love is a polaroid

And when he’s alone, when Sam’s gone, or he’s lying in bed… no matter how hard he tries to avoid it, every time he closes his eyes Dean keeps flashing back to that last, horrific moment—Cas smiling as he’s consumed by darkness. “You changed me,” and “I love you,” and “goodbye.” He tries to reconcile it in his head, Cas loving him so much that just expressing it was enough to trigger his deal. He tries—and fails. He must have missed a step, lost in the grief and horror of the moment, because it just… it can’t be real. Every time he tries to take it out and examine it, his mind shies away, throwing up an impenetrable wall of “impossible.”

In the weeks following Chuck’s defeat, Dean tries to come to terms with Cas’s confession and death. But having your kid become god turns out to have some perks.

title: where forever lies fandom: supernatural pairing: dean/castiel rating: teen tags: 15x19 fix-it, 15x20 fix-it, not 15x20 compatible, canon compliant through 19, depression, grief, coming out, reunion, happy ending words: 6952

And when he’s alone, when Sam’s gone, or he’s lying in bed… no matter how hard he tries to avoid it, every time he closes his eyes Dean keeps flashing back to that last, horrific moment—Cas smiling as he’s consumed by darkness. “You changed me,” and “I love you,” and “goodbye.” He tries to reconcile it in his head, Cas loving him so much that just expressing it was enough to trigger his deal. He tries—and fails. He must have missed a step, lost in the grief and horror of the moment, because it just… it can’t be real. Every time he tries to take it out and examine it, his mind shies away, throwing up an impenetrable wall of “impossible.”

In the weeks following Chuck’s defeat, Dean tries to come to terms with Cas’s confession and death. But having your kid become god turns out to have some perks.

title: where forever lies fandom: supernatural pairing: dean/castiel rating: teen tags: 15x19 fix-it, 15x20 fix-it, not 15x20 compatible, canon compliant through 19, depression, grief, coming out, reunion, happy ending words: 6952

He wakes up with an ache in his back and Cas plastered to his side, snoring into the hollow of his throat. It’s not the most charming angle but it makes Dean smile nonetheless. He reaches over, carding his hand through Cas’ greying hair and tracing the lines on his face.

And it hits him how he’d always thought he would die young, on a hunt somewhere in an abandoned barn, and never live to retirement. How he was convinced a family wasn’t in the cards for him, but here he is, his husband in his arms, their son down the hall, his brother and his family a few minutes drive away.

He may complain about how his eyesight these days leaves a lot to be desired, but when Cas kisses his temple and tells him the glasses suit him he can’t help but smile.

He’s still admiring the view when Cas’ eyes flutter open, catching him in the act. He smiles and lifts himself up to place a soft kiss on Dean’s lips, still sleep rumpled, hair sticking everywhere and his faded tshirt half off his shoulder.

Dean huffs out a laugh when Cas moves on to peck his nose, his cheek, his jaw.

“Happy birthday,” he murmurs into Dean’s throat before pulling away and pressing their foreheads together. “I love you.”

everyone i know who interprets dean as gay does so through a very serious reading of dean's relationship issues and repression and truama, of the fact that despite serious repression he is easily capable of forming intense relationships with men but struggles even just having sex with women, and every remotely long-term relationship with a woman he has in canon is plagued by him feeling miserable and wanting to leave. its prefectly possible to see these as indications of him being bi and struggling with internalised misogyny! i do not in anyway disagree w peoples ability ot interpret these as a bi narrative! but its also a perfectly sensible reading to see these as the actions of a gay man trying to fix himself by forcing himself into heterosexuality. we each find one or the other more compelling for perfectly legitimate reasons!

i respect, deeply, both interpretations of dean's character. i vibe more heavily with the idea of dean as a gay man but i have no problem with bi dean and i do understand why it's compelling to people, me saying i think he's gay isn't meant to be combative

but people KEEP posting about how interpreting him as gay is 'bi erasure', without in any way examining what's actually happening. because when you say 'its biphobic to interpret this narrative as a gay one' what you're saying is that gay men aren't allowed to have or relate to these struggles, which is WILDLY out of touch with the reality of being a gay OR bi man in society

dean perpetually seeks out unsatisfying sex with women because of trauma, and both gay and bi men can see themselves in that narrative and its literally not in any way biphobic to relate his behaviour to gay identity because there are gay men who do this in real life! identity and interpretations of character are both deeply complex and there are VERY few actions or characterisations in fiction that can ONLY be interpreted as gay or bi but not the other. gay and bi men have complex relationships to sex and gender! we are out here being complicated! its not simple and you cant say 'dean sleeps with a lot of women so he MUST be bi' because it throws a lot of gay men under the bus! a lot of men cant even tell if theyre gay or bi! its all fucked up for all of us!

this whole discourse is trying to simplify gay and bi identity into boxes without understanding the ways the trauma of growing up into a society that wants us all to be heterosexual and how that can change the behaviour you exhibit.

the old guard + tweets, part 2

one hell of a pilot

click for HD

🔆🔆🔆🔆 New Portrait 🔆🔆🔆🔆

Charcoal Portrait of Oscar Isaac

2nd attempt at a hyper realism portrait and 30+ hours later, a bit of a artistic meltdown and a lot of indecision I finished him!