Hello! Welcome to my blog. I'm a bright and shiny person that writes dark and depressing, although often cathartic, shit.
I am in my late 20s, she/her/hers, gay, adhd, and my interests are kinda all over the place: Criminal Minds, Dr Who, Theatre, just about any craft, and a bunch of other stuff.
I usually write from the perspective of a reader my age, gender, and sexuality. Gender neutral works will be noted at the beginning.
I have, thus far, written mostly about Jennifer Jareau, Emily Prentiss and the Criminal Minds team, but plan to move to other characters eventually as well.
Also on:
Wattpad: @thatonewritersstuff
AO3: thatonewritersstuff
Do not copy or repost any of my works from any platform. Re-blogging is fine... actually encouraged! 😁👍 Just don't steal my shit. 🤨
Table Of Contents:
Masterlist
READ ME
Mental Health Links Link
Masterlist
Jennifer's Daughter
Chapter 1 - Birdie
Chapter 2 - Back On The Case
Chapter 3 (Blerb) - Mama Bear
Chapter 4 - Found
Vulnerable (Completed)
Chapter 1 - Girls Night Out
Chapter 2 - Too Damn Hot
Chapter 3 - Panic Attack
Chapter 4 - By The Water
Chapter 5 - Exposed
Exposed
Chapter 1 - Waiting
Chapter 2 - Hasty Actions
Chapter 3 - Found Alone
Chapter 4 - Nervous
Chapter 5 - A Promice
Chapter 6 - Painful
Chapter 7 - Talk to Me
Chapter 8 - Being Held
Chapter 9 - Revealed
Chapter 10 - On the Other Foot
Chapter 11 - Can You Fix Me?
Chapter 12 - Visitor
Chapter 13 - A Glimpse
Chapter 14 - In This Together
Chapter 15 - Changing of the Guards
Chapter 16 - Nightmares
Chapter 17 - Morning
Chapter 18 - Consent and Trust
Chapter 19 - Homeward
Chapter 20 - Accepting Help
Chapter 21 - You’re Safe Here
Chapter 22 - Making it Through
Chapter 23 - Dream Catcher
Chapter 24 - Presents
Chapter 25 - Not Exactly a Spa
Chapter 26 - Shared Experience
One Shots
I'm Here (Emily/Reader Comfort)
Check-In (Emily/Reader Angst/Comfort)
Interrupted Fears (Emily/Reader Fluff/Comfort)
Screaming Into the Void
You are good enough (JJ)
You can sleep (Emily)
Emily’s hugs (Emily)
An Embrace (Emily)
Nightmare (Emily)
READ ME:
All my stories contain trigger warnings in the tags and at the beginning of posts, so please, don't read a story if it will harm or worsen your mental state! You are precious and important! You are worth the time it takes to care for yourself. Please don't worry that these stories will go away, I have no intention of taking them down, they will still be here when you are feeling more able to handle them. I'm also on Wattpad and AO3, so these stories will not be going anywhere any time soon. Please, take care of yourself.
Due to the dark and possibly triggering nature of my blog, I wanted to have a list of resources for mental health listed as well. Those can be found here:
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Story TW: Self-harm, cutting, blood, suicidal talk/ideations, hospitals, psych care, medically inaccurate information, genital mutilation, panic attacks, anxiety, depression, homophobia, internalized homophobia, references to and descriptions of nudity, vivid descriptions of traumatic events, sexual abuse, religious trauma, religion, discussions of sexuality and sex related topics, swearing/language.
Almost smut… sort of smut… if you squint.
(If you want to start from the beginning, click here for chapter one.)
Waking up you roll to see the morning light shining off something other than your bedding. Lying face down beside you in your bed, her bare back lit all aglow with the light from the window. Unable to control the impulse, you reached out to stroke gently down her spine.
You could feel her muscles react to your touch. The sensation rousing her from slumber. She moaned lightly as your fingers continued their exploration of her back, drifting to her hips. Her skin was warm and soft, comforting in a way you couldn’t understand. Lightly you pushed the blanket further down her hips… perhaps to see lower…
As she began to shift, signaling her impending return to consciousness, you leaned in to sweep the ebony hair from her face as she turned.
She stared at you. You took a minute to realize you were in bed with Emily… your Emily… your friend Emily…
Your shock wore off quickly as you found yourself reaching down to pull back the blanket where it covered her lower half. Although obscured by the blanket, you reached out to feel that she was warm against her lower abdomen. You wanted to go further, you needed to go further… “Can I… I want to see you.”
You looked up for the first time, seeing the loving look on her face, turn concerned. Suddenly, you realized you could see her breasts if you looked down, and you tried to look down, but it was like you couldn’t physically look anywhere but her face.
Lovingly, and in a distant and garbled voice she questioned, “Love, you look worried. Are you alright?” Her voice drifted off as your vision went blurry.
Opening your eyes to see the inside of Emily’s guest room, morning light bathing nothing but sheets, you momentarily felt frustration. It was such a wonderful dream…
Unfortunately the reality of what you had dreamt came crashing back down.
You sat up against the headboard, stock still. You stared wide-eyed at the wall for what felt like forever.
You couldn’t have dreamt that… could you? But certainly you weren’t in control… you did want it to continue though… There were no thoughts you could think that would put words to how you felt.
Trying to cope, you just felt… numb.
Emily came to get you for breakfast, surprised you had yet to emerge, “Morning, Love! How’d you sleep?”
Words… words… you could do this… “…” or maybe you couldn’t. You tried again and again to make words move through your mind, out to your lips, but none came. You even opened your mouth, willing them to fall out on their own, but to no avail.
“Hey, are you okay?” Emily moved to sit on the bed, obviously concerned by the rapidly growing look of frustration and fear etched onto your face.
“I…” You gasped for air. One syllable… you had managed one freaking word. More… you had to say more and fast… she couldn’t know… she must never know. You now felt it was your duty to protect her from the knowledge of what your dream had contained.
She reached out to lay a hand on your knee, but your eyes betrayed you as they began to fill.
“Love… did you have a nightmare?” She tried to pull you into her arms, but you scooted away, desperately trying to keep a professional distance. “Sweetheart, you were doing so well.” she said out of concern, not censure, “If it was a nightmare, I can hold you and comfort you… please… your worrying me.”
Your eyes watered as your lip quivered. Unsure how to get out of this without hurting Emily in one way or another, you just sat there, frozen, as tears streamed freely down your cheeks.
“Okay,” Emily took a deep calming breath to center herself, “okay. Can we talk through this?” With no response she tried another tack that could work in spite of what was obviously now a panic attack, “Maybe you could just nod yes or no for me, could you do that?”
You felt awful, like some sort of petulant child or hurt animal, once again needing to be coaxed into communication. You nodded, knowing at least that you could do through your panic.
“Okay…” Emily took a minute and brought forth every interview and victim care technique she used at work. Trying to speak to you like an adult, as not to hurt your feelings or infantilize you, while also taking the care to show you love an concern as panic raged through you. “Sweetheart, are you in physical pain… outside of pain from the panic attack?”
Shake of the head, no.
“Did you take your meds yesterday?”
Nod of the head, yes.
“Do you feel physically safe in your current environment? With me here?”
Nod, yes.
“Good. Did you have a nightmare?”
You looked down, embarrassed. Nodded, yes.
“Nothing to be ashamed of. Can you look at me?” You looked up. “Remember what I said last time? I’m not going to judge you or hurt you, you are safe.”
Nod, yes.
Emily smiled, “Good, I’m glad that made it through.” She took a moment to let you calm your nerves, then continued, “Would you be willing to talk to be about your dream? Or about why it bothered you?”
Fervent shake of the head, no.
“Okay. Would you be willing to talk to someone else? Your meeting with your counselor keeps being postponed, so that doesn’t start until day after tomorrow… I could call an emergency counselor.”
You don’t bother to shake your head, you just look at her pleadingly, willing her not to make you talk to a stranger.
“Understood. Its okay, I understand… what about JJ? Would you talk to her? Would it at least be worth asking her to come over.”
Your heart ached with guilt over letting Emily think you would talk to another friend over her, but whether or not you could talk to JJ, a visit from her might help with the anxiety… Nod of the head, yes.
“Okay.” Emily smiled understandingly, “let’s see what we can do.”
After a minute of chatting on the phone to JJ, Emily returned and sat on your bed, careful to not touch you. “So, JJ is happy to come by, she just needs to get a sitter for Henry, as Will is at work today, but she will be here in a couple hours.” Emily paused and for a moment, she dropped the professional interview demeanor and showed the real concern she was feeling, “I know you are struggling… you know I’m here for you and I love you.” She paused, not sure where she was going with this, “I don’t always know how to help, and that’s okay… and it’s okay for you to want help from others as well… just know I’m… I’m here, okay.”
You smiled and nodded your understanding.
“Can you let me care for you, just by making you breakfast? Can you come out to the living room? We can watch a stupid show and eat Eggos?”
You looked at her, feeling both guilt and trust, such a strange combo. “Ya.” You rasped out.
She smiled and headed for the door. Following soon after, you went to the living room sofa and curled up in blankets.
-
JJ arrived around noon, having finally procured a babysitter. She knocked on the door as she entered, having already been texting with Emily and knowing you were both settled into a movie. “Heyyy, how are my girls? Is it a party in here?” She made her way into the living room and perched on the sofa arm beside where Emily was sat.
