#yoojae

I want to date you! You… jerk.

.💫💫💫.

It’s not the same anymore.

| "All I've been thinking about is you. What do you think? Can you still be my friend in this situation? Can we put our arms around each other's shoulders and hug each other, like nothing happened? I can't.""

The subtext of their words never go unnoticed. When frustration builds up, they know how to talk it out. They are each other’s comfort and safe place. Both their family environments feel suffocating in their own specific way and the only means they have to escape it is to spend time in each other’s company. Not only is the playground the place they first met, it’s also their safe haven, the place that saw their friendship take root, the place that welcomed them with all of their fears and doubts. It’s the place that makes them surrender but most importantly, it’s the place that makes them completely aware of the importance each has in each other’s life. The fact that Yoojae told Hanjoon that he has never once pitied him in this place is highly symbolic. They met as children and the way they saw each other back then hasn’t changed — they see each other for who they truly are: vulnerable souls gravitating around each other.  

Hanjoon’s thoughtful nature stands in sharp contrast with Yoojae’s seemingly unbothered personality. 

Hanjoon minds his words while Yoojae says what people want to hear, even if the chances of misunderstanding are high. Hanjoon always thinks of the consequences of his actions whereas Yoojae is spontaneous and does what feels right in the moment. 

Both seem to have different visions of the world but that doesn’t stop them from having a very deep understanding of each other. They are very careful with one another hence the fact they seldom stay angry with each other because they hate making the other hurt. Their pride never gets between them and that’s what makes their friendship so long-lasting.

But although they have such a beautiful friendship, episode 4 showed us that they still can inflict wounds to each other. Yoojae reacted in the worst possible way when he realised how pricey the chocolates Hanjoon had bought him were. Him throwing them to the ground, him yelling at Hanjoon, him walking away upon hearing Hanjoon say that he likes him so much that it makes him act foolishly… He not only broke Hanjoon’s heart but he completely crushed it. Hanjoon’s confession was full of quiet despair and genuineness and it took Yoojae by surprise. His feelings were overwhelming and Yoojae was already frustrated so he didn't know how to handle all these intense emotions.    

Although this scene broke both Hanjoon’s heart and mine, I found it achingly beautiful. Hanjoon’s noble and courageous spirit was highlighted in the way he stood his ground against Yoojae’s cold anger. He didn’t raise his voice nor did he yield in front of Yoojae’s harshful words. He poured his heart out although he knew Yoojae wasn’t ready to hear the words he had buried deep inside. He told him he liked him although he knew that it could cost their friendship. I couldn’t help but think about what Yoojae had told Hanjoon in episode 3. 

HJ: If the exam is over then…? YJ: What of it? HJ: Are you going to accept her after that? YJ: How could that be? HJ: Why not? YJ: Isn't it funny to reject someone once and then accept them again? I already rejected her once, it's never going to work. HJ: Can't you guys be friends? YJ: Forget it.

Just be direct and say what you want to say. I have nothing to say to you anymore. Why not? What else can I do?

"New Zealand from penguin."