#admin oddly

Complicated

Some songs I believe go well with it: Goner - twenty one pilots Trust me - the fray

She stood at the brink of numbness. Her heart slowed down, her breath fell quiet, her body became calm. She closed her eyes and pictured it, pictured the scenario in front of her. A man comes up to her, attempts to attacks her. She’s alone and it’s her against him, nothing in between. Everything seems hopeless for her, until she fights back. He’s confident in himself because he’s bigger, she knows her skills and is not intimidated. The scenario seemed so life like, so real.

A hand was placed on her shoulder, she immediately took it and bent it opposite direction it would usually go. She now has full control over him. She no longer seemed hopeless.

“Ow, ow, ow, Y/N let go!” He cried out in pain. Y/N’s eyes snapped open, she let go and was brought back into reality. She gasp at how much pain he was in. Y/N ran to his aid.

“Carl, I’m sorry. I was out of it, I didn’t mean to hurt you!” She continued to apologize for her actions. He shook his head.

“It’s okay. We were practicing, I should’ve expected to get hurt” he chuckled and it lighten the mood. Y/N nodded but proceeded to rub his wrist, attempting to make it feel better.

“You don’t need to do that” he whispered, his voice was low and confused. She looked up at him, her eyes full of life and kindness. She had no intention of anything, unlike himself. Carl began to feel nervous and started to contemplate his decisions.

“Do what, I’m helping?” She whispered back, unaware at how close she really was. He gulped as the internal battle continued in his head. They were young, no older than 13. Both attracted to the other, but too shy and awkward to do anything about it, until now. Carl was worried about what would happen if he did, if is dad would catch them in the cell, if she wouldn’t want to be his friend anymore. He wondered if it was worth the risk. She have him a confused look.

“Carl?” She questioned, noticing his discomfort and nervousness. He didn’t think this time, he decided that it was worth it. Carl leaned forward slowly, warning her he was gonna kiss her and giving her a chance to stop him if she didn’t want to. When their lips met it was electricity for the both of them. He was soft and gently with the way he moved his lips, very slow. Y/N began to slowly move her lips with his. They were both very new to this, they were each other’s first kiss. Carl didn’t know what to do with his hands, where to put them. Y/N was just as inexperienced, she kept her hand on his wrist and the other holding herself up on the cell floor. Their rhythm was off and not in sync with one another. It was slobbery and wet after a few minute and it became more passionate, but still gentle.

“Carl! Y/N! What in the?” Ricks voice boomed in and they pulled away quickly. Their cheeks became red and they subtly wiped their mouths from saliva. Carl stood up and his face had gotten hard.

“Dad! I- uh- it won’t happen again. Swear” Carl said, he sounded professional and full of regret. Rick nodded and walked away, giving both of them an warning look. Y/N looked down, now regretful too. She felt bad that she got him in trouble, and that he obviously regretted it. She stood up as well.

“I’m gonna go” she says, her voice small and hurt. She walks out of the cell. Carl was about to go after her but felt it was useless. He sat down on his bunk and put his head in his hands. The very things he was worried about happening, happened.

Over the months they had gotten their friendship back to normal, never talking about that day. They both decided that the other only wanted to he friends, and they left it like that. They both threw their feelings for the other aside and settled for friends.

After everything that had happened to the group, finding shelter was sign. A sign that hope was amongst them, god was looking over them. Y/N believed in things like that, god and religion. Carl didn’t, he became very negative and hateful towards the world. Y/N and Carl had grown up a lot, they’ve changed from the kids they used to be. They were still close, but not as close as they were at the prison. Carl had grown distant, and Y/N harden. After her mothers death, y/n became cold and no longer kind. They barely talked anymore. They still had feeling for each other, but they ran away from that.

Alexandria was a great place it had food, shelter, education. It was a chance at living again. Living as human beings, not animals. Y/N walked through the town, getting a good mental map of it. She didn’t bother to shower or change her clothes yet. She walked down a street with houses on both sides of it. A few kids ran around here and there, but barely any people lived in the town. Y/N held the empty holster, searching for phantom gun. Everyone had turn in their weapons. Her face rested in a cold state, people stared at her. She payed no attention to them. Her eyes wondered around. It was so nice, she wish she had gotten here earlier, before her mother died, before she broke inside. Maybe then she would still be alive inside, and not dead.

“Hey, you look lost?” A voice asked from behind. Her body tensed as she turned around. It was a young boy, looked a little younger than her by a two or three years. He had red hair and pale skin with freckles on his nose. He smiled at her, his green eyes full of joy and happiness. They were alive, and kind. Her body relaxed and her face smiled a bit.

