Tc cOoKs sHiT BrO

I know I don’t post here much but I’m an artist and I live in Oregon and TL;DR the wildfires of 2020 are spreading and they’re spreading quickly. I fear it will soon encroach on my home and with nowhere to shelter and no money to survive I’m not sure what the future holds. I’m terrified, and while I still have power, wifi, and cell service, my friends and family are quickly losing theirs. I would open up emergency art commissions to help pay for any future expenses during this crisis but without knowing the state of my connectivity to the outside world I fear that I may not be reliable to do so. Idk if anyone knows of me or remembers when i was active but I used to be really deep into the homestuck fandom, and with the tumblr nsfw ban my presence has since been diminished as collateral damage. I have evac plans for myself and my pets just in case but I felt it necessary to share this information to anyone curious as to my situation. If you can spare any money please consider helping me via Kofi or Paypal

Update, things are getting worse. The smog is thickening and I’m unable to get a hold of some of my friends and family nearby… They’re preemptively cutting power to certain areas to lessen the possibility of downed power lined sparking new fires. For now, I still have cell reception and wifi but the call for emergency evacuation could come at any moment during the next two days or so

this picture was taken right outside around 5pm, and it was a lot darker outside than the photo portrays, neighbors are fleeing west but road closures and traffic jams make any escape route risky… please help or signal boost, the whole west coast is practically ablaze and there are not enough distractions in the world to lesson my worst fears. If I go radio silent, please know that I care about everyone here and I hope you never have to face this imminent threat in your lifetime,,,

instant oatmeal packets with fruit in them - $3 probably and this can be breakfast all week and maybe even a lunch or dinner too since you usually get 10 packets

bag of rice - $2-3 depending on size. 1 cup dry rice makes enough for about two meals depending on what you add in. if you get cheap rice, rinse it before cooking

canned beans - usually under $1 per can - mix the can with your rice and you have a meal. chili-spiced beans will make bean tacos. Rinse non-spiced beans before adding to anything.

Tortilla - usually around $3 but you get like 8-10 of them. Tacos, wraps, and quesadillas are all fair game here

lettuce - $2 max around here, either a head of something or bagged precut depending on preference, use as a salad or on tacos

protein other than beans of some sort - probably $5-7 for meat, $2-3 for eggs. sometimes I can get bags of frozen chicken breasts in this price range and each is usually 2 meals if I add in a bunch of veggies. fry/scramble eggs and add to any of the options. 

your favorite stir fry sauce - $3ish

vegetables - $5ish. literally anything that you can 1. fry in a pan and 2. you’ll eat. fresh carrots are usually pretty cheap. get frozen if it’s cheaper and you’re strapped for cash/prep time on this part. 

alternative to stir fry:  pasta (~$2), fresh tomatoes (~$2), cheese (~$3). 

Adding also: the single most nutritious food on earth is potatoes in their peel. Potatoes + some milk and butter = everything you need. They don’t last all that long, but they’re fairly cheap and the quickest cheat to “How do I not fuck my body up.”

(Cooked potatoes’ll last a while in the fridge. Potatoes nearing the end of their useful lives? Cook them to half-done first, figure out what to do with them later.)

Easiest baked potatoes: slice thinly but not paper-like, spread like cards, brush with oil (a silicone baking brush is totes worth the little it costs), spread salt and pepper (a little less than you think you’d like), cover with foil, stick in oven or toaster-oven at 150C for 40min. (If you have the patience, at that point click up to 180C, remove the cover and add 10-20min.) Reheats well, lasts in the fridge longer than it’ll take you to nom.

Dead-Animal-Free Whole Protein: some legumes + some grain. AKA rice and lentils, or rice and beans. (Maybe some fried onion for flavor; onion’s cheap and stays good a descent while. Fried onion makes everything taste better and keeps forever in the freezer, so frying up a bunch and keeping portions is not a half-bad idea.) (If going for the beans option - lentils are cheaper around here but fuck if I know what it’s like in your area - dump some tomato sauce and oil in; canola or soy are best health-wise, and far cheaper than olive; avoid corn.) Oh, what does instant couscous go for in your area? It keeps for fucking ever, it’s usually cheap, and it takes well to any and all added taste.

