Some songs I believe go well with it:
Goner - twenty one pilots
Trust me - the fray
She stood at the brink of numbness. Her heart slowed down, her breath fell quiet, her body became calm. She closed her eyes and pictured it, pictured the scenario in front of her. A man comes up to her, attempts to attacks her. Sheâs alone and itâs her against him, nothing in between. Everything seems hopeless for her, until she fights back. Heâs confident in himself because heâs bigger, she knows her skills and is not intimidated. The scenario seemed so life like, so real.
A hand was placed on her shoulder, she immediately took it and bent it opposite direction it would usually go. She now has full control over him. She no longer seemed hopeless.
âOw, ow, ow, Y/N let go!â He cried out in pain. Y/Nâs eyes snapped open, she let go and was brought back into reality. She gasp at how much pain he was in. Y/N ran to his aid.
âCarl, Iâm sorry. I was out of it, I didnât mean to hurt you!â She continued to apologize for her actions. He shook his head.
âItâs okay. We were practicing, I shouldâve expected to get hurtâ he chuckled and it lighten the mood. Y/N nodded but proceeded to rub his wrist, attempting to make it feel better.
âYou donât need to do thatâ he whispered, his voice was low and confused. She looked up at him, her eyes full of life and kindness. She had no intention of anything, unlike himself. Carl began to feel nervous and started to contemplate his decisions.
âDo what, Iâm helping?â She whispered back, unaware at how close she really was. He gulped as the internal battle continued in his head. They were young, no older than 13. Both attracted to the other, but too shy and awkward to do anything about it, until now. Carl was worried about what would happen if he did, if is dad would catch them in the cell, if she wouldnât want to be his friend anymore. He wondered if it was worth the risk. She have him a confused look.
âCarl?â She questioned, noticing his discomfort and nervousness. He didnât think this time, he decided that it was worth it. Carl leaned forward slowly, warning her he was gonna kiss her and giving her a chance to stop him if she didnât want to. When their lips met it was electricity for the both of them. He was soft and gently with the way he moved his lips, very slow. Y/N began to slowly move her lips with his. They were both very new to this, they were each otherâs first kiss. Carl didnât know what to do with his hands, where to put them. Y/N was just as inexperienced, she kept her hand on his wrist and the other holding herself up on the cell floor. Their rhythm was off and not in sync with one another. It was slobbery and wet after a few minute and it became more passionate, but still gentle.
âCarl! Y/N! What in the?â Ricks voice boomed in and they pulled away quickly. Their cheeks became red and they subtly wiped their mouths from saliva. Carl stood up and his face had gotten hard.
âDad! I- uh- it wonât happen again. Swearâ Carl said, he sounded professional and full of regret. Rick nodded and walked away, giving both of them an warning look. Y/N looked down, now regretful too. She felt bad that she got him in trouble, and that he obviously regretted it. She stood up as well.
âIâm gonna goâ she says, her voice small and hurt. She walks out of the cell. Carl was about to go after her but felt it was useless. He sat down on his bunk and put his head in his hands. The very things he was worried about happening, happened.
Over the months they had gotten their friendship back to normal, never talking about that day. They both decided that the other only wanted to he friends, and they left it like that. They both threw their feelings for the other aside and settled for friends.
After everything that had happened to the group, finding shelter was sign. A sign that hope was amongst them, god was looking over them. Y/N believed in things like that, god and religion. Carl didnât, he became very negative and hateful towards the world. Y/N and Carl had grown up a lot, theyâve changed from the kids they used to be. They were still close, but not as close as they were at the prison. Carl had grown distant, and Y/N harden. After her mothers death, y/n became cold and no longer kind. They barely talked anymore. They still had feeling for each other, but they ran away from that.
Alexandria was a great place it had food, shelter, education. It was a chance at living again. Living as human beings, not animals. Y/N walked through the town, getting a good mental map of it. She didnât bother to shower or change her clothes yet. She walked down a street with houses on both sides of it. A few kids ran around here and there, but barely any people lived in the town. Y/N held the empty holster, searching for phantom gun. Everyone had turn in their weapons. Her face rested in a cold state, people stared at her. She payed no attention to them. Her eyes wondered around. It was so nice, she wish she had gotten here earlier, before her mother died, before she broke inside. Maybe then she would still be alive inside, and not dead.
