#yeah...we kept falling over on the bridge...

Namjoon was a pretty decent roommate. You had connected with him on Facebook while searching for somebody to move into your spare room in your apartment when your last roommate moved out unexpectedly. He was quick to take you up on the offer.

He kept things tidy, relatively quiet. He read a lot and liked to sing in the shower. Your schedules seem to be quite the opposite: while you were at work, he was home. And while you were home, he was out or hidden away in his room. Your interactions were always pleasant. He was a genuinely nice guy who even left you meals in the fridge if he had any food left over from his dinner. You didn’t know much about him: who his friends were, where or what he did for work, or even what his last name was but he paid rent on time and didn’t bring drama. That’s all you could ask for.

You sat in your shared living room watching tv, lounging and relaxing after work when Namjoon came out of his room with a frustrated look on his face. His fingers were furiously typing against his phone screen.

“Hey.” You greeted him. “Didn’t realize you were home.”

“Uh, yeah.” He said without looking up, still focused on whoever he was texting.

“Is everything okay?” You asked, never having seen him in any mood other than a pleasant one. He took a second to glance up at you, a fake and tight smile on his face.

“Yeah. All good.”

“Okay.” You shrug. “You just seem a little stressed out or something.”

“It’s just a work thing.” He said, brushing it off but this peaked your interest never hearing him mention anything about his work. Or much of anything really.

“Oh? Anything I can do to help?” You offered causing Namjoon to snicker a bit, a laugh that made you feel a bit insecure for some reason. Almost as if he was laughing at some sort of an inside joke. “What’s so funny?”

“I uh- I don’t think this is something you could help me with.” He said, plopping down on the couch beside you in a huff. This was the first time you had had a conversation this long, let alone sat so close together. It excited you a bit.

“Come on, I’m good at my job. I’m a supervisor. I manage a whole team. I’m sure I can help you out with whatever is going on.” You pushed. “What kind of work are you in?”

“Well,” he hesitated, “Im a content creator.. I guess you could say.”

“Oh, that’s cool. Maybe I’ve seen some of your work.” You said excitedly while taking your phone out. “What platforms are you on?”

“I definitely don’t think you’ve seen my content or I think we would have crossed that bridge by now.” He chuckled, a hint of a darker tone behind his words that you caught onto quickly.

“What? Am I crossing the line or something?” You ask, panicking a bit. “I’m sorry. I just haven’t gotten to know you so I guess I got a bit excited.”

“Well, although that’s very cute, I don’t know if this is something I’m ready to share with you.”

“Do you make cringey videos or something?” You chuckle but Namjoon didn’t laugh along with you.

“No.” He said, sighing deeply. “Definitely not cringey.”

“Okay, you kinda have to tell me now. I’m way too curious.” You pester, not allowing him to shy away from the topic. He groaned, running both his hands through his hair dramatically before finally giving you an inch.

“Do you promise not to judge me?”

“I promise.” You say, crossing your heart like a school-girl. “Cross my heart.”

“Oh god-okay.” Namjoon rolled his eyes at your cliche but continued. “I make content for Only Fans.”

“Wait, isn’t that.. the porn site?” You ask with a bit more emphasis on the word porn than Namjoon appreciated.

“You said you wouldn’t judge.”

“I’m not I’m just.. I guess I can’t really picture you doing.. that.” You said, your voice still full of judgment. Namjoon was admittedly very, very, attractive. But in more of a ‘hot teachers assistant’ way. He was tall, studious, and came off very private. You couldn’t imagine him filming himself and posting it for others to watch.

“You mean you don’t think I can fuck?” He said, snickering a bit.

“No! I mean, yes. Not that I’ve imagined you having sex. I haven’t. But I just didn’t take you as somebody who would, you know, record yourself doing that for money.” You said, a bit of panic in your voice. “There’s nothing wrong with that! Nothing wrong at all. I mean, you always pay rent on time so I don’t care.”

“Well, that’s kinda the problem.” He grumbled. “I was supposed to shoot a new video I promised my subscribers with this new amateur actress and she cancelled. My other creator friends are all unavailable so, I might be fucked out of rent this month.”

“Oh-uh.. I can see how that would be frustrating.” You say, not knowing the best way to comfort him in this scenario while also worrying about the other half of your apartments rent money in the back of your mind. “Can’t you just.. do something else?”

“My subscribers are waiting on a new video with a partner. If I post a solo video I’ll have to refund a whole bunch of subscriptions and I’ll be fucked. No pun intended.” He groaned.

“You really have enough subscribers to pay your rent every single month?” You say in complete shock, glazing over his entire issue.

“Yes.” He sighed. “For now.”

“Holy shit.” You mumble. “Well, do you have a backup plan?”

“No. Not unless you want to take one for the team and be in the video with me.” He said, laughing a bit.

“Oh, you’re hilarious.” You rolled your eyes.

“I’m joking. Plus, you’re a virgin right?”

“That’s fucking rude.” You scoff.

Namjoon’s eyes scanned you up and down, sizing you up. You suddenly felt a bit self conscious and covered yourself by crossing your arms.

“You know, maybe that’s not such a bad idea after all.” He lifted his finger to his lips like he was pondering a deep thought. “Yeah, that could totally work.”

“I’m lost. What are you going on about?”

“You should be in the video with me. If you want to, that is.” He said so casually you thought he was joking. You started to laugh, a small snort slipping out. When his face remained serious, your laughter cut off quickly.

“Wait- you’re not joking?”

“No. I have to pay rent somehow and you’re very pretty. I get tested for STD’s weekly and I’m clean.” He said very confidently. “Plus, I would do all the work. You wouldn’t have to worry about anything other than enjoying yourself.”

“I wouldn’t have to worry about anything? Of course I would. I’d be on camera!” You balked. “There’s like a million things I would have to worry about.”

“My content very much surrounds the pleasure of my viewer and the person I make content with if I do a video with somebody.” He put it simply. “I don’t expect you to do anything too performative. We can talk about what you like and dislike but, really, all you have to do is allow me to give you multiple orgasms for my own pleasure and yours.”

“Oh please.” You scoff, not believing a second of it. “I’ve seen porn before. It’s 90% blowjob followed by 3 pumps and a fake orgasm.”

“That’s porn made in a studio for men by men. I make porn for everyone but, mainly women. The majority of my subscribers are either women or people who identify as queer.” He explained. “Plus, I get off by getting people off.”

Although the idea was insane, his words admittedly made butterflies flutter around in your stomach.

“I don’t know.” You said, still not fully believing what he was saying. “I also don’t know how I feel about being recorded. What if people recognize me?”

“I can blur your face if you like.” He shrugged, unbothered. “I’m able to work with you to make you as comfortable as possible. We don’t even have to have sex if you don’t want you. You can just lay back and let me take make you cum a few times with my hands. My mouth. Maybe a toy if you have one..”

He trailed off, allowing you to envision the experience. You felt heat rush to your cheeks as well as between your thighs, although it made you feel a bit embarrassed. Your eyes glanced down to his hand. His fingers were long and almost delicate that suggested hidden skills and an expert touch. As your eyes traveled farther, you noticed he was hard. His bulge pressing up into his jeans in a size that was impossible to ignore.

“Oh.” You slipped without thinking, your eyes snapping away quickly. You had to fight hard not to look back down.

“Sorry.” He apologized, a smirk on his lips. “Like I said, I get off to getting others off. Even thinking about getting you off is enough to turn me on.”

You unintentionally pressed your thighs together which Namjoon noticed, satisfied. He knew he was having some sort of effect on you. Good or bad, he didn’t quite know.

“What are you thinking? Is this too much all at once?” He asked, his voice soothing.

“I still don’t know Namjoon.” You mumble. “I’m just.. nervous. About a lot. I’m not sure what to think about all this still.”

“I understand.” He nodded and stood up from his spot on the couch. “How about you sleep on it? Let me know tomorrow.”

You nodded, giving him a tight smile. He walked over to his bedroom door. But, before going inside he told you one more thing.

“Runch Randa.” He said, not elaborating.

“What?” You asked him, completely confused.

“My Only Fans name. Runch Randa.” Namjoon repeated. “In case you need to do some research.”

Namjoon slipped into his room without another word, leaving you with a peculiar decision to make by morning.

———————————————

You were still tossing and turning at midnight. Namjoon’s words repeating themselves over and over again in your mind. Should you or shouldn’t you? You thought to yourself. It would be easy to say no and help him cover rent this month. Secretly look for a backup roommate just in case this happens again. But truthfully, the thought about saying no disappointed you a bit. Not because you wanted to be on camera and wanted to sell sex with your roommate. But because Namjoon made sex with him sound so intriguing. And he must be good at it, right? If he was good enough to make money off of selling his sex it must be?

You wanted to call a friend and talk to them. Ask them what you should do but, you couldn’t. You didn’t want them to judge your roommate or you if you went through with it. Or worse, watch the video if you did. So instead, you opened the web browser on your phone and search his username. ‘Runch Randa.’

“Such an unsexy name for a sexy man.” You mumbled to yourself, and then clicked on his profile. He had a decent amount of subscribers. Not a crazy amount but, for his subscription cost, definitely enough where he could support himself with some change left over. His account was subscription protected but, thankfully, his account offered a 24 hour subscriber trial. All you had do to was create an account.

Once signed up, you scrolled through his long list of videos that he had sorted by categories. You first started in his “Solo” playlist. The thumbnail of the first video made your jaw practically hit the floor. It was Namjoon sat on a chair, only his torso shown, with his fist at the base of his thick cock.

