#yearning central

Most people, when they meet Sarah, immediately assume she doesn't like them. And it's not hard to come to that assumption when the whole time someone is talking to Sarah, her facial expression is one that usually resembles either boredom or judgment.

At first, most of Sarah's teammates—apart from KK, of course—didn't really know how to converse with Sarah because she always gave off the impression that she was disinterested, or annoyed with them, so they just stuck with topics she would talk to them about, like basketball.

But, of course, everyone has a soft spot, and Sarah's is you.

Sarah met you while she was on her recruitment trip at UConn. She was 17 years old and trying not to give away just how impressed she was with UConn's sports facility.

You were 19 years old, and technically supposed to be all-knowing now that you were entering your sophomore year, but you still had that look in your eye like you were still figuring all this out, too.

Sarah knew who you were, lockdown defender and when needed a sharp-shooter, you helped lead the Huskies to an almost undefeated season your freshman year until you were injured in the final four against the Louisville Cardinals.

It was basically a doomed season anyway, with Paige out with an injury and Azzi on a minute restriction, along with others who were injured, but leading the Huskies through a season like that with little to no players definitely let others know that you were a basketball player to watch.

Sarah found herself drifting towards you during her visit and hoped that nobody noticed, but Geno and CD caught everything, so when you had to leave practice—which wasn't really practice, it was more so the others practiced and Geno let you yell at them so that you would feel included—to go to rehad, Geno asked you to take Sarah along and show her what happened when you played stupid—because yes, Geno was salty that you got injured during the final four because he knows you could've won it all.

The whole time you spent together was filled with chatter and laughter.

Sarah didn't know what was happening to her. She wasn't a girl who giggled or laughed so hard her stomach hurt, and yet, a couple of hours spent with you and suddenly, Sarah was laughing like she had never felt joy before.

Sarah spent a couple of hours with you, but it felt like she had known you for years. You were funny and smart, you got Sarah's humour, which meant no awkward silences after she made a joke because people didn't get her. You were also very transparent about your injury; there was no tense silence when she asked about it, you were honest about how you felt about it and what you were thinking when it came to the future of your career.

Sarah felt so comfortable with you. Like she could say anything, do anything, ask anything, and there would be no judgment, nothing but pure understanding from you.

It felt like you understood what Sarah was thinking before she even thought it.

That was what finalised UConn for Sarah.

Sarah had met a lot of people, met a lot of coaches, met a lot of players, but she had never felt as understood as she did sitting with you while you went through your rehab knee stretches.

Later that night, when Sarah went to Geno's house, she was ready to sign the contract that second.

Geno raised his eyebrows in CD's direction, and she nodded back—those two are evil masterminds, that's for sure.

UConn lost in the final four that season, a hard loss for everyone on the team, but mainly the seniors.

It was hard to send Nika and Aaliyah off with no championship, but you all still showed your support at the draft, with Paige obviously being the loudest one.

Before you knew it, and before you got to really enjoy your off-season, summer conditioning started, and it was time to see all the freshmen.

Sarah, Allie and Morgan were so adorable, it was honestly criminal.

Sarah immediately latched on to you, becoming “your freshie” as you and everyone else called her.

And as conditioning went on and the season started, they started noticing that you were the only one Sarah really smiled for or seemed happy to be around.

During practice, you were the only Sarah wanted to run drills with (when they got to choose, which was rarely ever because Geno had a system) and during team dinners or team bonding, Sarah only sat next to you, and she didn't talk to people outside of the team unless you included her.

Sarah didn't know why her face felt flush and red after you praised her for something she did during practice. She didn't know why she felt her mood improve after you had done something as simple as smile at her, or give her a high-five.

Sarah didn't know it was a crush, which felt like a childish name for what she was feeling when the thought popped up.

The upperclassmen basically sniffed out Sarah's crush-not-crush on you like hound dogs—and they found it very amusing—but the younger ones thought Sarah just stuck close for advice.

You weren't oblivious; you knew Sarah had a crush on you, but you thought it was an admiration thing, an innocent crush that Sarah would get over as the season went on.

She didn't.

For Sarah, as the season went on, her crush-not-crush on you only grew, especially after the game against USC, and Sarah blamed herself for the loss. You sat next to her and distracted her. You told her about your losses and injuries and embarrassing moments during basketball, and it helped. Sarah felt understood whenever she spoke to you.

