An Aroace Space

For awhile now I’ve been wanting terms to describe the type of relationship I want, as an aro person. So I decided to make my own terms; callistic, europic, and iodic. They’re based on the “closeness” of the people involved.

Callistic: Someone who doesn’t want a qpr or something similar. They may want platonic bonds but some might not. It’s similar to aplatonic or nonamorous.

Europic: Someone who wants a qpr, a close friendship, or something similar. This person’s ideal relationship would be more emotionally involved than what’s typically associated with friendship. They might even do things that are typically “romance coded” like cuddling or kissing. However, they wouldn’t want to do things like cohabitate, and they wouldn’t want to plan their life around another other person.

Iodic: Someone who wants a qpr, close friendship or similar, however they want a level of closeness that’s typically seen in romantic relationships. Their ideal relationship might involve doing things that are typically “romance coded” like going on dates, and celebrating anniversaries. When making major life decisions they would want to do it with their partner(s). They might even want to live together, get married, and/or adopt pets or children.

So I’m autistic, and the word we use for non-autistics is allistic, which callistic sounds very similar to. And I know you named it off the moon, but I’m not completely sure about that particular word.

It really is probably just your association because we use it on a regular basis.

I generally don't think you're made europic or iodic based on whether or not you want to do a single specific action. It's defined based on how closely you want to tie your life to another person. That may or may not include doing specific actions that you personally think express that level of devotion, if you consider those actions to be important to the commitment level of the relationship (and these actions may or may not overlap with what is socially expected for a committed relationship).

are you seriously under the impression that ace ppl dont know that others prioritize sex

why do you think we struggle with trusting our autonomy, why do you think we hesitate to date others and come out to allo partners

and no, you are not being ~tricked~. you developed feelings for an ace person that doesn’t view sex the same way you do, thats part of them as a person, the same person you had feelings for in the first place, and if you actually respected them as a person that’s not a trick. ‘being allowed to develop feelings’ are you kidding me what entitlement is this

You don’t love them. Not only do you not love them, but you never did.

If it’s true love, then you will be able to talk about what to do next. If you honestly care about their sexual autonomy, then you will listen to them and take what they suggest on board and you will meet them in the middle, just like you would for any allosexual partner. You will check up with them regularly to see if things are still comfortable and okay in that area, you will respect their boundaries (and stand up for them if you see other people disrespecting them), and you will not hurt them over who they are. Discuss with them what you would like, yes, but do not force or pressure or manipulate. 

I hate that these are simple, “don’t abuse your fucking partner” statements but it apparently, sadly, bears reminding for some people.

If they don’t want to have sex with you then of course it’s up for you to decide if you still want to continue a relationship with them - you don’t have to remain in a relationship that doesn’t fulfil you or makes you unhappy. I understand the fear that it can cause - am I going over a boundary? Are they being honest about being okay with this? What if I’m hurting them and they’re just not telling me? - and if you’re not used to the idea of someone having love but no desire, then it can certainly fuel some insecurities. If you really just can’t match well with an asexual person, then fair enough…

…But that’s not actually what anon is saying here - what they’re saying is they’re not only sad that an asexual person might not want to have sex with them despite them at least believing that there’s shared romantic feelings involved (which is honestly where this “tricking” shit comes from, because creepers gonna creep apparently), but they’re sad that any sex they might have with that asexual person won’t be enthusiastic enough for their standards.

That’s the sentence here that truly, deeply disgusts me: “Most of us don’t want relationships with people who just put up with sex. We want passionately enthusiastic sex partners.” I mean yeah, I’m disgusted by all of it, but people have noted above why the “tricking” comment smacks of entitlement - I want to really emphasise this sentence here about “enthusiasm” and “putting up with sex” because it’s not just entitlement to a sexual act, it’s entitlement to a specific sexual performance.

This person doesn’t just want sex with an asexual person, they want their ace partner to fake enthusiasm and sexual passion that they might not even have - during an act that they might not even enjoy. What the actual fuck is wrong with you, anon?

As I said, I’m dating an asexual man, and having discussed it - and we’ve discussed it a lot over the years - we’ve reached the compromise in which we do have sex. He is not passionately sexual, he’s described it as being like folding laundry in terms of interest - but he makes me laugh and he makes sure I’m feeling good, and he does it because he loves me. Why in the fuck would I complain about that? If he told me tomorrow that he never wants to touch me again then I will fucking deal with it because fucking him - much less trying to convince myself that he isn’t asexual - means so much less to me than loving him does, and I have done my best to let him know that.

From such a young age there’s so much discussion about your crushes. My little brother is only 8 and he and his friends talk about it so much already

And then later on in life there’s so much focused around marriage. At this stage it’s not only a talking point, but something people dedicate themselves to. Friends will slowly drift away and spend most of their free time around their partner while aromantic people are left alone

And none of this is a bad thing, I don’t want to come across as if I’m saying people who enjoy romance are bad, that they hurt aro people. They should be able to live their lives how they wish. What I am trying to say is that there needs to be more awareness of aromanticism. Kids need to know it’s ok to not have crushes while everyone else does. Adults need to know that just because they don’t feel romantic attraction and all their friends do, it doesn’t mean they have to be alone forever

You're telling me, that after years of shipping couples, of watching teen and disney movies, of reading and writing fanfiction, of singing songs, of dreaming of a future relationship I can depend on, I'm not going to get that?

You're telling me I'm never going to have someone that means more than everything else? Someone I trust with my heart and soul, that will be with me as I grow old? Someone I can care for and vice versa, someone to kiss and to cuddle and to hold hands with?

You're telling me I'm going to grow old, watching my friends get in romantic relationships, talk of marriage, get a house together and slowly forget me, passing my name on their contacts list but brushing it off because I can't help but drift away from distant friendships?

Are you telling me I'll have to listen to my family gawk at my sister's wonderful and loving girlfriend, how they're such a match and have a great dynamic between the two of them, and then ask me if there's a special someone in my life?

Are you telling me that everything I've been told about romantic love - by cartoons, tv shows, movies, books, music, friends, family - will never be an experience of mine?

Are you telling me I've been setting myself up for heartbreak for years?

I'll never be someone's priority.

I'll never be proposed to.

I'll never be able to tell apart friends and crushes.

I'll never look at someone and feel the feeling everyone talks about.

I wanna show off my aro arrow! From the concept art to the final tattoo,it meant a lot to my demiro self to get!