*russian accent* I want to FUCK San Francisco!

married shane does NOT play about ilya when it comes to the press. he's letting out a decade of pent up 'wheres the fucking translator? what do you fucking MEAN you don't have one?', instant 'rephrase that' to the offending journalist when ilya hesitates over a question, gets into full blown forget-the-media-training arguments when it's implied that ilya is somehow stupid for not speaking perfect english, n switches seamlessly between russian, french, and english to make interviews as easy as possible for ilya. meanwhile ilya is giving him the biggest wettest lover boy eyes n WILL be raw dogging him crazy style the moment its over.

you literally have to unironically listen to some shit like party rock anthem so you don’t kill yourself

Something about both Phil being a performative emo in hopes of attracting a cute emo boy and Dan loudly posting about all of his and Phil's shared interests to lure him in is so funny to me. They weirded each other in

them being so surprised the Sims build was accurate when they literally gave a full tour of the phasement their privacy skills have not progressed past 2009

having unwashed hair will have you believing shit like i can’t be saved

hate that I was understanding when I should’ve just been a cunt

it's not natural for candy to be $3.49. candy is supposed to be one dollar

candy should cost a nickel and we should all wear little propeller hats when we eat it

the thing about phone in bed is that it's so awesome. almost makes you feel like betraying & destroying yourself for nothing isn't all so bad