“Just checking out the town” she said, trying to sound as nice as possible. Her voice came off awkward and uncertain. His face lit up with excitement.

“You’re the new people, from outside! Im sam, my brother was talking about you guys, I think one your people is hanging out with them. Come on, I’ll show you!” His mouth ran with excitement. He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards a house. His little feet ran and I fast walked to keep up with him. When he opened the door to his house, I saw no one on the first floor.

“Mommy doing laundry, they’re upstairs” he said and took me up the stairs and down a hall. Sam pushed opened the door to what seemed like his brothers room. The sound of video games increased and Sam dragged Y/N inside. Y/N spotted Carl instantly, their eyes met for a moment and then looked away from each other.

“Look, Ron I made a new friend. Shes one of the new peoples” Sam said excitedly. A boy, Ron, turned around and looked at us. He got up and pushed Y/N away from Sam.

“Sam! You don’t know her, you can’t assume everyone’s your friend.” He warned. Ron’s face looked at Y/N like a threat. Carl stood up and came to her defense.

“She’s not a threat, I know her better than anyone. Y/N wouldn’t hurt a kid” he said, placing a hand on Ron’s chest. Ron seemed to have trusted Carl just enough to believe him.

“But Ron she is!” Sam whined.

“That’s right, I am. I wouldn’t hurt a friend” Y/N said. Ron sat back down and Y/N looked around the room. It was a mess of video games, clothes, and magazines. It was Carl, Ron, a girl, and another boy. The other boy and Ron were playing video games, the girl sat on the top of the bed and watched, and Carl looked at the magazines. Sam sat down on the bed and Y/N leaned against the wall watching them all.

In the next hour, they talked and introduced themselves. They asked Y/N and Carl questions about them, and the outside. Generic questions, nothing too personal. Except Sam, Sam liked to ask questioned that were personal. Ron would tell him that it was rude to ask those kinda of questions and it would be dropped. Sam was little though and didn’t know better. Y/N mainly watched Sam, he rolled around on the bed and begged Ron to let him play. He never did. Y/N subconsciously kept glancing over at Carl, she felt herself hopelessly admire his new clean look. Freshly showered and new clothes, it was a good look on him. Ron and Sam’s mother came in and told everyone it was time to go, then left the room. Everyone left the room and walked towards the door. Ron stopped Y/N before she left the room.

“Hey, I’m sorry about being rude earlier.” He apologized, he gave her a friendly smile and she tried her best to smile back.

“It’s fine, he’s your brother. I understand.” She said, her voice was quiet and soft.

“Thank. If you need anything just let me know, Y/N” he smirked, and left the room. She followed him out and left the house, but said goodbye to Sam first. As she walked down the street again to the group house, Carl walked along side her.

“What was he talking to you about?” He asked, his voice was angry and hostile. Just like Ron before. Y/N got cold again. She was trying to push her feelings for Carl aside, she couldn’t do that and be his friend. She had to cut him off completely.

“None of your business. Why would you want to know anyway?” She asked him, raising an eyebrow. He became defensive.

“He has a girlfriend” Carl warned.

“Not gonna stop you, is it?” She teased him. Carl didn’t see that coming and backed off. He knew what she meant by that, and didn’t think she would actually say something like that. He wasn’t like that, he told himself.

Y/N laid there that night thinking back on that day with Carl. That day they kissed, it was heartbreaking to her. She wanted that moment back, when everything was okay. She felt silent tears run down her cheek. Y/N wanted Carl to be hers, but she didn’t want her heart to get broken again.

The next morning she took a shower, and got dressed in new clothes. She felt clean and fresh. Still didn’t feel human, and still couldn’t wash the blood off her hands, but at least she looked human. The day was filled with daily duties and it continued for a few months. It was a daily routine, but Y/N got one day off every week.

Y/N walked to the open field area every Saturday morning. She sat in the grass and just enjoyed the peace and quiet. Y/N looked up and saw Ron at his window, he seemed to have just gotten up. He yawned and looked out the window. His eyes met Y/N’s and he smiled, she smiled back at him and threw a friendly wave. He moved away from the window and was out of sight.

They had became quite friendly over the past month, they talked and shared stories, like Y/N and Carl used to. Y/N let her guard down, and Ron did too. They opened up to each other and became best friends, almost more than friends.

She sat there breathing in the fresh air and occasionally played with the grass. Y/N looked up when she hear running, Ron jogged over towards her. His face was flushed and he slid down next to her. He laid beside her and tried to catch his breath.

“Did you run a marathon?” Y/n asked, looking at her heaving body. He chuckled and shook his head.

