*russian accent* I want to FUCK San Francisco!

having unwashed hair will have you believing shit like i can’t be saved

hate that I was understanding when I should’ve just been a cunt

it's not natural for candy to be $3.49. candy is supposed to be one dollar

candy should cost a nickel and we should all wear little propeller hats when we eat it

the thing about phone in bed is that it's so awesome. almost makes you feel like betraying & destroying yourself for nothing isn't all so bad

"are you a dan or a phil?!" i have the tiredness behind dan's eyes and the aloof insanity behind all of phil's sentances

t shirt that says I MISS EVERYONE I WAS EVER FLEETINGLY CLOSE TO SO MUCH THAT IT KILLS

i got that dog in me but it's poorly socialized and i don't take it on as many walks as i should

some people were never around for the sexy end screen dance or draw phil naked and it shows

at some point down the road after hollanov has been married for a while they'll be doing their thing where they joke about having a threesome and it turns to MLH players and they're both like, 'yeah there's only one MLH player i'd probably have a threesome with' and they're both giggling and blushing like 'i'll tell you mine if you tell me yours' and ilya expects shane to say scott hunter and shane expects ilya to say cliff marleau and they agree to say it together so they count to three and then in unison, they both say 'carter vaughn.'