Hi Wiggly, Iām Lex


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@theadventureace
Hi Wiggly, Iām Lex

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ilya is soft hearted and kind and plays sharky in the pool w kids and makes his situationship tuna melts and wears a cross all the time for his mama
Heated Rivalry ā 1x06 ⤷ PHONE BLOWJOB
(sources below)
I would like to relax with you. For once
Snuggle bugs š

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š¬ (#he's trying his best)
I have this headcanon where in an alternative universe Ilya had a moment of insight at the beginning of their hookups so when The Raiders asked where he was going instead of saying he was gonna see Montreal Jane he was like 'I am gonna see my close personal friend Shane Hollander we are gonna eat takeout and play videogames in his house he is my best friend actually.' And the Raiders were like, 'Yeah, right.' But he kept the bit, and every time they were in Montreal, he told the Raiders he was meeting Shane, and the rivalry was just league PR bullshit. They never truly believed him, but it didn't really matter at the time. And When they were eventually at the cottage and Shane told Ilya his plan Ilya was like 'Do not be mad but I have been telling Raiders you are my best friend and every time we play monteral I come to see you to play videogames and eat takeout for years and they never belived me so there is still plusably denibility but if you wanna launch a friendship we dont have to wait or built up I already laid the groundwork.' And Shane is in his head like 'I am gonna marry this man.' So they announce the charity the same summer and the raiders are like 'well shit he was telling the truth.' And since Ilya did lay the groundwork, when the media asks them about Ilya and Shane's 'have been friends the whole time' narrative, the Raiders are like, 'Yeah, he told us they were friends; we just didn't believe him.' Which makes the public opinion on their friendship largely positive but doesn't really change the overall timeline all that much just gives them some room to be publicly affectionate and kind of takes the heat off the fanmail gate bc instead of the public thinking it was an enemies-to-lovers hot sex in hotel rooms 9-year situationship with messy breakups and hookups in between they think it was a slow-burn friends-to-lovers situation filled with yearning and Queer self discovery which is more palatable to the public.
Ilya Rozanov is a big, beefy athlete who gets paid millions to violently smash into other men on the ice, and he transforms into a dramatic damsel in distress the moment his husband comes into the room. There is no jar that is opened or trash that is taken to the curb by anyone but Shane.
āShane, TV remote is all the way over there. Is almost in other time zone. My arms are weak, can you get it please, Shane.ā
āShane!! Shane, I have cut from cardboard! Itās bleeding, Shane, can you do first aid? I think I need mouth to mouth, Shane, Iām fading fast!ā
āShane, I am so thirsty I think my throat is atrophied from being dry.ā (Earns a āwow, atrophied, where did you learn that word?ā from Shane.)
āShane, Iām getting sick, can you rub special cream on my chest? I am losing strength, Shane, I donāt think there is much time.ā
*walks in door, first thing he says* āShane, I almost was stranded today. My car was on E and my big, strong husband was not there to pump gas. I was coasting to gas station on fumes and vibe only, Shane.ā
anya was so scared the first time that ilya dropped her off at yuna and david's house. was her dad leaving her? why?
she heard ilya mention shane while kissing her goodbye, but she didn't understand it when ilya pointed to these two strangers, who were smiling warmly, and said the words grandma and grandpa.
but then she got all the treats she deserved, even more walks than her dad would take her on, and so many snuggles and kisses.
a few days later, when ilya came to pick her up, she saw, sitting by his ankles under the dinner table, that yuna and david had made ilya a large meal, and that he was grinning happily. then she understood that yuna and david must love ilya, like they loved her.
anya loved the words grandma and grandpa from that point on.
Ilya and Shane are at the Pike's house one day in the summer. Ilya is running around with kids in the backyard, while Hayden and Shane are talking in the kitchen, and Jackie is away for the day getting a break.
Ilya and the four Pikelings come inside asking for ice pops. Hayden grabs them from the freezer, takes flavor requests, opens the wrappers, and doles them out to the kids, like he's done it a hundred times. Doesn't even disrupt his conversation with Shane. The kids run back out with their ice pops.
Right when Hayden is about to put the box of ice pops back in the freezer, Ilya politely asks if he can have one. Hayden makes to give him one without a second thought, again no interruption at all still to the back and forth he's having with Shane about some riveting topic.
But then he notices Shane's cheeks have gotten heated, and even though Ilya asked nicely, "Can I please have an ice pop?" He does a double take and notices Ilya giving Shane the most filthy look. Hayden retracts his hand that was in the middle of absent mindedly passing over the ice pop. Places it back in the box, puts it back in the freezer, and more firmly than necessary, shuts the freezer door.
"No," he says as he turns back to Ilya and scowls.