You slapped your phone down on your chest and took a deep breath, completely freaked out by the fact that you had just seen your roommates dick. But, more importantly, that it looked like that. After taking a deep breath, you lifted your phone again and found enough bravery to press the play button.

The video was simple, one of the first he ever posted based on the date. Over a year ago. You watched with cheeks burning as his hand slowly stroked himself up and down, his wrist twisting each time he got to his head. Your eyes followed every movement, the time passing as if you were entranced. Suddenly, without warning, a soft moan left your phone speakers. You closed the video quickly, your heart racing along with a new pulse between your thighs. A new excitement bubbling. Before opening your phone again, you made sure to grab your headphones to enjoy Namjoon’s noises with more privacy.

You scrolled through more of his Solo playlist and found he had gotten more adventurous, using masturbator toys and even touching himself from behind as he grew more confident in front of the camera. You noticed about 6 months into his career he started to show his face, and enjoyed watching how his jaw would go slack whenever he would do something to himself that felt really good and how he would curse and clench his jaw when he came really hard. Before long, you had to come to terms with the fact you were wet from watching him.

You moved on and saw another category: “Partners” and was pleasantly surprised to find not just women, but very attractive men featured in the videos as well. There were few, seemingly new to his career. He must have only just started collaborating with other sex workers recently. You clicked on one with a pretty man with long blonde hair that was pulled into a ponytail. He was shorter than Namjoon and had a tattoo on his ribcage but also one down his spine that was very nicely on display when Namjoon bent him over.

His needy whimpers made your entire body feel hot. Too hot. You quickly clicked out and went to another video. You found one of Namjoon with a female creator. She was beautiful, of course. And Namjoon had pulled her over his face, making her sit right on top of him. You watched in awe as she quivered and twitched above him, whimpering as devoured her from down below. Even muffled by her thighs, you could still hear the audio of his lips sucking on her click and tongue licking up her arousal. His hands planted firmly on her thighs so she would not squirm away. Her moans were so pornographic it almost made you jealous. Almost. Overall, you were just incredibly turned on.

The pulse between your legs was impossible to ignore now, your panties now soaked from watching your roommate eat this girl alive. As you watch her cum on his tongue, convulsing above him as he held her steady until she came down from her high, you decided you couldn’t fight it any longer. Opening the drawer in your bedside table, you pulled out your vibrator and pushed it under your panties.

You went back to a video you had scrolled by previously, a solo video. You pressed play and watched as Namjoon stroked himself, one hand firmly at his base while the other focused on stroking his swollen cockhead. He was leaking precum, his deep voice dribbling out nonsense. You clicked the first speed on your vibrator, a small gasp slipping through your lips as the sensation hit your engorged clit.

“Fuck baby, you look so pretty playing with yourself for me.” He said, his voice deeper than normal. Your heart raced as if he could actually see you but, this only made it that much more exciting. You found yourself settling down in your bed further, spreading your legs into a wider butterfly position. The fabric of your panties tightening against you as you spread your legs that pushed your toy even harder into you.

“Are you making yourself feel good for me? Such a good girl.” His honey voice cooed in your headphones. Without realizing, a small whimper slipped out of your lips. You tried your best to control yourself, biting down on your bottom lip as you continued to watch. You started to move your vibrator in circular motions against yourself, matching the pace that Namjoon was using to stroke himself. It didn’t take long for the heat of an approaching climax to start to build.

“Are you going to cum for me? Hmm?” He grunted, the speed of his fist picking up speed, his wrist twisting and milking him harder. “Going to be a good girl and cum for me?”

You found yourself nodding pathetically as if he could see you. Your hips bucking up into your toy, pressing up into it hard, wanting more. You clicked the power one more time, upping the speed. You were right there, on the brink.

“Fuck- that’s it baby. Cum with me.” Namjoon grunted. And you watched as his eyes fluttered shut and his hips twitched as he pumped himself empty into his hand. The sight on the screen making you go over the edge, cumming hard against your toy. A small moan escaping your throat before you could stop yourself.

When your orgasm subsided, you pulled off your completely ruined panties, the apex of your thighs still pulsing with the aftershocks of your climax. You knew for certain now you were definitely interested in sleeping with Namjoon. That was fact. But being on camera? That was a component you weren’t sure about yet. Namjoon said he could blur your face which took care of that but, the worry still was in the back of your head. There were so many angles, so many things others could notice about you that you didn’t want them to. What if you sounded weird? Your stomach bunched up in a weird way? Did you have a strange looking vagina or weird shaped nipples? Did Namjoon even want to sleep with you? Or was he just desperate to make content?

“Ugh..” you groaned, throwing your arms above your face, sleepiness catching up to you. You decided to make up your mind in the morning.

————————————————

You were eating a piece of toast when Namjoon emerged from his room.

“Morning.” He greeted you, a hint of a smile on his face.

“Morning.” You felt your cheeks get warm instantly. “There’s coffee in the coffee maker if you want some.”

“Thanks.” He said and walked over to pour himself a cup. Black, no sugar or milk. “So, did you enjoy your research last night?”

You cough, choking on your bite of food which made Namjoon laugh.

“I get a notification every time somebody subscribes. Even if it’s with the free trial. Maybe using your first name in your username isn’t the best idea in this scenario.” He explained with a cocky grin.

“Oh, I see.” You said sheepishly, trying to avoid eye contact. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Did you like what you watched?” He persisted, taking another sip of his drink.

“I uh, didn’t watch anything. I just scrolled really.” You lied very unconvincingly.

“You know, these walls are very thin.” He explained, using his finger to tap against the eggshell white paint of the kitchen. “Any little sound, or buzzing noise, can be heard very well. So let’s try answering that question again.”

“God- please spare me.” You grown, covering your face with your hands in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry, I’m being mean. I just like to tease.” He chuckled. “But, I take it you enjoyed what you saw?”

You adverted your eyes completely and couldn’t bear to look at him however, the familiar pulse between your thighs returned at the memory and also his forward words. He was still patiently waiting for an answer and you knew he wouldn’t drop this topic without one.

“Yes.” You mumbled shyly.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed.” Namjoon reassured you. “That just means I’m doing my job well. I take it as the highest compliment. I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.”

You smiled softly and gave him a shy nod, finally meeting his eyes. You finished your toast and he finished his coffee in silence before he finally spoke again.

“Have you given any more thought to helping me out today?” He asked the million dollar question. Well, more like the $1500 question.

“Yes, I have.”

“Have you decided? Or are you still unsure?” Namjoon persisted, still remaining composed and polite. He leaned against the kitchen counter. You couldn’t help but stare at the way his shirt hugged his pecks as he leaned back against the granite, making your mouth go a bit dry.

“I uh- I’m still a bit unsure of some things.” You said with a weak voice since he had stolen your breath just simply by existing. He nodded and thought for a moment before continuing.

“Well, tell me what you’re sure of and then we can go from there.”

“Oh. Well.. you’re very attractive.” You admitted which made him smile a genuine smile. His dimple showing deep in his cheek. “Very, very attractive. It seemed like you know what you’re doing and are good what you do. And I’d like to sleep with you.”

“Okay.” He said, his head cocking to the side with his eyebrow raised. “It sounds like that’s all we really need. So, I guess I’m a bit confused on what’s holding us back here.”

“I just- what if people don’t like how I look? What if after all of this you still have to refund people anyway because you slept with somebody who looks like me? I mean, do you event want to sleep with me? If you didn’t have to make this video would you have ever pursued me? Because you’ve never tried.”

“I got hard just thinking about getting you off.” He said simply. “I got off last night listening to you get off. Just knowing you were watching my videos drove me crazy. Of course I want to fuck you.”

“You got off to me?” You ask him with surprise.

“Yes. And the only reason why I haven’t tried sleeping with you before is because you’re my roommate and in the past that.. complicated things. I didn’t want drama. But I can’t deny that I’ve thought about it. Many times.”

“So, you do think I’m attractive?”

“Yes. Very much so. And so will my subscribers but, that’s not the point. I just want to make you feel good and I know I can. If you are so gracious to let me.” Namjoon pushed himself off the counter and walked over to you. He took his hand and grabbed your chin gently, lifting your face up to look at him. Your lips trembled and your heart raced. “I want to make you cum. Over and over. You won’t see the camera and I’ll make sure of that. It will just be us.”

“C-can you blur my face?” You whispered, your voice shaking.

“Yes. Anything you need to make you feel comfortable.”

“Then.. okay. I’ll be in the video.” You tell him, agreeing to his proposition.

“Good girl.” He smirked and then pulled away from you. “I promise you won’t regret it.”

You finally took a breath, realizing you had been holding it for some time. Your head was spinning slightly but you had to focus as you had more questions to answer.

“I need to know what you’re comfortable with. What you like.”

“Hmm? Oh- I’m sure anything is fine.”

“No. I need direct answers.” He said very seriously. “This is sex but this is also my work. I need to be professional and make sure you’re not uncomfortable. Are you okay with kissing on the lips?”

“People have been not okay with that?” You ask him in shock, wondering how you could enjoy sex without doing such a thing.

“Different people have different boundaries. Especially if the person who creates this sort of content has a significant other outside of this line of work.” He explained. “So, I take that as a yes?”

“Yes. I’m okay with kissing.” You told him with butterflies in your stomach.

“Okay. Can I touch your breasts? Do you like nipple okay?” He asks it so casually you had to repeat the question to yourself in your head a few times before answering.

“Yeah.” You mumble. “I do.”

“Good.” He pursed his lips, thinking. Mapping out the video in his head. “Am I allowed to finger you? Go down on you, if you’re comfortable enough?”