“This would be our third Disney screening today, she is now torturing me with a film about an anthropomorphized llama.” Emily gestures to the screen where Emperor Kuzco is narrating his sad fate.
You smile and chuckle as you look over at them from the opposite corner of the sofa, where you have barricaded yourself with fluffy blankets.
“Oh my god, Henry loves this movie.” JJ chuckles, “And you should hear Will with his New Orleans accent trying to imitate Yzma and Kronk to entertain Henry.” She laughs, “It’s pure gold.”
“Tell me there is a video tape?” Emily looks at her friend hopefully.
“No, but I’m working on it.” JJ winked.
JJ settled into the sofa between the two of you, still distanced from you by the abundance of fleece with which you had surrounded yourself. At some point, Emily paused the movie at the worst moment possible and you were all stuck looking at a horrific expression on Ezma’s face as Emily went to make some lunch.
“Hey,” JJ gingerly ventured closer to your end of the couch. “Do you maybe want to talk while Emily is whipping up lunch?”
You nodded, although your anxiety returned the minute you did.
Following JJ back to the guest room felt so unnatural, so odd to be following another adult to a room in scilene. Upon entering, JJ hopped up on the bed, ready to talk like it was a slumber party. As you stood there, you suddenly felt extreme waves of embarrassment, shown immediately by your cheeks gaining a deep flush. You stood there, hearing your heartbeat in your ears.
“Hey now,” JJ got up and came over to you, realizing you may be more uncomfortable than she had expected, “I’m not here to judge you… or grill you for gossip.” She winked, “I’m here to talk to you, about whatever. You don’t even have to talk to me about what’s got you so off-your-game today, we can just talk about silly stuff if you want to.” She tilted her head to catch your gaze, “Okay?”
You nod and make yourself follow her to the bedside.
“Okay.” JJ resumed her position at the end of the bed and gestured for your to sit up towards the head of the bed, which you awkwardly proceeded to do. “Now what do you have rattling around in that wonderful brain of yours?” Your eyes began to tear up involuntarily. “Hey, hey, hey, no…” JJ scooted to the top of the bed and wrapped an arm around your shoulders as she sat beside you. “What’s going on?” She rubbed your back, all the while trying not to profile you… noticing your willingness to let her touch you after you had reportedly barricaded yourself from Emily.
“I…” you didn’t know how to start, but now that you were sitting here, safely talking to JJ behind closed doors, you wanted so badly to confide in her. “I have these dreams… and they make me feel guilty… Emily says they shouldn’t and they are normal, but…” You stopped yourself, not sure how to continue.
“Oh,” JJ got a mischievous look on her face, “Do you mean, like, fun dreams?” She waggled her eyebrows suggestively.
“Oh god.” You quickly covered your face with your hands.
“So, yes.” JJ grinned. “Kid, Emily’s right. That’s completely normal for the sexual development of any human, male female or otherwise.” She stroked your hair, trying to comfort you. “You are not alone in that kind of dream. Everyone has them… everyone. So, its nothing to be ashamed of.” She tried to pull your hands away from your face, just then noticing the tears were falling faster as you silently cried. “Wait? Love? Are you taking this that seriously?” She was concerned and desperately trying to understand. “I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable by making light of it, I just didn’t want you to feel bad about those kind of things.”
She thought for a minute, “Is it because they are about women?” You nodded as you tried to hide your face and the tears. She looked at you deeply, profiling in spite of herself. “Hey… are the dreams about… someone? Someone particular?”
You shuddered as you nod, feeling cold despite the heat of your cheeks.
The room was completely silent for a long minute. “Do you want to tell me who?” She looks at you lovingly and compassionately, “Is it Emily?”
The silence was thick as you paused to answer… “Just this one.” You didn’t look at her, you couldn’t look at her.
“And you won’t let Emily touch you… because you feel… guilty somehow?”
You nodded.
“Can I tell you something? It might make you feel better.”
You look up at her genuinely curious of anything that she could tell you that could possibly make you feel better in this moment.
“So you know I was the Media Liaison for the BAU before Emily joined the team?” You nod. “Well I started to travel with them more right around the time she joined. And… well… I had a dream… like the one you had… and it was… about… Emily.”
You felt like you should have known that’s were this was going but the revelation still stunned you a bit.
“And. It. Was. Hot.” Okay, now that stunned you... but you giggled. “I felt awful, but eventually I realized, I had a dream, so what? I ended up actually bringing it up in a counseling session one time. I still felt bad that I had had a very sexual dream about someone I was close to. But the counselor helped me look at the dream as what it was, my subconscious releasing random things I was thinking and feeling. I didn’t need to feel like I was keeping a secret, and I didn’t need to feel guilty for something my subconscious had concocted for me.” You appreciated her candid honesty and smiled gratefully. “Then, I was dumb enough to tell Will…" she chuckled as you looked worried, "and it was years before he stopped teasing me.” You laughed together.
“He thought it was funny?” You asked as you laughed, your tears beginning to dry.
“Ohhhh, ya. He was a huge pain in my ass is what he was. He would be all like ‘How’s your girlfriend today?’ And when she called he’d be all ‘Hey, cher, it’s your wife’s on the line.’ Anything to make me blush. The dumbass… man, I love him.”
You got a good chuckle together as the mood began to lift.
She didn't take long to get back to her point, “It’s okay to have those kinds of dreams.” She looked at you seriously and with all the caring in the world, “and I know you have trauma,” she held your hands that now rested in your lap. “Healing takes time, mentally and physically, but you will get through this.”
After a moment she moved to sit in front of you. “Now, let’s get some of those pesky anxieties out of the way. One, you do not have to feel guilty for having that dream. Having that dream doesn’t mean you are in love with her, there are so many reasons we have dreams like that, perhaps you wanted to feel connection with her on an emotional level, maybe you felt vulnerable with her because she has been having to help you with such intimate areas of your body, or maybe you are just horny and she was the last person you talked to.” She shrugged and laughed as you blushed and nervously chuckled at the idea.
“Secondly, you don’t have to tell her.” Your eyes fill with tears of relief and confusion, “you can tell her; it may be something you want to talk through, but you do not have to. Just because you have a dream about a person, it does not mean you have to tell them. If you think something is off or unhealthy, you can talk to another trusted friend, or a therapist, but you do not owe it to the person to tell them what your subconscious has whipped up.”
JJ stroked the hair out of your face, trying to help you calm. “Lastly, you don’t have to work through all this on your own. I am always here, and Emily is too; if you just want to thought-dump and tell us what is on your mind, we are here to listen. And you also have therapy coming up. When something like this happens, it is perfectly okay to say to yourself ‘I don’t understand this, I’m going to file it away and talk to my therapist about it.’ That’s what they are there for, to help you sort out what you are thinking and feeling.”
With that, she held your hands in both of hers and just sat there in front of you. Letting you soak in her calm and her reassuring words.
Later that evening, she stayed to hold you as Emily changed your bandages. Emily didn’t even question it, she was just happy you were okay and communicating again. JJ held and reassured you, as you let yourself be cared for. Despite your discomfort, you were able to feel some peace. You even hugged Emily when you said goodnight.
ok genuine question, doesn’t matter either way just curious. is the exposed series a strictly platonic fic or will there be romantic undertones? either way im a big fan<3
I think I'm going to leave it platonic for now. I definitely don't plan to put them into a full romantic relationship in this particular story. I feel like it would have to happen far far in the future, after a ton of healing.
One reason I have left it platonic is that I wanted to write something comforting that the reader didn't feel like a romantic relationship was the only reason for healing. (Foreshadowing for future chapters)
I do live for romantic and smutty Emily/reader fics though 😎 and I hope to write one of my own eventually. 😏
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
ok genuine question, doesn’t matter either way just curious. is the exposed series a strictly platonic fic or will there be romantic undertones? either way im a big fan<3
I think I'm going to leave it platonic for now. I definitely don't plan to put them into a full romantic relationship in this particular story. I feel like it would have to happen far far in the future, after a ton of healing.
One reason I have left it platonic is that I wanted to write something comforting that the reader didn't feel like a romantic relationship was the only reason for healing. (Foreshadowing for future chapters)
I do live for romantic and smutty Emily/reader fics though 😎 and I hope to write one of my own eventually. 😏
This one is just a silly little chapter. It may not advance the plot, but we needed some fluff in this story. 😉🥰
Story TW: Self-harm, cutting, blood, suicidal talk/ideations, hospitals, psych care, medically inaccurate information, genital mutilation, panic attacks, anxiety, depression, homophobia, internalized homophobia, references to and descriptions of nudity, vivid descriptions of traumatic events, sexual abuse, religious trauma, religion, discussions of sexuality and sex related topics, swearing/language.
(If you want to start from the beginning, click here for chapter one.)
Needing help changing bandages and bathing yourself were very real and frustrating parts of each day. Emily could now do the bandage swap without someone holding you, although it remained less than enjoyable. You wanted nothing more than to be able to care for yourself, so when it came time to wash your hair, you begged Emily to let you do it yourself.
“Look, I don’t doubt you could do it, the point is that you don’t have to. Lets put you up on the kitchen counter and I can wash your hair in the sink. It’ll be like a spa.”
“I can always tip my head over the sink in the bathroom… or just stick my head in the shower…”
Emily sighed, “Both of those have you getting water all over yourself and there is a possibility of you slipping.” She sat beside you on the couch and placed her hand on your knee. “I know this is hard, you are definitely an independent woman,” she winked, “but this is just like the other ways you have let me help you; This isn’t permanent and it just makes things easier and safer to have help.”
