TaliaQuinn

"It's just… Why a snake, of all things?"

Shane shrugs. Carefully, he folds the very tip of the page he's on, creating the tiniest dog ear Yuna has seen, before closing the comic book and setting it aside on the bedside table. He scoots closer to Yuna, slowly, carefully, as if he's worried she's going to get up and leave if he moves too fast, until eventually he's next to her, arm pressed against hers. Yuna lifts the arm and wraps it around Shane, pulling him closer, and just waits him out.

Usually she presses him for information, trying to get an answer as quick as possible, but right now she's content to just sit here. She rests her head against Shane's, hair still damp from his shower earlier, and just holds him.

Eventually, voice thick, Shane says, "People think I'm weird. Everyone in my class likes that I'm good at hockey, and that I'm fast. In gym I'm always picked first for teams, but… I don't think anyone really likes me."

Something in Yuna breaks. There's a sharp pain in her chest that goes just as quickly as it came, and the matter of fact way Shane tells her ‘I don't think anyone likes me’ brings tears to her eyes. "Oh, baby…"

"And…" Shane sniffles and wipes his nose with the back of his hand. "No one really likes snakes, either. They think they're scary and weird and boring, and I think maybe I'm weird and boring, so maybe… Maybe a snake would like me."

not because he's a baby a la classic man cold

but because he will AGGRESSIVELY try to pretend he is not sick

he is trying to gaslight others but ALSO himself

he has a gold medal immune system thank you he did NOT get taken down by ill pikeling spreading Elementary School Plague to him

not happening

as an itty bitty he lied so he wouldn't have to skip hockey, and that has NOT changed as an adult

his true toxic trait is that he WILL be typhoid mary in that locker room if it means he doesn't have to stay home and miss playing

like. no one else on the team understands Hollander Illness Behavior yet, so they're teasing ilya about being overprotective because shane is SO underplaying it and meanwhile ilya is just, "no, i am so fucking serious. get a medic and then call an ambulance."

and shane who is barely on this realm of existence and about 0.2 seconds from having Involuntary Floor Time is just, "don't worry :) i'll just take an advil or something :)"

@nirby-wirby

the idea that ilya was trying to be loving and let shane come to his own conclusions that he was sick and give in to being cared for because they're still early in their marriage and he thinks that's still possible

only for The Appendixing to happen and shane in the aftermath losing his faking it privileges as a result because APPARENTLY his shifty ass will just "no thank you" his own body THROUGH A FUCKING! MEDICAL EMERGENCY!!

@dragoonthegreat

CACKLING

i also feel like part of the problem is that he IS so good. yeah his fever is 102 and he can't really see straight and gravity is applying to him unevenly, but he is still making goals. would that goal have happened if he was at home?? GUESS WE'LL NEVER HAVE TO KNOW.

the idea of the team thinking they can rat him out to ilya (at home on temporary injury reserve) being SO darkly funny to ilya. he WISHES he had the authority to just make shane admit he's sick and rest. you would think someone obsessed with their health in every other way would take illness seriously enough to rest when he needs to.

he makes it into the locker room before his body goes "okay night night time" and he just goes DOWN

but he held it together SO well in the interview that people see the ambulance coming to the arena and start speculating about fucking EVERYONE

EXCEPT THE MOTHERFUCKER WHO ACTUALLY GOT A WEE WOO TAXI RIDE

he's still out for the next one and announcers are like, "wow, bad luck to have a player end up in the hospital last time and hollander out on this one" and ilya is just -_-

shane in the fucking stratosphere after surgery: TWO appende-appen-appenbyebyes. one more than ANYONE else on the team. that's called-that's called WINNING, babe.

Ilya always had been a light sleeper, so no matter how lightly they stepped he was awake moments after the first shocked gasp.

Ilya knows it’s over for him. There’s no mistaking that there’s a man asleep on his chest in a clearly non-platonic cuddle. Usually Ilya would be punching the intruder, threatening violence to try and ensure they kept their mouth shut but he has quickly realised something far more important. With the way they are sleeping, Ilya on his underneath on his back and Shane on his stomach on top with his face pressed into the gap between Ilya’s neck and the couch, they can’t see his face.