“Yes.” You gulped. Your mouth felt dry again, as if he had stolen every drop of moisture from your body and sent it pooling down between your thighs.

“What about toys? Can I use one on you?” You could see him getting hard in his pajama pants at the thought. It made you press your thighs together just at the sight of his bulge, especially knowing now just what he was hiding under the fabric.

“I think you’re going to kill me but, yes.” You told him which made him laugh darkly.

“I’m going to push your limits for sure.” He admitted. “But that’s all the fun. I want you to feel pure bliss. I’ve already made you cum once.”

“That doesn’t count.” You argued, your cheeks burning.

“Oh yes, it does. And I’m going to make sure there’s plenty more where that came from.” He said, grabbing his cock in his hand through his pants. “Can I fuck you?”

“Yes. I really want you to do that.”

“Noted.” He almost laughed at your expression of pure lust, feeling flattered. “What about anal? Can I eat your ass?”

“Oh, uh. I don’t know- I’ve never really..” you started to feel a bit nervous and unsure. Maybe even a bit scared which he picked up on instantly.

“Don’t worry. We won’t do anything like that today. Is there anything else I should know before I go set up and shower?” He asked you and you thought long and hard but shook your head no.

“Okay. Give me two hours and knock on my door. I’d say wear something cute but, it will come off regardless.” He smirked. “See you soon baby. I’m looking forward to it.”

————————————————

The hours flew by as you rushed to prepare for your on-camera “debut”. You made sure to scrub your whole body, shave it nice and bare, and did your makeup to perfection. You knew exactly what you would wear: a matching sheer black lace panty and bra set that left little to the imagination. You tossed an oversized shirt over yourself to conceal your undergarments that fit you almost like a dress, not wanting to come off too strong and show up at Namjoon’s door half naked.

Your heart pounded as you made your way to his room. You were both anxious and terrified to experience what waited for you on the other side of his door. You took a deep breath and knocked lightly on the doorframe. Moments later, it opened and Namjoon was there to greet you. His frame feeling even taller than normal, towering over you.

“Hi beautiful.” He said warmly. “Are you ready?”

He was shirtless, wearing nothing but loosely fitted grey sweatpants that hung off his waist. A silver chain around his neck. He looked divine.

You smiled shyly and nodded. He smiled back and lifted his hand to caress your cheek, trying to calm you.

“We can stop at any time. Okay?”

“I know.” You told him.

“I’ll take good care of you. I’ll make you feel amazing.” He told you, reaching for your hand and leading you into his room. You stepped in slowly and glanced around, trying your best to not be obvious as you searched for the video camera. You thought you would see a tripod, a camcorder, something technical. Instead all you saw was a plush king size bed, a bookcase on the wall overfilled with books that seemed to be one title away from collapsing, and a window filled with plants that had leaves cascading to the floor. His room was inviting and cozy. Comfortable.

“Not what you expected?” He asked, catching your eyes wandering.

“Did you not set up yet?” You asked him.

“I told you, you won’t see the cameras. But they’re here. They’re recording. I’ll show you where after. Right now, it’s just me and you.” Namjoon reassured you and pulled you close to him. He lifted your chin up, leaving your lips inches from his. You could smell his minty breath against your face, coaxing you in.

“Are you sure you still want to do this?” He whispered against your lips.

“Yes.” You told him. “I want you.”

“Good.”

Namjoon pressed his lips against yours softly, allowing the kiss to become deeper as you melted against his chest. He wrapped his arms around your waist, allowing his hands to slide down over the curve of your back and over your ass. He smirked into the kiss when he found you opted to not wear shorts under your oversized shirt, and was instead wearing a pair of panties when his hands cupped your cheeks. When you felt his large hands squeeze your behind you couldn’t help but whimper into the kiss you were sharing.

You wrapped your arms around Namjoon’s neck and he lifted you up off the ground and wrapping your legs around his waist to carry you to his bed. He sat down on the edge with you on his lap straddling him. You both made out for a few minutes, getting familiar with each other until Namjoon started to play with the hem of your shirt.

“Can I take this off of you.” He asked you, nipping at your bottom lip. You nodded shyly and raised your arms for him to take it off and enjoyed the look on his face when he saw you clad in your lacy black set.

“Jesus Christ you were hiding that this whole time?”

Namjoon kissed down your neck slowly, placing open mouth kisses on your throat and collar bone until he reached the top of your bra. Using his hands, he gripped the top of each cup and pulled them down, allowing each of your breasts to spill out in front of him.

“Shit.” He sucked in a breath at the sight before him, relishing in it. “So fucking beautiful.”

He grabbed one breast in his hand, using two of his fingers to pinch at your hardened nipple. He tweaked and twisted it, the sensation shooting down between your thighs instantly. While he continued to toy with that nipple, he wrapped his plump lips around the other. He sucked on it gently while keeping his eyes on you, enjoying how your eyes fluttered each time the tip of his tongue flicked across the tip of your hardened bud.

You started to grind down against him. You could feel how hard he was against you, somehow growing harder and harder than he already was. His cock pressing up just right against you, his head pressing up into your clit. The friction felt amazing and soon you had soaked through your own panties, leaving a wet mark on his sweats. But you didn’t care. It felt too good.

“Mmm.” You moaned, your bottom lip caught between your teeth. Your hips starting to pick up speed as you chased the growing burn between your thighs.

“Does it feel good baby?” Namjoon said, pulling his lips off your now puffy nipple. You nod frantically while your hips still rock against him. “Such a good girl for me.”

He placed his lips back on your nipple and continued his sensual torture. While he did so, down below, Namjoon made sure to buck his hips up to meet your movements which made the friction so much more precise and intense. After a few more minutes of this, you felt a familiar intensity building between your thighs. Your hips started to twitch and your movements became more desperate, breathing more shallow and rapid.

“Joon-“ you were going to warn him but he placed his lips next to your ear and shushed you quietly.

“Be careful pretty.” He whispered almost too quietly. “Don’t use my name. They don’t know my real identity.”

“S-sorry.” You mumbled and he pressed a warm kiss to the base of your jaw to silently accept your apology.

“Are you going to cum grinding on my cock baby?” He purred in your ear in a tone that made your head spin.

“Please.” You begged, your hips moving faster. Your pelvis pushing against his bulge even harder. “Please, can I?”

“I’m here to please you baby.” He told you, his fingers pulling a bit harder on your nipple. “Now be a good girl and cum for me.”

After a few more swings of your hips, you had your first orgasm. Namjoon held you tight against him while your body twitched and you shyly whined into his shoulder as you creamed in your panties. It was not earth shattering by any means, having been over clothing and not by Namjoon’s own hand but, felt so fucking good regardless.

“You make such cute noises.” He told you, nuzzling into your neck as you came down from your high. “I need to hear more. Lay down for me.”

He stood up, taking you with him and gently laid you down on the duvet with your legs still dangling off the edge. Namjoon placed his hands gently on your thighs and dragged them slowly upwards until his fingers reached the waistband of your panties. His eyes looked up and found yours, waiting for you to give him permission. With a small nod of your head, he wrapped his fingers around the fabric and slowly dragged the black lace downward. You lifted yourself upwards to help him shimmy them off. As you did, you could feel the cold air hit your wet core that was covered in the remnants of your orgasm.

Once the fabric was off your body, Namjoon dropped it into a heap on the floor next to your shirt. You felt a bit shy and clamped your legs shut tight. You peered up at him through your lashes waiting for him to make his next move.

“Can I see?” He asked you with his hands placed on your knees again, his voice low.

You slowly parted your thighs for him and he watched as you opened up like a flower. Your folds glistening in your arousal, clit plump and still tingling. He thought he could cum just from looking at you.

“My god. Fuck.” He said, suddenly dropping to his knees to get a better look. “You’re so fucking perfect.”

He grabbed your thighs and pulled you closer to the edge of the bed which made you yelp a bit in surprise. He chuckled and placed a heavy kiss to your inner thigh and continued, getting closer and closer to your heat. You started to squirm as the anticipation was building. Not knowing if the next time his lips met your skin he would place them where you desperately wanted him most. But he was teasing now, nipping at your skin of your opposite thigh and you were getting impatient. Your hand reaching down for his hair and giving it a weak tug.

“So impatient.” He chuckled darkly. “Am I taking too long, baby?”

“You’re driving me insane.” You whine pathetically.

“I’m sorry for keeping you waiting. I do really want a taste of you.” He smirked. “You want me to eat your pussy pretty girl?”

“Fuck- please!” You groaned in frustration again.

“Since you asked so nicely.”

Namjoon put his hands behind your knees and pushed your thighs back and apart towards your chest, leaving your pussy completely open and exposed to him. He dipped his head down and licked a heavy strip from the opening of your cunt to your clit, savoring every drop of your juices. His lips stopping to encircle your clit and suck on the swollen nub, his tongue massaging the tip slowly as he did so. Your back arched off the bed the second his tongue touched you with curses falling from your lips.

Namjoon took his time with you. His lips and tongue worked against your cunt slowly but with expertise, almost as if he was making out with it. The pleasure was almost excruciating and you desperately needed more. You grabbed onto the back of his head and laced your hands into his hair and pulled him forward into your pussy, burring him deeper. He hummed out a chuckle, the vibrations feeling immaculate, and you tried grinding against his face.

“Am I not satisfying you baby?” He pulled away to ask you, his lips and chin glistening in your slick with a mischievous smirk on his face. He was doing this on purpose.

“You are. You’re so fucking good. I just need more of you.” You beg him. “Please give me more.”

“Do you want..” he started to say while slowly bringing a finger up to tease your entrance to circle your dripping hole. “..to feel my fingers?”