You rolled your eyes, looking at the ceiling as you considered your options. “Would you let me help you? If you ever get injured like this, will you allow me to take care of you?”
“Yes,” she said, full of snark, “If I ever fall and break my cunt, you can wash my hair. Now, get your ass in the kitchen.” She rolled her eyes, ruffled your hair, and left to get the shampoo and towels.
Fully aware that there was still a 50/50 shot that a grown-up Emily Prentiss would ever let anyone help her when injured, you complied. To be completely honest, neither of the DIY hair washing ideas you had had sounded very appealing.
Later, after being seemingly waterboarded by your well-meaning friend, your hair was clean and you were actually quite grateful. It may not have been the most graceful hair washings of all time, but there was no way it would have gone better on your own.
Emily looked at you sheepishly as she handed you a box of tissues. “Sorry I got water up your nose… I imagined that being easier than it was.”
Blowing the excess water from your sinuses, you smile at her and laugh, “You really think that would have gone any better on my own?”
“Maybe we could get JJ to help next time. She’s a mom… she knows how to do that kind of stuff better.”
“Em,” you grabbed her hands, “look at me. You did really well. My hair is clean, isn’t it?? And my sinuses are too, so… two for one!” You laugh, and she chuckles along with you.
“I’m glad you let me care for you… and I’m really glad you will forgive me for messing it up.” She says, still trying to apologize.
You snuggle up beside her, and grab the remote. “Enough of that. I’m fine, and more importantly, my hair no longer stands up on its own. Now, lets watch something stupid.”
Cuddling with your friend and watching silly shows, you didn’t even notice how comfortable you had become with sharing physical space. Sitting so close to another woman a week earlier would have sent you into an endless overthinking spiral, but this moment was so effortlessly comfortable… the world just seemed right.
I've read your work and I cannot find words to thank you enough for the way you captured some of the mental weight that PTSD and SA have on a person while they are at work. I've experienced some similar things to your character but as she is lucky, in the real field women aren't that lucky (as an agent, after attempting suicide you're either out or takes years to prove your mental health is improved).
Keep writing and talking about mental health. I love your story and I would love to see more of your work.
Let me know if you need help with terminology for medical or even bureau stuff. O ❄️
I could always use help with medical and bureau terminology 😅 I would love to hear how you think the reader would actually be able to go back to work... that's the part I'm trying to write soon and I'm just not sure what all it would take to get the FBI to let someone back in... I may have to rely on suspension of disbelief.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Story TW: Self-harm, cutting, blood, suicidal talk/ideations, hospitals, psych care, medically inaccurate information, genital mutilation, panic attacks, anxiety, depression, homophobia, internalized homophobia, references to and descriptions of nudity, vivid descriptions of traumatic events, sexual abuse, religious trauma, religion, discussions of sexuality and sex related topics, swearing/language.
(If you want to start from the beginning, click here for chapter one.)
Coming out of what felt like a coma, you found yourself wrapped safely in Emily’s arms. Although temporarily unsettled by the sensation of waking up with someone in your bed, you found yourself happily sinking into her embrace.
After a while you realized your need to use the restroom would soon overpower your desire to be held. So as smoothly as you could, you slipped from her arms and slid off the bed.
Looking back, you realized she was still fast asleep. Having had a long night as well, it made sense that she would be so exhausted. It occurred to you how peaceful she looked, despite the hell you felt you have put her through, she was still here… and she was okay. Contrary to everything you had been told by your family, for just a moment, you felt like you were worth her time… you felt like you could ask for and need help without being an impossible or unwanted burden.
This feeling was unfortunately not long lived as you were reminded of last night’s events as you cleaned yourself up. Wanting so deeply to be well and to have Emily feel like helping you was worth it, you put on a brave face and finished getting yourself cleaned up. After brushing your teeth, you went to resume your spot on the bed, but found it empty.
After only a moment of self consciousness and panic, Emily appeared again in the doorway. Smiling as if it were any other morning, she greeted you cheerily, “Good morning, love. How did you sleep?”
“I… slept… more than I thought I would.” You shrug.
“Good. Sleep is good for you.” She came over and wrapped you in a hug, that, little known to you, she needed as much as you did. “So… pancakes?”
You smiled and agreed. And that’s how the day went, simple and happy.
Garcia came to visit in the afternoon, having ditched work early, complements of your mutual boss. Her arrival was all but announced with trumpets, “MY LOVES! I’m HERE!!” She absolutely hollered through the front entry to Emily’s home.
You smiled and set down your book barely in time to be tackled in a hug. “God, Garcia!” Emily scolded, “Surgery recovery in progress here. Please don’t damage my patient.” She winked.
“Oh! Sorry pumpkin.” She held you at arms length as if to examine you for injuries she may have inflicted.
“I’m alright, I’m alright.” You tried to reassure her, despite a bit of pain.
“Good.” Garcia then whipped out present after present from her purse, to a point where you weren’t sure how there had been space for all of it.
“Is that Mary Poppins carpet bag?” You laugh, “Or did you refurbish a Tardis into a sensible accessory?”
“I’m fairly sure its the latter. Now,” she pulled a teddy bear out of the bag, “This is Muffins. I met him in the mall yesterday and decided you needed him.”
"Looks like you met quite a few things in the mall yesterday.” Emily quipped as she tried to make space on her coffee table to rest her feet
Garcia shooed her feet out of the way, “Presents now, lounging later.” And the unwrapping commenced; the woman had bought you everything from puzzles to fuzzy slippers. She absolutely delighted in your opening of each and every gift. Although exhausting, her exuberance was infectious as you laughed and delighted in it.
Once the bounty was unboxed in its entirety, Garcia stood, tiptoeing through the piles of brightly colored paper, “Gotta hit the little girls room, uno momento chicitas.”
You looked over at Emily, sipping her tea, with the look of a mom on Christmas morning, only mildly burdened with the knowledge of what she would get the privilege of cleaning up herself. “How kind of her to decorate my home with recycling.” She laughed, and sighed as Surgio began to play with an errant ribbon, “Oh, goody… the cat likes it.”
You chucked at the scene. It was a disaster, but a bright and fun one to be sure. Staring at the presents, without Garcia there to observe you, you subconsciously let your face show the unrest you felt.
“Sweetheart?” Emily got your attention, “What’s the matter? Why the face?”
“I know I don’t have makeup on, Em. But there’s no need to be cruel.” You smirked at her to caption your sarcasm.
“Ha-ha.” She rolled her eyes. “You would be beautiful caked in mud, and your natural glow is luminous.” She grinned at you and then her eyes went back to serious, “You know what I mean. What are you feeling right now, love? Talk to me.”
“I’m…” You check to make sure Garcia is still in the bathroom and out of earshot, “I’m just a little overwhelmed.”
“Okay, but are you sure it’s not more than that? You look… almost sad.”
“I’m just… its presents.”
“Yes, a lot of them.” She chuckled.
“And it’s so nice of her…”
“But?”
“But I don’t deserve presents, Emily! I injured myself. I did this. I’m already a burden and it’s my own damn fault! I shouldn’t be rewarded. I don’t deserve gifts and attention as if I’m a victim of an accident!”
Emily looked at you sympathetically. She wanted to just tell you again that you were wrong, that you deserved love and comfort and affection, and all the benefits of friendship and family. But she stopped herself and decided to go about explaining it in another way.
“Okay. So, even if all of that were accurate, which it isn’t, lets look at this from Garcia’s point of view; she almost lost her friend the other night. I was there, and although I was pretty distracted, I could see what it did to her, to all the team, not knowing if you were even going to live. She was scared. Like, really really scared. You are important to us, to her, and she now feels the need to show you that. She isn’t rewarding you or giving you things that will directly heal you, she is showing you how much you mean to her, how much she almost lost…”
Emily’s eyes tear up, “Kiddo, when we almost lost you… our lives… you are part of us… and we were all terrified of that loss.” She leaned forward to grab your hand. “Garcia is trying to show you how much you mean to her. And she is trying to make you feel better because she may still be afraid of loosing you…”
She rubbed the back of your hand with her thumb as she leaned across the couch. “JJ showed you she loved you by spending time with you, by taking time to organize things while you were away. Morgan and some of the other guys helped clean up your apartment and re-secure it for your return. And… you know I’d do anything for you…”
She finally moved to sit beside you and wrap you in her arms. “We may all be showing it in different ways, and I know they all make you squirmy and uncomfortable,” she winked, “but we love you, and we are here for you. We aren’t doing this because of what happened, we are doing this for you, so you can feel our love and support, here and now.”
Needless to say your eyes were watering at this point. Despite every negative cell in your body, that wanted to make you feel otherwise, you felt so loved and so wanted. It overflowed into tears running down your flushed cheeks. You would have responded, but you didn’t have words to say, and you didn’t know how you would say them, even if you did.
Garcia returned to the living room just as your tears subsided, so you were able to covertly wipe them away before she noticed. “What?? A cuddle pile without me?? I’m gonna need to get in on this…” as she squeezed in beside you and hugged you both, you laughed and smiled at your friend.
The three of you laughed and joked, watched sitcoms and YouTube videos until it was time for Garcia to go home.
Just as she was getting ready to leave, you grabbed he hand, “Penelope?” She turned and looked at you more seriously, unused to hearing you use her first name. “Thank you. I know I said it before, but really, thank you.” She squeezed your hand and smiled. “For the presents and the fun today, but also for taking care of stuff while I was in the hospital. And for…” You pulled her into a hug. “And for being my friend. For caring and for wanting me in your life. Thank you.”
