The Asian Observer

Hi everyone, I just wanted to let you know that I've moved my blog to: http://theasianobserver.blogspot.com/

There was once this little boy whose father became extremely ill with a rare disease that was hard to diagnose.  However, the doctor suspected it was a particular virus and the only way to tell was by the flavor of the poop.  If it was bitter, that meant he had the disease.  If it was... I guess normal tasting... that ruled it out.  So the boy ate the poop, found out it was bitter, the doctor was able to treat his father and he was saved from death.

Moral of the story: If you love your family, you have to be willing to sacrifice.  Especially if you are the eldest son in the family.

Growing up in America, I've been conditioned to be hyper sensitive and considerate to others.  There is definitely a larger focus on the betterment of those around me, and the impact that my actions might have on another individual.  For first generation American-Chinese, you can feel the difference in culture as the focus is more on the individual, and it makes complete sense.  They had to fight to survive to not only get to America, but to secure a job while supporting a family.  So it's not surprising that sometimes, Asians will do something that may seem head-scratchingly selfish.  But if you are able to free your mind and apply some of these lessons yourself, especially in an environment where there are other Asians, it is quite liberating because you can pretty much get away anything.

In an earlier post I had mentioned that parking cars and stopping in the middle of a parking lot (blocking traffic) is a total norm.  And if you are dropping someone off knowing that you will pick them up again in just 5 minutes, why bother waiting for a parking spot?  You can just stop where you are and everyone else will just drive around you because they're used to it.  

This past weekend, I made a similar observation in Chinese grocery stores.  At my local Safeway, I often feel self-conscious if I leave my cart to grab something that is even just 10 ft away.  There is an invisible tether and boundary where upon crossing, I feel like people are judging me for blocking traffic (even if I am careful about moving my cart to the side).  Well in Chinese supermarkets, you can completely abandon this fear because everyone does it.  And it is SO liberating being able to just stop and abandon your cart and get something that might be 3 aisles over, which allows you to weave through people if it's a Sunday afternoon at Ranch 99.  And it's not surprising to see other people add to it and abandon their carts in the same location.  

When I visited Calcutta a few years ago, there was one thing that never ceased to amaze me.  If you were in a taxi trying to get anywhere, you'll quickly notice 3 lane roads being utilized at 5 lane roads.  In order to get everyone to fit, side view mirrors are turned in because you are literally inches from the next car.  Cars move in a single motion like a school of fish.  People are super opportunistic as they are able to take advantage of mere inches to get infront of you.  And not once had I ever seen a car accident or anything of that nature.  And I don't mean this as any disrespect, but it helped me understand why Indians make the best taxi drivers in NY.  They know what they are doing, and the street is their playground.

Wondering if any other ABCs out there have experienced this.  I'll be fully engaged in a conversation that is spoken purely in Chinese.  I'm displaying active listening skills, contributing to the conversation in Chinese (where I am able to), and to the casual outside observer, it would appear that I'm a regular participant in this conversation.  But then when they turn to me and address a question or comment to me in particular, they decide to use English, which in most cases becomes broken English, which completely stalls and breaks momentum of the current conversation at hand.  I would then try to respond in Chinese (I've given up encouraging them to keep speaking to me in Chinese) only to have them respond back in English.  It's so awkward and I have to admit, it does make me a little sad.  I don't doubt for a second that my grammar is off, my pronunciation is Americanized, and my vocabulary set is a more limited.  But in the past 2-3 years I have been trying to break the perception that I don't speak Chinese because I was born in the States.  

There was once this really fat boy.  He could not leave his bed and he was so fat that he couldn't feed himself.  One day his parents had to leave town for a few days, so they made a huge donut and put it around his neck so he could just lean forward and eat it.  After they came back from vacation, they found the boy had died due to starvation.  He had eaten all the donut infront of him but did not bother to turn the donut so he could eat the rest.

Moral of the story: Don't be lazy.  Also, don't be fat.

Chinese statement: You look strong

Definition: You look fat

It's really true about how most Chinese go through the same motions.  It's totally cultural but I can't deny the fact that I'm stereotypically Asian when I consider the following:

I started playing piano at 5

I started playing violin at 7

I was your classic piano over achiever with awards (Joy Luck Club)

I played in multiple orchestras

I actually owned an abacus

I had the helmet hair/bowl haircut as a child

Summer Break was synonymous with Summer School

For sports early on, I did tennis and swimming, both of which were solo sports that required no physical contact with an opponent

All of my high school volunteer experiences were either at the hospital or library.  No such thing as a part time paying job that didn't immediately contribute to a college essay topic

I went to college focused on Pre-Med

There was once this kid that lived in a house with mosquito problems.  Every night they would come in through the windows and pester his parents.  So he decided from that day on that every night, he would sleep by the window with his sleeves rolled up so that they mosquitoes would bite him and not his parents.

Moral of the story: If you love your family, you need to be willing to sacrifice.

Back in 1989, I made my first and only trip to China. There were a lot of impressionable experiences that I wanted to share with you.

My dad had to do a lot more than walk 10 miles uphill to school and 10 miles uphill back home.  I didn't realize that he literally grew up in the ghetto and how finding a trampled-on bamboo shoot on the street floor was considered a precious meal for him.

General Mao broke up his family like many Chinese families at the time, forcing my dad to be separated from his mother and siblings and to be raised by his grandparents.  He managed to overcome all that, come to the states, and become successful.  Set the bar high, much?

I was in Tienanmen Square the day before the massacre.  I will never forget seeing all the students and the tents.  We barely made it out of there.

There was once this kid who was very poor.  Every day he would sit at the corner and watch the street vendor who sold milk flavored ice cream popsicles.  One day, he found a coin on the street and was so excited because finally, he could buy ice cream.  After paying for the popsicle, he went back to his street corner.  Wanting to cherish the ice cream, he decided to not open the packaging yet and just lick the outside plastic.  Soon, the ice cream inside melted and he cried.

Moral of the story: It is good to cherish something, but don't save to the point of being ridiculous

Chinese adult: What is your job?

Me: I am in marketing

Chinese adult: Is that engineering?

Me: No it's not

Chinese adult: Why are you doing sales?

Me: It's not really sales

Chinese adult: Why are you not doing medicine?

Me: I am more naturally gifted in business

Chinese adult: Do you plan on getting a PHD?

Me: No.  I have a stable job.  Really.

[pause]