You answered him only with a moan, unable to form actual words. He smirked and pressed two fingers against your entrance to gently push inside. You gasped as you felt the length of his long digits twist up inside of you, curving against the contours of your body perfectly. He watched and obsessed over the view of your pussy swallowing each inch of his fingers and how you clenched around them so beautifully each time he dragged them out slowly and pushed them back in with delicious force. His dick throbbed in his pants, leaking into his sweats.

When he felt you start to tighten more around him, he bent back down and reattached his tongue to your clit once again to lap at the sensitive bundle as he worked your cunt from below. The double pleasure made your eyes roll back into your head and jaw fall open in a silent cry with only a broken gasp managing to escape your throat. You felt your second orgasm approaching and approaching fast.

“I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum!” You chanted mindlessly, completely lost in the pleasure. Within seconds your walls clamped down around Namjoon’s fingers as you came dramatically around them and on his tongue, your legs dropping down around his neck like a vice grip and held him to your pussy where he graciously licked your cunt until you finished cumming.

When your legs finally relaxed and let go, he pulled away gasping for air. His face was plastered with a triumphant, wet, grin as he looked down at you completely collapsed into jelly on the bed.

“I hope you’re not tired yet baby. I still want to play with you.” He said and walked over to grab something from his nightstand. In his hand was dildo. Shiny and new. “I bought this just for you.”

He pressed the tip in-between your folds and dragged it up, rubbing the tip of the toy against your clit. You sucked in a breath bucked your hips the second it touched your swollen bundle of nerves.

“Still sensitive baby?” He asked you then tapped the toy a few times against your pussy which made your hips buck and you whimper.

“Yes but it f-feels so f-fucking good.” You say as your voice trembled.

“That’s my good girl.” He cooed at you while rubbing the toy between your folds as you squirmed against it. “If you want to take my cock you gotta show me how good you can take this one. Can you do that?”

“Yes. Yes, I can take it.” You practically begged. He smiled and leaned down onto the bed to hover over you to give you a deep kiss.

“I knew you would.”

Namjoon pressed the tip of the toy to your entrance and eased it inside of you one inch at a time. It slid into you easily and made your eyelids flutter as the girth filled you. Your walls clamped down around the silicone and started to pulsate due to the overstimulation and for a moment you swore you could have came just from having it pushed inside.

“You look so fucking sexy right now.” He whispered in your ear. “I can’t wait to fuck you.”

He started to slowly pull the toy out of your cunt and, just as the tip almost made its way completely out of you, plunged the entire length of the toy back inside. The noise you made in response was nothing short of pornographic. He did it again, and again, picking up speed each time until he was ruthlessly fucking you with the toy while you could do nothing but relish in the building hot pleasure.

“You’re making quite the mess.” He teased, but his wrist did not slow as he relished in the sounds of your cries and the sounds he was pulling from your cunt. His eyes fixating down between your thighs where the colorful silicone slipped in and out of your swollen and sensitive folds that seem to be opening up more and more like a flower. He shifted on the bed once more and, without missing a beat, brought his free hand down between your thighs and started to use his thumb to rub heavy circles against your clit while still fucking you on his toy. The sensation was intense.

“Shit!” You screamed. “It’s so much.”

“But look how pretty your pussy looks being played with? It loves it. It wants to cum again.” He cooed. “Give me another.”

He switched from rubbing your clit with his thumb to his pointer and middle finger, rubbing it back and forth at a quick pace. The speed, mixed with the toy rubbing against your g-spot, had your third climax on the brink but this time it was different. It had only happened once, a long time ago while you were by yourself, and you didn’t think it would ever happen again. And you were afraid right now would be the time.

“W-wait, it’s too much-“ you tried warning him. “I think, I think I might-“

“Come on baby.” He said through gritted teeth, his fingers and wrist still working against you. “Don’t hold back. Fucking cum for me.”

You orgasmed again, this time your climax gushing out of your cunt and onto the duvet.

“Holy shit.” Namjoon said in shock. “Did you just squirt for me?”

“I tried to warn you.” You gasped, completely breathless. “I’m sorry.”

“Fuck- don’t be sorry. Just do it again.” He growled placed his fingers back against your clit once again, rubbing them back and forth quickly against the red and swollen nub. You screamed and came again instantly, squirting again all over him. “Oh, we’re going to have a lot of fun.”

You laid down, body convulsing in orgasm aftershocks while Namjoon stood up to drop his sweats. His rock-hard cock released from the waistband, his cockhead dripping in pre-cum from all the anticipation. He took his hand and collected the arousal and used it to pump his length a few times as he watched you lay before him in your glistening mess until you had collected yourself.

Watching him jerk off his big length brought you back to watching him for the first time on screen. It reminded you how bad you wanted him instantly, making up your mind in that exact moment that you needed him no matter what. Needed his cock. It made your mouth water.

“Can I suck your cock, baby?” You ask him, licking your lips. “Please.”

“No need baby. This is all about your pleasure.” He told you sweetly.

“I know. That’s why I want to.” You purred at him, twisting around on the bed and getting on your knees to crawl over to him. Your sudden forwardness exciting him, intriguing him. “Sucking your cock is for my pleasure.”

“Then I can’t say no to that, can I?” He said, placing his hand against your cheek and slowly lowering your face down to his cock.

You gripped the base of his shaft with one hand and stroked him at a slow pace, twisting your wrist as you worked him up and down. You put your lips on him, placing his head into your lips softly. You sucked on the tip gently as your wrist worked his shaft. Periodically, dipping your head down to take the entirety of his length into your throat until you felt him hit the back of it.

“Jesus-fuck.” Namjoon cursed under his breath as he took in the sight of you. He couldn’t believe how filthy you were, impressed with your skill. “You look so fucking pretty with my cock down your throat.”

You enjoyed working his length, savoring him and the grunts and groans he let out as you did so. Your pussy began to throb for him again between your thighs as you continued which you let him know by moaning as you sucked him, making vibrations run up his dick. You were working him so well, too well, and he had to stop you. He gently pulled you up and off of him, planting a hot kiss onto your messy lips before letting you go again.

“You did such a good job for me. I think you deserve a reward, don’t you?” He asked you. “Do you want me to fuck you now, baby?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

Namjoon pulled you forward and spread your thighs, settling between them. He lined himself up with your entrance and teased his head against your hole, running circles around it before pressing forward into you. You gasped feeling his girth spread you open and your back arched off the bed as you received him, your legs circling around his hips.

Namjoon leaned over you and placed his forehead against yours, wanting to be close. You felt his cock deep inside of you and he could feel your walls pulsing around his hard length. When he finally started to move, he used deep and slow strokes, ones that had his pelvis grinding hard against your clit each time he rolled his hips. The technique and feeling was beyond anything you had ever experienced with any other partner you had slept with. It was fucking heavenly.

“Holy shit.. Joon..” you moaned, forgetting the rule about not being able to say his name. He didn’t panic quite yet, knowing he could manage a few edits here as long as it wasn’t that noticeable.

“Do you like my cock baby?” He whispered into your ear, only for you to hear and not the camera this time. Truly enjoying fucking you.

“Fuck yes.” You practically cried as he continued to roll his hips deeply into you. “Your cock is so fucking perfect.”

Between his deep strokes and the friction of his pelvis against your clit, it wasn’t long before you started to cum again. Your walls clamping down around his cock and almost taking him with you before he was ready to.

“You didn’t squirt for me? That just won’t do.” He tsked and walked over to his side drawer to pull out his secret weapon: a magic wand vibrator. You almost ran out of the room when you saw it.

“Please- I don’t know if I can.” You told him weakly, holding up your hands in defense.

“Of course you can baby.” He said, pressing the bulbous end of the wand into your puffy clit. “I know you can.”

He pressed the on button and brought the toy to life. The lowest setting was already so powerful and had your body practically levitating off the bed. Namjoon pressed down on your pelvis to keep you on the mattress and slipped his cock back into your cunt, making you scream out in ecstasy. He wasted no time fucking into you. It wasn’t slow or romantic. This was pure fucking and his goal was to make you completely break this time. Reach pure bliss.

“Fuck! Joon! Oh my god! Joon, please!” You begged for something you weren’t even sure you were ready for. “Please Joon give it to me!”

He pressed a button on the wand one more time and made the speed go one level higher. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head and your hips lifted off the bed completely as you felt the pleasure take over you, Namjoon never ceasing his thrusts. You felt your cheeks start to burn and lips quiver. Your vision began to blur.

“Joon, I’m gonna cum-“ you gasped in broken breaths.

“Cum.” He ordered you, pressing the wand into your clit as hard as he could and hitting the speed button one last time to take you to the third and most intense speed.

You came dramatically, gushing all over Namjoon’s cock and abdomen. Namjoon continued to fuck you, enjoying the view of you spraying your orgasm all over each time he pulled out of you and pushed back in. This continued until he finally came himself, filling you up and collapsing on top of you.

You both laid wrapped in each others arms with chests heaving as you tried to catch your breath. Namjoon stroked your hair, brushing it carefully from your face and placing a careful kiss against your temple.

“Are you okay? Do you need water?” He asked you gently.

“I will in a little. Right now I just need to lay here.” You told him, feeling much too exhausted to even sit up in that moment.

“Thank god because I’m tired too.” He laughed which you couldn’t help but join in as well. “Did you enjoy that?”

“It was.. beyond.” You shook your head in disbelief. “You’re really good at what you do.”

“So you don’t regret it?” He asked you with a tone of hopefulness.

“Namjoon you just made me cum like, what, five times?”

“Six.” He corrected you.

