toddsfall replied to your post “toddsfall replied to your post “Soooo if anyone still wants to know,...”

One day at a time :) every day you feel a little better is a good day! And if you feel worse again then that's not your fault <3 and I'm aight, I handed in my thesis last week and a weight fell off my shoulders but now that I'm finally graduating I'm going to have to find a job and make something of my life so the anxiety's right back again :p

yes! you’re right. I’m a firm believer of ‘it’ll be okay in the end’ tbh which helps a lot in keeping up when things aren’t going super well.

toddsfall replied to your post “Soooo if anyone still wants to know, some life updates (depression...”

sorry you're not feeling your best again Bruni, sending you good vibes and rooting for you and that job!!

thank you!! I have high hopes for it this time, and if it works out then I’m sure it’ll work out for good (because I’m really motivated to put in the extra effort to make it last this time tbh)(just hope that’s enough, haha).

Rule: once you’ve been tagged, you’re supposed to write a post with 82 truths about yourself and then tag 25 people.

MOST RECENT:

drink: water

phone call: mum

text: last I received was a friend chain texting me that she’d cleaned the entire house tonight (friday evening). last I sent was a reply to that saying I hadn’t done shit all evening :’)

song: currently playing the lambada 

time i cried: hmmm, I don’t really remember? I rewatched vaiana a while ago, probably then

HAVE YOU EVER:

dated someone twice: nope

been cheated on: nope

kissed someone and regretted it: also nope

lost someone special: yes 

been depressed: yeah. on and off over the past decade and a half or so. diagnosed and started therapy for it as well and i think i’ve found good ways to cope now

been drunk and thrown up: lmao yes, once. at a company party at my last job, it had free cocktails, so my friend/coworker and I kindly made use of that... IT WAS FUN THO

list 3 favourite colours: pink (’reclaimed’ it after an edgy ‘i hate girly girls’ phase in my teens, yikes), blue, red

IN THE LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU:

made a new friend: yes! I’m quite picky about who I let close enough to consider them friends, but I made a good one at work. he’s no longer a coworker now but we still talk almost daily

fallen out of love: I don’t think I’ve ever properly fallen in love (only crushes) so no

laughed until you cried: lmao yes, very often

met someone who changed you: hmmmm, that depends. I made two new friends at work, one of which is a pretty close friends now. but most importantly I got back in touch with an old college friend I hadn’t talked to in about seven years, and we’re really close again now. she’s a good influence on me tbh (and I think vice versa as well, a little, haha)

found out who your true friends are: the good thing about being picky about whom you let close is that you generally don’t get backstabbed or abandoned. I’ve been pretty low but I can’t say any of my close friends didn’t support me, they’ve all been great. but I already knew that, so

found out someone was talking about you: errr, in good ways? an old coworker talked about me to his boss which led to me getting an interview, does that count? my bff talks about me to her bf, in (as far as i know) good ways? idk i don’t think anyone i’m friends with talks about me (badly)

kissed anyone on your fb list: yes, but then he unfriended me off fb when I broke it off, and two days later he tried to re-friend me and I never accepted him again. so I guess he’s not on my fb list anymore lmao

EXTRAS:

how many ppl from your fb list do you know irl: almost all of them? I only have 10-20 internet friends on fb, everyone else are friends or old classmates or (old) coworkers. i’ve also met nearly all of my internet friends irl aside from the non-dutch people

do you have any pets: yes, i have a ferret named Mika and I love her very much :D I technically also have a dog named Femke but she stayed at my parents’ place when I moved out

do you want to change your name: I used to, I hated my name so much for such a long time because it’s so stupidly uncommon and everyone mispronounces it and my socially anxious ass always wanted to disappear whenever that happened. I like my name now though, it’s cool. that being said, the name my mum had picked for me before this one was Hazel and I’m forever mad she didn’t pick that one

what time did you wake up today: 7, it’s a working day so gotta get up early 

what were you doing last night at midnight: sleeping lmao #old

name something you can’t wait for: monday! I’ll be getting The Call from the company I got interviewed at last week. if all goes well I’ll be a massive step closer to a dream job

