tarot research residency

tarot reading 03-05-2022

Cards: Ten of Swords (reversed), Knight of Cups, Six of Pentacles, Page of Pentacles (reversed), The High Priestess, The Empress (reversed

Deck: Rider-Waite-Smith

Spread: (top row) Where you are, (bottom row) Where you will be

tarot reading 01-12-20

Cards: Four of Wands, Nine of Cups, Knight of Coins

Deck: Movie Tarot

Spread: Lights, Camera, Action

Quick read: You’ve made yourself really comfortable, now maintain it. 

Long read: The Four of Wands and the Nine of Cups are both very celebratory cards. The Four of Wands brings the stability of the number four to the creative spark of fire (Wands) - just what I have been looking for as I tend to myself in my state-imposed and self-delighting period of solitude. I have been worried about my will to be or to do - it hasn’t been something I could count on, with countless dark days passing without comment or spark. But here, when in concert with the Nine of Cups, the Four of Wands indicates that my wish for consistent energy is achievable. 

The Nine of Cups, as we have discussed before, is often known as the wish card - a sign of a wish coming true. In this spread, the middle card is about how to prepare for progression. How does a wish coming true help prepare for progression? It would be easy to think that a wish granted is the end of the process; the happy ever after part of a story. And yes, one could rest on one’s laurels - it’s important to congratulate yourself, revel in the things you have done and the abundance you have created. I’m feeling pleased because this week I have had a couple of emotional breakthroughs about things that had been swirling around for months; in themselves, they are just small occurrences, but in terms of movement or new hope, they are big news. Celebrate the things, no matter how small. 

In terms of action, the lesson is to remember that things are going well because you worked hard to make things go well. For things to continue this way, you need to continue putting the work in. It’s like exercise, or vaccines: they work extremely well when you commit to them, but neither are they perfect, one-time ‘cures’. You have to keep doing exercise to maintain the benefits (serotonin boost, general fitness), just as a population needs to continue using vaccines to make sure that they or their children don’t get measles. You start a new initiative to prevent or lessen something that you fear. To your amazement, it works! Then you get cocky and think you’ve fixed it. You no longer fear what prompted you to start in the first place. So you stop. You’re fine for a while, but then that old terror creeps up on you again. Happiness is a process, not a goal. 

tarot reading 28-11-20

Cards: Three of Coins, The Moon, King of Coins

Deck: Movie Tarot

Spread: Lights, Camera, Action

This is a tarot reading from Saturday, which I didn’t write up at the time. I didn’t really think about it then, I just drew the cards. So I thought perhaps it still applies for today (30-11-20).

The Three of Coins is about craftsmanship, mastery, skill and accomplishment. This sense of mastery comes quite early on in the Coins as opposed to other suits: mastery usually comes in with the Eights. But Coins/Pentacles are the Suit that is always listed last, so perhaps when you’ve walked through the metaphysical realms of emotions (Cups), beliefs (Swords) and ambition (Wands), you return to the material world once more. You can master it more easily, both because of your experiences with the other dimensions, but also because material mastery is straightforward, even if it may take your whole life long. To master something in the material world is to apply yourself to it, steadily and patiently. We’ve had a lot of Three energy of late, and while the Three of Coins is about mastery in work, Threes also pertain to creation (the idea of 2+1: the combination of two elements producing a third outcome that significantly changes a dynamic). 

I feel that I have accomplished a lot, and have taken a great amount of time to slow down and connect more deeply to learning over the last year or so. I still have much to learn, but I feel more confident, in some ways, that I am no longer trying to hide the gaping holes inside me. They are still there, I just don’t wish to frantically cover them in the same way. 

The Moon is David Bowie as Goblin King Jareth in Labyrinth. He is a king of illusion, creating a labyrinth around his castle where entrances cannot be seen, where things are not where you left them, and things are not what they seem. His tactic to distract our heroine Sarah from her quest to rescue her baby brother Toby is not to kill her, but to make her forget her quest. He sends her a  peach, which befuddles her; conjures up an enchanted ballroom and a declaration of love; and a junkyard lady tries to lead her back to her real world bedroom and her real world toys. Moonlight illuminates the darkness, but things do not appear as they are. Fears are exaggerated and reality is hidden. This is not to say that there is not beauty in illusion, but to urge caution before acting. The Moon is strongly related to the subconscious, the emotions. Jareth plays on Sarah’s romantic adolescent dreams to thwart her: when the Moon is present, it is time to surface what you too may have been hiding, what emotions are at play that you have not acknowledged. 

Regarding masterful material creation – producing excellent things – which the Three of Coins has suggested to us, the Moon urges us to allow the subconscious to surface. What within the deep recesses of our hearts or souls may be unwittingly forcing our hand? We must wait for clarity; practice seeing in the dark. 

How will we do that? The King of Coins, represented here by Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka of Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory. The King of Coins has mastered the material plane, and sends that sense of power and skill outwards. Willy Wonka is a rich eccentric, who plans to hand over the reins to his zany chocolate empire to one of the lucky children who find a Golden Ticket within the packaging of their Wonka chocolate bars. Within his factory there is a chocolate river, and candy forest; squirrels crack nuts for confectionary; and his products are made by a race of people called the Oompa-Loompas (I have many issues with Wonka for his exploitation of indigenous peoples and horrific record on labour rights but I digress). His factory is a wonderland of the most enticing material things, which he intends to share with children. Diana McMahon Collis’s deck text for this card reads: Dark man. Characterful person. Master. Successful. Valor. Victory. Bravery. Experienced. Intelligent. Science. Mathematician. Business acumen. Geometry. Physics. Defect. Danger. Weakness. Imperfection. Corruption. Vice. Perversity.

tarot reading 27-11-20

Cards: Three of Wands, The Empress, Eight of Swords

Deck: Movie Tarot

I’m trying out the Lights, Camera, Action spread today from the Movie Tarot guide, as a step towards getting to know this deck more deeply. I feel I know the Rider-Waite-Smith deck well (it also helps that that deck has detailed imagery on every card to remind you of its meaning). Each deck is different, and has different colours or shades to the cards’ meanings. We saw yesterday that the Hierophant skews more towards moral integrity than the Rider-Waite-Smith deck, which leans more heavily towards spiritual initiation. As such, I’m using the accompanying deck text more heavily than I would for the Rider-Waite-Smith, so that I can learn the timbre of this deck from the words of its makers, rather than applying a Rider-Waite-Smith mindset to these cards.

