Love doesnât make you blind, it makes you selfish and desperate.Â
Yoojae is a very easy character to despise for he only appears as someone selfish and self-centred. But he is not. How do I know? Because a soul as thoughtful and kind as Hanjoon wouldnât be friends with someone like that.Â
There is one simple fact that the recent episodes might have made us forget about: out of everyone â and yes I do include us viewers â, Yoojae is the one who knows Hanjoon best.Â
He knew that gifting him a laptop was a bad idea but he couldnât bear the thought that someone else might have bought one for him if he hadnât beaten them to it.Â
HJ: You know I wouldnât like it. Why did you spend so much money on it?
Beyond hating that very idea, he felt distressed. Why did it not cross his mind that Hanjoon might not have his own laptop? How come a senior who barely knows him knew about that even when he didnât? As @ueasking accurately pointed out in their post comparing the drama with the novel it originates from, money â or the lack of â is a leitmotif in Star Struck. Yoojae knew that Hanjoon would not like receiving such an expensive gift but it breaks Yoojaeâs heart knowing that Hanjoon will always struggle to properly study if he doesnât have a laptop; hence the fact he still bought him one. It was an insensitive thing to do but he couldnât help it. Yoojae wants to take care of him and lift the weight he carries on his shoulders. He wants to be a shoulder on which he can always lean on. He doesnât want Hanjoon to rely on anyone else. But Hanjoon doesnât want to rely on him, not like that anyway. Taken out of context, it could be perceived as a toxic behaviour but itâs not. Yoojae cares immensely for Hanjoon and he wants to help him the best he can. His intentions are genuine but his actions always fail to make them clear. Â
Iâm not excusing Yoojaeâs behaviour though. Yoojae is indeed being selfish but whatâs worse is that he is painfully aware of how much of an ass heâs being to Hanjoon. He hates himself for it but he doesnât see any other way. Him throwing the chocolates in Hanjoonâs bin in front of him was useless and hurtful. He did so because he wanted to make sure that they could go back to how they used to be. As if throwing out the chocolates once and for all would make them forget that night in front of Hanjoonâs house.Â
If I could, Iâd add an audio file to this text post with only the dialogue of this scene, the one before the time jump (i.e the chocolate box disaster scene).Â
Both actors did a brilliant job and their micro-expressions wonderfully reflected the inner turmoil both characters were going through. However, what absolutely shattered my heart is the fluctuation in Yoojaeâs voice. The way his voice quavered and broke as Hanjoonâs words sank in.Â
He was taken aback by his confession and so he let his anger speak in his place because he was on the defensive. He thought Hanjoon was emotionally blackmailing him (see @ueaskingâs post for more details) and he couldnât believe that he was about to lose his best friend. Because they had made plans for their college life together. Because although his future was not yet all planned out, Hanjoon was always a part of it. Always was and always would. Â
So yes Yoojae acts immaturely, reacts in the worst possible ways, and doesnât take into account Hanjoonâs feelings but it paradoxically shows how much he loves him. You have every right to think he is in the wrong for that but this isnât the point.
I canât even begin to imagine how much pain he had to go through while waiting for Hanjoonâs call which never came. Hanjoon was his safe place and he lost it the moment Hanjoon disappeared from his life. Strangely enough, he doesnât resent him for it because he understands why Hanjoon did that. (Again, I adore Hanjoon so Iâm not blaming him for disappearing. Iâm not here to blame anyone anyway.) Thatâs why Yoojae greeted him with such a warm gaze and a genuine smile in the bar scene (ep 5).Â
Hanjoon leaving left a void in Yoojaeâs heart so deep that it scared him. Now that Hanjoon is back in his life, heâd do anything to make him stay.Â
Yoojae tends to act on a whim and he doesnât over-analyse his feelings. The moment Hanjoon agreed to be his friend again was all he ever wanted and so he stifled the confusing emotions that had aroused when Hanjoon confessed. However when he realised that they could never go back to their old-selves, a wave of panic washed over him (which explains his excessive drinking in ep 6).Â
The cafe scene during which he acts like a child who wants Hanjoonâs undivided attention is proof that both Hanjoon and him wonât ever be able to go back to just being friends. What led him to get drunk is that precise realisation. Parts of him must have anticipated the fact that Hanjoon would (or might) act differently but he didn't expect himself to be so on edge. The old Yoojae would not have reacted so strongly to Hanjoonâs being flirted with by a girl. When Hanjoon told him he loved him, it acted as a self-epiphany but this epiphany happened too soon. Yoojae wasnât ready and Hanjoon needed to protect himself. Both hearts were broken that night although one expected it whereas the other didnât.Â
The embodiment of Yoojaeâs desperation was that scene near the end of ep 6.Â
So. Much. Subtext. It might be silly but although this scene has no dialogues, I can hear Yoojaeâs every thought. His plea to make Hanjoon stay. His silent cry telling him to not run away. But Hanjoon breaks free from his grasp and Yoojae knows there is no going back. Hanjoon wonât indulge him anymore.Â
Truth be told, I didnât want Yoojae to lean in for a kiss after Hanjoon told him to let him go (both literally and figuratively). Because he did so not because he was ready but because he was terrified of losing Hanjoon again.Â
Next week eps are going to be intense. Iâm so scared to see Hanjoonâs reaction. The dialogue in the playground highlights yet again how absolutely amazing he is. The fact that he told Yoojae that his feelings for him are still very much alive and that staying close to him is agonising requires outstanding courage and says a lot about his character. Iâve said it before but Iâll say it again: Hanjoon is such a beautiful and brave soul. The way he is always so thoughtful, attentive, and kind to the people around him is everything to me. Even when he was shocked to see Yoojae once again after 5 months of not talking to him, he still found the emotional strength to try to soothe the girl crying next to him in the bar.Â
The fact that he kept on reliving the chocolates disaster scene for 5 months straight is just heart-wrenching. Knowing how thoughtful he is, Iâm sure he felt guilty for not contacting Yoojae.Â
Although Star Struck abides by the BL genre conventions and uses some classic tropes, the well-written and raw dialogues and the detailed acting make it stand out and highlight how complex the human condition is especially when it comes to the most irrational of emotions: love.Â
Part 2










