The Terrible Mind of a Mentally Challenged Sissy

Scattered Clouds, 79°F

863b Airport Blvd, Austin, TX 78702, USA

Dear Diary, Today is a different day with new hopes in life. For some reason I found some strength to keep moving forward. For some reason unknown to me I find myself wanting to do things, mostly my artwork. I just signed for a free course on Graphic Design that will last 6 weeks, I think. It will be two days every week, Tuesdays and Thursdays at 9:00 pm. It looks promising. I was checking the lessons and modules and it's some good stuff I want and need to learn.

Scattered Clouds, 82°F

1110 Guadalupe St, Austin, TX 78701, USA

Dear Diary, So much shit has happened since last entry. I just go through so much I don't even make time for journaling. So caught up in so much bullshit I have lost all good reputation. Let's start with today. I found out that my sex offense felony can't be removed from my records leaving me with no hope to get a decent place here in Austin TX. I have to move out to another state where is not required for a sex offender to register, so I can have some decent place to live. I have to find out what state is convenient for me. I got very desperate and anxious I broke down and had a very bad chat with Laura. I sent her some desperate texts. But I was trying to get some attention and help. I tried to make her feel bad for me to the point of getting some kind of help. I told her things I shouldn't like I told her I was going to harm someone so they can feel the pain I feel, and then I said I was going to rob someone, to make things more complicated, and then I just left and started panhandling and had a conversation with a nice young girl whom I ask for a dollar, I broke down and cried as I was talking to her telling her that I was very much tired of my bad life and that I was going to kill myself. She gave me five dollars first, then she gave me 50 dollars. When I left that spot I went to eat at Newks Eatery and text Laura from there. I told her that I just made $50 by snatching someone's purse. Then I sent her a picture of the restaurant receipt that shows how much I paid with, so to make her believe that I really stole a lady's purse finding the $50 in it. I did it to make her believe that I am becoming too bad and too desperate for help, and make her feel that I really need help and I am no person to neglect or leave unattended. I somehow wanted to push her away to know how much she really wants to help me. But at the same time I don't want to. I am honestly desperate and anxious and it's mostly because of my desperation to get a place to live and my desperation to get drugs to get high to cope with my misery and to heal these drug withdrawals I was having. I made her believe that I was very suicidal and was about to run into traffic to end my life. Which I really wanted but too afraid to do it. I just want to make someone do something for me and help me get off the streets. And I am overreacting to get attention. To get the attention I need. My money went so quick. I bought a $20-sack of cush which was not that good and someone ended stealing my other $20 when I wasn't looking. Then I had to go out panhandling again. Felt like I didn't enjoyed the $55 the young and pretty girl gave me. I was also banned from Trinity Center for the day for getting high on their grounds. I also tried all kinds of frustrations out to people as I was walking around I thought I was going to get in trouble with the police. I was very bad today. I misbehaved too much and was very much ugly to people. I am thinking to get up early tomorrow morning and go to my flying sign spot #1 and if I get enough money (enough meaning enough to get me a couple of blunts and a buss pass) I will go the flying sign spot #2 to see if I can come up with enough to buy a 20-sac and some 'rillos and maybe for a 6-pack of beer to enjoy the night. That's my plan for tomorrow.

One more thing, today I uploaded the "suicide note" cover photo to my Facebook profile. I attached it to this entry.