Sorry I left

halloween is coming if you want to scare me i am afraid of bank transfers

It has apparently been ten years since the time one of my professors pulled me aside to tell me I had to clean up after making out before going to class because my lipstick was everywhere and I realized "actually my tapdancing group decided we all had to dress like the Joker for our performance" was an infinitely worse explanation so I just said I was sorry

if you see a gay with glasses that dude aint reading, they got them from squinting at the cocks on phone for hours 🤓

the ONLY reason a man would wear glasses is to look at dicks better

hey actually it’s cause I have an astigmatism

More like astigmadickinyourmouth

Stop making Hannibal furry headcanons unless it’s this bird

It's apparently only ONE population of this species that does this. Everyone else hunts and caches normally. The other falcons probably talk shit about this fucked up torture family.

Ooooh that’s even more fascinating. That means it’s a learned behavior they TAUGHT one another.

APPARENTLY I'M ALL UP IN MY FEELINGS THIS MORNING DON'T MIND ME

Rice Krispies smartest decision is by far their Treat. Turning their cereal into a strange brick relies on the natural fact that all children are hopelessly dependent upon the ingot.

whenever i'm trying to talk myself out of buying something i don't need i always hear my old russian professor's voice echoing in my head: "WHAT??? WILL YOU DIE THE RICHEST MAN IN THE GRAVEYARD?" and then i make an unwise financial decision

now that i am a real adult i am starting to realise. media lied to me about the availability of rooftops to go hang out on. every day i wish i could be hanging out on a rooftop somewhere looking cool as fuck

i feel bad for bigender people, the commute between Jupiter and college has got to be rough