âHey, you look lost?â A voice asked from behind. Her body tensed as she turned around. It was a young boy, looked a little younger than her by a two or three years. He had red hair and pale skin with freckles on his nose. He smiled at her, his green eyes full of joy and happiness. They were alive, and kind. Her body relaxed and her face smiled a bit.
âJust checking out the townâ she said, trying to sound as nice as possible. Her voice came off awkward and uncertain. His face lit up with excitement.
âYouâre the new people, from outside! Im sam, my brother was talking about you guys, I think one your people is hanging out with them. Come on, Iâll show you!â His mouth ran with excitement. He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards a house. His little feet ran and I fast walked to keep up with him. When he opened the door to his house, I saw no one on the first floor.
âMommy doing laundry, theyâre upstairsâ he said and took me up the stairs and down a hall. Sam pushed opened the door to what seemed like his brothers room. The sound of video games increased and Sam dragged Y/N inside. Y/N spotted Carl instantly, their eyes met for a moment and then looked away from each other.
âLook, Ron I made a new friend. Shes one of the new peoplesâ Sam said excitedly. A boy, Ron, turned around and looked at us. He got up and pushed Y/N away from Sam.
âSam! You donât know her, you canât assume everyoneâs your friend.â He warned. Ronâs face looked at Y/N like a threat. Carl stood up and came to her defense.
âSheâs not a threat, I know her better than anyone. Y/N wouldnât hurt a kidâ he said, placing a hand on Ronâs chest. Ron seemed to have trusted Carl just enough to believe him.
âBut Ron she is!â Sam whined.
âThatâs right, I am. I wouldnât hurt a friendâ Y/N said. Ron sat back down and Y/N looked around the room. It was a mess of video games, clothes, and magazines. It was Carl, Ron, a girl, and another boy. The other boy and Ron were playing video games, the girl sat on the top of the bed and watched, and Carl looked at the magazines. Sam sat down on the bed and Y/N leaned against the wall watching them all.
In the next hour, they talked and introduced themselves. They asked Y/N and Carl questions about them, and the outside. Generic questions, nothing too personal. Except Sam, Sam liked to ask questioned that were personal. Ron would tell him that it was rude to ask those kinda of questions and it would be dropped. Sam was little though and didnât know better. Y/N mainly watched Sam, he rolled around on the bed and begged Ron to let him play. He never did. Y/N subconsciously kept glancing over at Carl, she felt herself hopelessly admire his new clean look. Freshly showered and new clothes, it was a good look on him. Ron and Samâs mother came in and told everyone it was time to go, then left the room. Everyone left the room and walked towards the door. Ron stopped Y/N before she left the room.
âHey, Iâm sorry about being rude earlier.â He apologized, he gave her a friendly smile and she tried her best to smile back.
âItâs fine, heâs your brother. I understand.â She said, her voice was quiet and soft.
âThank. If you need anything just let me know, Y/Nâ he smirked, and left the room. She followed him out and left the house, but said goodbye to Sam first. As she walked down the street again to the group house, Carl walked along side her.
âWhat was he talking to you about?â He asked, his voice was angry and hostile. Just like Ron before. Y/N got cold again. She was trying to push her feelings for Carl aside, she couldnât do that and be his friend. She had to cut him off completely.
âNone of your business. Why would you want to know anyway?â She asked him, raising an eyebrow. He became defensive.
âHe has a girlfriendâ Carl warned.
âNot gonna stop you, is it?â She teased him. Carl didnât see that coming and backed off. He knew what she meant by that, and didnât think she would actually say something like that. He wasnât like that, he told himself.
Y/N laid there that night thinking back on that day with Carl. That day they kissed, it was heartbreaking to her. She wanted that moment back, when everything was okay. She felt silent tears run down her cheek. Y/N wanted Carl to be hers, but she didnât want her heart to get broken again.
The next morning she took a shower, and got dressed in new clothes. She felt clean and fresh. Still didnât feel human, and still couldnât wash the blood off her hands, but at least she looked human. The day was filled with daily duties and it continued for a few months. It was a daily routine, but Y/N got one day off every week.
Y/N walked to the open field area every Saturday morning. She sat in the grass and just enjoyed the peace and quiet. Y/N looked up and saw Ron at his window, he seemed to have just gotten up. He yawned and looked out the window. His eyes met Y/Nâs and he smiled, she smiled back at him and threw a friendly wave. He moved away from the window and was out of sight.
They had became quite friendly over the past month, they talked and shared stories, like Y/N and Carl used to. Y/N let her guard down, and Ron did too. They opened up to each other and became best friends, almost more than friends.