“Six. So, no. I wouldn’t say I regret anything.” You giggle. “Did you enjoy it, at least?”

“Yes. Fuck, yes I did. I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed a session that much before.” He admitted to you with a smile on his face.

“Good. Speaking of which. Where are the cameras?” You asked him, looking around the room.

“Ah so-“ he said, raising his hand to point just before you at the bookcase that stood in front of his bed. “In between those two books on the middle shelf is one of my cameras. Tiny right? And then-“

You followed his finger over to the window where he kept all his plants and saw, tucked away between lush green, another camera.

“And then one more.” He said, pointing above you both to find a small camera secured to one of the blades of his ceiling fans that almost camouflaged into the color of the wooden blade.

“Wow, you really got all the angles didn’t you?” You told him, giggling.

“Yes. I have my editing cut out for me.” He chuckled. “I just hope me muting you screaming my name doesn’t make the footage too unwatchable or else.. we may have to reshoot.”

“Oh-shit. I’m so sorry.” You felt terrible, and a bit embarrassed. “I got so lost in it.”

“I’m only kidding. I’m just looking for some sort of excuse to sleep with you again.”

“Namjoon-“ you started to tell him, voice serious. “-if you think you can fuck me like that and I’m not going to come back for more, you’ve lost your mind. I’ll be in any video you want me to be in if you fuck me like that each time.”

Namjoon threw his head back in laugher and pulled you to his chest tightly.

“I definitely think we could make some good money making videos together yes but, I’d also like to fuck you not on camera. If you’re interested, that is.” He told you, his voice soft for words so suggestive. “Maybe we could even grab dinner sometime.”

“I’d love to.” You felt as if your heart could burst.

“Great.” He smiled widely and helped you sit up, your head still spinning a bit. “I’m going to order us some food and I need to edit this footage so I don’t miss my deadline. Do you want to help me?”

“Help you? I’m no help with editing?”

“Maybe not.” He shrugged but a hint of a smirk reached his lips. “But I might need help with my breaks since, you know, I’m going to get all worked up re-watching us fuck again.”

“Now that.. that I can help with.”

———————————————————

“I said five minutes,” said Princess.

“I thought you would get to lunch, at least,” said Dana.

“I knew you'd do an hour, exact!” Santos cheered. She clasped her hands in front of her as if in prayer. “Thank you!”

When Robby got back from his sabbatical he fully expected to be unleashed to chaos. He thought his doctors and nurses would fall to their knees, elated to have him back. He expected chairs to be overflowing out the door and patients that had been in beds when he left to still be there. He expected you to be in the same room he left you.

Instead everyone welcomed him back with smiles, pats on the back and 'happy to have you back, boss.'

There were no tears, no fire.

And apparently, no you.

“You must really have had nothing going on.” He pushed himself up from the counter, peering at Santos. “How much money have you just made?”

“Five-hundred and fifty dollars,” she said, proudly.

Had the whole hospital and patients bet on him?

Robby pushed himself up from the counter, lazily walking around it as if he wasn't looking for you. He'd given himself an hour, wasn't that enough? In the three months he was away he'd only text you a handful of times, asking how you were? How was work? If his one singular, pathetic, house plant he brought just so you had an excuse to go to his house and house sit was doing ok?

Your answers were kept curt. Polite. Half the time he waited most of the day for a reply, which was expected, he knew the demands of the job.

But a vacation that was originally for him to find peace and self reflect only brought him thoughts of you.

“Does anyone want to tell me where she is?” he asked, trying to sound casual. He wasn't doing a good enough job.

“She's with her new Robby,” said Doctor McKay.

His head clocked to her slowly. “Her what?”

“New med student, started three days ago,” said Dana, clearly enjoying watching him squirm. “Name's John Carter, been practically attached to the hip since.”

“I didn't know we were getting a new med student.”

“Transfer from Westbridge.”

“He's good,” said McKay with an approving nod. “Super young. Cute too.” Her legs were kicked up on the desk as she clicked a pen repeatedly, watching Robby with a sly smile.

“Yeah, y/l/n has him started in triage,” said Whitaker.

“Reminds me of you,” said Dana.

Robby nodded short and held himself still for a second. Then he started moving, past them all as they all laughed between themselves as he bee-lined for triage. On the way through he plucked twenty dollars from the roll Santos counted from.

“Hey!”

“Okay, that's good. Now close it up.”

“Yes ma'am,” said John as he pulled at the stitches at Mrs Doyle's scalp.

“Ma'am,” said Mrs Doyle. “You've got this one trained well.”

John chuckled, focused intently on the stitches as you loomed close behind him, watching his sutures as you had for almost three days. “That she does.”

You smiled to yourself. When John Carter walked in three days ago, lingering at the counter un-sure where to go with his impressively clean and pressed scrubs you were dubious. He seemed too clean, too pure to be in the ED. You'd basically said as much. But you showed him to chairs and you talked him through stitching and he stitched up every wound on the first day.

On the second you let him order CT's and Blood tests.

Today you were thinking of taking him into some of your cases in the ED, getting him in the dirt of it all.

You'd been working hard all three months to not think about Robby. Med student John Carter was just what you needed. A surprise distraction to focus your brain on a new body and not an absence.

“Okay, Mrs Doyle,” you said, stepping away from John to look through her chart. “As it's the scalp we only ask you to keep the bandage on for twenty-four hours. Other than that keep it as dry as you can and John, how long till she can come back to get them removed?”

John's hair was dark and looked incredibly soft. It flopped over sometimes and he'd blow up to move it in a strange, endearing move. “Er, a couple days? Three?”

You waited for him to correct himself when another voice spoke up at the door.

“Face is five, scalp and head is a week.”

You wished you hadn't turned as quick as you did, wish your body didn't warm at the voice. But you did.

Michael Robinavitch stood in the doorway, rubbing sanitiser into his hands.

“You're back.”

He nodded.

For a moment you stared, trying to gage how you should react. Was he well-rested? Worse then before he left? Was he hiding everything behind a mask again?

Behind you, John Carter cleared his throat.

“Oh er-” your world that seemed so focused on training John the last few days suddenly shrunk and kicked him out. All she saw was Robby. “Doctor Robby, this is Med student John Carter, third year. John this is our attending Doctor Robinavitch.”

John put out his hand. He was still wearing his gloves.

Robby didn't move to shake his hand and after a painful moment, John lowered it, tugging off the blue gloves. He looked over the two's head to Mrs Doyle sitting at the chair as Donnie hovered around. “Come back if there's any irritation or swelling. Keep it dry and we'll see you in five days to see how it goes.”

It was not just dismission for her but you and Carter too.

You fell into step behind Robby, Carter falling into step behind you.

“Carter, Dana tells me you've been on triage and suturing the last three days,” said Robby.

“I thought it best to ease him in,” you said.

“You'd never done them before?”

“No, sir,” said Carter, quick on your heels and eager to follow the two of you.

“What did you do at Westbridge?”

“Dermatology and Psychiatry.”

You could see the irritated smile creeping in. “Be nice.”

Robby glanced down at you with a classic look of disbelief. It was the same looked many of them had at the desk, which was mainly why you stepped in. Everyone had to start somewhere.

“You done an IV before Carter?”

“Er... as of yesterday. With Doctor y/l/n's help.”

The three of you ended up in the main work area, others eyes being drawn up to you.

“Perfect, Doctor McKay you've got a patient north two, I want you to teach Carter here everything you know!” ordered Robby.

There was little room for movement in his order as McKay stood, gesturing on Carter who seemed frozen in place, like a lost puppy being took away from it's owner.

You had to nod at him to send him away.

Robby folded his arms over his chest, rocking lightly on his heels. “I thought we didn't coddle Med students.”

“I haven't coddled him, I've been teaching him. What did you want me to do? Throw him into GSW's and Spinal taps when he can't stitch up a cut?”

“Throw them in the deep end and they learn, you did.”

“Not everyone can be as good as me.”

“No they cannot but I don't like all the time you've been spending with Carter the last three days.”

Your eyes rolled. “You've been here what? An hour and you're already getting on my ass.”

“New world record or so I've heard,” he said. “Get back to picking up patients, Carter can trail everyone else.”

“But me?”

“But you.”

“Gee, nice to have you back, Doctor Robby.”

You walked away.

You'd promised in the three months he's been gone you'd do better on his arrival. You wouldn't rise to his taunts, you'd go to anyone else before him and you would certainly stop sleeping with the guy every time one of you needed a release.

The first month you threw yourself into work, picking up doubles and taking on more cases than anyone else. By the second month you'd almost crashed and gone back to moping that Robby had up and left you without so much a kiss. The third things settled, work got normal (or as normal as possible) things were looking up.

He just had to come back.

But you'd stopped counting since Carter came in. All smooth skin and dimpled smile and soft hair.

You'd been at the desk surrounded by Emma, Dana, Princess, Perlah and Javadi when you all spotted him.

“He's cute,” you commented.

“He kind of reminds me of someone,” said Dana, head clocked.

“Who?”

Everyone was silent, waiting for you to catch on. Three days later you were still trying to figure out who.

As you walked away you heard Robby follow, steps heavy. “You're not even gonna ask me how my trip was?”

“Clearly you lots of sleep cause you're up and at them this morning!”

“It was great, just me and my thoughts. Didn't kill myself, know you were worried about that.”

“Can't think why now.”

“You know your life would be boring without me.”

“And yet I'm so full of joy to have you back.”

“I know it's practically radiating from you.”

When you turned to face him- adamant your three months or progress go down the drain- you hadn't realised how close he stopped to you. You collided with his chest.

“You saying you haven't missed me?” he asked, voice low.