If you get to choose, black lentils taste the best and need the least soak-time (0-20min), green lentils are best for cooked stuff and red lentils are best in soups. (Red lentils + potatoes + root vegetables of choice + spices; cut into small pieces, cook, run through the blender if you wanna [stick blender’s awesome], freeze in portions.)

When possible, get instant soup mix. Get the good instant soup mix. (The kind that’s not made primarily of sugar, yeast or both. The rest is optional.) Dump 1/2tsp (or more, but start on the low end) into couscous, or chicken, or sprinkle over potatoes being stuck in the oven. Whatever. It’ll make most cooked-food-type things taste better. And again, lasts forever on the shelf.

And speaking as someone who is also living off oatmeal, beans, and brown rice, if you need recipes, I have them! 

Today I made 16 bean soup with chicken sausage and it was crazy good and I got 8 servings out of the one batch (froze half). I usually get the cheapest beans I can find, and GOYA bags of beans are usually $1-2. I soaked them overnight,rinsed them, and threw them in a gallon lidded saucepan with 2 boxes of chicken stock (also on sale for $2), two bay leaves, sauteed green pepper, onion, and celery, some garlic from a jar, about two tablespoons of dried herbs de provence,and the “fancy” bit was adding $6 bourbon and apple chicken sausages. You can actually sub veg stock for chicken and skip the sausage and make it vegan and it would still taste great.

Oh and I’ve been doing steel-cut oats. I don’t buy the name brand ones, I just pick whatever store brand/generic I can get for less than $4. They take about ½ an hour to make, but they’re super tasty and I make 2 cups of dried oats at a time with dried cranberries and that’s breakfast for 4 days at least. 

Aries

Taurus

Gemini

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

My apologies, @portraitsandpotions @wxlkstabwalk @terminallycooking @rose-thorn-lalonde . I hadn’t realized anyone was following me until now.

early Homestuck Tumblr:

Aries:

Taurus:

Gemini:

Cancer:

Leo:

Virgo:

Libra:

Scorpio:

Sagittarius:

Capricorn:

Aquarius:

Pisces:

As requested by Anonymous.

“What’cha cooking?” 

“Something smells absolutely delicious!” 

“Need an extra set of hands?” 

“Do not have me turn around see you eating my cookie batter” 

“Are you making a three-course meal for an entire army?” 

“Can you get that out of the oven please?” 

“Uh, this pot is boiling over…”

“You should flour the rolling pin before you roll the dough.”

“Don’t mind me, I’m just taste testing.” 

“Are you baking dessert?” 

“How much sugar goes into this again?” 

“Want to help me make dinner?” 

“Am I doing this right?” 

“Why is the kitchen so smoky??”

“You got flour everywhere!” 

“How on earth did you get chocolate on the ceiling?”

“Apple pie or blueberry pie?” 

“I hope you like chicken!”

“Will you please stop sampling before I’m done!” 

“I think you cut a little too much onion for this…” 

“What on earth is this weird thing?” 

“Are you making fresh pasta?” 

“Oooh! This looks tasty!”

“What kind of fruit is this?” 

We are starting to update these lists again! 

You know the drill: Reblog this if you roleplay a Homestuck TROLL !

            A VARIETY & MIXTURE OF USE OF WEAPONS PROMPTS,   TRIGGERS MAY APPLY; BLOOD, WEAPONRY, ETC.                 CHANGE PRONOUNS AS NEEDED / FITTING .

  i.       knives.