“Oh, sugar…” she hugged you back hard, “you are so very welcome. And you are so very very loved. You are a pleasure and a joy. We love you soooo much.” She gave you one final squeeze and a kiss on the forehead.
After bidding farewell to Emily, Garcia was off like a whirlwind, leaving nothing but joy in her wake.
This is my favorite one I re-read from before… although it broke my heart. It’s also the last of the old ones, but I have started writing more new chapters already, so here goes nothing!
Story TW: Self-harm, cutting, blood, suicidal talk/ideations, hospitals, psych care, medically inaccurate information, genital mutilation, panic attacks, anxiety, depression, homophobia, internalized homophobia, references to and descriptions of nudity, vivid descriptions of traumatic events, sexual abuse, religious trauma, religion, discussions of sexuality and sex related topics, swearing/language.
Chapter TW: sort of smut… an intense dream make-out… I have only my own experiences to reference. My Limited… limited experience… aaand imagination. 😅
(If you want to start from the beginning, click here for chapter one.)
JJ had stayed until just before dinner time. She had run her fingers through your hair as you had started to wake up. Once awake, you had sat up on the bed and slowly joined into the conversation.
As the evening approached, JJ had to head out to help Will with dinner and the boys. As you hugged her goodbye, you sheepishly thanked her for helping. She guided your face to look up at her, “You don’t need to be sorry for needing help, okay? I’m just glad we know you need help now, so we can be here for you.”
“You know I’d do the same for you, right?”
“I know, sweet girl,” she pulled you into another hug, “I know. It’s one of the many reasons I love you.” She hugged you tighter.
She said goodbye to Emily and shot you both a smile as she left.
Emily made some comfort foods for dinner, including some of your favorites, a gesture you greatly appreciated. It didn’t take long for you both to get groggy while watching a movie that night, so eventually you both just headed to your respective rooms to prepare for bed.
Before she went to bed, Emily came to check on you. “Got everything you need?”
“All set, Em. Thank you… and thank you for all your help today… and patience, and… all of it. You’re amazing.”
“Thanks girlie, so are you.” With that she blew you a kiss and turned out the light as she left.
You stared at the ceiling, watching the slivers of light that came through the curtains dance back and forth. Sleep overtook you gradually, so you weren’t really sure when you drifted off…
You were at a fair… a carnival? Never mind, either had crowds, candy, and clowns. You walked past a booth and saw a group of your friends from school. Heading back their way, you began to approach them, but they seemingly ignored you as they moved on to another attraction, in the opposite direction of your approach.
You were lonely and you felt left out, but there wasn’t any way to follow them and join, so you walked further on. You walked past the crowds and onto the next booth. Playing a variety of games in what seemed like no time at all, you were even teaching some of them… wait, why were you in the booth? Somebody looked at you from the crowd and pointed, somehow you knew you were in… danger?… trouble?… something, and you needed to leave.
As you exited the back of the tent you saw one of your friends from earlier, but without the rest of the crew. You had secretly had a crush on her for months, although you wouldn’t admit it to yourself. She stopped you and pulled you over behind the tent, between it and the next one. She apologized for ignoring you and told you she didn’t like the other girls anyway.
You both sat down in the dirt between the tents and began to talk. Not sure how to bring up the topic, you were about to tell her about your crush, but she beat you to it, “I like you.” She said suddenly, with a little blush, “Like the ‘I want to kiss you’ kind of like you.”
“Okay!” You said, smiling. Not sure what came over you, you grabbed her shoulders and kissed her, hard. Eventually you pushed her down on her back. There was no-one but the two of you in what now seemed to be the inside of a makeup/dressing room tent? Whatever.
You found yourself kneeling over her pelvis and holding onto her shoulders as you made out with her. It was different then kissing guys; you felt safe, secure, comforted, and understood. Also… it was hot. So… there was that.
The kissing went on for what felt like forever, and even though you expected it to end, she stayed there with you. She ran her hands up and down your sides, an action that turned your whole torso warm, from the blush of your cheeks to the rush of thrill to your… wow. It was a good feeling.
After a minute, she sat up and as you were straddling her, you now sat in her lap, face to face with the pretty girl. Your eyes glazed as your heart warmed. You felt like one of those little cartoons where the character is so infatuated with the object of their desire, that their heart tries to literally jump out of their chest.
She looked you over. Seeing how you were perched on her lap, she got a smirk on that pretty face. “You know what else we could do?” She asked, in a tone so alluring, you knew what she meant.
Suddenly shy again you looked down, “Uh, no… what?” You tried to give her your best innocent, big eyed, look.
She wasn’t buying it, “Like, this.” she reached for the buckle on your belt and began to undo it. Her fingers were surprisingly warm against your abdomen. Her touch so welcome… and yet…
You wanted this more than anything. It would feel so amazing… but you had already started to hyperventilate, “I… I…”
-Your eyes shot open.
It was still night, there was not much light in the room, besides those slivers through the curtain. You tried to keep yourself calm… but calm from what, you didn’t know. You knew you had been asleep, but not remembering anything else, you couldn’t figure how you had woken up hyperventilating; not to mention you were sore… or in pain?… yes, pain. And it was pulsing in your… ‘oh no, not again.’ You thought.
You didn’t want to wake Emily, so you tried to let your tears fall silently down your cheeks. You could still feel the wetness between your legs, but at least you were covered more than the hospital. You couldn’t believe you had let this happen again, you had to get ahold of your dreams. ‘I must be perverted,’ you thought, ‘that’s why I don’t stop myself.’
For what felt like forever, you sat there with a pulsing between your legs. Every time you thought of your dream, it would just start all over again. A shot of pleasure? no, pain? no… some kind of strong sensation shooting between your legs. Becoming dizzy, you tried to lay back down, but that only made it worse, you finally settled on curling up as tight as you could, sitting at the top of the bed, your back to the headboard, knees bent as close to your chest as possible under the circumstances, which wasn’t very close. You held your arms tightly around your torso, wishing deeply you could pull your legs all the way up to your chest.
Sitting there, scrunched up, rocking yourself back and forth slightly, tears running down your cheeks, trying not to choke on your tears as you tried to calm yourself.
This was how Emily found you.
She had gotten up to get a drink of water and, as had been her custom these past nights, she was coming to peek in and check on you. Although you weren’t directly facing the door, she could see something was wrong, and it was obvious, from your position that you were awake.
“What’s wrong, honey?” Emily said softly, as she tried to approach the bed. “Did you have a nightmare?”
“No, I’m fine.” you said too quickly. You weren’t angry, just scared, in pain, and clearly crying at this point.
“You don’t sound fine,” her voice was filled with caution and concern as she approached your bedside, “if you had a nightmare, or need to talk, I’m right here.”
You were trying to hold back the sounds of your crying as you said, “Go back to bed Emily. I don’t need to keep you awake.”
“Your not keeping me from doing anything. I’m not leaving you alone, crying… and you’re obviously in distress. How can I help? Let me help.” This last she said pleading with you.
As she sat on the edge of the bed, although you were already facing away from her, you startled and moved further away, scooting further towards the other side of the headboard. She stood back up.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you…” she was worried, she wasn’t sure what to ask, or what to do.
“I’m not scared,” you squeaked out between sobs, “I’m, I’m… I don’t want to be like this.”
“You don’t want to be like… what… oh.” Thinking back to what you said in the hospital, her heart just about broke,
“…I started having… um… dreams… ya know, the wired kind… I guess I know it’s ‘normal’ now, and I can sympathize with others, but I felt like, I feel like it is my fault that my dreams were… are, about… ya know… girls… Every time I had a dream like that I felt worse and worse about it, then when I realized I felt good after those dreams I felt worse… I tried to isolate myself, but it didn’t seem to help. I would have panic attacks around people I should have felt comfortable around and-”
She remembered the night in the hospital when you woke up crying. The pieces were all coming together. Unsure of how to proceed, but knowing you needed help, she ventured a guess, “Honey, did you have a bad dream, like the other night… was it that kind of dream, the ones you said upset you? Is that why you wouldn’t let me help the other night? Honey, are you scared to let me touch you?”
“I’m DISGUSTING!” You sobbed out.
“Oh, baby, no you’re not. Never think that. You’ve been told you are, maybe, but you are not. Nothing is wrong with you. It’s perfectly normal to feel that way and you can’t control your dreams anyway.” She stood there, not sure if she could approach yet.
“It hurts” you finally sobbed out. You tried to turn to face her, but balled up again, out of pain.
Now that you had your back to the headboard, she came to sit facing you on the bed. She crossed her legs and placed her hands in her lap, still letting you keep your physical boundary.
“This is gonna sound really insensitive, hon, I’m so sorry, but… does it hurt or are you uncomfortable with the fact that it feels good?”
Your eyes overflowed with tears, you broke down in crying sobs.
“I’m so sorry, baby, but this is okay, let it out. Keeping it bottled up is just gonna hurt more.” She scooted closer and reached out to put her hand on your knee.
You startled and started to pull back. She withdrew her hand, “You don’t have to be scared, baby. I’m not gonna hurt you.” She spoke so softly, it began to calm you a little, even if you couldn’t stop sobbing. “You have sexual trauma, of multiple kinds, I know that, and I won’t break your personal space if you don’t want me to. But, kid, I need you to know, you are not disgusting. You never have been and you never will be. This is a normal part of sexual development, it’s just not progressing normally for you because you have been taught to stifle it.”
