lovely.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Monty said as he wiped their tears away with his thumb.  He wasn’t really sure how else to comfort Tate, only because he knew that there was so much in their life that hurt them.  And so much of it he didn’t actually know about.  “I know that it is,” he nodded at them, giving them a small smile, “I know that you’ve got a lot that you’re dealing with, and I know that life wasn’t ever easy.  But I really hope that I don’t lose your trust, because I get that.  And I don’t want to be the one to disappoint you.”

Instinctually, Tate began to rub at the tears spilling down their face with the back of their hand, chuckling embarrassedly as they did so.  “M’sorry,” Tate shook their head.  They knew it could be seen as stupid to others, but Tate had never been one to let these type of emotions in.  They were very much someone who kept to their self and held everyone at a distance but Monty crept in somehow and it was beginning to scare them because it gave him the power to hurt them.

“You could never disappoint me,” Tate said nonchalantly with a shrug of their shoulders.  “I’m just nervous that I’m goin’ to disappoint you someday.”  The wine was really catching up to them now and their insecurities began to surface.  “I just know... that New York isn’t what you want.”  It was like word vomit and they couldn’t stop it.  “I’m just... scared that one day you’ll get up and realize that this isn’t what you want.”

Almost immediately, Sheridan figured out that she was bothering Tate, that the last thing Tate wanted to do was talk to someone right now, especially someone they didn’t know but it was too late. The damage was done and they were already talking but the least she could do was make it less painful. “It’s becoming more and more my scene in recent months. I blame New York,” she replied, trying to keep her tone light and playful. “Buy you a drink?” she offered. Part of making it as painless as possible, proving that she wouldn’t be a burden to talk to. Even if she may as well have been.

It wasn’t specifically Sheridan that was bothering them.  Tate was having a difficult time processing anything that was going on in their life at the moment which made them particularly difficult to be around.  Tate had a tendency to shut down in attempt to keep their self safe regardless of what was happening.  It was a terrible coping mechanism that they had developed in their teenage years that they unfortunately never really kicked.  “I would more so blame New Yorkers,” Tate chuckled before giving a nod of their head.  “My kinda gal.”  Tate allowed a smile to tug at the corner of their lips before trying to seem more accepting of the conversation.  “You’re friends with Monty, right?”  Tate knew the answer, but figured it was a nice way to redirect the conversation elsewhere and possibly seem more inviting.

Monty: Well now I know that for the future.

Monty: I did mean it though.

The doorman had called up to let O know that Tate was there, so she wasn’t surprised when she heard the door open followed by Tate’s voice. “Go ahead, I’ve got my own,” O countered, meeting Tate in the entry way. She held up her own large bottle, giving it a little shake for emphasis. “You want a glass or is it a straight from the bottle kind of night?” 

While waiting for O, Tate scrolled through their phone and their mouth fell agape as they read the words Love you.  In a text.  From Monty.  Tears welled in their eyes, but as quickly as they appeared, Tate wiped them away as they heard O’s voice.  When O revealed her own bottle of wine, Tate did not hesitate to pull the cap off and take a long pull straight from the bottle, giving a small shake of their head.  “Straight from the bottle kind of night,” Tate admitted, clearly pretty disoriented as they locked their phone and shoved it back in their pocket.  “Um,” they paused.  “I think that your step brother... just told me that he loves me for the first time?  Over text?  I’m... uh,” Tate rubbed their forehead before pulling their jacket off.  “Yikes.”

Monty: I said love you.

Monty: As in I love you.

Monty: That was not how I meant on telling you, but I do.

Monty: Also I'm sorry, I turned off my phone. I told you that I was in a meeting.

Tate: you can't say that for the first time and then turn your phone off.

“I don’t either,” Monty admitted, sighing as he just thought about how much more himself he felt out of the city.  Where people didn’t know him, where he could forget about everything that he kept getting wrapped up in.  Where he could actually be with Tate without having to worry about someone finding out. However, their next words caught him off guard, especially with the fact that their feelings scared them. Because Monty had to admit, maybe that was a good thing.  He still wanted to leave for good, and while any time that he thought about it Monty always had to admit that he wanted Tate to leave with him.  But he was well aware it wasn’t fair to ask that, and he wasn’t even sure if him leaving would ever be a reality.  And bringing it up before anything was set in stone just seemed to be a way to start a lot of unnecessary drama.

And Monty had to admit that there was enough of that in both of their lives as it was. 

“I really like you too,” he said, even though he knew that it didn’t even feel like that was enough to really say how he felt - but saying anything more didn’t seem right to say yet.  “But you don’t need to be scared of it, it’s not a bad thing.”