He quickly pulls Shane’s hood up over his head to hide hair and rests a hand over it to gently discourage Shane from moving it should he start to wake up.

So Ilya just stares down his team and goes “you can be upset, but are going to be fucking quiet about it because if you wake my guest I’m sending all my blackmail on you to your wives, and then start fucking them to help them get over the divorce.”

So the whole “You’re fucking gay!” “No, I’m a fucking bi who is fucking a gay” conversation happens at a furious whisper, with Shane blissfully sleeping on Ilya’s chest as life implodes around him.

Shane may be a deep sleeper - and the argument in whispers - but even he starts to stir at the noise.

Ilya can’t have him moving his face into visibility now, so he just scruffs the back of his neck harshly and pressed him deeper into his shoulder.

Shane lets out a pleased (and not at all quiet) moan, and - worried that he is going to start talking - Ilya realises he needs to shut him up.

So he glares at the Bears to be quiet, while suddenly putting on the softest voice they have ever heard him use as he goes, “shhh quiet time now mоя любовь. Back to sleep.” And then shoves his fingers into Shane’s mouth.

But Elmo, after cheerfully surrendering his old toys, sees that the children who swapped toys with him are playing with his toys “wrong”! They’re imagining entirely different make believe scenarios! They’re pretending the football is a dinosaur egg instead of a rocket ship! Aaahhhhh!!!! And this is so distressing to poor Elmo that he does the unthinkable: He does swapsies-backsies and takes all his toys back!

This being Sesame Street, he learns that you can’t control how other people play pretend, but you can join in if you want to! And if you don’t want to, that’s ok, you can just play pretend your own way by yourself or with someone else who wants to play that way too. You can still be friends with people who play pretend differently than you (and aren’t being mean/harmful/etc, do not bad-faith-read this 🤨).

Yes, I was tearing through books constantly, and talking to this teacher at least weekly. Because even though I always loved reading as a kid, literature was always a very weak subject for me in terms of a teaching-to-standardized-test school setting (I just do awful on "what color were the curtains" type multiple choice questions. Those details don't stick in my memory THEY JUST DON'T). But that didn't matter for this class. I could just read my way out of any bad test score. I have always had fond memories of how I "fudged" my way through that class and "abused' the extra credit policy.

her heart is too tiny for so much love:(!!!

not because he owes the world ANYTHING but because he already did ALL the right things and obeyed the media training and acted just how he was supposed to, and then his world got blown to smithereens anyway, so FUCK IT. he still mostly stays on the rails, but he is more relaxed in interviews with ilya because a little bit "fuck it" and a little bit "i'm sitting next to my favorite person while doing this"

they DO end up sidetracking each other, though, a la the way ilya kept cracking up and wrecking the ccm shoot

they get asked couple interview questions that are just softball content things like "who cooks the most?"

and IMMEDIATELY the answer is delayed by bickering

"-kay, yeah, maybe during the season you do more cooking, but let's also talk about who sets the fire alarm off more"

"oh, we want to do this? who is the one who tried to set our toaster on fire this morning, hollander? remind me of this"

"oh, you mean our THIRD toaster this year because you just shove stuff in there and see what happen-"

"you also were curious about if cookies could go in there. you know you were."

"no, i wasn't! i said don't do it!"

"no, you are rewriting history." *hand flick and look to camera* i asked if cookies could go in the toaster, and he said 'i don't know.'" *look back to shane* "you wanted to know."

"no! that is not what that means at ALL. that doesn't-"

"i asked question, you-"

"no, you're ridiculous." *look back to camera* "he cooks more, but you can also ask the fire department who sets off the alarm more. it's the same answer."

"the fire department came ONE time."

"yeah, and it's one more than i've ever had them called on me."

"yes, because your great love is the microwave and that-"

and the interviewer behind the camera just. really does not know where to jump in here because they are fully more focused on each other than actually. doing the interview.