last time you saw your mother: wednesday (two days ago) 

what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: my paranoia towards men, tbh? I was bullied very badly in high school and 99% of my bullies were boys who’d comment on how unattractive and unfuckable (literal quote) I was, and that really carries into adult life. idk. last few guys I was ‘involved’ with all were a little shocked at how insecure I am and how I don’t seem to ‘receive’ compliments when I’m given them. it’s the worst. i feel so self conscious around men, i wish i could get rid of it (and though it has gotten better, it’s still bad). girls/friends however i have zero problems with because as a straight girl i don’t feel the constant pressure to be perfect around them

have you ever talked to a person named tom: yeah! Tom from high school is still a fuckin meme to me. he was sitting in front of me one class, then turned around, put up his fist, nodded at it, and said ‘balled fist!’, after which he turned around and resumed his work. I still don’t know wtf that was but it still cracks me up every time I hear the name Tom

what’s getting on your nerves rn: mosquito bites all over my arms itching like a mofo 

blood type: o negative

nickname: mostly just shortened versions of my name, dutch people say Bruun, online (non-dutch) people use Bru 

relationship status: single (by choice lmao)

zodiac sign: pisces

pronouns: ehh nothing unusual, she/her

favorite tv shows: none. seriously. I never watch tv or movies anymore, I mean, I never watched a lot of tv, but it’s gotten down to hardly ever now. I guess I’m still gonna finish game of thrones when the last season drops but that’s about it

long or short hair: long(ish? I used to have it down to my butt long, recent years just over my shoulders so that’s my recent standard for ‘long’) 

height: 1,64m. which is about 5″3′ (I hope I wrote that right). that’s super short in my country because everywhere here is a giant, fyi

do you have a crush on someone: nope 

right- or left-handed: righty

first surgery: idk if it counts as a surgery, but when I was 16 or 17 I had a weird mole removed

first best friend: probably Sonny who was my bff for about seven years from age 7 or so onward. if people I’m still in touch with (so oldest best friend) I think that’s Sharee, we’ve been friends for fifteen years 

first sport you joined: swimming, badminton, or ballet? I’m not entirely sure. I think it was ballet (because my mum did ballet)

first vacation: Spain. literally all my family vacations were to Spain until I spoke up at 21 and demanded somewhere else (we went to Croatia, then to Spain again the year after #boring) 

RIGHT NOW:

eating: nothing (it’s 11pm), but I had a great homemade chicken cheeseburger for dinner

drinking: right now nothing, but this reminds me to go refill my water bottle 

i’m about to: get up to pee, brush my teeth, and go to bed, probably 

listening to: currently it’s Silbermond’s “ja” 

WANT:

kids: eventually, maybe. I wanna feel like I myself have lived before that. I might adopt tbh 

get married: yes! I’m not sure about kids but I’m 100% sure I want to get married 

career: writer. but, because I’m realistic and know it’s near impossible to make it in writing, I’m aiming for another one of my passions now, which is graphic design

WHICH IS BETTER:

lips or eyes: both omg? but I guess eyes are more meaningful so to say, so I’ll go for those 

hugs or kisses: why not both? 

taller or shorter: I’m short myself so it’s hard for dudes to be shorter than I am 

older or younger: older, but I have a limit of +3

romantic or spontaneous: both, mix it up a little 

sensitive or loud: again, why not both? I am both, lmao

hookup or relationship: relationship! definitely not into the whole hookup culture 

troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:

kissed a stranger: what’s considered a stranger? does a random dude from a dating app I’d met that day count? lmao 

glasses/contacts: neither

had sex on the first date: nope, not happening

broken someone’s heart: errr I think I did. in my defence, the dude wouldn’t leave me any room to breathe even after I’d told him several times to slow tf down, so, uh, yeah

turned someone down: ye 

cried when someone died: yes, I cry at every funeral even if I don’t particularly knew or cared for the person because I’m overly emotional in that kinda stuff