The Spoon Drawer

the potion seller discourse is insane. cop walks into a chemist's lab and demands pure undiluted morphine. chemist says hey i don't make this for human consumption. cop insists repeatedly, crying, shitting himself. in no way is the potion seller in the wrong here.

No, see, he's an asshole for not giving the cop the potion to kill himself with.

See i would absolutely agree with this take but being directly responsible for killing the Knight would tarnish the Potion Seller's name across the kingdom. + the Knight is insisting he's going to die in battle anyways.

I once made a potion that kills you but the undying one drank it and lived and it ruined my reptutation so now i'm forced to weave small coats for beetle grubs. i cant complain the beetles have good money but now whenever im spotted on the street the peasants mock me and call me beetleboy

hi beetleboy LOL hows your beetles. loser

I Defeated the Demon Lord but it Turns Out the Demon Army was Largely Unaffected and I Fell Victim to a Flawed Belief in Great Man Theory

I Executed The Demon Lord With One Flawless Strike And After A Brief Power Struggle The New Demon Government Is Substantially More Committed To The War Because Of Some Reason I Don't Know

my devoted but dangerously unstable knight will be hearing about this

(mob boss voice) What's the matter? Ain't you never seen a skald before? This here guy composes verse to record our, like, magnificent deeds an' shit. (LOUDER) Ey Bragi! Gimme one of those fuckin eddas again!

You know as an American born in the late 90s I’ve watched my country blow up foreigners on tv supposedly in the interest of national security since I was a toddler but quite frankly we live on a natural fortress of a continent with friendly nations to our north and south and have been attacked on our own soil literally two times in the past hundred years and we have military bases on every inhabited continent on earth. It’s never made sense to do these things for “national security”. It never will make sense unless you value the shareholders of weapons companies over the lives of children. And apparently a concerning amount of people do.

being the second child is so lame when your older brother has no fortunes to inherit or power to come into. all of my scheming younger brother tendencies are being completely wasted like it’s not even worth putting all my efforts into usurping him and taking his place as heir. it’s not even worth it

like obviously I’m still going to do it because plotting and scheming are natural responses to being the second child but it’s just not the most lucrative career option anymore

So many people who wanna argue with me about King Arthur clearly haven’t read the actual medieval texts. I know this because if they actually read the source material they’d know that when it comes to King Arthur, everything is made up and the points don’t matter.

I never thought I would be siding with the pope’s involvement in politics and cheering him on. I will say that.

Call me old fashioned, but I think the president saying "a whole civilization will die tonight" is the part where he should be deposed immediately.

what will it be, boss? the comfort of misery or the pain of change?

mutuals are people u wanna eat bread dipped in olive oil with

Apolitically killing bandits and savages in my video game with no messages

asked the skyrim bandits why they were living in a cave and they explained the war effort has buried the economy so they can't find work and lost their homes. I use my shout to blast them across the cave and find a preeeetty nice sword among their belongings