Did I need to be reminded that I have discarded myself and my life?
That Guy shows me a video of a guy who transformed his yard into a food forest
"This is what I want to do," he says.
For several years we both had said we wanted to grow our own food.
He said and said and said, and would buy things sometimes. He would plant things sometimes, and take care of them for maybe a week, if that.
Just another way he would create more work for me to do. By that I don't mean my share of the work; I mean he would leave his share of the work for me to do, too.
I took seriously "our" ambitious plan to grow a bunch of food in our yard a few years ago.
I collected and laid out cardboard to suppress grass. I signed up for ChipDrop, picked up mulch from the next town over (that was a lot of shoveling to get it into several containers in my car), shoveled it onto our cardboarded sections of the yard, planted some things...
Sleeping in until the very last second before logging in to work from home. He had a noon to 8:30 PM shift.
There was plenty of time for him to get his ass up and put in some sweaty equity for the food forest he claimed he wanted, and then get a shower and go to work.
We live in USDA zone 9b, where by 10AM the sun is actively attempting to murder you. If you're going to do anything outside you gotta get up pretty early if you intend to survive.
Regardless off his work schedule (or whether he was employed at all) this jerkwad would sleep in as late as possible. And of course stay up as late as possible at night -- doing what? Watching videos.
He would literally do nothing but sleep all day and watch videos/play games all night, with the occasional 8 hour interlude for work if he could manage to be employed.
Cleaning up his own messes that he made?
Perish the thought. That was beneath him. That's what wives are for.
"wHy dOnT yOu JuSt LeAve?"
BECAUSE I'M A LITTLE SCARED OF BECOMING UNHOUSED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA IN THE YEAR OF OUR DOOM 2026, BERTHANY JADE!!!
This is literally the only place I can afford to live with two children and I can't kick him out; he co-owns it with me.
So yes, I made all the wrong life choices and married a deadbeat and squeezed out 2 kids without having my own career and financial life in order first.
Yes, yes, I'm an absolute idiot and I failed at everything and I've got no choice but to live with the consequences of my dumbass decisions and all that bullshit and I have no right to complain because nobody held me hostage at gunpoint and forced me to marry that dead weight/soul-sucking black hole and I have nobody to blame but myself and all his shortcomings are just a reflection of what a dumbass loser I am because I was foolish enough to settle for his ass and to stay long enough to procreate with him not once but twice
Sometimes, even when you're in a hell of your own making, you just need to vent into the void a little.
Time to do some decluttering and cleaning in preparation for my death because WTF ELSE IS THERE FOR ME TO LOOK FORWARD TO?
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