you could change it up with one call. You threw this out the door. I long for you no more. "The acting was poor, and heartbreak was sure. The loving was war and everything was sore. I made a big mistake, but not everything was fake (or at least I'd like to believe) You threw this out the door. I long for you no more"

So bon appétit It’s your turn to eat I’m not really moved by your lies and deceit You’ve heard that here’s heaven and It’s a buffet I’m serving So here’s to new lessons I’m learning and Bon appétit It’s sweet but you don’t know when to quit The fact that I’m quiet doesn’t mean I am beat I have just stopped caring It’s so much weight to be bearing so much stain on this apron I’m wearing but Bon appétit

I know that I love myself, I know that I need me. But I’m tired of looking for love I didn’t keep Or the love that doesn’t want me, Or the love that can’t value me I’m not going to stay, I won’t weep And if you can’t see my value beyond what you want I’m not going to help you love me Otherwise, I’ll start begging When I’m rare and different And all this bullshit is above me I don’t just know what I want, I know what I’m worth And I don’t need you to tell me I’m perfect, In my own way Beautiful in every way No, I’m not afraid to tell you to leave me.

We’re now at the point that I’m Considering that I could treat you better Without knowing who you’re even with I don’t know where this confidence comes from, If I’m really capable or if it’s self-deceit Where on the “good guy” spectrum am I Why do I think that I should have it all My heart tells me lies, my heart always lies I have seen it many times, every time I fall Thinking ‘bout that point that I thought I could treat you better Don’t know why I felt like I could be the one You never told me you had a problem with your darkness I should have never thought of being your sun Oh it’s the season, it’s getting to that time again Right about that time where I get my heart broken On the bright side, it’s not all bad My creative self has awoken

I gave you my heart and my soul and my mind and my body, my whole I gave up my thoughts, my control In my head happiness was the goal Now I see where I stand where I erred Where I looked when I shouldn’t have cared How I told you all the things I feared and you took them and trapped me in bed I gave you myself, it was clear And you lied and you filled me with fear Confused me with words so unclear And stripped me and left me so bare Leavings the best choice I made I don’t care the price that’s been paid Now I sit in this same place I was played and I forgive myself for "whyever" stayed

You see, I'm scared of uncertainty. But you know what I'm really scared of? Certainty I'm scared of death, I'm scared of waking up every day to take a cold shower, I'm scared I love you, I want to always make you smile but I'm afraid someone else already holds that power I'm scared you already know what you want from me. I fear none of your answers are true because when push comes to shove, and you choose whom to love I won't be the person with you. Right now, I don't know where I stand and it's scary. It's scary to keep falling for you. To keep wearing this disguise, to keep believing these lies That someday I'll end up with you. At the end of the day, the story would be a well-written tragedy Written with blue ink in black lines, wrapped in glue. Now I'm at the end of all my thinking, How did I think I'd end up with someone like you?

If you’re not the only one that is hurting, If you’re the one, it’s high time she wants you back! Or else all of this is for nothing. Get yourself out the mud and your life on track.  If you’re not the only one that is hurting, She’d have called, She’d have texted at least. But you’ve heard no word from her, nothing! Why are you putting yourself through this? It’s clear you’re the only one that’s hurting,  Almost one year now, when does this stop? It’s not your fault all this is happening.  You need to come to terms or these dreams won’t  stop. It’s so sad we have to go through this again This time, at least, seek help. Stop putting your self through this pain. Stop doing this to yourself.

Yeah, a series of heartbreaks like you put it. Some were caused by me, some could have been avoided. Nonetheless learnt lessons from each one. Writing is my way of “coming to terms” with it.

Life. I usually write about stuff that happens to me (otherwise stated). Mostly heartbreak, but yh, life.