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At this point it's more disappointing than shocking that not a single assassin in the states can aim a fucking gun

one time at a funeral i panicked and said the first drink i could think of and the bartender made me the pina colada With all the fixings all the trims all the bells and whistles i didnt even ask imagine youre at a funeral and the person besides you is drinking a pina colada with whip cream as tall as the drink with a cherry and an umbrella, thats what happened to me

Look if a garment is like. Wool or silk. And it’s like, don’t put me in the fucking wash. I’m like yeah of course ma’am I shall lightly dab you with a damp cloth and air you out so you don’t get stinky. But when a polyester garment is like “hand wash only” I’m like who the FUCK do you think you are. You’re plastic. Get in the drum.

(over loud speaker) will the owner of a , uhh.. 14th century knight please come to the front? they lost you in the store and they are very distressed. thank you

free my girl she did all that shit but the fandom is mischaracterizing her for it

free my girl she has the same character traits as a male character but is getting deemed a bitch for them

free my girl she acted irrationally in a situation where it was impossible to act rationally and is now being hated for it

you may think misogyny is good because it is made up of miso, which is delicious, and gyny, which is woman. and girl miso sounds great. but 👆 it is not girl miso

will you ever forgive me

jesus christ did i fucking kill them im sorry

Don't even worry about all that