Chaotic Gay

Shane has a humidifier, he can’t sleep without in the winter- when Ilya sees it for the first time he of course has to tease the shit out of shane, about even needing fancy air. Ilya calls it his “bedroom vape” Shane calls Ilya stupid. He carries on about Shane’s addiction, complains about the smoke (echoing complaints Shane has made about Ilya’s cigarettes before) One night he walks in to their room from brushing his teeth and places his hand over the steam pluming out and sighs and says “I wish you would quit baby 😔 don’t make me a widow” and Shane just says “Ilya” and places his hand over Ilya’s face and his big 32 teeth smile

number one rule! never believe ur thoughts after 10 pm . unless its about The Character then believe all of your thoughts wholeheartedly

Don’t know what’s better, Thorin knowing that Dwalin likes Nori and they both have deep grumpy yearning conversations about their loves, or Thorin having absolutely no clue about it at all and Dwalin and Nori have a whole ass courtship going on during the quest. Thorin doesn’t find out until they reclaim Erebor and Dwalin and Nori kiss in celebration and he’s like “?!!!????!”

The royal signet ring of the House of Durin is a massive piece of solid gold and heavy iron, used to stamp molten wax on official decrees. It is far too large for a Hobbit's hand. One evening, while Thorin is working late, Bilbo playfully slips the giant ring onto his thumb, where it immediately wobbles and slides off. Thorin catches it before it hits the floor. Instead of putting it back on his own finger, Thorin takes a soft leather cord, threads the heavy royal seal through it, and gently ties it around Bilbo’s neck. To the guards outside, seeing the Consort wear the King’s actual seal around his neck is the ultimate statement: Bilbo holds the power to speak for the King himself

ilya being in a period of Bad depression and between playing games and going to practice he doesn't really have the energy to do much else and he just kind of collapses when he gets home and he hasn't shaved in days and his hair is unruly and he just feels kinda gross and ugly but doesn't have the energy to do anything about it so shane is like Not On My Watch so he drags ilya into the tub and washes his hair with his special curly shampoo and carefully shaves his face and lathers him in too much body lotion which means he has to stand stark naked in the bathroom for 10 minutes before he can put clothes on and shane tries his best to do his curly hair routine for him he gets the special towel and the curl cream and his eyebrows furrow in concentration as he scrunches ilya's curls to the best of his abilities and ilya sits on the toilet lid with tears in his eyes

Fat baby Shane in a pumpkin costume waddling from house to house with his parents for his first trick or treat

I see we're giving Shane a peanut allergy. As someone married to someone with a peanut allergy please let me tell you that Ilya would be SO STRESSED all the time. He would ask more often than Shane if the dish has peanuts in it. He has benedryl in one pocket and nasal spray in the other. He makes eye contact with the waitress and says, so slow and deliberate that his accent is almost nonexistant, "Are there peanuts in this dish? My husband is extremely allergic to peanuts. You cannot prepare this dish on any surface that has touched peanuts." If he eats peanut butter in the house he yells "PEANUTS PEANUTS PEANUTS" and puts everything directly into the dish washer and then goes into the garage to eat his peanut butter toast. Which he does still eat occasionally. Because he really loves peanut butter.