This spread looks very similar to my usual Past, Present, Future layout, but it’s a little more action-focused. Diana McMahon Collis’s text says that: ‘This spread can be applied to any situation or relationship to which we feel connected, or are considering beginning, to light up a helpful path forward or highlight where and why we should pause.’ 

I didn’t really come with a situation in particular, more a wish to learn things for the future, which maybe made this spread a little less appropriate for me at this time. I am lucky in many ways that I am not at a life crossroads. A lot of decisions seem to be made for me by my body and mind - as someone who used to rely on being able to control things, this is unnerving, and I have to learn how to be ok with my limits. What I can learn from tarot at this resolutely undramatic time is life wisdom; I have the space to ponder things more deeply. So in that spirit, let’s see what the cards say for me today. 

The Three of Wands in its far left position pertains to ‘the atmosphere or feelings around the situation’. And Wands as a suit indicate: ‘spontaneity, fast action, passion, power, adrenaline, life force, creative fuel and urges, inspired work, stroke of genius.’ I know already that Wands energy is unfamiliar to me, of late. Last year was a Swords year, and this year seems much more Pentacles, Cups and Major Arcana. This year has not been characterised by fire, drive or passion at all. It has been difficult to witness in myself, this lack of heat and spirit. The Three of Wands in this place relates to where I would like to be: out in the world. Threes are about creation, or external influence. A group of three is intentional in a way that two people cannot be. 

The text says that the Three of Wands corresponds to: strength in numbers, business co-operation and success. busy times, being on the go, established strength. troubles ending. ceasefire. ship coming in. mixed loyalties. occasional disappointments.

In many ways, my life is the opposite of busy and connected right now - I have designed it that way. But I still feel like being busy is the way I should be, that if I take it easy, then I’m not working hard enough. I found being busy and connected to things stressful and tiring, but I felt like being out in the world made me powerful. I find it really hard to imagine a time when I will be back out in the world again, and equally hard to imagine aiming for a future that doesn’t involve some kind of popularity measure. 

The middle card is The Empress, as represented by Elizabeth Taylor in Cleopatra. This middle card applies to ‘preparation that will help with progress’. She is also another three, so it feels like creation is a heavy theme. So how does she help me prepare to progress? The Empress is a sign of pleasure and luxury, generosity, creativity - the opposite of a poverty mindset. As the booklet notes, Cleopatra says in the film that ‘a woman must make the barren land fruitful. She must make life grow where there was no life.’ Where can I encourage life? How can I participate in life, the world, more fully? How can I bite into the fruit, let juice run down my chin? Let my appetites be satiated? I have been feeling under the weather, sluggish, bloated, fuddled: how can I love my body and make it feel as good as possible? How can I create beautiful experiences for it? To be more in the world, the Empress indicates that I should start with the world of myself, my body. 

Finally we have the Eight of Swords, and when in the far-right position it relates to ‘action needed for the most successful outcome.’ McMahon Collis’s text for the card says: contradiction, criticism, reprimand, crisis, temporary difficulties, blame, censure, scandal, trauma that can be healed, swamped by details, being pinned or entrapped. a dark night of the soul. understanding the power of fear. the mental void and paralysis created through fear. beliefs and thoughts that can be changed.

tarot reading 26-11-20

Cards: Seven of Coins, The World, The Hierophant

Deck: Movie Tarot

Sevens are about attainment and understanding, the knowledge that it takes to get you over the line, or once you’re over it, the knowledge that you gain. I often get a feeling of hindsight with the Seven of Coins (or Pentacles, as I’m used to with the Rider Waite Smith deck). The idea of casting one’s glance back behind you, to see how far you’ve come, how much you have achieved. 

According to the text (by Diana McMahon Collis) the Seven of Coins is about: Profit, growth and progress. Valuable assets. Fruits of labour. Hard toil. On a learning curve. Anxiety around money. Potential for improved status or work promotion. And we see a vine growing upwards, the coins providing windows for us to see its growth. 

It’s interesting using Coins instead of Pentacles - it makes the suit’s ties with money and finance much more explicit. Altogether it makes me think of my career, and how hard I worked to get anywhere. I am self-taught, and I didn’t have family or friends in the business, which matters, in the business I’m in. The contacts I have made have been through my own work. Only in the last couple of years has all the slogging started to pay off. In many ways, I have been where I dreamed of being. Except now, that kind of work doesn’t fit me anymore. Last week I had a simple brief to do, something that would have taken me a couple of hours, tops, to finish. I sat down to do it and nothing happened. My brain gave me nothing at all. I ended up working on it in 20-minute bursts over three days: 20 minutes was all I could manage, before I had to stop because I was on the verge of tears. Writing words was something I took for granted. I had always thought of myself that could write about anything; but that wasn’t happening for me anymore. It doesn’t bode well for my future earnings if I can’t write - that’s my job. I’m glad I eventually got it done. It was nowhere near my best work, but it was the best I could do at the time. i wondered whether the pain and frustration I felt in doing this anodyne task was telling me something. 