She sat there breathing in the fresh air and occasionally played with the grass. Y/N looked up when she hear running, Ron jogged over towards her. His face was flushed and he slid down next to her. He laid beside her and tried to catch his breath.
âDid you run a marathon?â Y/n asked, looking at her heaving body. He chuckled and shook his head.
âNo, I ran 100 meters just to talk to youâ he winked and she laughed.
âOh, Iâm so flattered. A boys never ran for meâ she gloated sarcastically. They both laughed and then it died down. The joking was over and it was just them in silence. Ron sat up and got face to face with Y/N. The air became filled with tension. Ron leaned in slightly, Y/N but her finger on his lips. She knew he was going to kiss her, but she kept what Carl said in her head.
âDonât you have a girlfriend?â She asked. His face dropped in realization, and pulled away. It was no longer a potential friendship, it was potential betrayal.
âIâm sorry, I-I donât know what came over me. I guess- I guess I fell for youâ he said breathlessly, it seemed like Ron had just realized how strong his feelings were for her there. Y/N shook her head.
âRon decide what you want, because you canât have both.â Y/n said, she stood up and left the field. Her arms wrapped around her shoulders, closing herself up. She didnât want to be involved with cheating, it was wrong and she wouldnât do it. Y/n would be lying if she said she didnât like Ron back, but Y/n couldnât replace Carl with him. She could try but Carl had a hold over her, one he didnât even know he had. She was hopelessly in love with him. Y/n couldnât hide it anymore, she had to admit it to herself, to Carl.
Y/n began to run, she ran as fast as she could to Carls house. It was time she told him how she felt, weather he still felt that way or not. It was time, she couldnât run away from her feelings anymore. Her feet started hurt but she ignored it, she kept going until she made it to the house. Y/n knocked on the door. Rick opened it.
âIs Carl here?â She asked breathless, he shook his head.
âSorry, he went by the walls about an hour ago.â Rick said, and Y/n nodded and started running for the walls. She kept running no matter how much it hurt. People looked at her to see where she was going, she appeared strange to them.
When she got to the walls she stopped. Y/n looked around to see where Carl would be at, but he didnât seemed to he anywhere until they climbed over the wall. Carl and Enid, Ronâs girlfriend, they made their way over the wall and back into the community. Y/Nâs face scrunched up in confusion on to why they were out there. Carl lightly grabbed Enidâs hand and leaned down, he kissed her. Y/n felt her heart break, her face went pale and her body numb. Her heart literally ached with pain as she witnessed the only boy sheâs ever loved kissing another girl. Tears ran down her face and off her cheeks. Y/n ran to them, angry and hurt. She acted on impulse now.
âHe has a girlfriend!â She screamed, walking right up to them. They pulled away and looked at her with shock. Carls face went white and embarrassed that he was caught.
âIsnât that what you told me?! Arenât you one to be the hypocrite. To think that I love you! To think I ran all this way to tell you, that I love you, that Iâm in love with you! How could you!?â She screamed at the top of her lungs, tears rushing down her face. He became more sympathetic and now really regretful, because he love her too. Carl liked Enid, but he couldnât lie to himself and say he didnât love Y/N more.
âY/n-â he tried to explain, but she didnât want to hear it.
âNo! No! Iâm done Carl, I canât anymoreâ she said quietly and walked away from them. The pain was transferred to Carl, he felt like he did in that cell years ago. Except this time he didnât let her go, this time he went after her, he fought for her.
Y/N walked home, tears running down her face violently. Her arms wrapped around herself protectively and she thought about it all. It was all so overwhelming. When she arrived at the house door, Carol noticed her broke down state. Carol wrapped her arms around her and brought her inside.
âItâs gonna be okay.â Carol comforted, and brought her to the couch. When Y/Nâs mother died Carol looked after her, took care of her even when she didnât want it. Carol knew that she would have no one, so Carol became someone to her.
âIâm going to get you some tea, and youâre going to tell me what happened.â Carol said, she wrapped a blanket around y/n before going to the kitchen to get that tea. After it was made, Carol brought it to Y/n and sat with her on the couch.
âEveryoneâs out today, you can tell me what happened. Why are you crying?â Carol asked. Y/n rubbed her nose on her own sleeve and wiped her tears before speaking.
âI love Carl, Iâm in love with him. But I caught him kissing Enid, I caught them kissing by the wall.â She said quietly, she clutched the tea and drank some. It helped her throat stop burning from all the crying.