She continued, her hands still on her lap, “Honey, if you are keeping me away because you think I think you are disgusting, or that it would be somehow gross for you to let me comfort and hold you when you feel like this, please, you need to know I don’t. I don’t think that. At all.” You shifted a little and lifted your eyes to meet hers. “You can let me hold you. It’s not a sexual thing. I’m your friend and your in distress. Who cares what it’s about, you need comfort.”
“You’re_” you took a deep breath and said, with a shake in your unsteady voice, “You’re not grossed out to sit by me after my dream arrou-… turned…” Your lip quivered unable to finish your sentence.
“No, sweetheart, not at all.” she finally reached out and laid her hand on your knee, and you let her. She looked right at you to make sure you knew she meant it, “It happens. I’ve woken up wet before,” she blushed a little talking about it. She knew it was normal, but it was a funny thing to admit to a friend, even under the current circumstances, “not all my dreams make sense to me, some of them were very confusing as a teenager, and,” she took a little breath, “some of them have even scared me. Our subconscious is a weird place. Our dreams are how our brains let go and process all the things we can’t handle when we’re awake.”
After a short pause she tried again, “Will you let me sit with you and hold you, love?”
You choked on your tears again a little as you nodded. She moved to the head of the bed and sat beside you, wrapping her arms around you and pulling you to rest on her shoulder. Letting go of not just days, but years of pain and guilt, you gasped for air as you began to choke on your tears, sobbing and crying into her shoulder.
She held you there, just letting you let it all out. As she realized it could be some time before you calmed, she decided to get you more comfortable and she got you re-arranged more comfortably to cuddle into her lap. You cried and shuddered for what felt like hours.
Neither of you knew how long it was that you sat there. She just ran her fingers through your hair and wiped tears from your face, handing you the occasional tissue from the box on the nightstand. You started hyperventilating several times in the night, but she would shush you with soft sounds and rub your back up and down, patterning the breathing she needed you to follow. Even though you continued crying, you would stop hyperventilating and at least get enough oxygen.
Eventually you started to drift off, still sniffing and whimpering from time to time. As she sat, stroking your hair, she thought about how much she cared about you, about what all had happened to you and how it had effected you. You were such a sweet person and you didn’t deserve this. She didn’t realize she had started tearing up until she felt a tear fall off her cheek. It landed on your face and you reacted slightly in your sleep, moving around in mid-sleep confusion.
“Sushhh… sweetheart, it’s okay.” She whispered, wiping her tear from your face. You mumbled and shifted a little, not waking up. She was relieved you were still asleep, but she was suddenly becoming aware her legs were falling asleep. So, she lifted your head the best she could to have your head back up at the top of the bed again. She pulled a pillow under your sleeping head and moved your arms out in front of you. Genuinely surprised you stayed asleep for this, she maneuvered off the bed and pulled the sheets and comforter back over you.
She went to the bathroom, and then went to get her own pillow, immediately coming back to slip into the space she had left behind you. There was no way she was leaving you there alone, knowing how you felt when you fell asleep. Snuggling in, wrapping her arm over you, protecting you in your sleep. Your very own personal dream catcher.
18+; Read. With. Caution. This chapter and the previous, particularly.
Story TW: Self-harm, cutting, blood, suicidal talk/ideations, hospitals, psych care, medically inaccurate information, genital mutilation, panic attacks, anxiety, depression, homophobia, internalized homophobia, references to and descriptions of nudity, vivid descriptions of traumatic events, sexual abuse, religious trauma, religion, discussions of sexuality and sex related topics, swearing/language.
Chapter TW: SA references/flashbacks (no details), panic attack, dissociating. Explicit talk of genitalia and self harm.
(If you want to start from the beginning, click here for chapter one.)
“Okay.” She said, and started to press redial, then paused, “Is there anything you don’t want her to know? Or maybe easier, do you want her to know anything in particular?”
You shrugged, not having the energy to explain what she did and didn’t know yet.
“I’ll just tell her you could use a friend to hold you while I clean your wound up. We can tell her more later, if she comes over. Does that sound okay.”
You nodded.
She smiled reassuringly and pressed call. Bringing the phone up to her ear, she stepped away from the bed to make the call, trying to give you a minute to breathe, but staying where she could see you, as you went back to staring up at the ceiling. She kept JJ off speaker, so you didn’t have to hear both sides of the conversation.
“Hey, Em.”
“Hey Jaje, Sorry about that…”
“No problem, what’s up? You sounded off? Is everything okay?”
“It’s alright, but we might be in need of your help, if your up to it?"
“I’m available. How can I help?”
“Our girl’s having… I need to help her clean up her wounds… but she’s a little nervous.” She looked over at you and hoped you were okay. “It’s been kind of stressing her… It might just help if there was someone here to hold her, kinda keep her calm. I did in the hospital, but I can’t do that and this, so…”
“I would be happy to help. I totally get it if our girl just needs some love… But, Em? Um, can she hear me?””
“Nope.” She glanced at you to see if you were even listening to her end of the conversation. Spaced out as you were, she couldn’t tell.
“Okay, good, cause I’m worried… I’m happy to help either way, but you sound a lot more stressed than if she was having just a little bit of a hard time. It’s worse than that, isn’t it.”
“Uh, ya…” What else was there for her to say, she thought.
“It’s worse than just a laceration, isn’t it.”
“A lot. Um, emotionally too.”
“Can you tell me any more so I know what I’m walking into? I don’t mind, I just don’t want to over-react and scare her.”
“It’s pretty, um… I think she should tell… or at least be there. I don’t want to take that from her.”
“Poor baby, I totally get that. God, I hope she’s okay.” She said, more to herself than to Emily, “You can tell me more when I get there, I’ll be over soon.”
“Okay. Thank you, JJ.”
“Of corse, Em. And you take good care of our girl, I’ll be there in driving time.” After that she hung up.
Emily walked back over to the bed to assess your condition. You were obviously spaced out, staring straight up at the ceiling, arms down at your sides limp, your knees having tipped to one side together. She knew she had to get you even a little coherent for it to be ethical to try to help with your wound again. Not sure if you were disassociated involuntarily, or just checking out to escape, she decided to try talking you, try bringing you back a little, even if just enough to know you were safe.
“Sweetie?” She slowly sat down on the bed beside you.
You didn’t move your head, but your eyes moved from looking up at the ceiling back down to stare in the direction of your feet. You wanted to let her know you could hear her, you just couldn’t manage it at the moment.
“I’m so sorry this is bringing up such bad memories for you.” She held the side of your face and stroked your cheek with her thumb, an action that you had begun to find very comforting. “But these aren’t the things that define us,”
She wasn’t sure if what she had to say would make it better or worse, but she gave it a shot, “We are defined by what we do, not by what others do to us. You have every right to be scared and frightened, and even angry…” She paused, realizing she was projecting her own feelings about trauma, so she rephrased, “Your emotions are valid, and sometimes our brains try to blank out and hide us from our own experiences, but if… or when, that happens, I want you to remember that you-” she stroked your cheek with the back of her pointer finger, “are safe, and you-” repeating the same motion on your other cheek, “are loved. I need you to know that.”
She grabbed your hands in hers and finally you got your eyes to move to hers. Still blank, but at least you were looking at her. “You have a whole family of friends in the team, and we will do all we can to help you heal and find a way though this. You are in control of your life and we are going to see that you have a way to maintain that and eventually heal from your past.”
Slowly, as to make sure she wasn’t scaring you or doing something to startle you, she moved to hold your back, under your arms, and slid you up into a hug. She was more relieved than you could have even imagined when you slowly moved your arms around her back to pull yourself further into the hug.
You nestled your head into the crook of her shoulder and she held you there for quite some time, rocking you ever so slightly.
When the doorbell rang, she let you back down onto the bed, laying you on your side, as to not leave you as vulnerable as before. She was relieved to see your eyes were closed, as you were at lest resting, if not asleep.
Leaving the guest room door open, she went to let JJ in.
“Hey, Jaje.” Emily gave her a quick hug.
“Hey, so what’s up? Where is she?” She paused for a second, looking serious, but sincere, “How can I help?”
“So… she’s in the guest room… she needed to be laying down for me to change the bandages and stuff…”
“Where did she? I mean, what’s the… what is it that’s making her nervous? Is it just letting someone change a bandage? I’ve seen her pretty banged up before and she let us…” JJ looked towards the open door, “What’s different this time?”
“She, um… maybe we should… I need to ask her or… god, JJ, I don’t know how to do this.” Emily said, getting panicked and a little stressed.
“Hey,” JJ put her hand on Emily’s shoulder, “It’s okay, we got this. Were here for her. You have done so much already, you need to give yourself a break for not knowing what to do in every situation. Can I ask… why can’t she change the bandages and clean the wound herself? Even if you were there to supervise, that could be less… embarrassing, right?”
“She can’t, um… really… reach it well enough to get everything… correctly and, um, ya.”
JJ stood there for a minute, trying to figure out the implications. “Her… Emily, what did she…”
“My clit.” You said quietly, but loud enough for her to hear, “my labia.” You stood at the door, blanket wrapped multiple times around your waist and legs. You weren’t fully present, but you were at least coherent enough to tell her what was going on.
JJ stood there in shock for a second, no expression on her face, just trying to process what you were saying. Emily was shocked as well, although she was also relieved to see that you were going explain what she didn’t know how to say.
