@nexusfr22 Here's the new rewritten version of both of my thoughts:
I used to be religious. Not very, but still enough. I tried to worship God, tried to understand His messages, His life lessons and stories of the prophets He sent to us to be an example to us, but now? I don’t. I believe it is a creation of man, only made up in order to cope with the fact there could be more to the knowledge we have, more details to things that are left unsolved. At some point, it doesn’t make sense anymore. So you have to create your own explanation for it. After all, a human cannot comprehend the thought of nothing once their life ends.
I left my religion because it tried stripping my true identity away from me, it made me put myself through excessive amounts of stress as I tried juggling both. It was stripping my flesh away from me. But alas, even leaving didn’t stop it. I may be growing older, but I still use the words I once used to worship Him, I still call for Him when I am in danger. He is metaphysical, impossible to prove, yet impossible to disprove. His existence continues to confuse me, so not believing in such a complex being satisfies me; but I know it will stay inside me, deep inside.
He deemed me a believer at birth after all.
2. OLD FRIEND PERSPECTIVE
You know the dreading feeling when you lose someone important to you? A friend that meant the world to you, a friend that you shared your life with. It’s always someone you knew you could depend on as much as they could depend on you, someone that would be there for you in your bad times. It feels impossible when they leave you. All the memories you made with them, each time you guys shared laughs, each secret you told each other… it’s all gone now. You can’t gain them back anymore, you have to cope with it. So, you create your own world where you never stop being friends with each other. You wake up every day, feel like nothing changed, go ahead and play pretend. Coping is hard, but so is faking.
It's hard now. To fake a reality every day, to watch their life and act like you were there too. Your laughs hurt you now, even they are becoming aware. Smiling through it doesn't work, trying to fake it even further doesn't work. You want to rip your skin off, you want to deal with it properly. But the overwhelming feeling just drowns you. It stripped you away entirely, there is no reason to try and pick yourself back up again. Healing will take time.
Even after you're over them, in a new friend group, you'll see you still yearn for them. Something that reminds you of them will always linger in your heart, it will make you hurt. They meant a lot to you back then, didn't they?
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