My dearest Libraria...

‘I shall remember you …..’ ❣️

not all nonbinary people use they them or even like the set. nonbinary people can use he him, she her, it its, neopronouns, or any combination of these. it is perfectly acceptable and encouraged to default to they them if you do not know a persons pronouns, but the best way to know how to call a nonbinary person is to just ask us.

nonbinary people are not "theys" or "thems" or "they thems" or any term that simplifies us to pronouns. we are not all "things" or "creatures." there are absolutely nonbinary people who are alright with, or even use, these terms, but many of us do not like the dehumanizing aspect of it and find it offensive. the best way to know how to refer to us is to just ask us.

nonbinary people may present any way they want. they can present femininely, masculinely, neutrally, androgynously, or with any other modality. nonbinary people are not required to present "opposite" of their sex and we are not required to present neutrally or androgynously.

nonbinary people can be straight just as they can be gay or lesbian. not all nonbinary people are multisexual. it is entirely up to the person to decide how to label themselves. some nonbinary people use these more well known terms and some use terms made explicitly for nonbinary people such as trixic, toric, enbian, ceterosexual, gai, strayt, uranic, neptunic, and so many more. some nonbinary people use multiple attraction labels and some only use one. some nonbinary people use consistent labels and some nonbinary people use contradictory ones. it is entirely up to the person to decide how to label themselves.

nonbinary people can choose to transition socially, medically, or both. some nonbinary people pick a different name and some use their birth name. some nonbinary people choose a gender neutral name and some choose explicitly masculine or feminine ones. some nonbinary people want to start HRT and some do not. some nonbinary people choose to take typically prescribed amounts and some choose to microdose HRT. some nonbinary people go through the medilegal process and some DIY. some nonbinary people want top surgery and others dont. some nonbinary people desire opposite genitalia and some nonbinary people are fine with their current. some nonbinary people are altersex and desire a mix, combination, or lack of genitalia. some nonbinary people are intersex and many of us are perisex or dyadic.

in aotearoa, june isn’t our pride, it’s theirs. marsha p johnson and sylvia rivera are their historical figures, not ours. the phrase that “you owe your rights to Black trans women” is true there, but here we owe our rights to (mostly) Māori historical figures. i have the freedoms i do because of the legacy of an entirely different set of people operating in an entirely different context at entirely different times.

But because of american cultural imperialism, most queer people in Aotearoa don’t even know our own queer history. Carmen Rupe, Ngahuia Te Awekotuku, the Dorian Society, Gillian Laundon, Georgina Beyer, and the Wolfenden Association are some of our queer history. We should know their names! we should know what they did for us! but because of the power of the american imperial machine, we don’t.

our national pride month should be july, the month that the Homosexual Law Reform Act passed in 1986. our two largest cities hold their pride festivals in february and march, respectively. american queer history has very little (or nothing, depending on who you ask) to do with our queer history. anecdotally, from my own queries, queer youth in aotearoa know more about american queer history than our own.