“I tried to remove… or maim… my own genitals… to get myself to… to stop feeling… to not be… ya.”
Based on your conversation at the hospital, JJ very quickly put together what you were saying.
“Oh.”
“Ya.”
She paused for a second and winced, “Ow!”
“Ya.” You chuckled painfully.
“You… wait… because-?”
“Ya.”
“Oh… honey.” Teary eyed JJ quickly walked over to you and wrapped you in her arms. She tried so hard to sound comforting, but she was in so much shock it came out scared, desperate, and a little commanding, “DON’T you ever do that again.”
You sighed and hugged her back. You understood her reaction, it was scary enough to think you would hurt yourself over your sexuality. It was a whole different thing to think you had actually tried to ‘fix’ it.
She held you for a minute or two before she looked back up at Emily, still holding you in her arms. Emily gave her a relieved smile. She wasn’t upset that she was the only one in whom you had confided, she completely understood, but all the same, she was so grateful and relieved to have another member of your little family involved.
“Let’s go sit on your bed, okay?” JJ said, grabbing your hand, leading you back, and sitting you back down on the guest bed. Contrasting to her previous statement, there was no judgement or anger in her voice, she had said her piece, now she just wanted to be there to support you.
As you sat on the bed with JJ, Emily came into the room too, standing opposite the two of you, still present, but letting JJ talk to you for a moment.
“I don’t want you to think I am mad or upset, okay? I’m here, just like Emily. We are going to make sure you get every bit of the care you need.”
“I have my first counseling appointment tomorrow, online.”
“Good!… and, Kiddo? You know I love you, right.”
You nodded, trying to not let a tear escape.
“Okay good. Now, Emily said she was trying to clean up the wound and change the bandage? What happened that upset you?”
“I don’t know. I trust Emily… I do, Em!” You said earnestly, looking up at her. She looked at you lovingly and nodded; she knew you trusted her; this reaction hadn’t been on purpose. “I just started remembering what it felt like when they were… when… and it hurt… and…”
JJ’s eyes filled with sadness and tears threatened at her waterline.
Emily walked over to you and stroked your hair and looked at you sympathetically as she addressed JJ, “I barely even bumped the blanket and she panicked.”
“Okay,” JJ said, desperately trying not to let tears betray her emotions, “Let’s see how we can make this better.” She took a big breath, “If I sit with you and hold you, do you think we can get through this? Together?”
You nodded, tears starting to fall again.
“Okay, but,” Emily knelt down in front of you, “I can’t loose you this time kid, I can’t do this and feel ethical about it, if you aren’t present enough to tell me to stop, or tell me if you’re in pain. Okay?” She rubbed your knees, trying to keep you grounded.
“Okay, I’m sorr- thank you.” You said, correcting yourself.
“Good,” She said, smiling at your self-correction, “Now hop up, we’ll make this quick and then go eat ice cream.”
You nodded and both you and JJ found your way onto the bed. Sitting with her back against the headboard, she slipped behind you, legs on either side of your body; you lay down with your head against her stomach and your shoulders and upper back in her lap; she reached past your shoulders, placed her hands over the back of yours and laced your fingers together, placing your hands on your chest. Emily sat back down at the foot of the bed cross-legged and made eye contact with you, to make sure you were conscious enough to understand what was going on.
You gave her a weak, worried smile and nodded. She helped spread the blanket back out over the pillows and tapped your knees to indicate to let them fall. With a deep breath, you let your knees fall to the side under the blanket. JJ felt your heart-rate increase and held you tighter.
“You’re safe, baby, you’re safe.” She rubbed her thumb over the back of yours, repeating comforting and encouraging words as Emily set up.
Gloves on and supplies ready, she lifted the blanket up past your knees, still blocking your and JJ’s view, but leaving you completely exposed to her side of the room. Your breath shuddered as you shivered from the cold air.
“I’m sorry, honey. It’s gotta feel cold in here. Let get this done fast.”
As she began to remove the bandage, you started to sniffle again. You were trying to be tough, but it was so involuntary at this point. JJ held you close.
Emily looked up, “Should I keep going?”
You nodded.
“Okay, you’re being so brave. You can cry all you need to. JJ’s got you and I’m right here. If you need me to stop, tell me.” She worked, all the while she talked. She had practically gotten all the bandage adhesive off already.
You nodded, and you did, indeed, continue to cry.
You could feel the touch of the gloves and cream and cotton, but none of it was too painful. Eventually a new bandage went on and Emily popped the gloves off. She immediately grabbed the blanket and pulled it back down all the way over your legs.
“I’m done, baby.”
You didn’t realize how much you had been holding back until that moment. You tried not to make it too loud as you threw one hand over your mouth, let out a cry and a gasp, bursting into waves of sobs. You rolled to your side and JJ pulled you up further. Folding her legs she let your head rest on one of her knees, while your shoulder was in her lap and your body curled up as best it could.
Emily came back around the bed and sat down near JJ. She rested her hand on your leg to reassure and calm you, as JJ rubbed comforting circles on your back. You continued sobbing and crying for some time, but they just stayed there with you, holding you and telling you you were brave, and safe, and loved.
There was nothing more they could do at this point, but let you let it all out. This whole week had been hard on you, and it felt like anything you had held back over the last 100+ hours was just all coming loose at once.
As you let yourself cry, you began to feel better. Eventually you began to calm. As you did, the sobs and tears slowed down. By now you were so exhausted, you ended up falling asleep curled up, mostly in JJ’s lap. Emily and JJ were both so relieved to see you calm, they just sat there talking for a couple hours. JJ occasionally playing with your hair and brushing it out of your face, and Emily often rubbing your leg or arm to reassure you they were still there.
I've got two more in my drafts from two years ago, then I need to write more. Imma try start writing tonight because I hurt my own feelings re-reading the last one I wrote back then 😭😅, so I need to write more to the story asap! 😅
18+; Read. With. Caution. This chapter and the next, particularly. If needed, come back and read them when you are in a good headspace; they aren’t going anywhere.
Story TW: Self-harm, cutting, blood, suicidal talk/ideations, hospitals, psych care, medically inaccurate information, genital mutilation, panic attacks, anxiety, depression, homophobia, internalized homophobia, references to and descriptions of nudity, vivid descriptions of traumatic events, sexual abuse, religious trauma, religion, discussions of sexuality and sex related topics, swearing/language.
Chapter TW: SA references/flashbacks (no details), panic attack, dissociating.
(If you want to start from the beginning, click here for chapter one.)
You were thrilled to have slept through the night. Being in a real bed had to have helped with that. Plus, knowing that Emily was comfortable, and not having to sleep on some cot in the corner of a hospital room, was overwhelmingly comforting.
It was an odd sensation to wake up in a room by yourself after being hovered over for so many days. You were surprised, and yet relieved, Emily had allowed you to sleep by yourself. You half expected to find her sleeping curled up in the chair by the window in your room, but she was nowhere to be seen.
Unbeknownst to you, Emily had actually woken up several times during the night, coming to open your door, just a crack, to check on you. She wasn’t worried you were in danger, she just wanted to make sure you weren’t having nightmares again.
“How’d you sleep?” Emily asked as you walked into the kitchen, still rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.
“Really good, actually. Comfy bed.”
“Good, you needed some good sleep. Want some eggs?” She had been ordering food into the hospital fairly often, but even that wasn’t anywhere near as good as home-cooked.
“Yes Please!” You said, grinning and then yawning.
“Okay, I’ll get it, go sit wherever you are comfortable okay?”
“‘kay.” You decided not to fight her on trying to help cook. ‘Some day,’ you thought to yourself, ‘I’m gonna come over and make this woman the best damn ten-corse meal of her life!’ You smiled to yourself at the thought.
“Hey, did you take your meds?”
“Shit.”
“I’ll get them.”
“No, it’s okay Em, I got it.” You headed back to the guest room before she had a chance to argue. Rolling her eyes, she went back to cooking.
Flipping through your paperwork you found your chart and marked the day and time. After taking the pills you put your perception and papers back in the bag.
Looking into the bag, you saw your bandages and cleaning supplies. Damn. You had forgotten about that. ‘It’s not a big deal. I agreed to let her help me; she won’t tell anyone; she’s fine with it, I’m… everybody’s fine.’ You tried to ignore how much the thought of this part of your day bothered you.
Having finished making breakfast, Emily noticed you hadn’t returned. Approaching the guest room she saw you sitting on the edge of the bed, facing away from the door, completely lost in thought.
“You okay, sweetie?”
“Ya, all good.” You sighed, “Just thinking.”
“Well, come think while you eat, okay?” She motioned you back towards the door and headed back into the dining room.
You smiled, and followed her out. After eating, you went rouge and took your own plate to the sink. She rolled her eyes at you, but you only gave her a smug look in response.
“I’ve got some work emails to answer and stuff, but after that, let’s talk and plan out our day, okay?” Emily grabbed her laptop and sat down at the dining table.
Settling down onto the sofa, you found another sit-com to binge.
“Sounds good. I checked my email last night and there were no new things for me to go over, aside from medical release forms. Should I be looking for something from Hotch?”
“I don’t think so. He wants you to rest and recover right now.”
You sighed, “Okay, at least I get to watch TV… I should have JJ grab a couple of my books for me to read.”
“I have a ton of books in my room, you can take a look and pick something if you would like.” She motioned to her room.