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shane goes to the grocery shop early in the morning to buy some ingredients for ilya because now they live together, from time to time when they have time, ilya likes to cook dinner for them. the grocery is oddly busy, so shane goes to the line to pay and thereās an old lady in front of him with a cart thatās completely full while his basket barely has anything, so he asks the lady if he can go first like āmy husband is gonna wake up any minute now and heāll notice iām not home and heās really clingy and will be very upsetā and the lady goes āohāā but she gets cut off by shaneās phone ringing and he pulls it out from his pocket and sees the caller and is ilya and he sighs loudly, presses accept and the second he brings the phone to his ear he hears a loud whine and ilya goes āSWEETHEART WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUU? YOU LEFT MEā followed by exaggerated crying noises and shane just looks at the lady and she looks back at him with a very understandable expression and wordlessly moves a little to the side to let him pass in front of her
I know the fandom loves having Ilya be the one who leaves sock laying around and makes a mess but I'm really obsessed with the idea of Ilya being terrified of being seen as lazy by Shane. From what we can see of his relationship with his dad I think it's pretty reasonable to assume he always expected perfection and discipline so having things out of place would actually make Ilya nervous even when his father is nothing more than a ghost. Besides the instinctual bad feeling that comes with being messy the idea that Shane will one day come to agree with his father that he is lazy and rotten and undeserving of all the soft love Shane gives him makes him scared out of his mind
The first few months of living together Shane is the one who needs to convince him the dishes don't need to be washed immediately after they eat and that they don't actually need to go on a crazy cleaning spree every time Yuna and David come to visit because they won't actually care it some things are a little out of place or if there's some dust on the shelves
SHANE HOLLANDER, MLH STAR, DIES FROM ACCIDENTAL OVERDOSE (click to read more)
Thatās the headline Ilya reads on his Google alerts when heās home alone. More and more articles start coming out, his phone pinging with different versions of the same sentence over and over. Every website claiming this horrible, twisted lie that Shane Hollander is dead.
It has to be a lie after all. This must be wrong. Theyāre all surely misreporting things and itāll turn out that Hollander is alive, safe in his boring home in Montreal. Ilyaās confident there will be a statement made soon but heās too impatient to wait for that.
Sure, they havenāt spoken since the day Shane fled from his home, leaving Ilya to clean up half-eaten tuna melts and their mixed come off his chest.
And Ilya didnāt reach out after Shane got a nasty hit in San Jose a few weeks agoā one that left Shane with a fractured collarbone and concussion. He tortured himself with the footage and drafted an āare you okay?ā text but he never sent it. He had been a coward.
He wishes more than anything that he sent it now.
He calls Shane. Itās 8PM in Boston, which means itās 8PM in Montreal and even Shane isnāt lame enough to be in bed so early.
No answer to his call. No answer to his texts. Nothing.
He calls and calls and calls and fucking calls but thereās nothing. No response, no answer. Not even a āreadā receipt. Shane isnāt cruel. He would call him. Even with this fractured something that they are (or were), he would have reached out. He would have heard about the news by now and called Ilya back or texted to say it was fake. That he was fine. That it was idiots being idiots and talking about something they knew nothing of.
So why the fuck is Shane not answering? The only reason he wouldnāt is if⦠is ifā¦
Ilya doesnāt know what heās doing until heās in his car and headed to Montreal. His phone dies halfway through the trip from attempts to get in contact with Shane. Still nothing. Heās in a state of delirium when he crosses the border into Canada, with no plan other than making it to Shaneās house.
If Shaneās alive, heāll be in his home and heāll answer the door. And if not⦠Ilya doesnāt want to think that far.
Shaneās lounging on his couch, half asleep and frustrated at the world. Heās still reeling from getting the worst, most frantic phone call from his parents earlier that day.
And all because heād gone to the hospital earlier. There had been unforeseen conflicts with his medication and some supplements heās taking, something that risked leading to an overdose if not caught as early as it was.
Somehow that afternoon trip led to someone violating HIPPA and even more confusingly, led to quite a bit of the population mistaking him for being dead.
For once Shaneās thankful his mom talked him into keeping a landline when buying a home. āYou never know what may happen Shane,ā she had said.
Wasnāt that the truth? The whole reason for the urgent visit was because he got dizzy that morning, his vision and balance going off kilter, and he had dropped his phone, breaking it beyond repair. It was added to his list of annoyances with today. If not for his parents and Hayden having his home phone number⦠they might have believed the news for much longer than they had to.
Itās 1AM when furious knocking wakes him up. He must have fallen asleep down stairs. Shaneās groggy before it really hits him that someone is at his front door. No one in their right mind visits at one a.m.
He gets up and peeks through the peep hole and swings the door open before he even knows heās going to do it because itāsā
Ilya.
He looks like shit. Eyes red-rimmed, hair like he went through a wind tunnel. Heās wearing flannel pajama pants, slides, and a sweatshirt. He looks like he just rolled out of bed.
He doesnāt get any words out before Ilya knocks the breath out of him by collapsing into him. Itās a hug but feels a bit like a tackle too. If Shane werenāt as athletic or as on guard at seeing Ilya, he may have fallen backwards.
It takes several moments to register Ilya is shaking in his arms.
No. Ilya is crying in his arms.
Shaneās brain searches for anything that would make this confusing thing make sense. He begins to think it may be a dream he has yet to wake up from but then it hits him.
The article. His phone being broken. His parents had called everyone they thought was important.
No one knew to tell Ilya it wasnāt real.
If there's one thing the Centaurs were not prepared for when Hollander joined their team, it's just how much of an asshole he is. Like, pretty early on Shane's first season with the Cens, Dillon misses a pass from him in practice and Shane immediately goes "did you leave your contacts at home?" in a perfectly bland, inoffensive tone and Dillon, genuinely confused, says, "I don't wear glasses..." and Shane immediately retorts with "well, you clearly need them so I'd schedule an eye test" and then just skates away with the puck while the rest of the Centaurs are left gaping behind him except for Ilya who is folded over with laughter

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Cliff Marlow trying to convince everyone Ilya is the bottom: "Guys, I've shared a shower with him. We've all thought it. You can't ignore it, it's like a Georgia peach, it made three guys dump their girlfriends. We're all just glad that a perfect thing is being properly appreciated."
reminders i need to like, tattoo on my brain:
1. if you feel judged and hurt by others, try sleeping
2. if you feel judgmental and resentful of others, try eating (the classics)
3. if you feel uncomfortable, try showering
4. if you feel directionless and afraid, go sit outside for a bit and maybe then you'll calm down. maybe even a walk if youre feelin crazy
5. take it easy, but by god, take it
oh and how could i forget. final boss. take your fucking medication