“This Aint Macy’s, Bitch. You Aint Window Shoppin“

eddie was introduced to buck slow-motion style. buck tried to battle his inner bisexual rage for an entire episode but couldn’t stay angry at eddie’s pretty face for longer than twenty minutes — my guy folded the minute eddie extended that first olive branch. buck wistfully watched eddie and the little boy he would come to love as a son through a glass-paneled window not knowing that he’d eventually belong on the other side of that glass door. buck provided the solution to eddie’s very first on-screen struggle and wormed his way into eddie’s heart and home all in the span of one episode. without eddie asking him for any of it. buck called eddie attractive at least three times in season two alone. and then an elf called them gay and buck skipped away after hearing it. eddie gave buck the most precious thing in his life to cheer him up. and buck lost him. but eddie came back to him anyway and then gave him the second most precious thing — something he couldn’t even give his own wife — his trust. they had a lover’s spat in a grocery store. buck was treated like a grieving widow when eddie was buried underground. eddie’s memories of buck and chris were enough to pull him back from death’s cold embrace. eddie nearly bit buck's head off at the train derailment because he couldn’t stand the idea of buck risking his own life for abby. when eddie was shot, he spent the moment he thought would be his very last reaching out for his best friend. buck saved him. of course he did. eddie was planning to stick it out with a woman he knew he could never love and would never love until buck reminded him that he deserved better. buck got pistol-whipped after nearly going off on someone who threatened their eddie's child. eddie left the 118 and buck made out with his replacement. buck was in the room. buck's girlfriend talked to the woman he cheated on her with and buck never once bothered to intervene because he was too busy spending time with eddie. buck helped eddie patch up the holes in his wall. buck spent an entire season looking for the right couch to rest on and then passed out within seconds on eddie's couch. the right couch. buck was struck by lightning and eddie's hands brought him back to life. eddie couldn't look at buck while he was in a coma because it reminded him a little too much of losing his wife. but he brought christopher in anyway. of course he did. they went on a date where eddie stared at buck like he wanted to consume him. a little part of eddie died in that cemetery. eddie asked buck to perform Official Coparenting Duties with his son. buck uttered eddie's name eleven times in the episode where he discovered his bisexuality. buck was left at the curb on his first date with a man and his first priority was still the fact that he lied to his best friend. both of them actively looked like they wanted to die at the idea of nothing changing between them. eddie suggested matching couple's costumes. they sang what i like about you. buck ripped off eddie's shirt. eddie poured beer in his mouth. buck was the one to pull eddie out of the world that he tried to imagine with kim. their final scene of the season was the two of them. alone. together.

...who the hell is that? you can have my back any day. there's nobody in this world i trust with my son more than you. are you hurt? three minutes and seventeen seconds. comes in handy when you have a bunch of holes in your walls. you don’t have to tell me how great eddie is, i’ve known that since the first day i worked with him. what you always do. talk to him. you know how much christopher misses you? how could you. you're not around. i forgive you. you didn't end up like you. you act like you're expendable, but you're wrong. you were missed. thank you. for not giving up. he got the help he needed and that started with you. two cut lines. you don't have to be anything for anybody. can't you both be good cops? no. isn't that what we all want in a partner? knowing that they have your back? he’ll love you like we all do. i love you, i love you, i love you.

3.15 4.13 // Buck being in shock

and then shannon gets pregnant. and everything gets a little bit too real because the picture-perfect nuclear family is in eddie's hands now and he's realising he doesn't like it at all. and eddie gets scared and eddie runs away because eddie can't do this but he's still a man he still has to provide for his family and eddie never gives up on his family so he might be hiding in war and bloodshed but he's still providing. because if ramon taught him anything it's that a father can be absent from the home but still fulfil his duties to his family.

and eventually eddie comes back home with three gunshot wounds ripped through him and something deeper broken inside of him but this time shannon gets scared and shannon runs away because shannon became a mother too young and she loves chris and she loves him too much to stay with him and eddie because she thinks they're better off without her... but then she and eddie find each other again. and eddie thinks to himself hey maybe this time we can be happy again because chris needs a mother because my son needs a mother because i'm a man and my son needs a father and a mother and then shannon dies.

and eddie blames himself for his death -- blames himself for christopher losing his mother -- and desperately tries to shove down that gnawing feeling inside of him telling him that there's something wrong with him and instead he clings to his romanticised ideal of shannon and convinces himself that she was the great love of his life and the only reason he can't make it work with anyone else is because he lost his soulmate -- because he cannot let himself acknowledge the possibility that there was something doomed in their marriage because that means acknowledging the Big Scary Thing that eddie refuses to look at.

BUCK: *yapping* EDDIE: 🥰😍🥹❤️😘💍

To be honest, [he] did most of the talking. I was just happy to be near [him].

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