On the road to happiness

I just came up with a fun game for when you watch the State of the Union tonight. The rules are simple: whenever you hear Trump say something you agree with, take a drink. At the end, if you end up dying of alcohol poisoning, everyone else wins.

April Fool’s day is the only day of the year that people critically evaluate and interpret news articles before accepting them as truth.

There’s this feeling I sometimes get watching humans do the cool things that humans have been doing for thousands of years. It makes my chest expand and my heart thud and I love it. I love this.

“no homo” I whisper as I look at my garden of pea plants. The progeny had expressed a 1:2:1 ratio of phenotypes. I am Gregor Mendel. 

@babygoatsandfriends need to be alerted to this.

Anything is a UFO if you’re stupid enough.

If a guy ever spreads a rumor that he slept with you, don’t deny it. One, because there will always be people who think it’s true, and two, because that dumbass boy just handed you the power to say anything you want about what he’s like in bed, and people will believe it. Say he bleats like a sheep when he orgasms. Say he put on pearl earrings and asked you to call him Daisy. Say he couldn’t get it up until he watched an old Billy Mays infomercial. The power is yours.

This is my new favorite post

isnt yogurt like. alive 

When you eat it it continues it’s life inside you

this is a terrifying response