The Winter Soldier

This blog is an independent James ‘Bucky’ Barnes roleplay blog from Marvel. My take on James is pulled from both the MCU and comic canons as well as my own headcanons.  This blog is Multi-verse and crossover friendly. We will be tagging our spoilers for the new show as ‘ FATWS Spoilers’ & ‘Falcon and The Winter Soldier Spoilers’.

This blog is written by Mel,  I am 25+ and use She/Her pronouns. Dash only until blog construction is done.

Hiiiiiiii! So I’m just going to blow the dust off this blog, and try to make a comeback! (As well as on my other marvel blogs) I have a bit of revamping to do (Not to mention remake icons) , but I am here!

Black Rook

You are the Black Rook. As a piece that can move inwards and outwards, you're a master of self-reflection. Being the black piece, you hide an inner beast within you. Perhaps you're one to rush headfirst into trouble, was it for a friend's sake? Or your own? Are you the overprotective type? Did you know your grip was that tight around someone's neck? For all your protectiveness and deliberate planning, you can't wash the blood off your hands that easily.

The Nocturne: The Rise

There is a darkness which has tormented you, and the genius lament burdens you, but fear not... you are the pull of the tide and the light of the moon on a winter path. You are the soft notes which increase in intensity till the pianist pours over the keys with such passion it can only bring tears to your eyes. You cannot do things halfway though you yearn for it, and you envy those blessed with blissful ignorance, but in the end you know you'd not have it any other way -- you are the rise they are afraid of till they cannot look away. Your song: Nocturne in C Minor by Chopin

immediately she squints at the man in the bed beside her.  “ what did you do? ”  she knew, more or less, what he had to have done but a part of natasha hoped she could be wrong and james wasn’t out nearly getting himself killed for the hundredth time that month.  “ james buchanan barnes, how many times do we have to have this conversation? you’re supposed to be more careful. ”

so was she, of course, but that wasn’t going to be what this conversation was about. sitting up, she fixed her boyfriend with a look, a proper look.  “ the other guy better be dead. ”

It was worth a shot..

“I was careful!” he huffed, knowing damn well that wasn’t fully the truth. “In my defense, Barton was suppose to be covering me but he did a lousy job.” To be fair it wasn’t entirely his fault since it had ended up being a trap and they ended up getting ambushed, but that’s besides the point.

“Of course they are dead.” he huffed, a little offended that she would even begin to question whether or not he had managed to take out the person who had shot him.  “I only got a little shot, really wasn’t even that bad. I was able to finish the mission and go to my debrief without bleeding out.”

the rumors of natasha’s indestructibility have, over the years, been greatly exaggerated — and it’s days like today that she wishes they hadn’t been. her body aches as she trudges towards medical, standard post-mission procedure: debrief, get checked out by the doctors, fill out paperwork, maybe get home by sunrise to sleep and eat something. if she can, she tries to get out of medical assessment as often as she can.

this time it’s unavoidable, with the gaping wound to her side and the smattering of scrapes from what she has to assume was shrapnel. it’s annoying.

still, she finds her way, flops onto a bed, and then…  “ oh shit, what are you doing here? ”

“...Not doing the same thing you are doing? Definitely just... coming to visit the doctors?” He hadn’t expected to run into her here, he had every intention of getting treated and then bribing/threatening the staff and maybe Fury to insure that Natasha didn’t find out he had gotten hurt enough that he of all people was forced to seek out medical attention. It of course would be his luck that the one night he goes to get a couple of pesky bullets dug out of him (Pesky shotgun with explosive shrapnel rounds, who the fuck even comes up with that shit?) she would happen to just show up.

__________✦      WHETHER  HE  INTENDS  TO  OR  NOT,     the  words  cut  her  deeply     she  only  hopes  the  darkness  is  enough  to  mask  the  hurt  the  briefly  crosses  her  features      she  never  meant  to  disappear  without  a  trace.     she  never  meant  to  leave  him  alone  when  they  both     DESPERATELY     needed  someone.      but  he  hadn’t  seen  what  she  had  seen.       vision’s  body  broken,     torn  apart  by     unfeeling     hands  as  if  he  had  always  been  nothing  more  than  vibranium  encased     wires  &&  circuitry      they  didn’t  see the  soul  she  had  seen  time  &  again     she  had  felt  the  familiar     DROWNING     feeling  of     grief     as  she  drove  to  the  small  town  in  new  jersey,      yet  thinking  about  the     EMPTINESS     where  the  mind  stone  had  once  been,      thinking  about  friends  lost  without  a  goodbye      tony,    steve,     natasha,      thinking  about  if  she  even  had  the     right     to  have  lived  when  so  many  others  hadn’t      …     it  all  became  too  much.