The World says perhaps it was telling me something: I have reached the end. It is the final card in the Major Arcana, the finale number where the whole cast comes out on stage. In this deck, The World is Leeloo, from The Fifth Element, a perfect being who is the final piece for a weapon that can defeat great evil. 

McMahon writes in the deck text that ‘The World represents a great achievement - a well-deserved success. Forces come together, because the time and conditions are right, and the ultimate point is reached.’ I can no longer write any old thing, because I have finished that journey. I can’t do things the old way anymore - this whole year has been about that, both on a personal and a global level. The World says that this is a great achievement. We’ve played it out as long as we could, but it doesn’t work anymore. Leeloo arrives just at the right time; maybe this attainment, this understanding, has come at the right time too? I feel sad, in the way that you feel sad when you grow too big to be carried on your dad’s shoulders. You will no longer see things from that perspective again, but you will grow to see from so many other points of view. So there’s a happiness there too, or at least, a freedom. McMahon adds: ‘Time for travel, adventure, and exploration.’

This adventure leads us to the Hierophant, in the guise of Vito Corleone of The Godfather. The Hierophant is often known as the Pope, so it’s a tricky alignment of Corleone, a Mafia don, with the Holy Father. Of course, they are both Catholics, but one is the head of the church and the other is the head of a crime syndicate. Having said that, Don Corleone does have a strict moral code (self-penned) of loyalty. He is generous, although not to be crossed. For the people in the neighbourhood that the Corleones control, you could be in worse hands. 

McMahon’s text on The Hierophant reads: ‘Conductor of ceremonies, practices and rituals. A guru or mentor. Observe legal and social protocols and ethics. Work for a higher purpose. Follow the straight and narrow.’ The choice of Corleone, a moral crook, to represent the above qualities shows that what ‘the straight and narrow’ might be is not necessarily approved of in public or law. Here, the Hierophant becomes about integrity: doing right by yourself and by others (a little phrase I live by). I worked out the numerology of my birthdate and it corresponds to the Hierophant. I also regularly quote Don Corleone’s famous line: ‘And you come to me, on the day my daughter is to be married?’ I think, actually, my values are quite like his: I like to think I am fair, and kind, but I cannot stand being disrespected. 

tarot reading 25-11-20

Cards: Two of Cups, The Star, The Empress

Deck: Movie Tarot

My first reading of my thirties and it couldn’t be nicer, or more apt. The Two of Cups signals a relationship (the one I’m in with my partner, and the one I have with myself - both of which relationships are nourishing and loving in a way I couldn’t have expected before I committed to them). The Star–represented by Judy Garland as Esther in A Star is Born–is hope, and particularly given the character, a hope that hard work and talent will be recognised. And The Empress–Elizabeth Taylor as Cleopatra–lies in the future position. I think of the Empress as sensual feminine power, a woman who lives life to the full, who rules through pleasure. 

Leaving aside Cleopatra’s terrible end for the moment, I relish the idea of experiencing pleasure for the decade to come. Since I was in my early twenties, I have looked forward to being in my thirties, having decided my thirties will be my Nigella years. Nigella Lawson is a much beloved food personality, both for her sensuality but also her inviting approach to life. Nigella (having received the honour of becoming mononymic) has, throughout her career, developed a reputation for truly enjoying food - not scrimping on butter or cream, but neither wallowing in it. One of my group chats sung her praises last week for her announcement that she butters her toast twice; the first immediately, while the toast is hot, and then the second layer so that the butter forms pools on top. I like this idea of finding a simple pleasure (buttered toast) and making it just how you like it, no expense spared. 

Cleopatra, whose first lover, Caesar, is assassinated, finds love again with Mark Anthony. Cleopatra, a lover queen, is called a harlot by Caesar’s killers for taking more than one man to bed in her life. She helps herself to what she wants, even if others might disapprove. We often feel like pleasure is not something we can allow ourselves; that it’s immoral or selfish for us to take it. Society tells us that all the time. It’s possible that people don’t want to see you have joy because you’d throw their joy-starved lives into question.

adrienne maree brown’s Pleasure Activism applies Audre Lorde’s Uses of the Erotic to many real-life situations: she speaks to Taja Lindley, a fashion designer, comedian, rapper and burlesque performer, about how adorning and unveiling one’s body can be a source of power and pleasure, and also Dallas Goldtooth, an Indigenous comedian and Standing Rock activist about the power to ‘make light’ of situations; using comedy for political purposes. Each of the people brown speaks to in her book have experienced difficulty, from racism to illness to abuse. And yet all of them have managed to find pleasure afterwards, in spite of it all. 

We can make time for enjoyable experiences in our lives; it takes very little effort to turn a simple meal into something that dignifies you, as queen/king/ruler of your life. Likewise, it takes very little effort to spread pleasure to others. Remembering birthdays is one way; sending a beautiful picture or funny moment is another. While Empress Nigella would put effort into whatever she cooked for you, Empress Cleopatra would perhaps treat you to a feast prepared by someone else (a takeaway perhaps?). 

tarot reading 13-11-20

King of Swords (reversed), Three of Pentacles (reversed), Seven of Pentacles

Quick read: A dictator, a lack of organisation, what have you achieved?

Long read: Someone who rules by logic alone is rigid. Life doesn’t follow logical patterns (at least, not any logic that we currently understand). Allowances must be made for variations from the plan. Sometimes you just wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Perhaps you’ve taken one idea to its logical extreme: wind it back a little?

If you’ve had a King of Swords reversed figure in your life, they may be clinging to their same old ideas, and refusing to take any new ones on board. This sounds like a lot of the so-called creative geniuses who made their name through having made work considered radical decades ago. They’ve believed their own hype and think all their ideas are pure gold, when really they can be tired, self-serving, exploitative and irrelevant. 