“Wouldn’t say no to that.” Powering off the TV, you headed to her room, happy that she was distracted enough to not fuss about you walking around too much.
Stepping into her room, you got a real idea of how neat and tidy she was. Just as the rest of her apartment, it was clean and arranged with minimal furniture and vintage decor. Her bookshelves took up the entirety of one of the walls in her room. She had a slightly different taste in literature than you did, but you collections had a significant amount of overlap as well. You found a book you hadn’t read, by one of your favorite authors. Taking it back to the living room you resumed your spot on the sofa.
“Find one?” Emily looked up from her emails.
“Yep!” you said, holding it up.
“Oh, I love that one.”
“I haven’t read it yet, but I love their other works.”
“Me too. We’ll have to discuss them later.”
“Sounds like a plan!”
You started reading and she went back to her work.
It was a nice morning, you enjoyed the calm that settled over the apartment as you both settled into your respective projects. It was only later in the morning, when Emily finished her work and came to sit down, that you once again began to feel anxious.
Emily walked over and sat down on the coffee table opposite your current spot on the couch, “Enjoying the book?”
“Oh gosh, ya, it’s great! Totally lives up to all my literary expectations.” You said grinning, closing the book and placing it in your lap.
“Glad you’re liking it.” She smiled, “You want to talk about what you want to do today? Anything you might want to do? We can play board games, do puzzles, I imagine you would want a nap, maybe get some lunch first.”
“I’m not hungry yet, but if you want to do a puzzle or something?”
“Then a puzzle sounds good, let me go grab the ones I’ve got.” She hadn’t mentioned the bandages and you were so not going to bring it up.
She left for a minute and came back with a selection of different puzzles, all 500+ pieces. You were both up to a challenge, and picked a 800 piece picture of a scene at an amusement park. Working together, you managed to get the border and a good chunk of one ride fitted together. The kitchen chairs were still uncomfortable, but Emily saw you squirming a little and brought you a cushion. You thanked her, still trying to get used to accepting help.
After finishing more of the puzzle, Emily suggested lunch, “I could make some sandwiches and then, if you are okay with it, we could get your bandage change out of the way? That way you can rest and even nap afterwards if you want.”
You nodded, finding your mind blanking on words. She took this as an answer and squeezed your shoulder in comfort as she headed to the kitchen. You were trying desperately to not fade out or get too anxious, just struggling to hold on.
In and out of coherence, you picked a little at the sandwich Emily had made for you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to really eat any of it. Emily noticed this and asked if something else would sit better with you, but you turned down her offer, thanking her, but explaining you just weren’t hungry.
Looking at your face and body language, she worried about your obviously declining emotional state. There was no doubt about what was going on, but she didn’t want to bring it up if it was going to make it worse. She offered to save your sandwich for you for later and you nodded.
As she cleaned up the kitchen, you headed towards the guest room, “I’m gonna go use the restroom.” You said as you closed the bedroom door behind you.
Minutes later she knocked on your door, waiting to hear a response, but when she got none, she opened the door slowly, “You doing alright?” She could tell how nervous you were.
She found you on the bed. Your eyes red like you had been crying.
“What’s going on, honey?”
You looked up at her, worried and frightened.
“You scared about having me help you?”
You nodded.
She sat down by you and took your hand. “We don’t have to start right away, we have time. So if you want to wait a while, we can; or, if you want to get this out of the way, that is okay too. I can just sit here with you; we’re not rushing into this…” She set her hand on your leg to comfort you, “I can’t imagine what you are feeling… but I am really glad you trust me to help you.”
You both sat there a minute before you took a deep breath and looked up at her.
She looked into your frightened eyes, “You ready?”
You nodded.
“Let’s take this one step at a time then, okay?” she said, rubbing your back.
You nodded again.
“Okay… Just being 100% sure, are you really okay with me doing this? I am happy to help, but I don’t want you to feel pressured. If you would prefer we could still go back to the hospital?”
You shook your head, no. “I don’t want to go back to the hospital.”
“Then let’s get set up.” With that she smiled kindly and pulled you to your feet, giving you a hug, “You are safe. Do you trust me?”
“Yes.” You whispered.
She smiled and went to get the bag of bandages and medications. She grabbed a towel and laid it down on the bed, a couple pillows on either side, then laid a blanket down over that. “You want to get situated under the blanket? I can help talk you though it from there.”
You sat on the bed, swinging your legs up. Getting your butt on the towel, with the blanket over you, you pushed down your pants and underwear as far as you could, keeping your knees together under the blanket, but laying back.
Emily sat at the foot of the bed. Getting your pants and underwear down and off, she put her hand on your knee, “Your gonna need to let your knees fall to the sides, sweetie.” She noticed as tears welled up in your eyes. “I know, baby, I know. This will be over soon as possible.”
Taking a deep breath, you let your knees fall slowly to the sides, onto the waiting pillows. You took deep breaths, in… and out… in… and out. It was like trying to breathe while chest deep in freezing water.
A little dizzy and disoriented, you were distracted for a minute before Emily moved the blanket a little.
She had told you she what she was doing, but you couldn’t hear anything with your ears ringing so loud. Something made this so much more real than the hospital. Perhaps it was the bed and the real-world like surroundings, perhaps it was the absence of monitors and medical professionals, but something made this too much more like every memory you wanted to forget.
But, instead of getting upset, crying, or lashing out, you simply whispered, in the tiniest little begging whimper, “Please, don’t hurt me.”
“What? I’m not gonna… Sweetheart?”
You were staring blankly at the ceiling, eyes completely devoid of reality. You were re-living things you never wanted to think about. Every nerve in your body on hyper-drive, you swear you could recall every detail…
“Baby? Can you look at me?” She moved to sit beside you on the bed.
You looked up, staring blankly into her eyes.
“What are you seeing, baby, what are you feeling? I’m not loosing you here, kid, I refuse.” Trying her best to keep you from disassociating, she didn’t touch you, she just sat close and tired to reassure you, “I’m right here, talk to me, love.”
“They're… I don’t like when they… I didn’t like it.”
“Oh, my love.” Her voice filled with sympathy as she knit her eyebrows, “You’re safe now. Nobody’s gonna hurt you here.” She moved to take your hand and you let her.
You had pulled your knees back up together, but you were still on your back, staring at the ceiling. She held your hand in one of hers and used her other hand to run her middle and index fingers up and down the inside of your arm, ignoring the scars there, trying to ground you to the present.
Just then her phone rang. She pulled it from her back pocket, “Sorry- I probably should have put this on silent- oh, it’s JJ…” Seeing that you were still out of it, and wanting to make sure everything was okay with work, she picked it up, “Hey, Jaje.” She talked, all the while running her fingers up and down your arm, watching your eyes for any signs of presence or coherence:
“Hey, Em, just checkin’ on you and our girl. How’s she doing today?”
“We had a good… morning.”
“Good, what are you up to now?” JJ said, totally missing the implications of the last answer.
“We’re… um…” Emily got an idea, “Hey, JJ, can I call you back?”
“Uh, ya, sure.”
“Okay, talk to ya soon.” And she hung up. Turning to you, she hoped you were alert enough to talk, “Sweetie, I know you’re not all here right now, but you are safe and, if you can, I need you to look at me.”
After a minute you slowly turned your head. Honestly, you were trying to stay at least a little out of it to stave off the pain and fear building inside you. Your eyes were still empty, but she could tell you could hear her.
“Do you remember the first time the doctor came to check on you after surgery? You were super scared, but we got through it…”
There was some recognition of the events evident in your expression. You nodded slightly.
“What if, and you don’t have to say yes if your not comfortable with this, but what if I asked JJ to come over? Would you allow her to sit with you or hold you how I did, so I could clean up your wound?”
A tear ran down your cheek; although sad, it was her first sign that you were coming back to her. You tried to speak, but nothing came out.
“It’s okay. Take a minute. There’s no rush. She can wait a bit.”
A minute or two later you were coherent enough to ask, “Em?”
“Yes, love?”
“Could you… tell her? I don’t want to have to… and what if…” You trailed off, it still being difficult to speak.
“Of corse I can, and what if - what?”
“Will she be… upset? Like triggered?” Emily started to answer in the negative but you continued with a whisper, “Rosilyn, Emily… her sister.”
“Oh, ya. Well, that is a consideration with her, but I think this is different enough… and she already knows some of it,” Emily brushed some hair out of your face, “I think she will be okay. But I would be careful as I talked to her.” She looked at you and stroked your cheek, “Does this sound like a good plan? Should I call her?”
A minute later, and very timidly, you replied, “Yes.”
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Story TW: Self-harm, cutting, blood, suicidal talk/ideations, hospitals, psych care, medically inaccurate information, genital mutilation, panic attacks, anxiety, depression, homophobia, internalized homophobia, references to and descriptions of nudity, vivid descriptions of traumatic events, sexual abuse, religious trauma, religion, discussions of sexuality and sex related topics, swearing/language.
Chapter TW: direct mention of and reference to cutting and self harm.
(If you want to start from the beginning, click here for chapter one.)
“Hey sweet girl?” Emily lightly knocked at the door. “Can I come in?
“Ya, come in.” You were sitting on the bed when she entered, struggling getting your phone charger plugged in. “JJ head out?”
“Ya, she’s gonna call us tomorrow. You about ready for bed?”
“Ya, I’m exhausted.” You sighed with a little laugh.
“Well… I don’t want to be a nudge, but I want to make sure you are taking care of yourself and following all the discharge instructions,” she sat down next to you on the bed, luckily gentler than she had dropped onto the sofa, “have you taken your medications?”