“No, I ran 100 meters just to talk to you” he winked and she laughed.

“Oh, I’m so flattered. A boys never ran for me” she gloated sarcastically. They both laughed and then it died down. The joking was over and it was just them in silence. Ron sat up and got face to face with Y/N. The air became filled with tension. Ron leaned in slightly, Y/N but her finger on his lips. She knew he was going to kiss her, but she kept what Carl said in her head.

“Don’t you have a girlfriend?” She asked. His face dropped in realization, and pulled away. It was no longer a potential friendship, it was potential betrayal.

“I’m sorry, I-I don’t know what came over me. I guess- I guess I fell for you” he said breathlessly, it seemed like Ron had just realized how strong his feelings were for her there. Y/N shook her head.

“Ron decide what you want, because you can’t have both.” Y/n said, she stood up and left the field. Her arms wrapped around her shoulders, closing herself up. She didn’t want to be involved with cheating, it was wrong and she wouldn’t do it. Y/n would be lying if she said she didn’t like Ron back, but Y/n couldn’t replace Carl with him. She could try but Carl had a hold over her, one he didn’t even know he had. She was hopelessly in love with him. Y/n couldn’t hide it anymore, she had to admit it to herself, to Carl.

Y/n began to run, she ran as fast as she could to Carls house. It was time she told him how she felt, weather he still felt that way or not. It was time, she couldn’t run away from her feelings anymore. Her feet started hurt but she ignored it, she kept going until she made it to the house. Y/n knocked on the door. Rick opened it.

“Is Carl here?” She asked breathless, he shook his head.

“Sorry, he went by the walls about an hour ago.” Rick said, and Y/n nodded and started running for the walls. She kept running no matter how much it hurt. People looked at her to see where she was going, she appeared strange to them.

When she got to the walls she stopped. Y/n looked around to see where Carl would be at, but he didn’t seemed to he anywhere until they climbed over the wall. Carl and Enid, Ron’s girlfriend, they made their way over the wall and back into the community. Y/N’s face scrunched up in confusion on to why they were out there. Carl lightly grabbed Enid’s hand and leaned down, he kissed her. Y/n felt her heart break, her face went pale and her body numb. Her heart literally ached with pain as she witnessed the only boy she’s ever loved kissing another girl. Tears ran down her face and off her cheeks. Y/n ran to them, angry and hurt. She acted on impulse now.

“He has a girlfriend!” She screamed, walking right up to them. They pulled away and looked at her with shock. Carls face went white and embarrassed that he was caught.

“Isn’t that what you told me?! Aren’t you one to be the hypocrite. To think that I love you! To think I ran all this way to tell you, that I love you, that I’m in love with you! How could you!?” She screamed at the top of her lungs, tears rushing down her face. He became more sympathetic and now really regretful, because he love her too. Carl liked Enid, but he couldn’t lie to himself and say he didn’t love Y/N more.

“Y/n-” he tried to explain, but she didn’t want to hear it.

“No! No! I’m done Carl, I can’t anymore” she said quietly and walked away from them. The pain was transferred to Carl, he felt like he did in that cell years ago. Except this time he didn’t let her go, this time he went after her, he fought for her.

Y/N walked home, tears running down her face violently. Her arms wrapped around herself protectively and she thought about it all. It was all so overwhelming. When she arrived at the house door, Carol noticed her broke down state. Carol wrapped her arms around her and brought her inside.

“It’s gonna be okay.” Carol comforted, and brought her to the couch. When Y/N’s mother died Carol looked after her, took care of her even when she didn’t want it. Carol knew that she would have no one, so Carol became someone to her.

“I’m going to get you some tea, and you’re going to tell me what happened.” Carol said, she wrapped a blanket around y/n before going to the kitchen to get that tea. After it was made, Carol brought it to Y/n and sat with her on the couch.

“Everyone’s out today, you can tell me what happened. Why are you crying?” Carol asked. Y/n rubbed her nose on her own sleeve and wiped her tears before speaking.

“I love Carl, I’m in love with him. But I caught him kissing Enid, I caught them kissing by the wall.” She said quietly, she clutched the tea and drank some. It helped her throat stop burning from all the crying.

“Oh honey, I’m so sorry. I know you liked him, I could tell by the way you look at him. It’s gonna be okay, I’ll help you get over him” Carol hugged Y/n and held her as she cried.

“No, I can’t get over him. I’ve been trying ever since he kissed me at the prison. I can’t forget him, he’s my whole world” y/n cried. Carol pulled her back and stared directly into her eyes.