✦__________     HOW  IS  SHE  SUPPOSED  TO  MAKE  HIM  UNDERSTAND      that  she  hadn’t  known  how  she  had  even  created  the  hex,     let  alone  that  it  would  all  spiral  out  of  her  control  so  quickly  ??      maybe  he  is  never  meant  to  understand  &&  the  thought  terrifies  her.     ❛   i  know.     i  would  have  come  back  if  i  could  have.     i  only  wanted  to  retrieve  the  body  for  burial,      but  i     …  ❜     i  created  something  i  never  knew  i  could  all  to  avoid  looking  at  my  grief  in  the  face.     green  eyes  dart  back  to  the  tv  in  the  corner,     still  spewing  a  report  of  what  she  had  done.     there  is  a     cynical     part  of  herself  that  thinks  perhaps  agatha  is  right.      others  will  never  truly  understand  no  matter  how  hard  she  tries.      she  has  a  kind  heart,     but  that  is  not  what  matters  at  the  end  of  the  day  when  hands     DESTROY     with  a  mere  flick  of  her  wrist      she  is  destined  to  destroy  the  world  !!

__________✦      SHE  HESITATES  TO  PUT  HER  REQUEST     into  words  after  the  rather  lukewarm  response  to  her  appearance.     perhaps  he  is  right.     perhaps  she  is  mistaken  to  have  believed  she  could  waltz  back  through  the  door  as  if  nothing  had  changed.      slowly,      she  steels  herself  &&  straightens  her  shoulders.     she’s  spent  so  many  days  of  the  past  few  weeks     ignoring     her  mistakes,     her  problems.      the  world  waits  for  no  man.     or  witch.     ❛   i  need  help  disappearing.      on  purpose  this  time.  ❜      a  wince  at  that,     at  the  hurt  she’s  caused,     yet  she  pushes  on      for  who  knows  if  she’ll be  able  to  finish  if  she  flounders  now     ❛   i  need  to  go  somewhere  no  one  will  know  who  i  am,     at  least  until  this  blows  over.     if  they  find  me,     they’ll  put  me  back  on  the  raft,      or  worse.      i  thought  you  might  have  some  ideas,     but  if  not,     i’ll  leave  you  out  of  it.      i  don’t  want  to  be  the  cause  of  problems  with  your  pardon.  ❜     her  sentiment  is     sincere     over  the  concerns  about  his  pardon,    though  she  feels  the     BITE     of  her  own  words.      i’ll  leave  you  out  of  it.     as  if  she  hasn’t  spent  every  day  wishing  life  had  been  easier  for  the  both  of  them,     that  their  time  would  finally  come  &  they  could  just     …     be

James found himself studying her carefully, he could tell that she was scared and hurting. The thought broke his heart, and he wasn’t entirely sure how he could help but he wanted nothing more than to take the pain away. He was quiet as she listened to her request, It wasn’t a surprise that she was fully on the run and needed to disappear, and his mind was already starting to come up with ways to make it happen successfully. If there was one thing he was trained to do was move without being detected, to disappear in plain sight in order to accomplish a mission.

It would be a little difficult due to the fact that she was a more recognizable face, but he was confident that he could get her hidden away somewhere safe until things blow over, until he can call Sam to see what can be done so she won’t get sent to the raft. He was determined to keep her out of custody, she didn’t deserved to be locked away. He knew helping her would risk everything he had worked towards with his pardon, but he didn’t care.

He had noticed the certain bite in her words, and he was snapped out of his planning and thoughts to realize he had upset her somehow. He hadn’t meant to make it seem like he wasn’t happy to see her, or that he wasn’t absolutely willing to drop everything to help her. “Wanda..” he said her name softly, daring to close the space between them, making sure his hands stayed where she could see them so she hopefully didn’t feel threatened.

