☽ 𝓗 𝓔 𝓛 𝓛 𝓞 ☽

Okay so, I feel like I have very few people to share this with, and in turn I think its because there's still a decent bit of people in my life who just wouldn't get it (not a huge group but still significant enough). - BUT, I finally was able to make my GAC (Gender affirming care) appointment / consultation about 2 - 3 months ago, and due to who I'm going through to transition there's a wait list / minimum weeks booking out for new patients. 2 - 3 months later, to date, a week from now I have my first appointment. Like---its happening. It's real. I get to move forward and hope the state of the U.S. doesn't fuck it all up for not even just me, but all my trans or gender non-conforming individuals out there who want to transition or just want to live peacefully. I'm so nervous to be so honest. I've never had the ability to choose me. And for once I am. It feels hard to voice the good and the bad, the anxiety and the anticipation that comes with change because to some people it just sounds like I'm afraid. And why wouldn't I or anyone be? Its a lot of change all at once. Its the uncertain ups and downs with a glowing, bright light of the future of what's to be. I don't expect everyone to understand but a good piece of advice I came across recently, is there are some things I'm not meant to know. And that that's okay. I turn to the internet for my inner thoughts because in a way its just easier. But yeah. In a week from now I'm taking my first steps. So much could go wrong. Especially as you the reader may imagine, its quite a bit behind a lot of people's back. But remember if you ever need it, all you have is you. You go to bed and occupy your own body. You occupy your own mind. The body you exist in isn't your choice. So make it a good home for your stay until the inevitable end, or perhaps the new beginning of the next life, depending on what you believe. As someone who has never known how to choose me, I urge you to choose you too. And to be safe. Somebody gets it somewhere. Someone has to, or how is the bond between likeminded strangers so cosmically strong? I hope the world learns to be kind to us all. The fight is never over, but with that in mind, celebrate your victories. Growing your hair out or cutting it all off. Starting HRT, getting that tattoo. Being so authentically you people mistake you for the sun. Live. I'm proud of you. It's going to be okay. And if for some godless reason it seems it wont be, when has that ever stopped us from existing? Being visible? Being proud because we earned the right to be? And if you need it today, I love you. I love you for all the goodness and the flaws. The pains you keep---the ones you don't know how to let go of. The in-between moments. The stagnant growth. Your favorite color. Your laugh. Your incredible way of being. Your want to change and your fear to get better. Your soul and the head on your shoulders. The distance in between the states, or across the world. I love you for the molecules that once occupied the air and now make up you. You are made too much of love to not change everything forever. You are seen, by me if it helps. I hope you hold onto yourself like you would the heat of Summer nostalgia. I believe kindness could change everything as it once has. -Some stranger on the internet

I'm a big fan of going into movies, books, etc., etc., pretty blind --- this movie is exactly what you'd expect and also nothing at all of ever what you'd think. Where to watch: I'm pretty sure I found it through Amazon Prime, but its also on Peacock, Tubi, and services of that nature For my other "going in blind" fans out there, I'll keep the details to a minimum, HOWEVER - CW (CONTENT WARNING) [If any of these topics bother you, I would consider either not watching it or watch it with a comfort friend / partner / etc] This movie does showcase: ------------------ -Nudity / prostitution* / nsfw things in general (quite a lot of it) -Gore -Violent language and scenes / lot of squeamish scenes even for me -Talk about drugs / drug usage -Grief / played up but palpable insanity -*mistreatment of women (look back to the first CW on the list) Its a movie from the 90's - so the restrictions on what they're allowed to show in films aren't nearly as strict as the ones we have today. But by no means is it a documentary so its really silly and meant to be satirical --- but please please take care of yourself and avoid any content that may be triggering to you <3 If you can stomach and move past a lot of the CW's, this movie is somehow the most real and not real movie I've ever gotten the pleasure to see. Its extremely campy and I don't doubt niche (though I'm not even sure how popular it was upon release) "its a movie" is a great way to describe it. Full of weird ass quotes and "WHAT DID I JUST WATCH" moments if you're for that sort of thing. But yea, heavy on the CW list, I cannot stress enough how much nudity is in this film and everything in general they really just did not hold back. But a film nonetheless that I absolutely couldn't keep to myself after seeing it. GOODLUCK! (If you find this and end up watching it - tell me your thoughts! ^^)

There are too many stars to look at, too many branches to inspect upon a falling tree --- Far too many words to learn and secrets to tell. Too many colours, too many bars to songs you like, Too many moments where people turn around and surprise the narrative; too many moments where the universe looks back. Be far too much of everything all of the time. Be far more constant. There is too much to not be selfish in knowing. Too many stars. Look at all of them.

am i a biased opinion? absolutely!! but i thinks its very silly so, hemlo tumblr! its been awhile

https://picrew.me/image_maker/1283349