Random editing tip: It is astonishing and even alarming how mixed-up a story, poem, or essay can become if sentences or phrases are a little bit out of place. Sometimes you write something in Chapter 10 that you realize should have gone in Chapter 3, but sometimes it's that the last words of your paragraph should have been the first, or vice versa, or there's an extra sentence dividing two pieces of information that really belong together.
On the bright side, it's encouraging how many problems can be fixed by adjusting the order of a few words, sentences, or paragraphs. Not every problem can be fixed this way, but as Julia Cameron said in The Right to Write, "Very often, I found in my rewrites, I had all the right elements, just slightly out of order. A simple reshuffling of paragraphs often gave me all the polish I needed. It was easy to reshuffle when all the elements were thereāit was much easier than trying to get the elements right the first time out. Rewriting became a matter of re-righting, of putting things in place rather than reinventing the wheel."
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Week 12 of the artist way, I just put my dreams, fears, worries and resentments into this vase, it was really interesting because I noticed that I had few ambitions, maybe 4 I came up with? But I had like 20 fears ! Thatās at least 5 fears which came with each dream of mine. Sometimes I would write a dream which would inspire me to write more and more fears. Writing them out made me understand how silly some of them were though, for example, āIāll never succeed in the music industry and this was all a huge mistakeā. Spoiler, it was not. I have never been so fulfilled than I am right now!
Taking time to to breath this morning and let God handle all my worries xxx
The artist way: week 12. I procrastinated reading this, been so busy and overwhelmed with something but reading this was just what I needed the whole time, an answered prayer for sure.
Art is born in attention. Its midwife is detail. Art may seem to spring from pain, but perhaps that is because pain serves to focus our attention onto details (for instance, the excruciatingly beautiful curve of a lost loverās neck). Art may seem to involve broad strokes, grand schemes, great plans. But it is the attention to detail that stays with us; the singular image is what haunts us and becomes art. Even in the midst of pain, this singular image brings delight.
As I am short of paper and the bookstore was closed this morning, I will now write my morning pages here. Already had my coffee. Twice.When I write my morning pages I always write
NOW and : The television is on. There is a seal drinking from the seal mother. I think it is a Canadian nature program. The dog is sleeping in my lap. Clock is ticking at my wall. The T.V. is onwithout sound.. I found a skirt ( Now there is a scream from the naighbourgs house) I turn the TV on loud. What I was saying before. I found a skirt in the bacement with big red and blue flowers. I am wearing it in door, when my sweatty outdoor clothes are off my skin..
YESTERDAY..I had ideas yesterday as I was watching the Danish Serial for elderly people dating, I forgot the name. Will find it later on u tube [pause]
NOW... They are singing hymns in my TV. The priest was talking about relationship. I was thinking I shipped some, that I don't miss..Now they pray. I should listen but I know the prayer by heart.
The dog is awake. I need to get her some food from the fridge downstairs. We shared a few digestives with butter and cheeese. She does not like my new cheeese..
YESTERDAY... What I was saying before. I had some ideas from yesterdays "Hotel Romantik".
About headlines, which I write about now in three e books. Here comes the story:
" Three men are standing like they are pissing ( in TV. The serial) . They talk about theire muscels below. The one leading say: " We had a meeting about the subject and the head line was changed from:" Come and build your musculature.. "into "FROM WORM TO ANACONDA". Suddently we ten doubbled the number of men coming...
I could use that one to illustrate the importance of headlines..
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The Artistās Way Challenge, Months 4-5: Recovering Integrity Through Possibility
Heyyoo, welcome back to my 3rd entry of this little challenge Iāve decided to tackle, called āThe Artistās Way Challengeā inspired by the writings of Julia Cameronās book āThe Artistās Wayā.
ā§ Recovering Integrity
Month 4 is all about learning to recover the integrity of being an artist. This year has felt more like a repeat of last year, though some things are a bit different for me. As most of you know, Iāve taken on more of a hobby, being consistent with blogging more about the emotional landscape I traverse daily on my blog and newsletter, while also creating another page all about the latest hot topics and pop culture news. Itās been pretty fun, given Iām not putting too much pressure on myself to be hyper-consistent, nor polished (aside from making my IG look aesthetically pleasing lol).
I've been coming to terms with certain things in my life, such as my inner saboteur/shadow version of myself, that I am naturally very underrated in life. My skills and talents get praised by people in my real life, yet online rarely get noticed as often. There's a certain beauty in being a flop, but it's hard to feel as if Iāll ever succeed in my dreams. When people don't notice your talents, you lose a sense of faith in your abilities, and when you begin to not believe in yourself, you lose faith in yourself and your inner artist ā and I believe thatās happened to me.
But something Iāve been having to realize is that coming to terms with the artist and the person I am requires a shift in taste and perception, shaped by my identity. Julia says that you must toss out the old and unworkable to make way for the new and suitable. The old version of ourselves is grieving the person we no longer identify as, but it makes way for the new version of ourselves coming into form. A bit of tension will exist before it becomes a sense of relief in the new identity we take on. Be prepared for bursts of volatile tears and sudden bursts of laughter, giddiness, while simultaneously experiencing a depressive wave of loss. Regaining your creative identity comes with losing the false self you were sustaining.
ā§ Recovering Possibility
Month 5 taught me about learning how I can rediscover the possibilities I have as an artist.
