Thomas The Train Wreck

"I fucking hate this ship and I cannot wait to get off."

"I got off the ship on the dock but I know I'm going to get back on the ship when my leave is up. Fuck."

"Storm."

"Big storm."

"Is it just me or does this ship have like. Really clean lines. Like damn. Okay. Not saying I'm feeling attracted to the ship, per se, but. Damn."

"Pull harder or we are all going to die."

"Bad working conditions."

"God I Need A Drink"

"I Am Drunk And Cannot Find My Clothing"

"Listen To This Cautionary Tale Of: Don't Fall Overboard"

"My Sweetheart Has Left Me, Guess I'll Go Be Miserable At Sea"

"Whale. Big Fish."

"The Food Sucks. So Do The Wages. And The Mate Is A Bastard."

"Spent All My Money, Oops."

"Our Ship Can Kick Your Ship's Stern."

"Shipwreck."

"Nautical Gibberish That Was Probably Once Actual Words, Maybe."

"Hey, Remember That Guy? He's Dead."

"I Have Not Seen A Woman In Six Months."

"Mapquest Directions, But Rhyming."

“I Sure Do Miss The Prostitutes In That One Port Town”

“Our Ship Is The Best Ship, Much Faster Than Yours, Fight Me”

Now, I need you to understand that Dan was not some sort of Coyote Peterson type. He looked and dressed like someone who would pretend to get drunk off of non-alcoholic beer and say “bruh” unironically. He looked like the “bro I am straight up not having a good time” guy. But there he was, literally living in the forest with a wolf pack, recording and uploading videos with his phone.

One of his videos opened with him talking to the camera about “yeah, the pack went hunting today and just made a kill”. He turned his wrist to pan his phone over his shoulder, where four wolves are pinning down and tearing into a whitetail buck who is two gasps away from death.

“We’re actually hoping to make two kills today,” he added, panning his phone the other way to show two more wolves latching onto a second deer. “The Old Lady’s pups are growing really fast and it’s getting harder to provide for them. Once they can join the hunt, that’ll be a huge weight off everyone’s shoulders.”

He panned back to the first deer, where the wolves were now tearing into the meal. “I’m really hoping they’ll leave the pelt on this one intact,” he said. “I need a new cape. Winter is coming, guys.” 

The last shot of that video was him running through the trees with the pack, with a still-bloody deer hide draped over his shoulders.

I can’t remember any more of his specific videos, but the gist I got from them was that he actually was a contributing member of the pack (hence the “we”) and had been raised at least partially by the wolves themselves. Not sure how they raised him into this dudebro-looking twenty-something with a name like Dan, but they did?

Where did he get his phone? How did he pay for his data? Who taught him English? Why did he dress like that?

WELL THIS IS ACTUALLY A REALLY FUNNY TOPIC IN MY CASE AND NEEDS A LONGER EXPLANATION.

My native language is Finnish. Finnish is a gender neutral language. There's no way to tell the gender of ANYONE unless someone specifically underlines it by some other gendered word like boy, girl, man, woman, uncle, aunt etc.

Now, we have a one gender pronoun; hän. Hän covers all genders. The ones existing, the ones gone, the ones becoming. Except that hän isn't even originally Finnish pronoun. The original Finnish pronoun is Se. Se means it.

Finnish native faith and worldview is polytheistic and shamanistic. Everyone and everything is equal to each other. Animals and plants are our sister and brothers, so Finnish people didn't differ themselves from the nature. For example, when a young man left his childhood home to find himself a place to built his own house onto, he needed to ask a permission from a spruce before building the house. If the spruce approved him, he was free to settle next to the tree and use it as his guide and advisor. If not, he needed to find another tree.

Now, I think it was Christianity that arrived to Finland from West through Sweden. The Swedish priests were horrified to find out that barbaric Finns didn't elevate themselves above animals like Christian God had intended. The priest decided that the language needs to be changes; hän for men, hen for women.

Finns were "Well excuse me NO, NO WAY. We will reluctantly accept hän but for all genders, and we will not use it except in formal situations thank you very much."

Modern spoken Finnish still uses se (it) for everyone. I am it, you are it, my mom's it, your mom's it, the president is it, God is it. A normal Finnish conversation goes like: I spoke with Mari. It said its boyfriend was being an ass again. I told it it should leave it, as the guy is clearly an idiot, and how it means nothing but bad news, but Mari said it had feelings for it and how it would be a difficult thing for Mari to do, even if its being treated so badly by its boyfriend.

So, I personally have NO emotional connections to any gendered pronouns. NONE. If I could choose, I would be called it in English and in any gendered language, but it doesn't work as it doesn't have the same connotation in other languages.

Using hän pronoun from non-human things is just returning back to the old times when everyone and everything was equal. It’s a loving way to underline that this pet/plant is very dear to me, a part of my family, they are equal to me and everyone else in this household (but it is OK to use “se” for animals and plants).

and believe it or not, a squirrel

Like, the arrangement is nice and the composition pleasing to look at, which is just, so fucking funny because what is ostensibly the subject if each is so poorly framed.