Thatmarshmallowgurl

Sorry I haven't really been that active in a while, I had a child, he's now one, I moved three times!!!

I'm now renting my first ever house with my son and life is a different kind of complicated.

I'm aware that stress can happen from literally anything in life, I have been feeling like a bubbling over cauldron the past couple of weeks.

But I think one of the final straws is people not having an emotional bone in their body.

For example: my sons dad is an Arsehole who thinks of himself, doesn't put anyone before his own needs, doesn't feel like the bad shit that he does is bad, thinks he's right all the time and just don't have morals!!

So you would think that was enough stress my son has hearing issues so he can't properly hear, so that causes arguments between me and his dad on parenting techniques, sometimes o feel like if he did walk out on us what would that mean, what would that do to me. 4 years gone.

And then to top my mood off I was meant to be looking after my mates puppy. Been excited for two weeks now and now she's found someone better and I've been thrown to the side again.

A poem of the perspective of a person who has been cheated on:

When I first met you, you were magnificent and everything clicked. We had the best time, but where you thinking about me when you slept with her. Did you just think I wouldn’t mind that I deserved to have a vindictive person like you in my life.

When someone cheats the only thing you can think about is how you have allowed someone else who isn’t me to touch you. How their hands ran over the places that you liked. How that you promised it wouldn’t happen or how you weren’t like most men. I told you that people had burned me in the past but you just wrecked me like every other guy would. Did you think about me when she kissed you, did you think about her when she hit that perfect spot, did you think that maybe I would care about anything you did! When someone cheats the entire empire you have made dissolves, the trust, the love. Gone!

Facts:

Some people have a defect button where instead of being honest they say what the other person would want to hear. Other times there could be this underlying problem in there head where they see it fit to make up a load of shit and if they feel like they are loosing their friends, their support net, then they will say the most nastiest things known to man, and why you may ask, because they don't want to be alone so in their eyes, lying about serious things isn't a bad thing but you know when you have met a smart liar who says things to their friends who have been through hell and says thing which they know deep down will set off  some psychological feelings of "oh I have been through that I must help them".

But in reality, nothing has happened to them and you just struggle to understand what the hell their problem is, you end up googling why people lie, you sit up at night listening to calming sad music working out " Was I in the wrong"! " SHOULD I HAVE LISTEN TO HER"

So according to my research, lying is initially there are three reasons for lying:

1. Fear : So the feeling of not knowing how someone is going to act when you would tell the truth so, they lie to get out of awkward situations,

2. Manipulation: some have the need to get you to do what they want, or you aren't listening to them so they will hit you with something close to home and make you feel like you have to go around with all this information as they have got you in their pathetic world.

and finally..

So you wake up in the morning and you have this daunting feelings of "can you do it" or "what if you leave the house and you see THAT guy you have been avoiding for the past two years" and that is this massive thing that messes with people.

I mean some lucky people get the occasional feelings of sadness and getting nervous, for example:

" I'm really sad that I didn't get that grade that I wanted on that test" or "I'm  really sad that I didn't have enough money for that top that I saw the other day".

Compared to depression which is like:

"I can't go out as my head has told me that I'm good enough and my life isn't what everyone expects it to be, I'm an adult that doesn't have a job and can't work and everything is falling apart".

Other people may experience feeling of being anxious. For example:

" I am really anxious that my mum will find out I didn't go to my appointment, she going to go mad at me." or " I'm anxious that I wont pass my driving test"

But people who have anxiety disorders and other illness where they struggle with their anxiety deal with. For example:

" If I don't leave the house today, I will be stuck here for the rest of my life and no will love the girl that doesn't leave the house as she will die old and alone forever." or " I invited people to my birthday and I don't know if they are going to come, cant people just give me some confirmation or is that not a normal thing to do as clearly I must be MAD".

Can you see how the two different examples can go from one extreme to another. But the thing is and where this post was going, if someone has Depression and Anxiety having both things fight against each other is fucking horrible as Nothing gets done. I mean you feel like shit as you haven't left the house as your depression made you feel like that was the best bet but now your anxiety is screaming at you as you haven't left in a week, you haven't seen your friends, family, nothing and you have this massive feeling that you are going to relapse again and its scary and you want to leave but you CAN'T.