“Don’t you ever say that. Do you hear me? You never make a man your whole world, you are more than somebody’s lover. The only people you put before yourself is your children” Carol told her sternly. After Ed Carol never wanted to see anyone go through that, and Carol made Ed her whole world. Carol knew all too well what happens when you give up your life to man, how hard it would be to get that life back.

Y/n nodded and apologized about what she said. Before Carol could say anything there was a knock at the door. Carol stood up and went to go get it. A few moments later and Y/n was approached with Ron standing in front of her. Carol went upstairs and left them alone. Y/n wiped her face up and Ron looked like he was crying too.

“I know” he whispered, his voice small and quiet. Ron sat down next to Y/n. He threw his head in his hands and cried into them. He was hurt by this, meaning he did love Enid. The thing between Ron and Y/n was just a fling feeling.

“You loved her Ron, and I loved him. This is betrayal, but we still love them. If you say otherwise you’re lying” y/n said and took a sip of her tea. Ron nodded, not wanting to admit it but he did.

“I know, I want- i want her to be with me again. I don’t want to be heartbroken” he cried, y/n nodded and hugged him.

“No one does” she whispered. They comforted each other and talked until they fell asleep. When they woke up it was the evening and Daryl sat at the table, skinning a bird. He looked over towards them and took the knife out of his mouth.

“Carls lookin’ for ya y/n” he said, then went back to skinning his bird. Y/n nodded and stood up, Ron followed her lead.

“You should probably go” she said and Ron nodded. Y/n showed Ron out and leaned against the door, conflicted on weather she should go see Carl. Y/n went to her room up stairs, the one she shares with Carol. Everyone had roommates and housemates. She laid down on her bed and just went to sleep, too exhausted to eat or even think about anything.

The next morning she woke up to her bed being jumped on. When she opened her eyes she saw Sam trying to wake her. He stopped jumping when he saw her eyes open and awake.

“Y/n! Y/n! Good morning, I missed you” he exclaimed and have y/n a big hug. She hugged back and took him downstairs to get something to eat.

“Sam where’s your mom or Ron?” Y/n asked, Sam looked down and shrugged.

“I don’t know. When I woke up no one was home so I came here.” He said, y/n held his hand and fed him some cereal.

“let’s get you something to eat and then we’ll find your brother okay?” She said, Sam nodded and ate him cereal. Y/n got dressed and took Sam out to look for Ron. She first took him to his house and when no one was home y/n took Sam to the fields. Where she spotted Ron and Enid. They were auguring, it was getting quite heated. Sam let go of y/N’s hand and ran towards his brother.

“Ron! Where were you!?” He yelled and Ron stopped talking to Enid. He gave all his attention to Sam and left Enid there in the middle of their conversation.

“Thanks for taking him to me” Ron said to Y/n then went back home. Y/n nodded and began walking home, but halfway there she was interrupted by Carl. He stopped her near a tree and pulled her to him.

“No, Carl-” she stared but he kissed her. He held her by the waist and kissed her hard, and passionate. Nothing like the first time. She pulled away and shook her head.

“No, you don’t get to just do that, you don’t get to come here and have that work. No it won-” Carl interrupted her again and kissed her again. He hoped that she would be quiet and let him talk. She was taken aback by his second attempt to make up what he did. He pulled away this time and smiled at her.

“Let me talk?” He whispered and y/n nodded.

“Y/n I love you, I was trying to get over you. I swear no matter how hard I tried to get over you, I couldn’t. You always kept me on a leash, pulling me back in love with you everyday. When I saw you with Ron, i got jealous. I’m sorry, forgive me y/n please. I will treat you like a fucking queen, just let me love you forever” he said, y/n felt her heart place itself back together with more than just tape. Y/n kissed Carl rough and passionate, wrapping her arms around his neck. He kissed her back and kept his promise to love her forever.

Broken hearts and hateful eyes:

It was the middle of nowhere. No walkers or animals around, not a sound was made. It was quiet, too quiet. Daryl stood alone with only his bike as he waited for some sign that they were alive. Daryl paced back and forth by his bike with the walkie talkie clutched in his hand. He waited for them to respond to him.

He was worried about y/n. She had gone with Glenn, and Michonne. Daryl hasn’t heard from them for a few hours and Daryl grew extremely worried. Y/n was special to Daryl, he held a very special place for y/n. They were best friends, partners in crime, lovers.. Y/n was his everything and Daryl couldn’t afford to loose y/n.

“Y/N! GLENN!? If you guys can hear me, answer me!” He screamed into the walkie talkie.

