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Oh fuck dude, you smoked that weed? That's the forever weed. The weed that makes you high forever. Hope you're having a good time because it's permanent. Also I hope it's okay, but I just invited 100 people over, and if they find out you're high you're FUCKED.

we shouldn’t trust historians to teach us history because they are people with biases. instead we should learn from instagram influencers, who would never lie to us.

whatever man *walks outside of your render distance*

“fantasizing about real people is bad because i wouldnt want anyone doing it to me” dont even worry about it

in case anyone was misunderstanding im calling yall ugly

I wanna hire an evil advisor so bad. I want to pay some gay-coded little man to creep around my house saying ominous things and smirking to himself and punctuating every sentence with an evil little laugh while I pretend to be totally oblivious. And of course I ignore his evil advice, but I always have an excuse as to why, and he unconvincingly pretends to be okay with it, but later that night I hear him having an absolute meltdown in his room until he comes up with a new evil plan and bursts into a musical number that ends with maniacal laughter which continues for about 10 minutes

why do ppl keep giving condescending tutorials on the basics of tumblr to new users telling them the stupidest shit like "don't forget to change your icon, here's where u can get a new one!". this is a kill or be killed place. if someone doesn't know to change their icon we should tear them limb from limb

when my mutuals are mutuals with each other ohhhh we are a family we are neighbors we are all hamsters in the big cage at petsmart

i think people need to stop glorifying sassiness and bitterness and start promoting the idea of actually being fucking nice and civil to people who did nothing to you.

Statement of y/n regarding being sold to the music group one direction, original statement given on wattpad, audio recording by Jonathan Sims, head archivist of the Magnus Institution, London. Statement begins: I woke up and pulled my messy brown hair into a loose bun-

“Sharks, meet my de-capitalist-ator, I will now incinerate Kevin and instantly redistribute his wealth”