no one's gay for moleman

It's a necessary emotion. There are reasons we have it. It makes everything so. much. worse. when you use it wrong.

Shame and guilt are DE-motivators. They are meant to stop behavior, not promote it. You cannot, ever, in any meaningful way, guilt someone into doing good. You can only shame them into not doing bad.

Let's say you're a parent and your kid is having issues.

Swearing in class? Shame could work. You want them to stop it. Keep it in proportion*, and it might help. *(KEEP IT IN PROPORTION!!!)

Not doing their homework? NO! STOP! NO NOT DO THAT! EVER! EVER! EVER! You want them to start to do their homework. Shaming them will have to opposite effect! You have demotivated them! They will double down on NOT doing it. Not because they are being oppositional, but because that's what shame does!

You can't guilt people into building better habits, being more successful, or getting more involved. That requires encouragement. You need to motivate for that stuff!

If you want it in a simple phrase:

During my sophomore year of college, I was in the cabinet for our university's GSA called Phoenix. The president (a trans man), the vice president (the presidents trans man partner), and the treasurer (the presidents cis girl best friend). I was elected into the position of Secretary.

During my time at the GSA, I would consistently be told that meetings are on the only day of the week I couldn't make, which we had planned the semester before. When I would bring it up, they said they discussed it at the last meeting to keep it at this day, and I should've just made that meeting. It carried on this way for a while.

Eventually Halloween rolls around, and I wanted to volunteer to hand out candy to children, which all clubs were allowed to do. I was told, with no uncertain terms, that because no body TME was around to help out, I was not allowed to hand out candy because of "the optics". When I called this out, I was told that they just can't have anyone else watch me, so it was unsafe to have me do it. It wasn't transphobic, it was watching our optics and due to politics. (They claimed to be going to an event I then later VIP'd at, so they refused to go to.)

Eventually, I bring up how frustrating it is to be unable to perform my duties due to the optics, and how it felt like to me, given how much is left unsaid, that they're talking about club stuff at home, as all three of them lived together. I was told by the Vice President that I was being too angry, too aggressive, and that I shouldn't "raise my voice" if I wanted to be listened to. When asked how I was being aggressive, as this was over text, they said they just "read my tone aggressively" and that I was in charge of making sure I wasn't read violently. I was then told that none of the rest of cabinet felt safe around me, because of my AMAB event.

When called out that they were being shitty, the president would consistently bring up that the school hates all trannys equally. That he was stalked for his position as President (by an individual who was also following me around at the time).

It's just annoying how people will try to use "We're all equally hated in the eyes of the state" when you try to say "Hey, I think you have things to work on".

I think it comes from people thinking being visibly transfem is a bad thing in my humble opinion, and they really need to grow past this, like there are people who are 100x hotter than me but who i pass better than, and people who are hotter than me and pass better than me! I think its like conflating having glasses with being smart, theyre not related or even correlated but people think they are! Ugh

Which is also not to say that you should need to be either pretty or passing to be a valuable person or to be accepted as a woman i just want to be clear

“At a certain point, which happened to be on the day of an exceptionally still and white sky, he was delivered to a fourth blonde in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and from then on and forever he was never to see the other three again. When he would think of them, he would think also of that special white sky and imagine those yellow-haired women to be hiding somewhere behind it.”

“Now the fourth blonde was his grandmother, a silly and skinny little thing named Sally Buck. For all her skinni-ness, she was prettier than all the others put together.”

I'm reaching out to ask for your support with my university registration and a certified course that will help me apply to universities outside Gaza.

Any donation or even sharing my fundraiser means so much to me. Your support is helping me continue my education and work toward a better