Certainly when you’re in a situation with that kind of person, your contributions will not be taken into account properly, if at all (Three of Pentacles reversed). When reversed, this is about the failure or frustrations of collaboration. If one person is rigid, everyone else has to fall in line whether they like it or not. That isn’t collaboration - it’s dictating. Be honest about what you’re doing. If it’s a collaboration then listen to people. If you’ve hired people to execute your vision, be clear about that. Don’t pretend there isn’t hierarchy. Hierarchy has its uses.

One of the key reasons why collaboration falls apart is a lack of structure. The stonemason, architect and priest are building a church, something of immense spiritual and social value. Structure allows the building to do what it needs to do (host a congregation, inculcate prayer and reverence, celebrate important spiritual beliefs). A sense of structure gives safety and resilience. Has your organisation been lacking? Have you forgotten to keep your boundaries well marked?

tarot reading 12-11-20

Three of Cups (reversed), Two of Cups, The Hierophant (reversed)

Quick read: Isolation is real, for so many of us. So then: how to relate to the outside world? Relying on existing forms of wisdom seems counterproductive. Seek your own counsel. Enjoy how your FOMO is diminishing.

Long read: I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’re living through a global pandemic. The UK is in its second national lockdown. We can’t mix households indoors (and are only allowed to encounter one other person outside of your household outdoors), shops are closed etc. You know all this, you’re living it too. But the Three of Cups reversed speaks to a lack of connection with people, with friends. The era of a casual after-work drink with vague acquaintances is over, for now. Much has been made of how still to relate to other people? Knowing that no-one else has been going out has decreased one source of anxiety (that we’re not having enough fun). But how do we still maintain connection to others, one of our essential human traits? The Two of Cups is all about this question. Its lessons are ones of both reaching out and also offering up: you have to make yourself a little vulnerable when you’re building relationships. You have to build trust over time. 

As Cara Page says in her conversation with adrienne maree brown in Pleasure Activism, ‘What I ... see is people ... in this heightened moment, and they want everything. They want all the energy, all the love, all the liberation. And I’m like, oh, this takes time. This is relationship building. And this is building trust. And consensually understanding how to be moved and inspired by each other without sometimes assuming that energy has to be sexual. That maybe that’s just an erotic exchange that’s actually about sharing knowledge, memory, power, and that to me is understanding levels of intimacy in relationship to liberation.’ You can’t just fast-forward to the place where it’s easy. You have to be in the tentative space for longer than you want to be. That’s what builds deep desire to interact. 

The Hierophant reversed suggests maybe you don’t need to reach out too far, just yet. Culture would suggest to us that having best friends who you do everything with is the only way to be friends. That’s unrealistic for most people’s lives. Conventional wisdom might suggest you need to be firing off messages left, right and centre; or spending hours on social media to keep connections open. But does that work for anyone? I suspect not. 

In Ann Helen Petersen’s Culture Study newsletter today, there’s an interview with sociologist Jessica Calarco, who researches family inequality, and has co-authored a paper on how COVID-19 is affecting mothers’ wellbeing. This paragraph stuck out to me:

There were some moms who were able to push back against or reject intensive parenting norms — but those moms tended to be less socially connected before the pandemic. With fewer social connections, they didn’t feel as beholden to other people’s expectations for what “good parenting” should look like. They didn’t stress as much if their kids were watching Moana on loop, because they didn’t have other mom friends to compare themselves to. And they didn’t stress as much if their kids weren’t doing much academically during the pandemic, because they weren’t comparing themselves to other families they knew at their kids’ schools (in some cases because they were already homeschooling pre-pandemic).

At the same time, having fewer social connections often meant these mothers had to do more on their own with less support (e.g., less support from extended family members or friends who might serve as a sounding board or step in to offer resources or assistance when needed, etc.).  

tarot reading 11-11-20

Page of Pentacles, Eight of Wands, Ten of Swords (reversed)

Quick read: Get ready to put your head down; patience in anticipation; the opposite of a sad ending. 

Long read: The Page of Pentacles suggests a beginner who is just about to get going on their journey. They’re prepared to work hard, and they believe in the power of tangible things. There could be no better card to combat procrastination: the Page just puts his head down and does the work. No matter how thankless the task, the Page just gets on with it. Julia Cameron, in The Artist’s Way, proposes the following pledge for blocked creatives: ‘Great Creator, I will take care of the quantity. You take care of the quality.’ As adrienne maree brown notes in her book Pleasure Activism: ‘In the foreword to This Bridge Called My Back, Toni Cade Bambara said “the most effective way to do it is to do it.”’

So you do it, and it gets going! Things are up in the air. You have launched your arrows, sent out your messages, broadcast your missives (Eight of Wands). You have to wait for these to land. Of course it is frustrating when someone doesn’t reply to your email immediately. But you don’t reply to all your emails immediately, do you? Bring in the trust and the patience of the Page of Pentacles. Some news could be coming your way, as well. Wait for it to come rather than champing at the bit. Things are in motion, even if you can’t see it. We know about invisible forces that condition our lives, from gravity to the wind to social conditioning to the built environment. Renew your knowledge of object permanence. 

tarot reading 10-11-20

The Chariot, Ten of Wands, Page of Pentacles (reversed)

Quick read: Forward motion seems like a lot of hard work. Are you working harder than you need to? Reconsider, if your efforts aren’t profitable.

