Goth Girl Gone Wild

There isn’t a simple answer to this question-

My first thought is of course I am. I miss the affection, the intimacy, having someone to ramble about my day to when I get home, the adventurous aspect of something new that grows into memories in years to come.

However if you were to ask me on a deeper level I’d say I’m scared.

I have BPD, and as much as I have worked on myself since I had my heart broken a long time ago I can never be cured.

Being single and having no interaction with people romantically or emotionally makes my symptoms 90% better. As soon as I develop feelings or come up with some delusional scenario in my head that’s when it gets hard.

The oh fuck they haven’t replied, they hate me.

They spoke differently, they want to leave me.

They haven’t messaged me as soon as they have woken up, they are with someone else.

I’m the first to admit I’m absolutely insane when it comes to feelings, but that’s because I love hard and fast. I have this intense fear of abandonment so I throw everything I have at them.

I don’t want to be that person, it hurts. The feeling of your stomach dropping knowing that you’re going to fuck everything up is sickening.