#*starstruck analysis

Yoojae is a very easy character to despise for he only appears as someone selfish and self-centred. But he is not. How do I know? Because a soul as thoughtful and kind as Hanjoon wouldn’t be friends with someone like that. 

There is one simple fact that the recent episodes might have made us forget about: out of everyone — and yes I do include us viewers —, Yoojae is the one who knows Hanjoon best. 

He knew that gifting him a laptop was a bad idea but he couldn’t bear the thought that someone else might have bought one for him if he hadn’t beaten them to it. 

HJ: You know I wouldn’t like it. Why did you spend so much money on it?

Beyond hating that very idea, he felt distressed. Why did it not cross his mind that Hanjoon might not have his own laptop? How come a senior who barely knows him knew about that even when he didn’t? As @ueasking accurately pointed out in their post comparing the drama with the novel it originates from, money — or the lack of —  is a leitmotif in Star Struck. Yoojae knew that Hanjoon would not like receiving such an expensive gift but it breaks Yoojae’s heart knowing that Hanjoon will always struggle to properly study if he doesn’t have a laptop; hence the fact he still bought him one. It was an insensitive thing to do but he couldn’t help it. Yoojae wants to take care of him and lift the weight he carries on his shoulders. He wants to be a shoulder on which he can always lean on. He doesn’t want Hanjoon to rely on anyone else. But Hanjoon doesn’t want to rely on him, not like that anyway. Taken out of context, it could be perceived as a toxic behaviour but it’s not. Yoojae cares immensely for Hanjoon and he wants to help him the best he can. His intentions are genuine but his actions always fail to make them clear.  

I’m not excusing Yoojae’s behaviour though. Yoojae is indeed being selfish but what’s worse is that he is painfully aware of how much of an ass he’s being to Hanjoon. He hates himself for it but he doesn’t see any other way. Him throwing the chocolates in Hanjoon’s bin in front of him was useless and hurtful. He did so because he wanted to make sure that they could go back to how they used to be. As if throwing out the chocolates once and for all would make them forget that night in front of Hanjoon’s house. 

If I could, I’d add an audio file to this text post with only the dialogue of this scene, the one before the time jump (i.e the chocolate box disaster scene). 

Both actors did a brilliant job and their micro-expressions wonderfully reflected the inner turmoil both characters were going through. However, what absolutely shattered my heart is the fluctuation in Yoojae’s voice. The way his voice quavered and broke as Hanjoon’s words sank in. 

He was taken aback by his confession and so he let his anger speak in his place because he was on the defensive. He thought Hanjoon was emotionally blackmailing him (see @ueasking’s post for more details) and he couldn’t believe that he was about to lose his best friend. Because they had made plans for their college life together. Because although his future was not yet all planned out, Hanjoon was always a part of it. Always was and always would.  

So yes Yoojae acts immaturely, reacts in the worst possible ways, and doesn’t take into account Hanjoon’s feelings but it paradoxically shows how much he loves him. You have every right to think he is in the wrong for that but this isn’t the point.

I can’t even begin to imagine how much pain he had to go through while waiting for Hanjoon’s call which never came. Hanjoon was his safe place and he lost it the moment Hanjoon disappeared from his life. Strangely enough, he doesn’t resent him for it because he understands why Hanjoon did that. (Again, I adore Hanjoon so I’m not blaming him for disappearing. I’m not here to blame anyone anyway.) That’s why Yoojae greeted him with such a warm gaze and a genuine smile in the bar scene (ep 5). 

Hanjoon leaving left a void in Yoojae’s heart so deep that it scared him. Now that Hanjoon is back in his life, he’d do anything to make him stay. 

Yoojae tends to act on a whim and he doesn’t over-analyse his feelings. The moment Hanjoon agreed to be his friend again was all he ever wanted and so he stifled the confusing emotions that had aroused when Hanjoon confessed. However when he realised that they could never go back to their old-selves, a wave of panic washed over him (which explains his excessive drinking in ep 6). 