❛     is   that   a   knife   behind   your   back?     ❜

❛     how   many  knives  do   you   own?    ❜

❛     i’m   not   interested   in   seeing   your   knife   collection.     ❜

❛     do  you  ever   not   want   to   stab   someone?    ❜

❛     you  stabbed  me!    ❜

❛     it’s   the   biggest   knife   i   found  in   the   kitchen.      ❜

❛     don’t   stab   me!    ❜

❛     why   do   you   have  so   many   knives?     ❜

❛     i’ve  got   a   knife   collection.     ❜

❛     my   knife   is   bigger   than   yours.      ❜

❛     why   are   you   holding   a   knife–   a  bloody   knife  ..      ❜

❛     does  that  knife   have  blood  on   it?    ❜

❛     why  would  you  give  me   your   knife?   ❜

❛     that’s   a   pretty   cool   knife,   where’d   you   get   it?    ❜

❛     you  went  a   little   stab   crazy.   ❜

❛     did   you   hear   about   that   stabbing?   ❜

❛     you   tried   to   stab  me!    ❜

❛     you  threatened   to   stab   me!   ❜

  ii.       guns.

❛     hey,   that’s   not   a   toy,   put   it   down.     ❜

❛     where   did   you   get   all   these   guns?    ❜

❛     i   don’t   know   how   to   use   one   of   these   things.     ❜

❛     i’m   not   sure   if   having   a   gun   is   a   good   idea.    ❜

❛     don’t   point   that   thing   at    me!    ❜

❛     you  point   that   thing   at   me   you   better   pull   the   trigger.      ❜

❛     don’t   shoot!    ❜

❛     what’s   the  gun   for?     ❜

❛     you   with   a   gun   is   a   dangerous   thing.     ❜

❛     maybe   you   can   teach   me   to   shoot.      ❜

❛     can   you   teach  me   how   to   shoot?      ❜

❛     is   the   safety   on   that   thing?    ❜

❛     who   shot   you?   ❜

❛     watch   where   you   point   that   thing.      ❜

❛     you   almost   shot   me!   ❜

❛     did   you   hear   about   that   shooting?   ❜

❛     you've   been   shot!    ❜

❛     you  shot   someone!   ❜

  iii.       swords.

❛      you   really   don’t   want   to   dual   me.     ❜

❛      you’re   pretty   good   with   a   sword.      ❜

❛     you’re  the  best   swordsman/woman  i   know.     ❜

❛     why   is   there   a   sword   on   your   wall?   ❜

❛     where’s   my   sword!    ❜

❛     i  thought  you   had   the   sword.      ❜

❛     put  the  sword   down!    ❜

❛     dare  to  dual?     ❜

❛     this   is   the   last   sword   fight   you’ll   ever   have.     ❜

❛     i’m  in   need  of   a  sword.      ❜

❛     can   you   teach  me   how   to   use   a  sword?      ❜

❛     is  this  how   you   hold   it?    ❜

❛     you  use   my   own  sword  against  me?   ❜

❛     that   isn’t   how   to   hold   it   right.      ❜

❛     give   me   your   sword!   ❜

❛     you   really   want   a   sword?   ❜

❛     what   are  you   doing   with   a   sword?    ❜

❛     where’d   you   learn   to   use   a   sword?     ❜

  iv.       axes.

❛      why  do   you   always   carry   around   an   ax?     ❜

❛      what’s  with  the  ax?      ❜

❛      i’ve   got   an   ax   and   i’m   not   afraid   to   use   it.     ❜

❛      i   thought   axes   were   for   chopping   wood.     ❜

❛      this   ax   here,   it   chops  more  than   wood.    ❜

❛      i   need   to   use   the   ax   for   something.       ❜

❛      where  the   hell   is   my   ax?    ❜

❛     what  are  you   doing  with   that   ax?     ❜

❛     the  ax   is   missing.     ❜

❛     guess   i’ll   need  a   new   ax.      ❜

❛     who   keeps   an   ax   in   the   city?      ❜

❛     does  that  ax  have  blood  on   it?    ❜

❛     what’s   with   the   ax?   ❜

❛     please   help  me!   someone   is   chasing   me   with   an   ax.      ❜

❛     drop  the  ax!   ❜

❛     are  you  going  to  hurt  someone  with  that  ax?   ❜

❛     funny  thing,  ax  is  gone.   just  vanished.    ❜

❛     did  you  take  my  ax?     ❜

  v.       whips.