She told you about how she really felt about the game, and from the bus ride to the hotel to the bus ride home, all you did was reassure her that it wasn't her fault.

Other things had happened earlier in the game that could've been different, that would've changed the whole game.

Winning the national championship with you by Sarah's side was all she wanted. The feeling of lifting that trophy with both of you side-by-side filled Sarah with an unexplainable feeling. A feeling that she wanted to feel over and over and over.

Later that night, after champagne showers, you and Paige passing the net between each other, music so loud you're sure the whole hotel could hear it, and seeing all the UConn alum pull up, like Diana, Sue, Maya, Aaliyah, and more floating around, you found yourself lying in bed next to Sarah.

She wasn't allowed to drink, and her mom, Allison, made you promise that you would watch her. You nodded and saluted her while promising you would keep watch over Sarah, and Allison walked away with a knowing smile on her face.

So, you found yourself watching over Sarah all night, keeping her safe despite being very intoxicated yourself. Then, when it was so late, it was basically the next day, you dragged Sarah to her hotel room and made her calm down and go to sleep.

Now, you lay across from her, watching her sleep, like an Edward Cullen wannabe.

You knew exactly what you felt for Sarah, but you couldn't do anything about it. You wouldn't do anything about it.

Sarah was just starting her career, she had a lot to learn, a lot to accomplish, a lot to do, and even though you were very successful in your own right, fans and the media often always made relationships the focal point when it came to women's sports, you wouldn't be able to bring yourself to do that to Sarah's career.

She didn't deserve to have her career put in jeopardy because you had feelings.

Suddenly, Sarah's hand reached out, and you froze, watching her hand move around aimlessly, trying to feel for something.

Her hand then found what it was looking for and latched onto your hand, bringing it close to her chest. Sarah held your hand and squeezed it tight. This wasn't uncommon for Sarah to do when she couldn't sleep, especially when you were laying with her.

You watched her try to fall back to sleep, but her breathing didn't return to its normal pattern. Then quietly, she murmured sleepily, “Come closer.”

You blinked softly, not moving, unsure. You shouldn't have felt this awkward when you had cuddled before, but for some reason, you felt nervous.

Sarah frowned sleepily, eyes still closed. She squeezed your hand again and tugged you closer, making it clear what she wanted.

You finally moved over, and Sarah curled into you like this is what she's been waiting for all night. Her head lay on your chest, hands still interlocked, and your head lay on top of hers.

You watched Sarah relax, and when her breathing returned to normal, and you were sure she had really fallen back to sleep, you whispered, like you weren't sure if you even wanted to say it.

“I love you.”

No reply.

Just the quiet breathing from Sarah.

This was it. Your last season. Your last everything at UConn.

You weren't ready to leave the girls. You knew you weren't ready, but you can't stop it. You tried not to think so much about the future by burying yourself in basketball, and for the most part, it worked, but during the late nights, when you could hear your teammates arguing and the freshmen laughing, you let yourself think about it.

It was hard enough saying goodbye to Paige after the championship. You both clung to each other, bawling your eyes out, and you cried again when she got drafted, but only in private cause that was embarrassing.

Now, it's your turn.

You couldn't even imagine how hard it was for Paige to leave Azzi, and now you were sitting in your room, thinking about what it's gonna be like to leave Sarah, although you and Sarah weren't in a relationship.

After that night, you didn't say anything and fell asleep. Sarah didn't say anything when she woke up, not that you expected her to; you knew she was asleep.

But since that moment, you have been having an internal fight with yourself about whether you should distance yourself or not. You thought distancing yourself would make leaving easier, but after not being able to stay away from Sarah for two days, you decided to scrap that idea. You were just going to have to endure the hurt.

Sarah, on the other hand, found herself clinging to you in every possible way.

She was your partner in every drill, hoping Geno wouldn't notice that she ignored his system—he definitely noticed—she spent all her free time in your room, whether she was doing school work, watching a movie, scrolling on her phone, sleeping, or literally just wanting to lie on your bed. She was soaking up as much of you as she could before you left.

Sometimes you would have a later class, and come back late to find Sarah asleep in your bed, curled on your side of the bed like that helped her sleep.

It didn't fully hit Sarah until days before senior night that this was actually your last year. You were declaring for the draft and leaving in two months.

Two months.

That's all the time she had left with you.