Carefully he reached for her hands and took them into his own so he could bring them up to his lips and place the softest of kisses on her knuckles. He hadn’t always been the best with his words, he did better with action and he hoped that his soft gesture would show that nothing had changed for him, he still loved her, they had been through so much together and he wasn’t about to abandon her now.

“We can disappear, I still have a handful of contacts who can get us some property somewhere remote and we will figure it all out.. They won’t get you, I won’t let them.” he said the last few words firmly, wanting to reassure her that he would do anything to keep her out of harms way. “Once we get settled, I’ll find a way to get a hold of Sam and we will get all of this sorted okay?”

☾∴      @tcska​   ♥’d  for  wanda

__________✦       POWER  RADIATES  FROM  THE  WITCH  AS  SHE  SLIPS     into  the  small  apartment.        hair  curled  around  shoulders,      hood  obscuring  green  eyes  that  could   captivate  a  man  as  quickly  as  it  could  hex  him      are  they  truly  different  things  ??       she  is  a  far  cry  from  the  girl  who  had  left  to  find  the      bodies     of  her  friends     five  years  too  late     while  he  was  confined  in  the  process  of  obtaining  a  pardon      (      he  would  have  been  there  for  her,      she  knows,       had  circumstances  been  different,      but  it  is  no  use  dreaming  about  that  now  as  a  wave  of  her  hand  mutes  the  news  report  coming  from  the  tv  in  the  corner      wanda  maximoff,      terrorist  or  hero  ??      )

✦__________        IT  IS  UNFAIR,     SHE  SUPPOSES,      TO  INVOLVE  HIM     in  this  when  the  nature  of  his  pardon  is  still  up  in  the  air.      she  could  go  somewhere  else,     ask  someone  in  a  less  precarious  position.      there  is  no  one  else.      she  burned  those  bridges  long  ago.     the  witch  had  sent  a  scarlet  orb  ahead  of  her  arrival      (      she  knows  the  perils  of  arriving  unannounced  when  a  person  sleeps  with  demons  behind  their  lids  &  so  it  is  her  way  of  giving  him  notice      …      &  giving  him  a  chance  to  run,     if  he  truly  does  want  to  forsake  her     )      yet  he  is  standing  in  the  sparsely  furnished  space  when  she  makes  her  presence  known.       it  seems  she  still  has  a  friendly  face  in  this  world.      ❛   james     …  ❜     the  name  is  whispered  almost  reverently.     ❛   i  need  your  help.  ❜

Sleep was something that often escaped him, often he was awoken by either the smallest of sounds or a nightmare (Memory) that had gripped him tight. His apartment was barely furnished, and despite the fact that he had a bed in the other room, he found himself settling for the living room floor in the corner that was the most optimal point. He could see all of the exits, no one was able to truly sneak up on him. Or at least that was the theory, it was hard to account for every possible situation.

Of course the last person he had expected to sneak into his apartment was Wanda. He had been rather intently watching the news as they spewed out what was probably only a half truth about whatever had happened in Jersey. James hadn’t seen in far too long, not since right after the funeral for Stark. She had been hurting, the loss of all they had lost weighing heavily on her. He had wanted to be there for her more, but dealing with loss wasn’t exactly his strong suit, at least not any sort of proper way. At least that’s what his therapist claims.

He had been far from a fully free man when she had disappeared, claiming that she was off to recover their friend’s body so it could be properly laid to rest and not treated like a science experiment. He would have offered to help, but whether or not he would be pardoned for his crimes was still up in the air.. it was too much of a risk. He had hoped that she would come home to him.. but weeks passed and he hadn’t heard a word. James couldn’t blame her for not coming back for him, for not sending any sort of word to her whereabouts, though he would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little hurt that she hadn’t even sent a letter to know that she was okay.

He had plans to try and find her but then Sam had given away the shield and he was pulled into that whole mess. Thought that didn’t stop him from using what little down time he had to try and listen out for any sign of her. Thought before the dust had fully settled  from that mess here she was. It came as no surprise that she had found him instead. The moment the volume to his tv all of a sudden lowered he was on high alert, his brain racking through all of the people he could think of that would have the ability to do something like that.

It wasn’t until he heard her voice call out to him that he let himself relax just a little bit. He turned, getting up off the floor and running a hand through his hair to try and make himself look a little more presentable. There was a part of him that wanted to pull her into a hug, but something stopped him.. a mixture of her looking so on edge and his own hurt for the most part.