Of course you had. Every morning you walked into work and realised you wouldn't see him. Every night when you went to sleep without talking to him.

“I've been a bit too busy to miss you.”

“Busy with Carter, is that it?”

“I thought you were self reflecting on that motorcycle trip?” you asked. “You come in here sounding jealous.”

Quickly he shook his head. “Not jealous just... concerned with how much time you and this student have been spending together.”

You could've said something about how you were a student when you and Robby first slept together, but you were supposed to be doing better. It wasn't exactly a show of that if you implanted the idea of sleeping together again in his head. And you knew it would.

Instead, you patted him on the shoulder once. “Then he's all yours.”

You'd successfully avoided both Carter and Robby the last hour, you'd admitted a patient with lower abdominal pain in for CT's and an ultrasound, awaiting bloods. Whilst waiting, you bugged Dana.

“Alright, I give up. Who does Carter remind you of?”

Dana laughed. “Geez, kid, you still haven't figured it out?”

You shook your head.

Dana was still laughing as she pulled out her phone, scrolling while you took a seat, filling your time with charts. She scrolled far down. “Here.”

On her phone she had a picture pulled up. You knew it was Robby, as in your mind registered that but this was a younger Robby. His head of hair was fuller and longer. His skin was clearer and smoother. His eyes were the same dark warmth but he had a growing beard. It was Robby, just as handsome, only less worn by life.

“Why do you have an old picture of Robby on your phone?”

“That's not the point, the point is you're not seeing what's right in front of you.”

As an answer Dana pulled you up and held up her phone. On one side was the phone, the young picture of Robby. Over to the left you saw John Carter in the flesh, putting an IV in a patient. His face was moved in concentration.

You looked back and forth. Back and forth, then the two started to blur and you were seeing nothing. “I don't get it.”

“Oh my god,” groaned Dana, slamming her phone down.

“Are you trying to say they look alike?” you asked, chasing her down as she left your side. “Dana?”

“Of course that's what I'm saying. Jesus, they could be brothers!”

“I've really never noticed.”

“Maybe cause you're trying so hard to forget Robby you're ignoring the obvious. You've picked up another one!”

You laughed away the idea. You had not gone through three months of self-torture for this revelation. “That's not what I'm doing I was just... I'm just-”

“Filling that empty void in your heart.”

“Robby has no place in my heart.”

A lie and Dana was like a hound dog when it came to lies. She could smell them a mile away.

“Oh sweetie, you can lie all you like,” said Dana, grasping your hand and squeezing. “But you can't kid me. You were heartbroken when he left because you love the guy. You love who you love and sometimes it's not the easiest person but you can't kid yourself.”

You were doing rather well kidding yourself. Sleeping in his bed at his place on the nights you told yourself you were too tired to drive back to yours. Only replying simply to his texts as a way of keeping your distance despite the hundreds of miles between you two.

All you had to do was keep it together for the foreseeable future.

Dana left you with her words of wisdom and leaving you to look at Carter. Maybe there was some resemblance in the looks. If someone put Robby in a time machine and de-aged him then maybe you could see it.

But Carter was patient, kind, gentle in ways you knew Robby to be short tempered, hard at times and rough. That was how you'd grown to know him. Just because Carter was different didn't make you want him any less.

Annoyingly.

Doctor Robby hadn't chosen to keep himself busy but after being away for three months there was much work that apparently required his attention.

Another deposition had taken place on Santos, the programme he'd put Langdon through needed a letter of recommendation, along with the general patients he had to deal with and the traumas. There was also everyone who wanted to know about the trip but what was he supposed to say other than he slept, swam in the lake, drove around and thought about you.

All he wanted was to take cases with you, ask if you were coming to his tonight, ask if he could see you the next day and the next and for the rest of his life. He'd been away for three months, thinking. He didn't want to be away from you ever again.

Instead he was asking about the bowel movements of an eighty-six year old.

By the time he'd come out, slinging off his gloves, the only person waiting for him was that young John Carter.

“Doctor McKay ordered labs and bloods for our patient, until them am I okay to go with Doctor y/l/n?” he asked with a voice soft and innocent.

Was that what you were into? Soft and innocent after three months?

Robby knew he'd done wrong. Knew he'd wanted you close- impossibly so- but pushed you away, maybe too far. Too hard.

In the three months away he'd tried to think of a million ways of winning you back. All grand ideas that you'd hate.

“No,” said Robby. “There's a trauma in, waiting for the OR. You can join Jesse, watch their vitals. Then you can check in with Doctor Santos, she's got a eleven year old laceration to the leg and rash, go find out what that is.”

Carter stood there, slowly taking in everything he had said. “Doctor Robby-”

“Robinavitch,” he corrected.

“McKay said everyone calls you Robby?”

“Everyone does, you can call me Robinavitch,” he said, peering at him through his glasses.

“Doctor Robinavitch, I think I work well under Doctor y/l/n and I see she's on the board with a suspected cyst on the ovary in south two, could I possibly-”

“No you cannot,” said Robby. “Med students do not get to pick and chose their cases, especially dermatology types.”

There was a huff but Robby elected to ignore him for his sake.

“Okay.” Slowly, as if hoping he'd change his mind, Carter walked off.

Robby watched him walk, then looked to the board where your name was written. “Carter!” he called.

The kid turned.

“Twenty minutes I'll need you on the eighth floor, east wing, room three.”

Carter nodded and walked off.

That gave Robby ten minutes to find you.

Next to him, Dana chortled. “Like looking in a mirror.”

He was too aggravated to ask what she meant, he only caught her phone rising as he snapped a picture or him and the shuffling away Carter.

When Robby pulled you off of charting you could only assume it was for something urgent, but he took up up the floors, diving further into the hospital than you usually went till you were in the abandoned eighth floor. There were still beds and equipment littered around, just nobody to use it all.

“Robby, what are we doing?” you asked, a borderline complaint.

He pushed open a door, urging you in.

The two of you stood in a room of dust, empty begs and curtains pulled over a window. He nudged the door close, keeping it open with just a slit of light from the corridor.

“Robby?”

You'd known him long enough- and well enough- that you could see the tension in his back and shoulders. They were pulled as his arms flexed as he cupped the back of his head, smoothing down the hair there.

“Okay,” he sighed, as if gearing himself up to something. “I had a lot of time for self reflection on my trip. Too much of it.”

“I can only imagine how rough that was.”

He held up a hand, face scrunched, basically begging for a chance to talk. Usually you wouldn't give it but you shut up and listened.

“I'm a mess, that's not changed. I'll always say things I don't mean and do things I regret. But I don't want to regret you,” he said. “What we had before I left: It was casual, it was a fling. I want it to be more.”

Your heart stuttered. Your entire body jerked in response. How many times had you dreamt about words just like that? You dug your fingernails into your palms, begging it not to be a dream now.

“When I text you saying I miss you, that wasn't a lie. I did. I have. And I will if you say you don't want to see me again. I'm not saying it'll be easy, I am not easy, I know. But I- I want to try to be better. For you.”

There was no rush of emotion pushing you into his arms, no rush of blood. Only a quiet disbelief.

“But before you left,” you gulped. “Before you said you could never be anything more.”

“I know, I know,” said Robby quietly. His steps were light as he dared a step next closer. “I was messed up. I was scared. I thought you'd be better off without me but the truth is... I'm not better without you and I have no hope of being.”

You stared at the man. He looked just like the Michael Robinavitch that left the ED three months ago. But he was changed, it was in the softer lines around his eyes and the small warmth in his eyes. It was in the way he stood in front of you, earnest and complete with a hand stretched out to the small gap between your bodies.

“How do I know you won't get bored of this?” you asked, uttering the words like you couldn't believe you were saying anything but yes. “You've only been back a couple hours, when it gets tough again how do I know you won't just shut down on us all again?”

Robby's finger traced the back of your hand, a feather light touch. “Because you won't let me.”

You could taste the mint on his breath as he leant down and kissed you, softly. It was a gentle brush of his lips, testing the taste of you and the weight of his affections. His lips ran over yours a couple times, remembering the shape before he pulled back.

You only got a quick look at him before you collided.

Your lips pressed to his hard and un-forgiving. Trying to meld them into one and tattoo yourself there. His arms were strong around you, keeping you into him as his tongue invaded your mouth. Your arms went around his shoulders, body aching into him.

“God-” he mumbled against your lips. His hands ventured down, running over the curve of your backside and squeezing till your pelvis was flush with his.

“I missed you,” you admitted against his lips, the words lost in his mouth.

You could feel the grin against you. “Yeah?”

“Mmh-mm.”

He kissed you openly, tongue getting the taste of you as another hand curled in between your bodies, groping a breast as he trailed his lips down the side of your neck leaving a wet path down.

You were breathless, gasping for the freshest of air with him when a crash sounded outside the door.

Robby was still attached to you as he bit on your neck as you whipped around, facing the noise.

There was a flash of scrubs and brown hair before it was gone before your eyes, darting down the corridor. But you'd spent enough time around that face to know it.

“Was that Carter?”

Slowly Robby rose up and looked at the desolate corridor. He shrugged, a large hand spread over your back.

But when you glanced back at him you caught the bite back of a smirk.

2006

Ellen smiles watching y/n and Jack playing outside, their neighbour's daughter being born the same year as Jack and good friends of the family, they've just grown to be good friends. Best friends.

She may even hope that y/n could hold a place in Jack's heart.

With them is Luke, always seeming to trail around after the young woman with his own eyes of adoration. Jack may be her best friend, but Luke is her shadow.

They've set up the slip and slide with Jack getting a bit bossy with his younger brother for trying to help but really just getting in the way.