Long read: You may have mastered your willpower to drive the chariot of your life forward, but it’s bloody hard work keeping everything together. You’ve got your arms so full of passions and dreams that you are staggering under their weight. You’ve lost sight of where you’re going because all you can think about is following those burning ambitions to completion. This is hard work. But does it need to be that hard? The ground is flat, and it’s an easy walk to the village up ahead. Why are you carrying so much? It’s making this journey much harder. There is a peculiar masochism in overwork. Try getting your kicks the normal way (through fun). Leave your Protestant work ethic in the medieval period where it belongs. Adrienne Maree Brown talks of pleasure activism: reclaiming joy as a radical act. In ancient Italy, the fasces was a bundle of sticks that denoted power, authority, sovereignty and government. It’s a common motif on many heraldic crests, and the basis for the word fascism. The idea is of strength through unity: one stick alone could be broken, but when in a bundle, they are much stronger. While collectivity is an important goal, the Ten of Wands is a fasces that is overburdened, unmanageable. Holding onto multiplicity can mean inertia; you cannot be everything to all people all the time. Let something go. 

tarot reading 06-11-20

This week’s tarot readings are about work.

Today’s cards: Knight of Swords (him again!), The Chariot, Two of Wands

We have become familiar with the Knight of Swords, seeing as he’s been cropping up over the last few readings. We have been dancing around, tentatively approaching, reconsidering his call to rush headlong into the fray: now, it seems like we’ve committed to it. This feels like the perfect way to deal with the Knight of Swords - it’s not that we’re against acting with speed and decisiveness, it’s just that we want to do it with our eyes open - this whole reading, in fact, is about clear vision and farsightedness.

If the Knight’s horse’s eyes are rolling back in its head, afraid or unwilling to go forward despite its rider’s urgings, the two sphinxes of The Chariot gaze calmly forward, in slightly different directions, looking across the horizon, while the charioteer himself stares straight ahead. The Chariot, like the Knight, is associated with speed and combat, but where the Knight’s energy is youthful, perhaps a little rash, the Chariot’s energy is coolly determined. The Knight’s initial impulse to move has set in motion a chain of events, continued by the Chariot. You’re getting used to this change business, this proactivity. You are seeing more and learning more as you become more comfortable with your agency. The Chariot also combines some of the Major Arcana learnings we’ve seen over the last few weeks: he carries a sceptre like the Magician’s candle, and his epaulettes are adorned with the crescent moons of the High Priestess (the sphinxes recalling the pillars between which she sits), fusing the Magician’s active manifestation with the High Priestess’s receptive power. He is crowned with an eight-pointed star (the same as on The Star card) and has the square from Temperance on his breast (without the triangle, we’ll get to that later). The Chariot is balancing hope with moderation, active work with letting things come to you. And he’s moving forward, all the time. 

From the safety of our castle’s parapet, we gaze out over the fields, the bay and the mountains beyond in the Two of Wands. The world in our hands shows the potential we can easily grasp, that we are already grasping. Thanks to your bravery in kickstarting change with the Knight of Swords, and mastering your willpower with the Chariot, you will achieve a lot. Like I mentioned earlier, you’ve become used to this change business, and now that it’s slowed down again, there’s a sense of restlessness. The Chariot suggests that you’ve learned to enjoy the expansion of your vision that change allowed (Knight of Swords), and now you want more - gazing out at the world rather than making merry within the castle walls.

The Two of Wands indicates that for growth, the task is not to keep moving forward but to expand your horizons outwards. There is a wand before our horizon gazer, and a wand behind him, secured to the castle wall. Both past and future are at work here, the wand behind our horizon gazer a reminder to take stock, to give thanks, to keep the past in mind. Learning about what has gone before is a great way to expand one’s world. 

tarot reading 04-11-20

This week’s tarot readings are about work. 

I did a spread yesterday but was too tired to write it up. For records purposes, it was The Fool, Knight of Pentacles (reversed), and The Magician (reversed). Quick read: You’ve had a chance for a new start, but now you’re trying to make those changes and you’re losing heart and not seeing success as soon as you had hoped. The Magician reversed calls you to go back to the reason why you started. Are you getting dragged off course?

Today’s cards: Two of Cups (reversed), Knight of Swords, Six of Swords

Work conflicts with relationships, that much is true and easily observable. Work is presented to us as the be all and end all, that to stay afloat you have to commit to it, sell your soul to it. This all-consuming way of thinking clearly affects relationships, c.f. the trope of the breadwinner who heads to the office instead of spending time with their partner and children. It can be hard to get work done when other people are in the mix: taking other people’s opinions on board can feel like a setback. As such it can be hard to open yourself up to others when you’re protective of what you’re working on (be that a project, a hobby, yourself. Writing and creative endeavours definitely comes under this kind of emotional work). The Two of Cups reversed signals that there’s an imbalance; most likely that you have been cutting yourself off from external stimuli, probably for the goal of strengthening self-love. You probably needed it. You know it won’t last forever, but make the most of this time before you reach out to the world again.

The Knight of Swords is calling you to charge forwards with the idealism and energy of youth - the power that comes from believing things so vividly that you can’t help but act. The Knight of Swords’ speed and violence can be almost terrifying. Change always is. Most of the time, change happens at a speed you’re not happy with. Riding into battle is a brave thing to do. Putting your head down and going into that big task, that big project, is brave too. You risk injury when you do these things. To be the Knight of Swords, you have to risk failure, pain, loss. All of those things are a possibility, but they also contribute to what makes the battle charge so important. If you never charged forward, things would stay in stasis. Sometimes a violent rupture is the way things will evolve. The penalty for losing seems high, but if it doesn’t work out, then you just learn, regroup, recover, regain, with the wisdom that your action has brought. You have to act, so you might as well do it with courage. Act now.

tarot reading 02-11-20

The Sun, The World, Knight of Swords

NB: This week’s readings are about work. 

We’ve met The Sun before and instinctively, you know it’s about happiness. There’s transparency, and hidden things have come to light. You’ve entered the room where it happens, you’re seeing how decisions are made, you’re allowed in. The Sun here lies in the past position, and this indicates you’ve had a joyous work breakthrough, like the first golden fingers of dawn reaching in to you through the slats of your blinds. Think about what you can see now, that you couldn’t before. This will help you grasp a fuller, more optimistic view of the future. 

