A Thousand Thousand Reasons To Live In This World

immediate instinctive D/s dynamic

+ somewhat optional: material power imbalance

the relationship is impossible without the submissive character compromising something integral that pride & external expectation will not permit them to compromise. But simultaneously relationship makes them aware of what they were compromising before. return to the normal world is equally impossible or unsatisfactory

exclusivity--only they can truly understand each other

top: I need to kill myself. I need to kill myself as soon as possible. my dad was right about me. God damn it.

Ok hi my answer may seem like a cop-out BUT I gave it very careful thought and consulted my peers and my conclusion is the most perfect order to watch mattprojects in is! chronological (but with caveats):

start with nirvana the band the show the webseries (2007-2009) & let it wash over you

move onto the dirties (2013) — sit with it for a bit. let your mind recover. let it change your life.

go into operation avalanche (2016) keeping the dirties in mind

watch my mother's pearls (c. 2015?) on youtube to get a sense of this guy's themes and motifs that will become significant later

— first caveat: this is a good place to watch honolulu blue (2004) and be like "wait a minute, what's this guy's deal & was he always like this?" the answer to the first question is It's Complicated Keep Going, the answer to the second question is Yes. but it's optional if you want to delve into the mind of his 19 year old self. i do genuinely think it's a good short film.

after opav the only logical thing is to watch nirvanna the band the show the viceland series (2016-2018). it is natural & beautiful & important and if you're feeling things correctly you will be destroyed by the ending.

now it's blackberry (2023) time here's where matt gets really gilgamesh with it. watch this movie and keep in mind two things: 1) he loves mythology, 2) he Knows it's like the social network that was deliberate.

— second caveat, if you're really in the loop now and also feeling burdened by heavy feelings cos so much of his shit is actually quite tragic, you can now take a well-earned matt and bird break loose (2021) break. you will surely not regret watching matt and bird break loose.

the mega64 specials on youtube are also significant at this point. there's lore there that ties back into the dirties and it's summed up in two words: train tracks. it's also funny. they're cute and you'll need that cuteness to carry you through to the final stage.

cos then BOOM final hit, the most potent, the shot you take right after the shot instead of a chaser NIRVANNA THE BAND THE SHOW THE MOVIE and then your life will forever change and everything will make perfect sense.

— final caveat if you like the mega64 shorts you should watch "nirvanna the band try to get an animation" on youtube for a fun time and more ntb character dynamics to wind down after the movie.

if you're really feeling crazy you should consider a rewatch of the dirties and that's how you escape samsara.

the caveats with honolulu blue & mabbl will make the difference between reaching "nirvana" and reaching "nirvanna" and if you're this far into your journey you'll know what i mean by that

reworked version!!

One category I've been exploring is lace, because I always seem to revert to lace. Knitted lace often has lines of decreases, which distort the vertical columns of stitches into emphasized diagonals. Here is a small swatch of a lace diamond pattern, fairly bog-standard except for the cable crosses at the points of the diamonds. The top half of each diamond shape is framed by its decrease lines, while the bottom half grows vertically out of the YO increases.

By using some False Decreases, it's possible to add diagonal framing lines to the lower edges of the diamonds as well. Now they look more symmetrical, and have a nice kind of crispy-edges effect.

Here are charts for both stitch patterns:

Rewatch Week 8

For the second time in 2 years I've been given a gunky old treadle. This one's a Bernina KL 105, which I hadn't heard of, and it's very interesting! It's a rotary machine with backstitch and drop feed, which is much more modern than any treadle I'd ever encountered before.

The model was first introduced in 1932, but this particular one was sold in 1945 to someone named Karl Seebacher, as can be seen in the manual which it still has! It was made in Switzerland and evidently sold there, as all the writing is in German and the markings are Metric. I'm very happy about the Metric markings! Someone must have moved to Canada with it somewhere along the line. I've read that these machines are more common in Europe than they are over here.

There are several different feet, and It came with a fantastic little hoop for darning socks, which I'm quite excited to try.

The machine itself is quite gunky, and has some rust spots, so I'll disassemble and clean as much as I reasonably can. I think it'll be alright. The wheel was turning very stiffly and jerkily when it arrived, and oiling everything didn't help much, but after it sat there for a couple weeks the new oil seems to have soaked in and softened things up and it's spinning quite smoothly now.

It came with two new drive belts that someone appears to have bought fairly recently, and as far as I can tell the only thing that's missing is the pair of set screws that hold the machine head to the hinges. Very odd, I can't imagine them ever falling out by themselves. Hopefully I can find replacements, but for now it's sitting in place well enough without them.

The cabinet needs a lot of work, but once the machine head is cleaned up it should be useable even before doing anything to the cabinet.