Jack takes a run up and throws his body down on the soaped up surface, sliding with impressive speed down the garden.

"Go on, Lukey." Y/n smiles gently pushing the younger boy forward but Luke whines wordlessly as Jack starts to shout for them to hurry up. "We're coming! Do you want to do it together, Lukey?"

"Yeah." Luke nods with a grin before y/n offers her hand and he takes it then running forward both of them diving onto the wet soapy plastic sheet and sliding forward. Laughing uncontrollably as they do so.

They slide off the end lying on the wet muddy grass while Jack stands over them with a frown.

"Why do you always go with him?"

"He's only little, Jack. Be nice." Y/n tsks shaking her head at her friend's obvious jealousy that his little brother got more of his own friend's attention.

2010

"But why does he have to match you?!" Jack whines while Quinn rolls his eyes and y/n stands in front of Luke, arms crossed and a fed up expression on her face.

"Because he asked. You didn't even want to match me. You said it was lame to have matching costumes." Y/n states while Quinn starts to pinch the bridge of his nose just wanting to go trick or treating and get record amounts of candy that they'll have to hide from their parents since they'll inevitably say they all got too much to eat.

Jack huffs looking at y/n and Luke who are dressed as Sherlock and Watson. Admittedly Ellen and y/n's moms thought the customer was the most adorable idea ever and when Jack turned the idea down, Luke was more than happy to substitute for him.

"Can we go now?" Quinn asks being dressed simply as batman for ease.

"Yes." Y/n agrees holding her hand out for Luke who takes her looking at her with the same big eyes of love he's always held for her.

Y/n isn't exactly stupid, she does know that Luke has a crush on her and has ever since she learned what a crush was. But to her Luke is a little brother and she never wants to see him upset so she just treats him as she sees to be kindest.

She talked to her mom and about it and they've agreed Luke will grow out of it.

They remain hand in hand and with the distraction of candy, Jack gets over his pouting from earlier fairly quickly.

As so frequently happens, y/n sleeps over and of course Luke has cuddled up to her with Jack on the other side of her and Quinn beside Luke on the off chance the younger rolls and falls off the bed which is a squish for space with all four of them.

Ellen ends up having to pry half-eaten candy bars from their hands and makes an attempt to wipe their faces, though not before getting a picture of the moment to capture as a memory for later.

2021

After Jack got drafted and put into the Devils at 18, y/n did her own thing taking off travelling around Europe for a year and after that she travelled around Asia and Australia for another year and a bit.

Jack kept in touch the most with Luke trying to keep in contact but with the time zones and his commitment to hockey picking up as he got older, but he never really grew out of that crush he's had for as long as he can remember.

Luke has obviously hooked up with other girls and y/n has been in and out of her own relationships.

But when Ellen drops some news while moving Luke into Michigan university, he does a double take not being able to contain his surprise.

"You should let y/n know you've moved in. She's just moved in ta couple days ago, I think." Ellen states casually since she's long since realised Jack and y/n were not likely to ever find a romantic love with each other, theirs has always been platonic. Jack just hated sharing a friend with his younger brother who so obviously was crushing on her.

Ellen isn't sure that y/n would really give Luke the chance to date and possibly explore the chance at a relationship with him. But at least Luke would have someone who isn't just another hockey player there to spend time with.

"She's not travelling anymore?"

"No. Not anymore. You should drop her a message-oh actually I'll let her know what room you're in and she might drop by." Ellen states maybe getting a little excited at the thought of playing match maker.

Luke is too caught up in his racing thoughts at the idea of finally seeing y/n after nearly 3 years of her travelling around.

-

Y/n really wasn't sure of what to expect from Luke, she'd not really seen much of him over her time away, just brief moments of him but nothing to really give her a picture.

Jack mentioned his younger brother had outgrown him and Quinn by a few inches, that he'd really just grown into being a man. Which y/n had to laugh at a little. When she left Luke was 15 and very much still a kid, he had the potential to outgrow his brothers but his build was much more gangly and lanky than his brothers had ever been but he still stood a couple inches shorter than them at the time.

When y/n decided to apply for Michigan, she hadn't actually considered Luke might be going there. Though her mom pointed out that it wasn't a secret.

After Ellen sent her a text, she felt obligated to drop by and see Luke, figuring it wouldn't do harm for them to have a reunion.

Y/n finds the dorm finding that Luke is in a jock heavy dorm with a lot of young men with some very protective mothers fleeing around to move in and y/n is apparently a distraction the mothers disapprove of.

"Should've waited a couple more days." Y/n whispers to herself after yet another mom forcibly turns her son's head from looking at y/n.

Y/n knocks on Luke's door hoping that he appears quickly. Thankfully the door opens almost a second after and y/n is almost knocked by the sight of the man in front of her.

"Hey, y/n." Luke grins moving forward and actually picking her up in a hug as if doesn't know his own strength and height as he lifts her from the ground and squeezes her with biceps her mind is in disbelief of.

"Luke." Y/n mumbles in shock before he smiles brightly placing her back down.

"Come in, come in. How have you been? All your travelling looked great." Luke states probably wanting to say more with y/n than he's ever had an interest in saying with anyone else. "You look incredible."

"I look incredible? Luke, you've hardly recognisable. What did they do to you?" Y/n laughs as he closes the door. "You're like 2 foot taller than last time I saw you and you've bulked yourself up. How much protein and gym time are you getting?"

"Gotta keep myself fit." Luke states earning a small nod but y/n is still in genuine awe of the young man in front of her.

Admittedly, y/n just never thought of Luke as someone to be attracted to and maybe it's just her time away and the physical change of his appearance but y/n can't stop looking at him. Especially as they settle to lie on his bed with y/n taking a spot at the foot of the bed and Luke sitting up at the head.

"So when's your first game? I'll have to come watch." Y/n eventually asks while Luke hums as if he doesn't know and hasn't been looking forward to it.

"It's October 8th. I'll make sure you have a ticket." Luke smiles brightly. "The whole family will be there."

"Oh great. I was gonna have to find time to see Jack before he headed back over to Jersey-and I never got to congratulate you on being drafted. It's insane you'll be playing with Jack at some point." Y/n grins while Luke shrugs suddenly feeling so humble and shy which is not like any athlete to be. "You'll have to think of something to let me make it up to you for missing it."

"You don't have to-"

"Luke, it was a monumental moment. I've known you, like your whole like and I missed it. Please think about anything you'd like, I'll make it up to you." Y/n states earning a small sigh and nod.

"Alright. I'll think about it."

-

Y/n smiles attending the game and seeing Jack and Quinn both there to support their younger brother with Jim and Ellen sat closeby.

"Hey, you made it." Jack greets seeing his best friend who he is so happy is back.

Y/n hadn't even been back for holidays during her travels and while Jack actually did make a lot of effort to keep in touch, it's harder to maintain such a close friendship as what they'd had for so many years before that.

"The rest of the world looks good on you, y/n." Quinn greets earning a small laugh while Jack smacks him gently.

"Keep it in your pants, bro."

"No, keep the compliments coming." Y/n states then looking at the ice where the college hockey teams are warming up. "I didn't realise how much Luke had changed either. He's beefed up to match the height difference."

"Hey, you keep it in your pants too. If Luke hears you talking like that you'll reignite his crush." Jack tsks being maybe a little protective of Luke too since it took a long time for Luke to seem to finally let it go but that's not to say there isn't a threat of that crush coming back in full force if he finds out y/n has even the slightest attraction.

"I'm just saying he's changed so much." Y/n states innocently though she's still got those lingering thoughts in the back of her head. "You have too, for the record."

Jack hums before they'd up deciding to get some food from the concession stand.

"So you finally gave in to your mom?" Jack questions earning a sigh from his friend.

"I had to come home at some point, and part of the agreement for them to fund the travelling was that I had to come back and go to college." Y/n shrugs then smiling. "It's not all bad. I did miss it over here, and I've missed being able to see the family and visiting you...I've got a ticket to one of your games this season already. The opener. Figure I should finally see how good you are compared to your first game."

Part of y/n's travelling meant she's not been there for a game to see Jack since his debut which she did stick around enough to see the first 5 games before she flew across the world.

"It's good to have you back and I am glad you'll be here with Luke. I know you'll look out for each other." Jack smiles earning a small smile before he puts his arm around her in a hug. "Oh, you're gonna get the girlfriend accusations now."

"What? Why?"

"Some people taking pictures." Jack laughs moving back. "Sorry."

"No, honestly flattery really. But I'll make sure they know if it was going to be any Hughes, it'd be Ellen I'd be fighting for." Y/n jokes earning an eye roll.

-

Y/n and Luke did end up getting closer and closer and honestly, y/n realised that they are together nearly all the time if Luke wasn't on the ice and y/n wasn't in her classes, they were joint at the hip.

Last night they actually attended a frat party following the Michigan hockey team taking a home ice win.

The last thing y/n remembers is sitting in Luke's lap, her pressed to him with his arm around her.

His lips. She remember them against herself. Someone cheering, probably his teammates before Luke whispered "we should get out of here" and they did.

Y/n's mouth feels like she swallowed sand and with the trigger of a cough, suddenly sick spill out her mouth, surprisingly hitting a plastic surface very close to her face but even as she opens her eyes, it's too dark in the room for her to know where she is, what plastic is in front of her and how exactly she got there.

"It's ok." A voice soothes and suddenly two of those questions are answered. "Just get it out."

As y/n's senses slowly come back to her, beyond just purely sickness and panic.

The realisation that she's naked and a very naked body is pressed to her own hits first but she feels an ache between her legs that, if she's being really honest, she's not familiar with feeling after a night with a guy and there's a plastic bucket held in front of her face.

