The rest is confetti

Oh my god.

This is the best

This was the best fourth wall break in history

Snope (snake pope)

anyone else love the way an orange will mist the air with a little citrus when you peel it

when you’re out at a restaurant or a coffee shop or a target or whatever with your friends and you overhear/eavesdrop the same snippet of some stranger’s conversation, and you look at each other for a second to check that you both heard this stranger say the same weird/funny/baffling thing and just break out in knowing grins and quiet laughter… that’s a love language

I hope Robert and Barbara Wire are in a happy and committed relationship.

It'll always be funny to me how bone and blood meal are super common fertilizers. These plants aren't even even vegetarian, they're like "ah yes, bones and blood, exactly what i was craving. I am a normal tomato"

you know what. yes. i do got pussy taste splendiferous disorder.

why is no one petting my head or scratching my chin like a kitty cat. its literally pride month

the only way to tell if a man is truly gentle is if he has green moss and algae all over him from sleeping quietly, motionlessly, at the bottom of a crystal clear riverbed

the way usamericans talk about their military fucks me up. thank you for what service like which service are they providing you with. they're protecting your country from what. they're fighting for the freedom of whomst. why do they need to do that for and why are they doing in it in the middle east

I love seasonal fruits they're like girl we're back lol

happy pride month

this actually reminds me of when i was in second grade and it was snack time but we had been misbehaving so they gave us assigned seats on the rug and i had to sit next to this girl who’s snack was mangoes but i didn’t like her because she bullied me so i told the teacher that i was allergic to mangoes and i couldn’t sit next to her and my teacher was like “oh it doesn’t say anything about any food allergies on this paper right here you might have to update the school nurse on that” so i went to the school nurses office and she called my mom and my mom was like (and i genuinely have no idea why) but my mom was like “yeah sure she’s allergic to mangoes” so then the school had on paper that i was allergic to mangoes so at this point i was like in wayyy to deep so i just pretended to be allergic to mangoes for the next 5 years like i went full throttle into this lie i even came up with a backstory to explain how i found out i was allergic to mangoes it got to the point where even my parents just genuinely believed i was allergic to mangoes until one day when i was 12 i just came clean and explained the story to my parents and they where like “yeah that sounds like something you’d do” but anyway i never got to enjoy my new found mango freedom until about a year later when i was over at my friends house and they had mangoes and i was like “actually i haven’t had a mango in 6 years” and they where like “omg they’re so good you have to try some” so i did and they were sooooo good like i look exactly like the picture above i was gobbleing that shit up like cookie monster it was insane and anyway basically 20 minutes later i broke out in hives.