Sarah turned her head towards you. Currently the both of you were lying on your bed watching a movie, Sarah's pick. You weren't really paying attention, finding something much more interesting to watch on your phone, Sarah was curled into your side, and she was relaxed until she remembered senior night was days away.

You felt Sarah move, and when you looked down at her, you noticed her eyes were trained on you.

“Can I help you, Lizzie?” You smiled cheekily.

Sarah rolled her eyes at your nickname for her that you took from her middle name, Elizabeth.

She avoided looking at you, “I'm just thinking.” She said, her voice was lower than usual.

“Yeah? About what?” You asked, putting your phone down and turning all your attention to Sarah.

She huffed, “About you…leaving.”

You sighed, you've been trying to avoid talking to Sarah about this knowing you weren't ready for it, but now you couldn't.

You reached your hand out and grabbed her chin, making her look at you. Now, Sarah had no choice but to make eye contact with you.

“What about it?” You asked softly, dropping your hand. You wanted Sarah to be able to tell you how she really felt, which she had never struggled to do before, but you could tell she needed a little push tonight, especially when the topic was you leaving.

The room was quiet, the only noise being the movie, which was now background noise to you and Sarah.

You didn't talk after that; you just let Sarah find her words.

Then she said, “I'm not ready.” Her voice is close to a whisper and wavering, “I'm not ready for you to leave.”

Her chin wobbled, and as soon as she was finished talking, tears fell down her face, quick and relentless.

You reached out in an instant and wrapped your arms around Sarah, bringing her close to you. She cried silently into your chest, clutching your top like it was her lifeline, “Please don't leave me.”

Please don't leave me.

Your heart broke. She whispered it like a mantra, still sobbing into your chest.

You just held her closer, “I can't stop it, baby.”

Baby. The name slipped out before you could stop it. Either Sarah didn't notice or she chose to ignore it, but she held you tighter, continuing to whisper, “Please don't leave me.”

Sarah didn't cry when she won the championship or when Paige left. In fact, there were only a few rare moments when you did see her cry, and when she did, she hadn't cried like this. She hadn't cried as hard or as much. And yet, the thought of you leaving was enough to bring Sarah to tears.

“I know, I know.” Sarah said softly, “I know you can't stop it, but please, don't leave me behind. Don't forget me.”

Your eyes watered, “I'm not gonna do that, sweetheart.” Another nickname slipped out, “I'm never gonna forget you.”

“Yes, you will.” She whispered into your chest, “You're gonna get drafted to a team in a city far away and leave me behind. You're gonna have another best friend, and you're gonna replace me.”

You hugged Sarah tighter, your heart breaking with every word she said.

“That's not gonna happen, Lizzie.” You said while running one hand through her hair, the other tugging Sarah closer.

“Yes, it is,” Sarah said stubbornly, clinging closer to you.

Your hand left her hair and grabbed her chin, tilting her face to look up at you.

“No, it's not.” You said firmly.

Sarah looked drained. Tear stains covered her face, her eyes were red, and she sniffled every five seconds, and yet, despite all of that, you thought Sarah looked beautiful.

You grasped her face in your hands and looked right into her eyes, saying, “You're my number one girl, Sarah, I'm never gonna forget you. Or leave you. Or replace you. You're gonna be with me forever.”

“Don't say that.” Her voice was lower than a whisper, and she kept tugging her bottom lip into her mouth.

You'll admit you did get a little distracted watching Sarah bite her lip, but you focused again and couldn't help the small grin that was fighting its way onto your face. “Why not?”

“Because it'll just make it harder for me when you leave.”

“Okay, sweetheart, I won't say it again.”

You grinned triumphantly when Sarah blushed. Now that she had finished crying, and her thoughts of you leaving had semi left her mind, she could actually focus now, and hearing you call her sweetheart turned Sarah into a blushing mess.

“Don't say that either,” She said shyly, leaning forward to hide her face in your chest.

At this point, you had pretty much figured out that Sarah still had a “crush-not-crush” on you, but just like you thought last year, you would not jeopardize her career, which meant you had to turn your feelings off so that you didn't do something reckless like kiss her.

You didn't say anything after that. You just held Sarah closer.

You would think that after all that crying Sarah would be the first to fall asleep, but it ended up being you. Sarah's face was tucked under your chin, and she was curled into your chest listening to the sound of your beating heart.

Then, Sarah whispered, so quietly she wasn't even sure she had actually said it.

“I love you.”

No reply.

Just the quiet sound of your breathing.