oozey mess
tannertan36
#extradirty
Sweet Seals For You, Always
cherry valley forever
pixel skylines
Game of Thrones Daily
$LAYYYTER
if i look back, i am lost
shark vs the universe
Cookie Run:Kingdom Official!
One Nice Bug Per Day
almost home
h
todays bird
Game Changer & Make Some Noise
tumblr dot com
Discoholic 🪩
gracie abrams
seen from United States
seen from India
seen from Türkiye
seen from Japan
seen from Portugal
seen from Bangladesh
seen from South Korea
seen from Italy
seen from Singapore
seen from Morocco
seen from Bangladesh
seen from United States
seen from Russia
seen from France
seen from Canada
seen from Türkiye
seen from Venezuela
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
@theartofsmalltalk
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
If you want to know how ridiculous I am, I’m currently sitting here, unable and unwilling to go to sleep even though I’m completely exhausted because I am worried I won’t wake up because I have a headache that is a little different than the headaches I usually have, and my brain decided to think about aneurysms.
Yeah. The thought, “what if I’m having an aneurysm” casually strolled into my brain, and now it won’t leave my brain, so I keep looking for proof that I’m dying/not dying, but of course I can’t find any proof either way so here I am, in limbo, repeating, “it’s just a headache” to myself over and over, hoping that, maybe this time, I’ll believe it enough to go to bed.
Also, that stupid ‘now I lay me down to sleep’ rhyme keeps running through my head, especially the ‘if I should die before I wake’ part. Why do we teach children that rhyme?
Hopefully I get to the point where I get so tired that I basically just pass out.
That would be great.
Raise your hand if you’re overwhelmed that you’re gonna be in pain for the rest of your life no matter what you do.
You know, I was literally thinking about how today was kind of not shitty. Like, it wasn’t even a “good” day, it was just a neutral day.
But honestly, it was nice to have a day that was just blank. I didn’t spend the entire day feeling awful (and then feeling guilty about feeling awful) so that was great.
But then my brain decided that that was unacceptable and started freaking out for no reason.
For no fucking reason.
And yeah, I could just accept that the panic happens randomly for no reason sometimes, but then I wouldn’t be me, would I?
The only thing I can think is that even neutral was too close to happiness and I couldn’t handle it. Like, feeling neutral was too much and my brain spiralled down to the “what happens if I’m okay?” cycle without my permission and I managed to freak myself completely out.
Neutral. Just the feeling of “I don’t feel horrible” freaks me out apparently.
Good stuff.
I have a hard time identifying my own emotions.
I can identify what others are feeling easily enough, but myself? Nope. I’m a total mystery to me apparently.
Which is why the question “how are you?” from someone who genuinely wants to know is terrifying for me. Because “I don’t know” is generally not an acceptable answer to “how are you?”
My standard answer is “okay” or “meh” or any other kind of neutral sounding term, because then I have wiggle room if I do somehow figure out how I’m actually feeling.
In some ways, when I have random moments of emotional clarity and I realize I feel like shit, it’s kind of nice. Not nice nice, but nice in that, well, at least I know what the heck is going on.
That makes sense. Sure.
I spend a lot of time trying to untangle stuff in my head so I can pinpoint my own feelings, but most of the time I come up empty.
And then, even if I do figure it out, half the time I have no idea why I’m feeling that way. Or the reason is completely ridiculous.
Basically, it’s just a frustrating mess.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
right now you might be in a situation that you think you won’t survive but six months ago you were in a situation that you didn’t think you’d survive and two years before that you were in a situation you didn’t think you’d survive and the point is you will always surprise yourself and you will always make it through
I think i am subconsciously trying to ruin my own life
I love that there is a way to silence the "you're a shitty human being" voice in my head even for a little bit.
What they don't mention about #growingupwithstrictparents:
- The resentment that begins to build up and damage your relationship with your parents because your missing out on being a kid.
- The self destructive tendencies that develop when you get your freedom.
- Extreme Behaviour that can be dangerous because you feel as if you have to catch up on all the life you have been missing.
- A constant sadness that your never going to live life enough.
- Developing anxiety over doing things as simple as riding the bus.
- Massive issues with authority.
- Fear of commitment because you feel as though it is going to tie you down and take away from your freedom again.
etc…
And not a lie was spoken
SOMEONE FINALLY EXPLAINED IT
SOMEONE FINALLY EXPLAINED IT IN A SIMPLE WAY
WHA WHHAAAT
Also you learn how to lie way too easily You don’t trust people or public spaces because anyone could be a predator You can’t talk to your parents about anything because they take honest topics and turn it into a discussion about what you shouldn’t be doing with your life You can’t do basic tasks or take initiative because you’re so used to someone telling you how and where to do everything that any and everything fills you with anxiety and stress
I always prided myself in fucking up my kids in unique ways. I tell my kids we will be friends when they’re thirty. But of course that means doing things they will appreciate when they’re older. It is a rough row to hoe.
*****Fear of commitment because you feel as though it is going to tie you down and take away from your freedom again.*****
It took me a really long time to acknowledge that I have major issues forming long term relationships. And it’s because of this shit.
The corollary to “You can’t do basic tasks or take initiative because you’re so used to someone telling you how and where to do everything that any and everything fills you with anxiety and stress” is this:
Becoming an “adult” and realizing you have to earthly idea who you are or what you want because you spent your entire life being told who to be and what to do by powerful authority figures and not only did you never learned how to listen to yourself but you were taught to feel guilty whenever you do what you want to do instead of what you were supposed to do.
the reason i like staying up late so much is because between the hours of 1am-5am, the world is quiet and no one expects anything from me. i could stare at my wall for 4 hours and there would be no consequences. it’s so silent and calm. i love it
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
It took many years of vomiting up all the filth I’d been taught about myself, and half-believed, before I was able to walk on the earth as though I had a right to be here.
James Baldwin (via girlinlondon)
me driving: I am driving
my fucking ass shit brain: slam the pedal time to crash the fucking car
me: why the hell
brain: floor it asshole
im alive out of spite
why can’t i be mentally chill instead of mentally ill
1.25.16
comics // merch
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
person: how are you?
me, not feeling any extreme pain or euphoria: i literally have no fuckin idea
