36 - Aussie - NSFW Artist (comms open) https://tazclark.carrd.co Yeah, I know what you're here for. I got you <3 early access to my NSFW
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@taz-clark
36 - Aussie - NSFW Artist (comms open) https://tazclark.carrd.co Yeah, I know what you're here for. I got you <3 early access to my NSFW
cough cough

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i will never be over the fact that during first contact a human offered their hand to a vulcan and the vulcan was just like “wow humans are fucking wild” and took it
Humanity’s first contact with Vulcans was some guy going “I’m down to fuck.”
Vulcans’ first contact with Humans was an emphatic “Sure.”
@sineala
#iiiiiiiiiiiiii mean vulcans had been watching humans for a long time#they knew the significance of a handshake but still#they had to find some fast and loose ambassador#willing to fuckin make out with a human for the sake of not offending them on first contact#lmao#star trek give me the story of this fast and loose vulcan
“sir…these…these humans…they greet each other by…” *glances around before furtively whispering* “by clasping hands…”
*prolonged silence* “oh my…”
“sir…sir how will we make first contact with them? surely we…we cannot refuse this handclasping ritual, they will take it as an insult, but what vulcan would agree to such a distasteful and uncomfortable ritual??”
*several pensive moments later* “contact the vulcan high command and tell them to send us kuvak. i once saw that crazy son of a bitch arm wrestle a klingon, he’ll put his hands on anything”
Elsewhere, w/ kuvak: “….my day has come.”
The vulcan who made first contact with humans is named Solkar guys. Y’all just be makin’ up names for characters that already have names.
Bonus: here’s a screencap of Solkar doing the “my body is ready” pose right before he shakes Zefram Cochrane’s hand:
I swear Vulcans only come in two types and they are “distant xenophobes” or “horny on main for humanity”. Also apparently this guy is Spock’s great-grandfather and frankly that explains everything.
Hey so I looked into this at one point and that handshake literally created a lifelong telepathic bond between the two of them, and basically all of Solkar’s descendants were later obsessed with humans, including freaking SPOCK, so I’m not saying that handshake was so gay and good that it created an intergenerational telepathic bond between Solkar’s descendants and humans, but I’m also not….not….saying that.
actual footage of first contact makeouts
The slow deliberation with which Solkar takes Cockrane’s–I’m sorry, Cochrane’s–hand… The sheer sensuality witch which Solkar infuses an otherwise borderline impersonal social ritual… It clearly shows a very conscious knowledge, on Solkar’s part, of what the significance of the handshake is in Vulcan terms and of how affected he is by it.
That’s why he’s so slow in doing it, and so sensual. A part of Solkar can’t believe this is happening, despite it being a perfectly logical thing to expect from a human, and the rest of him can’t believe how good it is.
I bet that if the camera zoomed in any further we would see the dilation of Solkar’s pupils and a quickly-repressed shiver of delight. Cochrane’s firm, businesslike clasp is probably (in sexual terms) being perceived as a deliciously carnal display of dominance.
No wonder Solkar is all like, “TAKE ME, YOU WILD-MANNERED BARBARIAN WITH ENTICINGLY ROUGH CALLUSES.”
And so we find out that yes, there is such a thing as bottoming in Pon-farr.
Every time this post comes round my dash, it just gets better.
#somehow the idea of vulcans being Horny On Main always gives me the giggles#like literally all they had to do#was be like actually#hand contact is very intimate for our species#and im p sure humanity as a whole would not find that insurmountably weird#there are human cultures that dont shake hands#vulcans are logical enough to think that through on their own#so clearly that vulcan was just down to fuck#down to fuck in a public#professional diplomatic situation no less#and he did not fucking care who knew it (via kittykatthetacodemon)
Some Vulcan: we could probably just explain that handshakes are intimate in our culture
Solkar, rubbing lip gloss on his hand: don’t tell me how to do my job
mood: rewatching Hellsing
"I don't care if he's hot, you need to FLEE"

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Been practising my BG skills lately! process pics under the cut
And do you have a Hellsona?
Or a Radioapple fanchild?
No and no. I'm happy playing dolls in my head with the cannon characters
What's one Alastor/Lucifer/Radioapple headcanon you just can't get behind?
Like, a headcanon you'd rather swim with a saltie before accepting.
that Alastor is an uwu virgin who has no idea what sex is that is a wild interpretation on asexually to me HOWEVER YOU headcannon what YOU like. if you want to think of Alastor as a nervous blushing virgin man. you go right ahead. Taz got your back.
what do you think about teens watching hazbin
i was watching far worse things as a teen. but more importantly: im not their mother

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Doodling my Zukka bubus to get out of art block💅
It’s almost 4.00AM and this is what my last five brain cells are doing
05.12 - Parallel
i thought we were getting skeletor in a dress for that one scene from the movie
The thumbs up option doesn’t even begin to cover how unreasonable funny I found this

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oh I know how to make a poll's results look like the letter E watch this
what is the rightmost digit of the number of responses this poll has right now? (it should be visible before you vote.)
0, 1, or 2
3
4 or 5
6
7, 8, or 9
here's where to find it on windows 10
Ugh, it was in mine. It's off now.
IT GETS WORSE
I had to turn this off, but it's something that allows Windows and anyone using your device to generate text/images.
LOBOTOMIZE YOUR MACHINES
AI is a freacking plague, I share this for any windows user.