We move into the present moment, which is symbolised by The World. The World is immensity; freedom - well, it’s The World! The world is your oyster, the saying goes. This can inspire excitement or terror, depending on how much you trust yourself. The World says that you can go wherever you like - there are so many options waiting for you to take them up, you are not limited to a narrow path but to a great wide expanse. The question The World asks is: where do you want to go? This can be hard to answer. When there are so many choices, how do you know which one will be the right one for you? Think back to the Seven of Cups we had a few days ago. and the message that all choice is an illusion. Whatever you end up doing will be the only choice you could have made, based on who you were at that moment, and what information you had. There is no wrong answer. Hindsight will tell you if you need to correct your course. The World’s laurel wreath suggests victory and celebration; the dancing figure floating in the air suggests lightness and breeziness. Lighten up! The World being the last card of the Major Arcana suggests an end of one chapter, and the start of a new one.

tarot reading 30-10-20

The Magician (reversed), Six of Pentacles, King of Cups (reversed)

Quick read: An inability to make things happen means you’re having to think about giving and receiving. Are you giving too much to others? Are you taking too much from others? Either way, it’ll breed resentment and moodiness.

Long read: The Magician makes things happen. He manifests things. The blossoming foliage around him echoes his spirit of growth. As you can see on the table or altar before him, he has a Wand, a Sword, a Cup and a Pentacle. He uses all of these elements–drive, intellect, emotions and the material world–in his conjuring. When upright, the Magician says you’ve got the power (James Brown-style). When reversed, this power is awry. 

Most often I think of frustration when the Magician is reversed. It feels like you’re trying but nothing seems to be working. The Magician is burning a candle at both ends, literally and figuratively. This is unsustainable. You’ll burn out quickly this way. With one hand, he points upwards, but the other points downwards. This sense of equal and opposite suggests the necessity of balance: his hands suggest ‘as above, so below’. The idea of ‘interior’ and ‘exterior’ selves is a paradox, they are ultimately inseparable. The Magician reversed says maybe your external efforts aren’t working, because your heart’s not in it. ‘As above, so below’ speaks to systemic replication, on every level. A bad relationship with work speaks to a bad relationship with your life speaks to a bad relationship with yourself. It’s similar to the fractal patterns that physicists describe. The deeper you go, the more you zoom in, the more you see the same patterns repeated again and again. 

The Magician’s posture suggests a lightning rod: he channels the power of the four Suit elements (Swords/Air, Wands/Fire, Pentacles/Earth and Cups/Water) to manifest the things he wants to see. He is not the magic, himself. He is simply the conduit for it. The message of the Magician reversed is to remove the ego, remove the sense of self-importance that is getting in the way. It’s also to remember the resources you have around you and make the most of them. They’re what make the magic happen.

Sometimes when you can’t seem to get what you want, giving things to other people can be really agonising. Giving when you feel you’re not getting your fair dues in return breeds resentment. You might end up looking down on the other people you’re giving to, or seeing them as a burden. You might end up thinking you’re superior to them, because you’re their benefactor. Equally, if you’re receiving things from other people, you might feel guilty for taking it. You might be humiliated at having to accept others’ charity. You might be taking it because you need to, but you can’t wait to get back to making it on your own. Like the Magician reversed who has forgotten what tricks he has up his sleeve, so the Six of Pentacles calls you to look at your resources. Simply put, work out what you’re giving and receiving. Are you happy with that? If not, stop doing it. Cycles of giving and reciprocity bind us together as humans, as Marcel Mauss explained in his seminal anthropology book, The Gift. Giving something to another person creates a bond, a debt that must be repaid. Look at where your bonds are being made, and to whom you are indebted. Perhaps you need to balance your sums, literally and figuratively. Know where your boundaries are; make an emotional budget. If that friend always wears you out with their whining, don’t spend so much time and energy on them. Live within your emotional means: don’t spend other people’s energy on your troubles because you don’t want to spend your own.

Recalling the ‘as above, so below’ fractal patterns of the Magician reversed, we can think about what this might mean with the Six of Pentacles - how do cycles of giving and receiving repeat themselves? Relying on billionaires to offset the negative externalities of their vast fortunes through philanthropy seems like a system that benefits primarily billionaires. It’s a little bit like a school bully taking everyone’s lunch money, and then giving some small change back out again. It legitimises exploitation, by offsetting the bully’s ‘guilt’. It seems to go against the needs of the collective. Slavoj Zizek has memorably critiqued the idea of feel-good capitalism, where if you buy a product, proceeds go to a charitable organisation. For Zizek, buying consumer goods to give money to those in need simply replicates the system that made those people needy in the first place. 

tarot reading 29-10-20

Seven of Cups, Four of Cups, The Star

This week’s tarot readings relate to domestic life and the home.

Quick read: The sheer number of options has been really confusing, so much so that you didn’t act, and now you’re dissatisfied with yourself, and the options that are still available to you. The ones that seem to be coming your way aren’t very appealing. You want to say ‘no’ to these things that don’t suit you, but you’re concerned that you’re being too picky. However, there’s hope for you yet.

Long read: The mood of today’s reading is one of infinite choice and the paralysis we have when we feel like any decision we make is do or die. The Seven of Cups sees all these options floating in our minds, and the temptation is to believe that you can only pick one, that there’s only one route to happiness and it all rests on whatever you decide, right now. This is, of course, not true. Life has a tendency of continuing after the crunch moment. Most things that seem like major decisions now, will seem completely irrelevant in a year’s time. When you realise that life doesn’t actually end at graduation, your 25th, 30th, or 40th birthday, you realise you’ve got plenty of time to correct your course, if whatever you chose didn’t work out. 