“Yup.”
“Recorded it on the sheet?”
“Yup.”
“Okay, good. Do you want to take a shower tonight… or was there some bathing instructions…” She grabbed the papers that were sitting behind you on the bed and stated reading.
“Ya, it was the washcloth/sink baths for a day or two, wash my hair in the sink, that kind of thing.” Just sitting there, you were messing with your phone as she read. Not really wanting to think about having to rely on someone this much, no matter how grateful you were.
“And I need to help you with your legs right? And your back, since you can’t shower yet.”
“Everything from the thigh down, ya, maybe my back… but that’s not something that gets really dirty or anything, so I don’t think it will be a problem, I can put my legs in the tub and let them drip-dry.”
“And-”
“And I’ll make sure not to get my bandages wet.” You interrupted, knowing what she was going to say.
“Good. Okay. The bath may be a little tricky, so let me know if you want help with your legs.” Emily looked at you as you continued to stare at your phone. Its screen had long since gone black, and it was obvious you were just trying to disengage from the situation. “Girlie? How you doin’? You look, distracted… I know this is a lot, I don’t like relying on people to help me either,” she chuckled a little at how very true this was. She hated asking for help. “but everything’s gonna be okay. This is only a short time, your gonna be able to do this stuff for yourself again eventually.”
“Ya…” You still hadn’t looked up.
She felt bad for you, but didn’t know how to comfort you at that moment. “Would you like to get changed before bed? Do you want help cleaning up at all?”
“I’ll go use a washcloth to clean off from the hospital, at least down to my butt. I can change my shirt, but…”
“I’ll help with your back and your pants when you’r done okay? And if you will let me help with your legs, at least until you get more stable on your feet… you sitting on the side of a tub right now makes me nervous.”
“Ya… okay. I guess…” you were embarrassed that she had noticed your wobbly limp, but you didn’t think you were gonna be able to hide it anyway, “If I break bones in the tub, your gonna have to help me more anyway.” You both got a good little chuckle, and she was happy to see you smile, even if you still weren’t looking at her.
“Okay, you take your time, let me know when you need me, just let me know, okay?”
“m-kay.” Emily started to head for the door and you headed to the bathroom with your toiletries JJ had packed for you, “Emily?” You finally lifted your head and turned to look at her.
She looked back at you, “Yes?”
“Thank you.” You said softly.
“You are most welcome.”
You headed into the bathroom and Emily went to get ready for bed.
After getting your teeth brushed, face washed, and hair combed and dry shampooed (you were gonna need to wash it eventually, but that was not a tonight problem) you tried to wash-cloth bathe yourself the best you could. You pulled off your shirt and bra, and pushed your pants and underwear down as far as you could without folding in half, which was only about to your knees. You got soap and a washcloth and did your best. It was not an elegant process, but you got it done the best you could. It was nice to just get the sweat and chemicals from those three days gone.
After using the restroom, you pulled your pants back up, wrapped your top half in a towel and sat down gently on the closed toilet lid.
A little while later, Emily had finished getting ready for bed and noticed that she hadn’t heard anything from you yet. She thought maybe she didn’t hear you from your room, so she went over to your room and peeked in. The room door was open, but the bathroom door was still closed. She approached it and knocked lightly.
“You doing okay in there?”
“Ya.”
“You about ready for my help?” No response, “You need another minute?” No response. It wasn’t that she was in a hurry to get to bed, it was still fairly early, but she was getting a little concerned about you. “Are you sure you’re okay?” No response, “I know you can hear me, please say something, I need to know you are okay.” No response. “Look, last time I found you in a bathroom it was in a puddle of your own blood,” she wasn’t angry, but she was getting stressed, “I need you to tell me you are okay. Sweetie?”
“I’m not…” You were obviously getting choked up, “I’m fine, I’m just… I’m not cutting, Emily. I just can’t…”
She waited a second… “Can’t what, honey? I’m right here. Talk to me.” She placed her hand on the door as if to soothe you through it.
“If I stay in here, I don’t need to change clothes or get help literally cleaning myself… I can’t believe I am being such a baby…” You were about to say you deserved all of this discomfort, but you remembered just in time that she had told you to stop saying that.
“You’re not being a baby.” She leaned her back against the door and slid down to sit on the floor. She took a minute to collect her thoughts. “I had to let someone help me like this… a couple times actually… I’ll tell you a story, okay? But you can’t tell the team because they will never let me live this down.”
“Okay.” You still sounded despondent, but she could tell by your voice that you were smiling, just a little bit.
“Good, okay, so, when I was 12, I broke my leg… Want to guess how?”
“Ninja training?” You said sarcastically.
“Nope.” She laughed.
“Sky Diving?”
“Nope.”
“Rock climbing?”
“Nope. Give up?”
“Ya.”
“Staircase.”
“What?” You laughed a little at the thought of the great hand-to-hand combat trained Agent Emily Prentiss being taken down by a set of even steps.
“Staircase. I fell down a damn staircase.” You chuckled a little again as you realized why she didn’t want you to tell the team. “My mom took me to some fancy event in this stupid dress. I stepped on the hem at the top of the stairs and fell all the way down. I swear my mom was more concerned about being embarrassed in front of all the people who saw me fall, then she was about me getting hurt. Or maybe she was more concerned about the dress, but I definitely wasn’t at the top of the list.”
She chuckled, but this made you a little sad, you knew her mom wasn’t the best, but she didn’t talk about it much. You decided not to push it, since she just kept going.
“I had a nanny at the time, she was a nice person, rather gruff, but kind in any case. When I came home from the hospital, I was in a full-leg-and-hip cast. I had to be helped with everything from bathing, to dressing, to using the bathroom. It was the actual worst! That was my least favorite summer ever. But my nanny was kind about it and I finally learned to put up with needing her help.”
She paused for a moment to think, “Now, I know it’s different, you would probably say because you are an adult and I am your friend, not a parent or family. But… sometimes we choose our family. In this team, I have found a group of friends that are more my family than my mother will ever be… You are my family. Got that? You are family to me. I care about you. I want to help you.
“And I know you blame yourself for all this, but your trauma and mental health are not your fault and we are going to get you all the help you need for that. But for now, you need to stop blaming yourself for this injury, and every other thing that has happened.” She took a deep breath, hoping she was getting though to you, “You did a desperate thing, so let me help you see how loved and cared for you are, so you never feel the need to do something like this again, okay?”
It was a few minutes later, so she jumped up as she heard the door nob turn. Your eyes were puffy and a few tears had left tracks down your face.
“Emily?” You asked, trying to not let your voice crack too much. “Will you help me?”
“I would love to help you.” She slowly stepped into the bathroom with you. She gave you a minute to get your breathing steady, and grabbed a washcloth.
You lowered the back of your towel down so she could get to your back. She very respectfully soaped and cleaned from your neck to the waistband of your pants. It was remarkable how calm you felt, it was like the anxiety and embarrassment were slowly melting away.
You sat on the lid of the toilet again and let her wash off your calves and feet. “I have a little foot-bath thing somewhere. We could do like pedicures or something tomorrow.”
You smiled at the thought. You weren’t fond of having your feet touched, being that they were excessively ticklish, but she was so careful and gentle washing your feet, she didn’t make you uncomfortable once.
Finishing the whole wash-cloth routine, you headed back into your bedroom. You threw a sleep-shirt on while Emily cleaned up the bathroom floor from any water-spills, she was not going to have you falling.
When she came back into the room, you had already pulled out pajama pants and underwear from your bag. You sat on the side of the bed, waiting for her help. You didn’t have to say anything, you scooted your pants and underwear down as far as you could, and she got them down the rest of the way, then helping you step out of them, never looking any father up than your kneecaps.
Placing your clean underwear at your feet, she let you step into them and then brought them just above your knees, so you could pull them up. Being out of the hospital underwear and in your own was the most covered you had felt in days. You took a moment to take in the feeling of being covered. She repeated the same process with your pants, as you leaned back against the bed as she threaded each leg over your feet and ankles.
Having pulled your pants up to your waist, you were so happy to be fully in your own clothes. Emily stood up and looked at your eyes, as if to check or anxiety, but she saw little, if any, there.
“Thank you, Em.” You hugged her, an action she wasn’t expecting after the somewhat vulnerable position you had had to put yourself in, but she accepted it willingly.
“You are most welcome…” she smiled into your shoulder, proud of you for letting her help, “You are so strong and brave.” She held you back to look at her, “You know that, don’t you.”
“No, but if your saying it, I believe you.”
“Good. I’ll take it… for now.” She kissed you on the forehead. “Anything else you need tonight?”
“No, I’m so tired. Thank you, Emily.”
“Your welcome, and I’m happy you’re letting me help.”
As she walked out the door she thought about the night before and how scared you had been, “And, Love?” You looked back at her, “My door is open, if you need me for anything, please don’t hesitate to come get me, okay?”
You nodded and smiled.
“Good, alright then. Sweet dreams.”
“Goodnight Em, sweet dreams.”
With that she headed out, you turned out the light and got in bed. You were both asleep within minutes, having had an incredibly long day.
I found and read all 19 chapters of Exposed this afternoon, and i just want to say thank you for writing such a beautiful, meaningful story. Kinda makes me want to cry, but I think that's probably a good thing. I can't wait to read what's next 🥹
😭 I’m so happy this is reaching the people it needs to! ❤️