There were many things that had caused Tate a great deal of anxiety in regard to their relationship with Monty.  One of the things that Elena had embedded deep into Tate’s mind was that no one was going to love them for the life they chose to live and regardless of how strong they presented their self, those words had stuck with them.  They would always feel deep down that nothing they did would be good enough especially for Monty.  He was so effortlessly good.  He didn’t have to try as hard as Tate had to.  He was just that good which meant that, unfortunately, there would always be a part of Tate’s brain that would constantly remind them that they were no good for him.

Tate’s eyes never left Monty’s even though tears had welled in their eyes as their mind continued to wander.  One particular thought that came to mind was that Tate knew that Monty had zero intentions of staying in New York.  He had made that abundantly clear when he initially began staying at Tate’s and it was something that Tate was unable to get out of their head.  What if he just up and left them one day?  What if one day he just decided that he didn’t want to be with them anymore?  What if one day he realized he deserved more?

Tate looked away from him, intentionally avoiding eye contact as tears threatened to spill over their eyelids, and gnawed on their cheek.  “Y’know, I’ve had a really hard time about letting people into my life – I don’t let people in easily.  I don’t... I just can’t.”  Tate was rambling.  “I’m kind of a mess, honestly.  I know I am and I just.. I’m tryin’.”  Tate ran their hands over their face before facing him once again.  “Monty, I trust you.”  To anyone else, this wouldn’t have seemed like a big deal, but to Tate?  It meant everything.  “And I don’t even think you understand... but that’s bigger for me than I love you.”

Monty: [message recieved]

Tate: WTF DID U JUST SAY

Tate: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN MESSAGE RECEIVED

Tate: YOU CAN'T SAY THAT AND THEN NOT RESPOND

Tate: MONTGOMERY ALEJANDRO SANTOS

Monty: Okay fine, I guess we'll talk later. Love you.

*eyes widen as he realizes what he sent because he didn't think it through but then decides to leave it*

His face, which had been resting somewhere between annoyed and resigned switched to confusion the moment Quinn’s name left Tate’s lips, and his brow furrowed. “Quinn?” He repeated disbelievingly, only for a look of shocked understanding. “No, of course not… Holy shit is Quinn using? How do you know?”

Tate had not been impressed with the events that brought them to Rowan’s doorstep and however much they believed that Rowan had been supplying Quinn as he had been supplying Chessie, they could see it in his face that he was telling them the truth which caused a sigh of relief to fall passed their lips.  However, the relief lasted only a moment because that meant that whatever scumbag sold Chessie the laced cocaine was still out there and it could fall into the hands of Quinn at any minute.  “Considerin’ he just looked me straight in the face and chose cocaine over his relationship with his sister.”  Tate said point blank.  “A Gossip Girl blast came out after New Years and I didn’t want to believe it.  But when I confronted him about it, he tried to lie to me when he was high out of his mind.”

Monty: Okay. I'll see you once you get home?

O: Always. Come over? Chessie moved out and King isn't home.

O: Ben might be home idk. But if he is he's in his room crying that it's not England so we won't see him.

Monty: Okay.

Monty: I'm not mad, I just would have liked a heads up before you did that.

Monty: Though I do kind of think that your reasoning is valid.

Monty: Listen, I'm still coming home. I just have a meeting with Buffy first.

Monty: WHAT THE FUCK TATE?

Monty: Why didn't you ask me first?

Tate: my brother just chose cocaine over me

Tate: i didn't really feel like letting him continue dating MY boyfriend to cover his ass for being a crappy person

A bar was the least surprising place Sheridan had ended up in lately, this one was just the latest in a long line of bars. It was basically a multi day pub crawl. She’d mastered the art of getting drinks quickly (be attractive and look rich) and this one was no different. She sipped at her vodka cranberry, trying to keep her head clear long enough to recognize the face next to her. It took her a second to process that it was Tate, someone she’d heard about but never actually met. She managed a smile for her friend’s partner and moved to sit next to them. “You’re Tate, right? I’m Sheridan.”

@taterodriguez

After their vacation with Monty in Cabo, Tate had been having a difficult time readjusting back into the rhythm of the city and easily found their self seated at the nearest bar sipping on vodka sodas instead of handling the PR nightmare they’d caused for their self.  With all of the events that had occurred in the last week, Tate was not in a particularly friendly mood.  As the person beside them began to speak to them, it took everything in Tate’s body not to roll their eyes before turning to face her.  Sheridan Carrington in the flesh.  They’d only heard about Sheridan through the grape vine, but knew she was close with Monty.  “Hey,” Tate chuckled.  “Mm, yeah, that’s me.  What brings you here?  I wouldn’t of expected this to be your scene.”