The cafe scene during which he acts like a child who wants Hanjoon’s undivided attention is proof that both Hanjoon and him won’t ever be able to go back to just being friends. What led him to get drunk is that precise realisation. Parts of him must have anticipated the fact that Hanjoon would (or might) act differently but he didn't expect himself to be so on edge. The old Yoojae would not have reacted so strongly to Hanjoon’s being flirted with by a girl. When Hanjoon told him he loved him, it acted as a self-epiphany but this epiphany happened too soon. Yoojae wasn’t ready and Hanjoon needed to protect himself. Both hearts were broken that night although one expected it whereas the other didn’t. 

The embodiment of Yoojae’s desperation was that scene near the end of ep 6. 

So. Much. Subtext. It might be silly but although this scene has no dialogues, I can hear Yoojae’s every thought. His plea to make Hanjoon stay. His silent cry telling him to not run away. But Hanjoon breaks free from his grasp and Yoojae knows there is no going back. Hanjoon won’t indulge him anymore. 

Truth be told, I didn’t want Yoojae to lean in for a kiss after Hanjoon told him to let him go (both literally and figuratively). Because he did so not because he was ready but because he was terrified of losing Hanjoon again. 

Next week eps are going to be intense. I’m so scared to see Hanjoon’s reaction. The dialogue in the playground highlights yet again how absolutely amazing he is. The fact that he told Yoojae that his feelings for him are still very much alive and that staying close to him is agonising requires outstanding courage and says a lot about his character. I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again: Hanjoon is such a beautiful and brave soul. The way he is always so thoughtful, attentive, and kind to the people around him is everything to me. Even when he was shocked to see Yoojae once again after 5 months of not talking to him, he still found the emotional strength to try to soothe the girl crying next to him in the bar. 

The fact that he kept on reliving the chocolates disaster scene for 5 months straight is just heart-wrenching. Knowing how thoughtful he is, I’m sure he felt guilty for not contacting Yoojae. 

Although Star Struck abides by the BL genre conventions and uses some classic tropes, the well-written and raw dialogues and the detailed acting make it stand out and highlight how complex the human condition is especially when it comes to the most irrational of emotions: love. 

The subtext of their words never go unnoticed. When frustration builds up, they know how to talk it out. They are each other’s comfort and safe place. Both their family environments feel suffocating in their own specific way and the only means they have to escape it is to spend time in each other’s company. Not only is the playground the place they first met, it’s also their safe haven, the place that saw their friendship take root, the place that welcomed them with all of their fears and doubts. It’s the place that makes them surrender but most importantly, it’s the place that makes them completely aware of the importance each has in each other’s life. The fact that Yoojae told Hanjoon that he has never once pitied him in this place is highly symbolic. They met as children and the way they saw each other back then hasn’t changed — they see each other for who they truly are: vulnerable souls gravitating around each other.  

Hanjoon’s thoughtful nature stands in sharp contrast with Yoojae’s seemingly unbothered personality. 

Hanjoon minds his words while Yoojae says what people want to hear, even if the chances of misunderstanding are high. Hanjoon always thinks of the consequences of his actions whereas Yoojae is spontaneous and does what feels right in the moment. 

Both seem to have different visions of the world but that doesn’t stop them from having a very deep understanding of each other. They are very careful with one another hence the fact they seldom stay angry with each other because they hate making the other hurt. Their pride never gets between them and that’s what makes their friendship so long-lasting.

But although they have such a beautiful friendship, episode 4 showed us that they still can inflict wounds to each other. Yoojae reacted in the worst possible way when he realised how pricey the chocolates Hanjoon had bought him were. Him throwing them to the ground, him yelling at Hanjoon, him walking away upon hearing Hanjoon say that he likes him so much that it makes him act foolishly… He not only broke Hanjoon’s heart but he completely crushed it. Hanjoon’s confession was full of quiet despair and genuineness and it took Yoojae by surprise. His feelings were overwhelming and Yoojae was already frustrated so he didn't know how to handle all these intense emotions.    

Although this scene broke both Hanjoon’s heart and mine, I found it achingly beautiful. Hanjoon’s noble and courageous spirit was highlighted in the way he stood his ground against Yoojae’s cold anger. He didn’t raise his voice nor did he yield in front of Yoojae’s harshful words. He poured his heart out although he knew Yoojae wasn’t ready to hear the words he had buried deep inside. He told him he liked him although he knew that it could cost their friendship. I couldn’t help but think about what Yoojae had told Hanjoon in episode 3. 

