🌧️Gloomii🌧️

being an executioner used to be an inherited job. imagine dealing with teen angst and also job shadowing your dad the town’s torturer

in a saw trap and jigsaw does the opening monologue and rod serling does the closing monologue and then you get to watch them argue about what kind of media they’re in

Mr. Kramer, for the last time, if the moral lesson is paralleled by the situation, it is my jurisdiction.

today I found out my mother doesn’t know what dandelions are and now I’m wondering what other strange secrets she’s been quietly harboring

Where do you live that you don’t have dandelions?

we have dandelions EVERYWHERE, they are basically our State Weed, it is absolutely impossible that my mom has never interacted with a dandelion before, this requires further investigation

See, folks in the southern US will tell you up and down those are buttercups, actually.

Wait I thought those bigger cup ones were Easter Lillies???

They’re marigolds and I know a bitch when I see one!

….we need to start taking the phrase “go touch grass” more literally. go outside and examine a flower i beg u

*squints* is that a motherfucking EVENING PRIMROSE?!??

“scientists don’t want you know” is a phrase that always cracks me up because if you actually meet a scientist they will be shaking and crying like an overstimulated chihuahua with the need to let you know