As the card shows, there are a whole lot of goals to follow: riches, popularity, stability, success, love, adventure, so on and so forth. It feels like if you choose one, you might affect your chances at the others. What if you want them all? Well, in that case, you have to go for spiritual truth (the shining Christ-like figure hidden beneath a veil). When you orient yourself towards your own spiritual growth, you cannot fail to find it. And if you are oriented towards your own spiritual growth, the other goals (the perfect partner, a mansion, Instagram followers) will either come to you, or fall away like scales from your eyes. Focus on what feels right, rather than what sounds right. This being the Suit of Cups (and not Swords), it’s about what your heart (rather than your head) tells you.

Committing to your own spiritual growth doesn’t look like one specific path. It’s going to be different for everyone. For people who like their comfort zone, it might be about letting down their defences and opening their hearts to new experiences. It might be about trying something new for dinner, or suggesting a new weekend activity. If it’s terrible, you can always go back to your tried-and-tested favourites. What’s the worst that could happen? You have to eat takeaway pizza after you burned the casserole? It’s not that big a deal. You can turn it into a funny anecdote. 

For others, it might be about saying no to new things that threaten to throw you off course. It might be that you’re spread too thinly, trying to be too much for too many people. Crossing the unwanted extras off your to-do list frees you up to commit more deeply to the things you do want. This is where the Four of Cups comes in, as it signals disinterest in what’s in front of you. Sometimes when you focus on what you really want, you realise that hardly any of your life could be considered edifying: one of the more awful kinds of epiphany. ‘God,’ you think, ‘what have I been doing all this time?’ Your daily routine becomes horrific.

When you start to ask yourself what you really want, you experience an initial phase of dissatisfaction with everything. No, you don’t want to go and see the Andy Warhol exhibition. Why? You just don’t. No, you don’t want to hang out with that group of friends because they always talk about the same gripes. No, no, no. You may even be offered loads of new opportunities. Would you like to become a social media manager? No. What about writing about cars? No. Would you like to visit your parents? No. Would you like to talk about it? No. It can feel really odd saying no to things. Remember it’s ok to say, ‘No, thank you.’ Saying no doesn’t have to be rude. 

It’s here that we have to think about a scarcity mindset. You might be out of work, and get a few opportunities come your way that aren’t ideal. Half of you wants to say ‘No, that’s not for me,’ and the other half says, ‘Stop being so picky. Who do you think you are?’ Obviously when times are tough, then you might need to take the money even though it’s not the dream job. Sometimes, you might not even be in that situation, but you still feel like you can’t say no to work that’s offered to you. Money is valuable, of course, but so is your time. If you factor in the crushing resentment of having to do something you hate, are they offering you enough money to make it worth it?

Yancey Strickler, a business guru and co-founder of Kickstarter, has developed a really useful system for decision-making, which he calls ‘bentoism’, after the Japanese bento (a divided lunch box). To use a ‘bento’ for decision-making, you draw a big square, then divide it into square quarters. You label the sections: Present Me, Future Me, Present Us, and Future Us. In each section, you write how your present and future individual and collective selves feel about making that choice. This gives you a more well-rounded way of approaching a tricky decision. Some things are unappealing in the short-term, but beneficial in the long-term e.g. going for a run, and vice versa e.g. continuing to smoke. Equally, thinking about both yourself as an individual, and yourself as part of a community can also illuminate what’s important. You might like smoking for yourself, but when taking your friends and family into account, it has negative consequences for them e.g. secondhand smoke, likelihood of disease etc. 

tarot reading 28-10-20

Page of Cups (reversed), Seven of Pentacles (reversed), Strength

This week’s tarot readings pertain to domestic life and space.

The Page of Cups reversed returns in the same position as yesterday. Clearly the creative blockage, petulance and frustrations we have felt have made a deeper mark on us than we might have initially thought. A stubborn child will absolutely refuse to do whatever it is you ask of them, unless they want to. It’s deeply irritating when they won’t give way, but I’ve come to respect people who just say no, and stick to their guns about it. When combined with creative blockage as symbolised by the wacky Page reversed, this sounds like you’re trying to get things done, you’re trying to be productive, but your brain is digging its heels in and just saying no. You might be dragging yourself out of bed in the morning, flinging yourself about a park on your daily run, eating that healthy chia seed and yoghurt breakfast bowl, and sitting down to work hoping to finally crack whatever it is that you think you need to get done and.... nothing. Your brain isn’t playing ball. 

Maybe one way to get round this is to actually attend to that creative blockage, which is, perhaps, your own self-imposed rule that you have to be productive all the time. In baking, you need to wait, either by chilling the dough overnight or leaving it to prove in a warm place. This gives your mixture time to luxuriate in itself, bond together so that it’ll stay in shape rather than splay out or scatter; form the glutinous bonds that make a sourdough so delightfully chewy. What if you actually throw your hands up to your stroppy inner child and give yourself some play time. Doodle with felt-tip pens. Go and bake something. Set a timer for fifteen minutes and read to yourself, out loud. Listen to the call coming from inside the house. There’s no point beating a dead horse (if that’s what we’re calling your poor exhausted brain). Send it out to pasture, where it can graze a while.

Indeed if you keep yourself chained to your desk or domestic routines when you can’t seem to muster up the energy or inspiration to get your tasks done, you’ll get demoralised. It’s like how lying in bed thinking about how you really need to get to sleep just keeps you awake. The Seven of Pentacles sees a young man leaning on his hoe and casting an eye over the garden over which he has toiled. It’s reversed here, which suggests that he’s been grinding away, head down, and it hasn’t given him the results he wanted. Maybe he’s spread his energy too thin, trying to do too much at once (A working allotment! Ornamental flower beds! Topiary! Zen pebbles!), and now he’s looking at all of these half-finished, poorly executed projects with dissatisfaction. Maybe he’s like Jean de Florette in the eponymous film, and he’s been breaking his back to make something work to no avail. If only he knew of the hidden spring that would irrigate everything and bring it to life. Maybe the Seven of Pentacles reversed just hasn’t found it yet.