As Daryl stood alone by his bike, y/n was running with Michonne and everyone while Glenn and Nicholas were trapped in a dead end. Y/n tried to keep up but had a bad cut on the ankle. She was struggling to keep up. Only a few meters away and they were free, but sadly y/n didn’t make it that far.

She had fallen down and was already trampled by walkers and bit into. There was no use of getting up, tears welled in y/N’s eyes. It hurt so badly, this was not the way she had wanted to go out. Michonne looked back in terror. She pushed everyone forward and kept going till safety.

The sun was going down and there was still no word on them. Daryl kicked the dirt and yelled in frustration.

“Dar-yl, da-r-yl” the walkie talkie went off and it was really staticky. Daryl ran to it and immediately answered.

“Yeah?! Yeah, I’m here. How’s Y/N?” He asked. There was no response for a minute and Daryl assumed the worse.

“Y/N’s gone Daryl, I’m sorry” Michonne spoke. Daryl felt tears roll down his cheeks a he let the silence surround him. He wiped the tears away and threw the walkie talkie. He felt broken, he had lost someone so important to him. His heart ached. Hurt wrapped around him and he say on his knees crying. He wished he didn’t let y/n go, he wish he could go back and make her stay. He loves her, he always would.

After hours of grieving on the dirt road, Daryl had finally got the energy to get up, get the walkie and get on his bike. He rode away, but he can now never run away from his feelings. They’ll always haunt him with pain.

The morning sun came out from behind the clouds and lit up the small little town. Carl walked out of his house, shutting the door on his empty house.

It was a beautiful day out today and he was meeting his dashing lady today down by the park that led down to a small lake. He fancied her quite a bit and she knew that he did, but didn’t want to be with his because he was ‘too childish’. Carl had a lot of problems, he had trouble talking out his feelings and expressing himself. It was his greatest fear to let his cards show. It led to him lying all the time and shutting people out completely.

        That’s why he wanted to talk to y/n, he wanted to show her that he could be brave and courageous and talk his feelings through. He wanted to be strong and sort through his feelings, rather than run from them. It was a big thing to do, but she was worth it, he just hoped she would help him.

He made it down to the park and saw y/n sitting at the end of a grassy hill. She wore a long pink dress that flowed in the wind gracefully, it had little rose’s on it. Her hair sat in a tight pony tail, shame because Carl thought her hair was lovely and liked seeing it run from her head. It was a nice shade of (h/c), but nothing compared to her smile. 

        Carl ran down to her and smiled as he slid on the grass and fell down. He caught himself with his elbow and was put in a funny position. A chuckle was heard behind him, he looked up to see y/n giggling at his silliness. Carl laughed and sat up correctly besides her. His elbows rested on his knees that were up high. Y/n rested her face and stopped laughing “So why’d you call me here?” she asked. Carls face dropped a little. 

        "Because I love you" he said, she shook her head.

        "You can’t use that excuse anymore.“

        "I do though, and that’s why were here. I want to show you I can be strong and stop hiding. I admit it, I can’t care for myself. I can’t help myself or anyone, but I’ll try.”

        "carl-“

        "I’d be lying if I said I never thought of dying alone, I let the days pass through me and I don’t accomplish anything, but then I found you. I found someone to try for”

        "carl it’s really sweet, but you don’t mean it.“ she said disappointingly and began to get up and walk away.

"Do you remember when we were little? You used to call me Lion because I killed all the things that frightened you, you said I was brave. I want to be that again, I want to be your lion again and for you to be hair” he said and she stopped. 

        “Why did you call me hair, you never told me?” she asked sitting down again. Carl picked up her hair and smiled sheepishly.

“Because you have lovely hair, better than any of the other girl’s” she smiled and chuckled lowly.

“You always were a flirt, how do I know you didn’t say that to all the girl?” she asked raising an eyebrow smirking.

“Because I only called you Hair. Uncreative I know, but it was all I could come up with at the time.” They both smiled and laughed.

“What happen to the days of being happy?” he asked her and she slumped down and fell backwards, laying on the grass and staring at the trees.

“They passed by” she said.

“If i told what I’m feeling, do promise me you’ll stay?” he asked. Y/n grabbed Carls hand and smiled at him.

“Always”

“Be mine, Ill love you forever. You’ll doubt you ever even knew me, I just want to make you happy.” y/n bent down and kissed his lips softly and smiled.

“Only if you’ll be my one and only lion” she whispered, he moved his hand to her cheek and kissed her gently again.

“And you’ll be my hair” he chuckled. They both laughed and stood up, Carl took y/n’s hand and they walked out of the park together. Carl was going to try his very best to be honest and brave for her, because sharing his thoughts was the hardest thing he’s ever done. To share them with y/n would be an honor.