❛      you   really   are   amazing  with  that  whip.     ❜

❛      do   you   even   know   how   to   use   a   whip?      ❜

❛      who   knew   you   having   a   whip   as   a   weapon   would   be   attractive.     ❜

❛      pretty   quick   with   that   whip   there.     ❜

❛      careful,  he/she/they   have   a   whip!    ❜

❛      i   only   saw   the   whip,   not   the   person   handling   it.      ❜

❛      put  the  whip  down!    ❜

❛     what  is   that,  a  whip?     ❜

❛     your  whip  excites  me.     ❜

❛     i  didn’t  know  you  could  use  a  whip.      ❜

❛     can   you   teach  me   how   to   use   a  whip?      ❜

❛     how  do  i  use  this  thing?    ❜

❛     you  use   my   own  whip  against  me?   ❜

❛     i’ve  come  to  retrieve  my  whip.     ❜

❛     give   me   your   whip!   ❜

❛     you   have  my  whip?   ❜

❛     what   are  you   doing   with   a   whip?    ❜

 vi.       bows.

❛     you   are   pretty   good   with   that   bow   and   arrow.     ❜

❛      you  know  how  to  use  a  bow  and  arrow?     ❜

❛      they   took   my   bow,   i’m   going   to   get   it   back.    ❜

❛      i   didn’t   know   you   could   use   a   bow   and   arrow.   ❜

❛     careful, he/she/they   have   a   bow  and  arrow!   ❜

❛      you  almost  shot  me  with  an  arrow!      ❜

❛     you  shot  me  in  the  butt   with  an   arrow!    ❜

❛     where’s  my  bow?     ❜

❛     just  know,  i  never  miss.    ❜

❛     i  can  teach  you  how  to  use  it,  if  you  want.      ❜

❛     how  do  you  even  put  the  arrow  in  this  thing?     ❜

❛     what’s  with  the  bow  and  arrow?    ❜

❛     you  use   my   own  bow  against  me?   ❜

❛     i’ve  come  to  bow  back.   ❜

❛     give   me   your   bow  and  arrow!   quickly!    ❜

❛     you   have  my   bow?   ❜

❛     what   are  you   doing   with   my  bow?   ❜

vii.       improvised.

❛     hey,  watch  where  you’re  swinging  that  bat.     ❜

❛      will   stop   throwing   your   hairsprays   and   perfumes   at   me?     ❜

❛     practicing  for  baseball  or  something  else?  ❜

❛      this  isn’t  just  any  nail  filer,  it’s  got  a  mean  blade  within.  ❜

❛     you  through  a  blender  at  me!   ❜

❛     i   will   spray   in   the   eyes   with   my   perfume   if   come   any   closer.    ❜

❛     i  can  nearly  slit  your   throat  with   my   finger  nail!    ❜

❛     what  are  you  going  to  do  with  that  brush,  give  me  a  make  over?     ❜

❛     i  wouldn’t  apply  that  lipstick  if  i  were  you,  it’s  not  really  lipstick.   ❜

❛     run!   she/he/they   has   a  bat!      ❜

❛     you   couldn’t   have   grabbed   something  better   than   that?   ❜

❛     you   sprayed  me  in  the   eye  with  pepper  spray!    ❜

❛     anything  can  be  turned  into  a  weapon.   ❜

❛     i  don’t  just  wear  my  stiletto’s,  they  are  more  handy  than  you  think.  ❜

❛     is  that  a  pencil  with  a  blade?    ❜

❛     you   knocked  me  out  with  a  can  of  soup.   ❜

It’s Very Nice To Meet You.

It’s Always Good To Cook Food That People Can Eat.