I was always feeling inadequate because you were always looking for something in other women that it seemed you couldnāt find in me.
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@teehorann
I was always feeling inadequate because you were always looking for something in other women that it seemed you couldnāt find in me.

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no longer caring if people choose me because i choose me now.
being friends with someone can cause you excruciating pain. you open yourself up to so much heartbreak when you choose to love someone that deeply.
just realized that iāll never be perfect, no matter how hard i try
heās all iāve ever known, so he ended up being all i thought i deserved.

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no matter how difficult or convoluted our personal lives become, we must remember to hold grace for our fellow human beings. we must grasp on to compassion and empathy as tightly as we can, for it is the only connection we have to one another. this is our only hope to extinguish the flames of this burning world.
i will not let anyone shame me for being sensitive, for being soft. it took everything in me to maintain my humanity after all the trauma iād been through. my softness is my strength. my empathy is what allows me to remain a decent person in this world. i will not lose it because someone else, whoās too afraid of being soft, tries to make me feel bad for it.
i am soft in spite of the roughness of life. i will remain soft, ādespite, despite, despiteā.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed, yet nothing could cleanse me. his fingertips were like tattoos, embedded deep beneath my skin, flowing freely through my bloodstream. i wanted him out. i needed the memories of him gone.
so i scrubbed until my skin was raw, but he was there. heās still there. i long for the day i feel clean again.
today feels like one of those days where i have to fight for every breath i take. however, iām choosing to still fight because yesterday was the day i realized that it really is just a bad day sometimes, not a bad life.
ābut thatās my personal experience; itās mine.ā has broken me in ways irreversible.
harry has had his privacy disrespected and stolen from him for over a decade. people have demanded it from him and have gone to extremes to make sure he relinquishes it. now, harry actually can protect himself a bit more and keep the things he cherishes to himself. why force him to share things with us just to appease people who will judge him regardless of what he does or says? why canāt people allow him the privacy that all human beings are owed?

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i sat down and actually read the lyrics from lucky again. i always thought he sang, āif you believe that guy is superman, theyāre selling tickets at the cinemaā BUT he really sang āif you believe that guy is superman, there selling tickets at the cinemaā.
this completely changes the meaning we thought it had bc louisā not telling us to go watch superman at the cinema, heās telling us that the person whoās selling the tickets is superman. heās telling us to make the best of our mundane situations. āwhatever gets you through the darkest night, just find the light outā further emphasizes that! whatever we have to do to make life feel worth living, we should do it! even if itās pretending that you selling tickets at the cinema is a superhero-like task. i wanna kiss louisā brain so badly. heās wonderful
oh, how painful it is to be deprived ownership of your bodyāthe only thing they swore completely belonged to you.
sitting in my room, mourning and yearning for a person who probably forgot that i exist. oh, how i wish the darkness could encompass this.
people speak of numbness as if itās nirvana. i used to speak like that until i experienced it for myself. it stifled me, stripped me of my humanity, wrapped my soul in plastic wrap, and sat on my chest till my ribcage collapsed.
i didnāt know iād be in tears, begging on my hands and knees to be able to feel something again. the despair of numb tears wracked me harder than tears from a broken heart.
to be numb is to watch yourself drown. slowly, heavily, painstakingly. youāre close enough to save yourself but youāre trapped behind a glass door, unable to break through.
feel those feelings, itās what makes you human. you canāt force yourself to be anything else.
life is way too expensive. i feel like i canāt breathe with how much everything costs

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two ghosts is the perfect complement to as it was.
āweāre not who we used to beā š¤š½ āyou know itās not the same as it wasā
self-loathing is hard because it comes in waves. it comes when you thought you were doing okay and were finally seeing a little bit of the light that people always talk about.
it chokes you. threatens to suffocate you. brings up memories you tried so hard to forget. shows you your worst moments. convinces you the people you love hate you. tells you that you donāt deserve to feel happy. you donāt deserve the peace youāve achieved.
the hatred lodges itself firmly in your throat, forbidding you to think about anything else. the tears wonāt even fall because that would bring about some type of relief, which you may not deserve right now.
self-loathing strips you of your humanity and makes you believe that you deserve it. lets shame become your blanket and despair your pillow.
iām trying not to let it win. please donāt let it win.