HJ: If the exam is over then…? YJ: What of it? HJ: Are you going to accept her after that? YJ: How could that be? HJ: Why not? YJ: Isn't it funny to reject someone once and then accept them again? I already rejected her once, it's never going to work. HJ: Can't you guys be friends? YJ: Forget it.

What I found most heart-warming in the last two episodes of Star Struck is Yoojae’s character development. His development is quite subtle and yet it feels as if he changed completely. The series beautifully highlighted how he found peace in his love for Hanjoon. 

In the previous episodes, Yoojae is seen as being consumed by his jealousy which makes him act on a whim without ever questioning the very root of that feeling. He is restless and overwhelmed by the fear of Hanjoon leaving him again. Him kissing Hanjoon is the very embodiment of these confusing feelings. 

However the one who is most troubled after the kiss is not Yoojae but Hanjoon. This might come off as a surprise because Hanjoon has always been sure of his feelings for Yoojae, whereas Yoojae — up until now — hadn’t realised that his bond with Hanjoon ran deeper than just friendship. 

Although their first kiss propelled the both of them into uncharted territory, Yoojae found tranquility in knowing that his feelings for Hanjoon were feelings of pure love. 

This new-found tranquillity is emphasised by the colours of Yoojae’s clothes. He is wearing a bright yellow cardigan which contrasts with Hanjoon’s grey clothes. The colour yellow here seems to imply the start of a new day — as in a new chapter in their story —  for it echoes the sun’s colour but it also symbolises hope and happiness. As for the colour grey, it symbolises the feeling of loss. Indeed, Hanjoon is convinced that Yoojae will soon come to regret having kissed him. He tries to act as if nothing happened because acknowledging the kiss would mean losing Yoojae, or so he thinks. He must have thought about kissing Yoojae before but he never allowed himself to actually do it (in the series at least) because he dreaded the consequences. To him, his first kiss would have been the last. It only implied the end of the thing he valued most in this world. He had never thought it would turn out to be the beginning of everything (hence Yoojae’s yellow cardigan). 

When Yoobin says to Yoojae that he should not say anything to Hanjoon for missing their study session, the old Yoojae would have talked back or let out a sassy remark. But he remained unusually calm and didn’t say anything. He simply put away his phone and focused on getting the work done. 

Yoobin’s words made him realise that he knew Hanjoon would react that way. Hanjoon being distant and avoiding him was in keeping with his thoughtful and careful nature. He did know him the best after all but he still hoped for another reaction (to their kiss). It was silly of him to think like that and that’s why he remains quiet and listens to Yoobin. 

My favourite moment in episode 7 is obviously that scene in the playground. 

It’s heart-breaking to see Hanjoon so anxious: his eyes flicker and he tries his best to avoid meeting Yoojae’s eyes. His arms are around the swing’s ropes as if he desperately needed to hold on to something. Yoojae however watches Hanjoon steadily. He remains soft-spoken — whereas Hanjoon’s voice quavers and fluctuates because of how worried and afraid he feels — and his body language emphasises how serene he feels. He trusts his feelings and he seems pretty certain that nothing will go wrong. He just needs to let Hanjoon know that he is allowed to express his feelings, the ones he has tried so hard to bury deep inside for who knows how long.  

It’s only when Yoojae says “I’m not here to watch the stars.” that Hanjoon truly looks at him. His eyes are fixed on his and I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that he was holding his breath at that moment. It’s precious how Yoojae saying “Let’s date.” makes Hanjoon let go of the swing’s ropes. He is taken aback but most importantly, he is immensely relieved. 

The fast transition to the basketball court makes us see Hanjoon and Yoojae both playing and smiling but what’s worth noticing is that they both wear dark clothes. Hanjoon is still wearing grey clothes but grey doesn’t mean the same as it used to: the colour grey no longer implies loss but rather a new-found balance. As for Yoojae’s dark blue T-shirt, I’d say it symbolises calmness which is in keeping with this idea of new-found balance that both characters have found since facing their true feelings.