Spooky Scary Government

my main goal

is to blow up

and then act like i don’t know nobody

someone who’s chaotic good (me) should never be allowed to run a bakery by themself (my job)

Why

you are exactly the kind of person i wanna see running a bakery

someone who’s chaotic good (me) should never be allowed to run a bakery by themself (my job)

Why

you are exactly the kind of person i wanna see running a bakery

I need more empanadas and less anxiety 

i like elephant seals IN THEORY cos they look so goofy but every time i watch any documentary about them all they do is fuck and fight extremely graphically and disgustingly to the death so i’m deeply afraid of them

I just googled “why do elephant seals fight” and got a video of one bashing himself in slow, rhythmic, dead-eyed crashes against a truck only slightly larger than itself while said owner just stood to the side, a defeated, perplexed look on his face

@lottiesnotebook GALON

where can i buy this hoodie???

Characters in first-person games never blink.

they blink when you blink stupid

!!!!!!!!!!

Now that i think about it, if avengers and the mcu took place in the 90s who would eddie murphy play? like there is no way he’d play a supporting character esp to a white guy in the 90s….hmmm he’d probably audition and try hard for t’challa, but they’d probably give him blue marvel…but that character didn’t exist in the 90s…and there is no way he’d play Hiemdall lmao.

I’m dumbfounded by how on point this is?

This is so spot on I cant even

wowwwww…I would have loved to see that movie in my childhood!!!

Oh my GOD I need all of this

keanu reeves as a magic guy is giving me Constantine movie flashbacks

@darkvioletcloud

Converse are neither waterproof, nor warm, nor comfortable but dammit if they don’t look good

I love my 1920s factory worker shoes

My chiropractor says the lack of arch support is ruining my knees

the only true ally

please be gentle to your pets, they trust you so much and believe that whatever youre doing for them is the best thing. they trust you to be kind and benevolent. small critter or otherwise, you have the trust of this animal, and i implore you to be gentle and decent. don’t betray that trust

fucking,,,, just found out jack spent like 30 mins in walmart smelling shampoos bc i asked him to grab me some when he went but forgot to tell him what brand,,, like who the fuck,,,, why is he the way that he is,,,, he fucking got the right brand too that’s the worst part like IT WORKED