Through these last few months, we have learned that being an artist is a divine manifestation. We bring our ideas into fruition from the ether of what God/Spirit blesses upon us. Creating from that void and extracting its gold into a multitude of things. With creativity, we as artists tend to think the well will run dry if we use too much of our creativity, creating a sort of scarcity mindset. Julia reminds us that creativity comes from the source, and God/Spirit shouldnāt be anthropomorphized as a parent that gives its child limited freedom. Spirit is our source of infinite abundance in terms of love, creation, and ideas.
As artists, we also deserve to be in solitude. To rest and recharge ourselves after using so much creative energy in our daily lives. Defending your right to downtime requires a lot of resiliency and courage ā especially if you have people in your life who think your withdrawal from interacting with those you love is a selfish act. By being afraid to appear selfish, we become self-destructive, blindly acting out this aggression to make a conscious decision. We strive to be people pleasers, wanting to be good, be nice, be helpful, and unselfish. To be generous and of aid to others when in reality, what our inner world desires most is to be left alone. And when we canāt get others to leave us alone, we eventually begin to abandon ourselves and our needs.
Julia asks us to question ourselves, are we acting on our self-destructive tendencies based on our true nature? I can honestly say, yes, I am VERY self-destructive. Constantly blocking my blessings of what could potentially be good for me, but I also know what my triggers are and how that can affect my mood. Every day is a learning process, and I am constantly trying to heal myself and my traumas from the years Iāve experienced disruption in my pursuit of happiness.
ā§ The Moment is Nowā¦
Iām thinking of ending thingsā¦ such a great way to say youāre over something or someone. Thatās how Iāve been feeling this entire month. Itās already May, and time is zooming past. Before long, the cycle will continue, and come July Iāll find myself repeating a four year period of experiencing a terrible, yet needed, summer character development arc. I didnāt really start realizing that thatās what Iāve been experiencing until last year when I had a major ego death moment that led to me āquitting artā, which really isnāt quitting entirely, itās just an elongated hiatus for the foreseeable future.
I havenāt even begun to act on my resolutions of finding a higher-paying full-time job, nor moving out/escaping from my mom and all that entails with her.
Part of me is fearful because Iāve grown so content with the way things are, leading my heart to become a waiting room of sorts for something new to bloom in my life. If itās not me actively looking and struggling to find a new talking stage, itās me looking for a new job and never getting a call back or barely getting a chance to move on with my application. A few weeks ago, I found myself getting sad about the impending future of my coworkers at my job. Some I love more than others, but overall, I really enjoy most of my coworkers. And the sad part is that the coworkers I get along with are about to start moving soon. I doubt Iāll be staying much longer myself, Iām just hoping I can get a raise and one last quarterly bonus before I do decide to leave.
Most days all I can ever do is just lie in bed and watch new shows or discover new movies to pass the time. Everyday I feel this sense of fatigue after a long 30hr work week, and I know thatās not a lot of time to work compared to most people, but it is a lot for someone who HATES retail working ā even though it's the only skillset I have in the working industry. When Iām not doing that I scroll on social media, ignoring my journaling traits and spending time curating my feed to whatever I like to see, but there are some times when I scroll and I find myself getting annoyed by how toxically positive people try to be during these times.
Whenever I see viral tweets of people saying āKeep creating despite the travesties in the world, this world needs more of your artistryā or āwhenever you donāt act on your creative ideas, itās damaging to your soulāā¦ and a whole wad of other crockery that I honestly get so annoyed about. Creating amidst the chaos of this world can make or break you. I believe itās partially broken me and my fear of touching my own artistry now. Iāve gone months now with barely creating much, aside from trying to become a blogger now with my Letās Talk Poptopics, Cinema Starview, and Playlist Check projects. I mean hey, itās something sorta creative, and helps me maintain the little bit of creative energy I have left in my body.
Update for May 4th: On a positive note, Iāve been trying some new things and acting on The Acts of Sol, specifically amour and suono. Discovering a lot of new music, experiencing the highs and lows of romanticism and crushesā¦ honestly not fun, but itās whatever.
Iāve recently been addicted to eating fufu and egusi soup from this African restaurant called Kemiās Kitchen. Itās sooo delicious and feels soul nourishing. Thereās a lady in my city who has a small baking/sweet business that she vendors at my friendās coffee and vintage pop-up shop. Her cookies are delicious, specifically the banana pudding and Biscoff cookies (and I hate banana pudding, but the cookies she makes, make it taste way better).
I gifted my friend, an original piece of mine. The last piece I created for the foreseeable future is āBotanyskullā. In other news and updates, several big changes have happened. I got a new job at a western wear store near me and it pays full-time. At the time of me writing this, I havenāt started it yet, but hopefully all will go well at this new job. The biggest change thatās happened is that I ended up moving out and cutting off my mom. Iāve been in a desperate boat of trying to keep myself afloat and look for a place to stay, itās been hard but Iāve been doing my best to figure some things out. I have a GoFundMe currently up if anyone wants to help in any way they can. I seriously need help in achieving some type of housing but I havenāt been able to get anything just yet. Whatever you can donate will really help.
Hopefully next month will go well, Iām trying to hold onto hope somehow.
Iām currently going through a rough time. I just moved out of my momās and cut her off, so Iām tryiā¦ Dev King needs your support for Help Me
