I Like Dumb Things

love pickles. a little pickle never killed nobody. Unless you’re in one. Then shit ain’t funny.

Scrolled came back read it again and cried laughing

Thank you for giving me another chance

currently

“my father is a boy and my mother is a girl so i’m mixed” is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6’5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat

my only crimes were loving too much and confusing love with violence and so also extreme violence too i guess also i stole a few things too

can't believe the only options are 30 minutes early or 10 minutes late. if only there were some other way. but what can you do

The best thing for me, as an ex- Starbucks employee, is the horror that genuinely is the milk delivery when it’s only you and one other shift member. Though, I did end up learning how to carry six individual gallons of milk at once.

Also that change from Customer Service ™®© voice back to normal to informal joking-threats is amazing

Yeah the whiplash from “Hi welcome to starbucks how can I help you! :)” to “I’LL FUCK YOUR WIFE” killed me.

the number 1 rule of fanfic is have fun and be yourself. the number 2 rule is the average healthy adult male can lose roughly 2 liters of blood before dying.

Merriam-Webster didn’t say it, but I feel that a “you feckin’ clown shoe” was implied at the end of their second tweet.

I have made so many references to this song that my friends now know it and reference it as well.

oh boy i wish someone would notice my cries for help! [someone actually notices] noooo i'm fine don't worry about me