James took a step towards her, taking a deep breath as he looked her over, scanning for any sort of injuries, and then a quick glance around as if he was ensuring that it was just her, and that no one was listening in on them. “You sure you came to the right guy?” he finally spoke after a long moment.

“You had me worried when you never came back you know..” he knew it wasn’t really the time for it but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. “Sam’s been worried about you too.” he sighed as he thought over what could even be done about her current situation, it’s not like really had any friends in the government these days.

@tcska​ liked this for a starter !!

“ you going to let me get to work this time, or are we still horny on main? ”

She scoffed at the joke and rolled her eyes as an amused smile played at her features. Should she have found the joke as amusing as she did? No, probably not. But she probably shouldn’t have fallen for him back in the day, and she’d ignored that too. Natasha had always been a bit of a rule breaker, even in her own subtle ways. She was grateful for it, though, it was what had kept her from turning into Yelena. What kept her from staying with an organization that would only ever hurt people, under the guise of patriotism.

None of that changed the fact that James should have hated her.

But she didn’t say that and instead nudged his ribs with her elbow. “Hardy har. Very funny, James.” Her tone was light, and playful, controlled but still teasing. “Though, for the record, they staged his death. He didn’t actually die, but Aleksander Lukin did want everyone to believe he had. He turned up not too long ago and tried to kill me, so that was fun.”

James was relieved that she still seemed to have the same sense of humor that he remembered, that even after all this time some things hadn’t completely changed. It seemed like centuries ago that they had been sneaking around, having nothing but stolen moments.. It was the only time he had ever felt really human during those years, rather than a weapon. Then again he wasn’t entirely sure he knew how to be fully human anymore, he had vague memories of it, but he was nothing like he use to be. It pained him to know that he wasn’t the man that Steve so desperately wanted him to be, but all he could do was try.

“I see he didn’t succeed.” he mused softly, elbowing her gently right back. If he wasn’t so damaged there may have actually been a shred of hope that maybe he had a chance with her. Though he knew deep down that he was far too broken for even her, but he would settle for having her in his life again, that would always be good enough.

For a moment, Natasha swore she felt her heart stop. Couldn’t quite stop the reaction as she was engulfed in memories she’d spent years telling herself to leave in the past — after all, she’d been convinced that man was never coming back. He couldn’t possibly remember her, even if he was let out of cryo again, the Red Room had made that much clear. She’d disobeyed them and he was punished for it. He was gone forever, slipped through her fingers.

Until suddenly he wasn’t gone — but he had to hate her, right? If he even remembered her to begin with. She deserved for him to hate her, deserved every bullet, every attempt to end her life, didn’t she? But if he hated her, the way he should, why would his voice sound that way? Why would he bring up the time they’d been happy? There was no time to ponder that, though, she decided. Instead she nodded. “Yeah — yeah, of course.”

He had taken notice of her reaction, and he knew in that moment that she hadn’t forgotten those days. There was a bit of relief knowing that she still remembered the way things use to be, but it came with a pang of guilt. He wanted to ask questions, to ask about how much she remembered and ask for help to fill in the few gaps that he still had and yet.. he hesitated. 

Instead he found himself concentrating on the present, for once forcing his mind to stay there instead of retreating to memories of the past. He glanced around the kitchen, finding himself a wall to lean up against that gave him a clear view of all the room’s exits. However instead of keeping his eye on the exits, he found himself watching her.. as if he was trying to commit the moment to memory. He knew that he should say something.. anything and yet nothing came to mind. 

“Cool, let’s go.” She gestured for him to follow her as she walked off towards the kitchen, humming under her breath in the process. Would she admit to the humming? No, of course not. But it was only a few moments before Natasha looked over at Bucky curiously. She had to wonder how much, if anything, he remembered — though she wouldn’t ask.

“Marshmallows, whipped cream, or nah?”

There was only a nod as he moved to follow Natasha to the kitchen, the place still rather new to him. Even though he knew that they were in a secure area, he found himself checking his surroundings, looking for any sign that someone might spring out and attack them. The sound of her humming brought back a number of memories, nights and morning spent in secret fleeting moments that hadn’t lasted as long as he had wished.