âOh honey, Iâm so sorry. I know you liked him, I could tell by the way you look at him. Itâs gonna be okay, Iâll help you get over himâ Carol hugged Y/n and held her as she cried.
âNo, I canât get over him. Iâve been trying ever since he kissed me at the prison. I canât forget him, heâs my whole worldâ y/n cried. Carol pulled her back and stared directly into her eyes.
âDonât you ever say that. Do you hear me? You never make a man your whole world, you are more than somebodyâs lover. The only people you put before yourself is your childrenâ Carol told her sternly. After Ed Carol never wanted to see anyone go through that, and Carol made Ed her whole world. Carol knew all too well what happens when you give up your life to man, how hard it would be to get that life back.
Y/n nodded and apologized about what she said. Before Carol could say anything there was a knock at the door. Carol stood up and went to go get it. A few moments later and Y/n was approached with Ron standing in front of her. Carol went upstairs and left them alone. Y/n wiped her face up and Ron looked like he was crying too.
âI knowâ he whispered, his voice small and quiet. Ron sat down next to Y/n. He threw his head in his hands and cried into them. He was hurt by this, meaning he did love Enid. The thing between Ron and Y/n was just a fling feeling.
âYou loved her Ron, and I loved him. This is betrayal, but we still love them. If you say otherwise youâre lyingâ y/n said and took a sip of her tea. Ron nodded, not wanting to admit it but he did.
âI know, I want- i want her to be with me again. I donât want to be heartbrokenâ he cried, y/n nodded and hugged him.
âNo one doesâ she whispered. They comforted each other and talked until they fell asleep. When they woke up it was the evening and Daryl sat at the table, skinning a bird. He looked over towards them and took the knife out of his mouth.
âCarls lookinâ for ya y/nâ he said, then went back to skinning his bird. Y/n nodded and stood up, Ron followed her lead.
âYou should probably goâ she said and Ron nodded. Y/n showed Ron out and leaned against the door, conflicted on weather she should go see Carl. Y/n went to her room up stairs, the one she shares with Carol. Everyone had roommates and housemates. She laid down on her bed and just went to sleep, too exhausted to eat or even think about anything.
The next morning she woke up to her bed being jumped on. When she opened her eyes she saw Sam trying to wake her. He stopped jumping when he saw her eyes open and awake.
âY/n! Y/n! Good morning, I missed youâ he exclaimed and have y/n a big hug. She hugged back and took him downstairs to get something to eat.
âSam whereâs your mom or Ron?â Y/n asked, Sam looked down and shrugged.
âI donât know. When I woke up no one was home so I came here.â He said, y/n held his hand and fed him some cereal.
âletâs get you something to eat and then weâll find your brother okay?â She said, Sam nodded and ate him cereal. Y/n got dressed and took Sam out to look for Ron. She first took him to his house and when no one was home y/n took Sam to the fields. Where she spotted Ron and Enid. They were auguring, it was getting quite heated. Sam let go of y/Nâs hand and ran towards his brother.
âRon! Where were you!?â He yelled and Ron stopped talking to Enid. He gave all his attention to Sam and left Enid there in the middle of their conversation.
âThanks for taking him to meâ Ron said to Y/n then went back home. Y/n nodded and began walking home, but halfway there she was interrupted by Carl. He stopped her near a tree and pulled her to him.
âNo, Carl-â she stared but he kissed her. He held her by the waist and kissed her hard, and passionate. Nothing like the first time. She pulled away and shook her head.
âNo, you donât get to just do that, you donât get to come here and have that work. No it won-â Carl interrupted her again and kissed her again. He hoped that she would be quiet and let him talk. She was taken aback by his second attempt to make up what he did. He pulled away this time and smiled at her.
âLet me talk?â He whispered and y/n nodded.
âY/n I love you, I was trying to get over you. I swear no matter how hard I tried to get over you, I couldnât. You always kept me on a leash, pulling me back in love with you everyday. When I saw you with Ron, i got jealous. Iâm sorry, forgive me y/n please. I will treat you like a fucking queen, just let me love you foreverâ he said, y/n felt her heart place itself back together with more than just tape. Y/n kissed Carl rough and passionate, wrapping her arms around his neck. He kissed her back and kept his promise to love her forever.
{oh my, this took me awhile to write but Iâm actually really proud of it. Itâs long and I put a ton of effort into it so I really hoped you liked it. ~Odd}