Maybe he’s like Ugolin and César, Jean’s covetous neighbours, who look at others’ work and believe they should be the ones receiving those blessings. They think that the titular Jean, a newcomer to the village, should give up on his dream for a farm, and go back to the city where he belongs. This semi-reasonable grudge belies the fact that because they want the land that Jean has for themselves. We can see a parallel between our innermost selves (Jean) and our critics (Ugolin and César). Are you stopping yourself from really trying because you think your critics might disapprove? As Julia Cameron notes in The Artist’s Way, other people can get really upset when you take your life and creativity into your own hands. They are cross with you for having decided to change, for having the bravery to say no to the things you don’t like. They’re jealous of your fortitude, and feel like you’re showing them up for their laziness or cowardice. You know what you should say to them. I don’t need to tell you.

Sevens, in the tarot, are about how you deal with challenges. Coming straight after the Sixes, which signify harmony, the Sevens are about what happens after the happy ending. How do you weather the storm? Continue, of course. But adapt, too. You can’t sail through a squall in the same way you would when the water’s calm. Likewise, the Seven of Pentacles reversed is a reminder to consider whether everything you’re investing in is providing valuable returns. Who says you need to tough it out if it’s not getting you anywhere? Maybe you won’t get there the way you have been going; maybe it’s time to refresh your energies and apply yourself differently.

tarot reading 27-10-20

Page of Cups (reversed), The Star, Five of Pentacles (reversed)

This week’s tarot readings pertain to domestic life and space.

We start with a delicate flower - naive and emotionally vulnerable. The Page of Cups feels like being a teenager, where it’s the best of times and the worst of times. Life is dramatic and so are you. You’re drawn to creativity because you’re building yourself everyday. You can be easily crushed by anodyne words, and crush others in your awkward flailing. 

Once you’ve been around the block a few times, you get to grips with these regular feelings. You realise you don’t have to panic everyday because you’re running late, because you can just set your life up so that you’ll be there on time. The Page of Cups hasn’t quite learned that yet. 

They still believe in dramatic reveals, dreaming of being plucked from obscurity and becoming famous and adored. As Lady Gaga said repeatedly on her campaign trail for A Star Is Born: “There can be 100 people in a room and 99 of them don't believe in you, but all it takes is one.” The Page of Cups is, and sees themselves as, a creative ingenue, and we love them for it, as long as they don’t moon about too much when the chips are down. 

When reversed, the Page of Cups suggests creative blocks. Maybe you’ve been keeping your dreams close to your chest, toiling away in secret for fear someone might sneak a peek at your work and disparage it, and by extension, you. Maybe you haven’t been able work at all, because you were terrified of what creating might mean. As regards home life and space, it suggests that you wanted to change, create something new, but you were afraid that other people wouldn’t approve. And that feeling of having your creative expression blocked was getting you down even further. 

Take strength from yesterday’s High Priestess in knowing your interior world is a valuable source of knowledge. Can you take the emotions out of the situation, for once in your life? (I say this with a gentle smile). Does a minor setback have to be added into the grand unified theory of how tragic your life is? Do those people really disapprove of you spreading your wings? Or is it just that they’re not offering you praise and encouragement and validation? 

Wherever you are, this isn’t the end of your story. You’re actually only at the beginning of your creative quest. Play into that idea you’re rather taken with, the one where you’re an undiscovered creative ingenue. Be kooky, and talk to the other unlikely characters you meet by chance along the way.

After all, hope is shining brightly. As you travel through the dark of the night, the stars point the way and lead you to what you are searching for. The Star kneels naked by the water, with no bulky armour or courtly robes holding her back. She has left behind old things, relics of past lives which weighed her down, kept her tethered. Leave behind the adolescent mood swings of the Page of Cups, and instead use your feelings to nourish your hope, like The Star does to her environment, as she pours from the jugs in her hands. How can you act truly? How can you nourish hope in your life and the lives of others?

In the Rider Waite Smith tarot deck, which I’m using above, the card strongly recalls Temperance; a similar shore with mountains rising behind. We can draw connections here to Temperance’s message of moderation and simplicity. Like Temperance, the Star has one foot in the water, one on land, balancing feeling with the material world. She pours a great torrent of water into the lake, speaking to depth. But she also trickles a tiny stream that snakes away in different directions - tentative feelers outwards signalling many different possibilities. Big changes or little changes are all useful. Throw away the holey socks, practice that habit, talk to the people you live with about what you want. The Star says, ‘Do it.’ The Star has faith in you. 

From this burst of proactivity comes the Five of Pentacles reversed: the only card of our reading to pertain specifically to the material world. This is one of the few cards in the tarot deck that is better reversed than it is upright. Upright, the Five of Pentacles speaks of penury and exclusion. In it, we see two figures dressed in rags, one crippled, trudging in the snow outside a church whose fine stained glass windows suggest wealth and dignity that these two cannot access. Reversed, those hardships are inverted - a lessening of or an end to financial trouble and isolation. Perhaps the figures go to the door and seek refuge in the warmth of a congregation. Perhaps the priest opens the door of their own accord, and invites them in from the cold. At any rate, we’re seeing a move away from isolation and material scarcity. This could be a new income stream, or something new for your home that has made a world of difference. This might look like a more concrete support network. Through reaching out to others, you realise you’re not alone (and it helps you put your own plight into perspective).