a family story no one will tell

But it feels horrifyingly shameful to feel emotions like this especially when it feels like those parts are being petty, like it isn't a big deal. We were so powerless that the only thing we could find comfort in was in holding to our extremely high standards of values and ethics we created for ourselves. And one of those is to give grace to other people because everyone is imperfect and everyone has shit they're dealing with. We won't be heartless and cruel and impatient like our family. But our new therapist rescheduled too many times in the past two months we've been seeing them and one part lost their shit over it. Like I know they don't need to tell us anything but the fact that they would cancel last minute or change plans last minute "because something came up" really set someone off. Because it felt like we were being dicked around by them because like if something is up just say you're sick or there's an emergency but. Communicate please. And it feels so fucking petty that they felt so upset because like yeah it's not great but people are allowed to call out! It's a job they're allowed and they don't owe us an explanation!

We talked it out but I still feel resounding shame and yuckiness for the anger and hurt. I'm supposed to be better than this because getting angry wasn't an option so I was the bigger person because at least I could rest easier knowing I "did the right thing"

I fucking hate myself