"I'm good." Y/n whispers making Luke reach to puck the bucket on the ground and reach for some tissue for her. "I don't have to ask what happened."

"Do you...regret it?" Luke asks sounding like he's preparing to be slapped, not just emotionally but physically.

Y/n wants to roll over and face him but her stomach is definitely in a dangerous zone and and sudden movements are a risk of another violent evacuation of her stomach.

"No. I really don't." Y/n sighs feeling some tension from his large body behind her relax down before he manages to pull her tighter to himself while being careful of not pressing on her stomach and kiss her neck. "Can we just hide in here for the day?"

She's mainly asking ebcause she doesn't want to get up and leave but honestly her whole body just feels completely at home with Luke.

"I have practice in the afternoon, but you can stay here as long as you like." Luke laughs while y/n sighs knowing she has classes she should really be at.

They weren't meant to drink as much as they did last night and obviously hooking up was not the plan obviously.

Y/n pretty much passes out again, much to Luke's relief because he genuinely feared y/n would be sprinting out of there the moment she woke up. In truth he maybe was a bit rough with her last night in hopes he'd almost leave her bed bound.

Luke gets up slowly easing himself from y/n's before and climbing over her to start getting ready for practice and as he moves around he smirks a little noticing y/n's gaze follow him.

"You're staring."

"I'm admiring...and for the record, how you fit that monster inside me I don't know."

"You didn't seem to be complaining at the time." Luke shrugs having his ego completely inflated by her comment before he finishes getting dressed and leans over kissing her nose softly. "I'll do it again later, don't worry."

"That actually makes me worry more." Y/n laughs before he kisses her like it's second nature to him now.

"I'll be back later. Don't leave. Text me if you do-and you can borrow some clothes or...stay naked, that's up to you. I'll be back."

Luke grabs his bag before rushing out with his phone in hand as y/n gently shouts a goodbye and sighs as she melts down into his bed, rolling to take up the space he'd been in and sighing in relief.

It had been a couple months of guilt over her feelings for Luke growing every day and the attraction growing practically every time she laid her eyes on him.

In truth, she maybe would've done something earlier if she didn't think that Jack would be so opposed to this. But now the line has been crossed and her mind does wonder to how Jack is going to react. Luke has clearly decided this is not a one time thing and y/n can't find any reason beyond Jack to not stay with Luke.

He's pined for her for years, almost his whole life. Maybe it was always meant to be.

-

By the time Thanksgiving came around y/n and Luke are in a completely known relationship to everyone at college, and while their parents suspect something they've not actually told anyone in their families. Mainly because the fear of telling Jack is genuinely at that point.

With Jack injured from his shoulder, he is home for this Thanksgiving and Luke has a game the day after but not the day of. Quinn is the only one not able to make it.

"Hey, you came to see your favourite boy on Thanksgiving?" Jack jokes as y/n appears after everyone has eaten since she did go home.

"I certainly did." Y/n laughs, slightly relieved Luke seems to be in another room. "How you feeling, Jacky?"

"I'm gonna, I think I should be back in Jersey tomorrow. See what the doctor says and I'll try."

"That's good." Y/n smiles the jumping as Luke's body appears hopping over the sofa and landing down next to her. "Hello."

"Hi, how was your thanksgiving?" Luke asks softly making her sigh.

"It was great, my mom fed us till it felt like we'd be sick. My brothers and sister will come around at some point to say hi, but I wanted to beat them to it." Y/n states before biting her lip as her courage falters and she stands up quickly. "I'm gonna find your mom."

Luke sighs a little since he'd really been hoping to just reveal it to Jack.

But Luke stands up earning an eye roll from his older brother.

"You never change bro, follow her like a puppy your whole life."

Luke bites his tongue and follows y/n into the kitchen knowing his mom isn't in there as he catches up to her and gently pushes her against the counter lifting her to sit on what little spare space there is and caging her between his arms.

"Luke, you can't-"

"I just did. I don't want to hide this, y/n." Luke mumbles while y/n melts at the big sad eyes before he leans in closing the space and catching her in a kiss while hooking his hands under her legs to pull her body against his own.

"I knew it!" A voice shouts making y/n jump while Luke turns his head only for them to find just about half of his abnormally large family stood watching them and at the shouting Jack appears spotting the two of them and immediately turning making a b-line outdoors.

"Yeah, great." Y/n murmurs under her breath.

"Oh guys this is great." Ellen smiles but both Luke and y/n are focused only on the man that left.

"We need to talk to him." Y/n states earning a nod of agreement.

The family is buzzing but y/n and Luke move past them, managing smiles when people voice their happiness before they end up outside finding Jack sitting looking out at the frosted over garden.

"Jack?" Y/n sighs moving towards him, her hand still linked to Luke's as they walk to him. "Is everything ok?"

"You guys didn't tell me." Jack states making the two exchange a look. "Why didn't you tell me first or at least before everyone else just found you?"

"We thought you'd be mad."

"Well I am now." Jack huffs before they both sit down next to him and he finally looks at them properly. "Are you both happy?"

"We're so happy, bro."

"I know you are, you've spent your whole life waiting for this." Jack laughs while y/n smiles a little and he looks at her. "Are you happy?"

"Yeah, I'm really happy." Y/n confirms making Jack nod before he smiles properly. "I honestly thought it was me you'd have a problem with after we went to Luke games."

"What did you say?" Luke questions since he'd not been informed.

"I just told her to keep it in her pants because she was saying how much you'd changed since before she left. I was looking out for you and making sure she didn't play with your head." Jack defends earning a hum from the young woman. "I'm happy for you guys...it's great mom is finally off my back about us getting married."

"That was never going to happen." Y/n snorts after feeling Luke's body tense beside her at the suggestion of y/n marrying Jack before he relaxes and laughs a little when y/n declares there was just no chance of it happening. "You can deliver the news to Quinn if you'd like. He's missed the grand reveal."

The three stay sat out there for a while just talking before y/n's own siblings appear with y/n's mom looking to exchange some leftovers with Ellen so there's some variation for both families in stuff for them to pick at later when their appetite appears again.

Luke does settle himself and y/n back down on the sofa as everyone starts conversations and y/n notices his gaze unmoving from her.

"What? What's that look for?"

"Just...realising how lucky I am." Luke shrugs quietly, just wanting their conversation to be between them making her smile and lean into him more. "You were definitely worth the wait for the record."

"I'm just glad you had the patient to wait for me to stop being so blindly stupid."

"You weren't blindly stupid, you were just living and you might not have done that if this had been earlier." Luke states which is true, y/n probably wouldn't have travelled and seen the world, certainly not for so long if she had Luke waiting for her at home in an actual relationship. "I love you."

"I love you too." Y/n whispers with a smile so bright that she genuinely couldn't tamper it down if she tried, but she really doesn't want to.

Jack spots the interaction from across the room and sighs before feeling Ellen gently tap his knee in comfort. Jack genuinely never intended for his friendship to be anything more than a friendship, but there's something about watching y/n and Luke be so visibly perfect together and thinking about how through the years and how really it was always meant to be. But somehow Jack just always thought Luke's childhood crush would be grown out of and y/n would probably find someone while travelling.

You’d gone from scared to a little smitten. It was hard to believe, and a little embarrassing. Rafe had kissed you in the boathouse, sure, but you were convinced he’d kiss any girl that got that close to him. He had never given off the impression that he was picky when it came to women.

Topper’s first party of the summer was further proof of that. You arrived with your friends, just like you had over spring break. But your eyes search for Rafe without meaning to, finding him by the stairs to the pool with a redheaded girl already chatting him up. He looks good. Crisp white polo showing off his tan. And when his icy blue eyes meet yours from across the party, he nods, smile tugging at his lips.

Of course, both of you spend the party ignoring each other. It was like an unspoken agreement so that neither of your friends would pick up that you two had agreed to hang out. Kook and Pogue friendships had already been drama enough in the past. Kie burned all her Kook bridges when she chose the boys. And John B dating Sarah almost destroyed the friend group. Even as people your age became more tolerant of the other social class, resentment was still there. And the younger groups kept the class war going.

The first pool session with Rafe comes quicker than you expect. You’re more nervous than you thought you’d be, trying to pick out your best swimsuit and an outfit that’s casual but somehow more put-together than you feel. Even though it’s not a date, coming to Figure Eight to see a boy felt like a whole new pressure you weren’t used to. Ringing the doorbell at Tannyhill, your heart felt like it was beating out of your chest.

“Hi, sweetie. Sarah isn’t here.” Rose answers the door. You’re pretty sure she doesn’t remember your name, even though you’ve been here a handful of times over the years.

“I’m actually here to see Rafe.” You tell her, watching her face twist a bit before she composes herself. It was clear she didn’t want a Pogue here at all, but it was even worse in her mind that a Pogue was here to see Rafe.

“He’s at the pool.” She says cooling, stepping aside to let you in. It only takes a few steps before you can spot him past the sliding glass doors, sitting on a lounge chair by the pool. His hand slides down his face as his eyes stay trained on the pool gate. It makes you smile a bit because it seems like he’s nervous too.

The second you open the sliding glass door, Rafe’s back straightens. When you open the pool gate, you try to smile at him like this was a normal, everyday hang out. Nothing to be worried about. He greets you, you greet him. But the reality of what you’re doing creeps in anyway.

“So, what’s the plan here?” Rafe asks, no intention of hiding how clueless he is about this shit. You’d lead, and he’d follow. Thankfully, your explanation seems simple enough. You want to start with the steps, then make your way further into the pool. Rafe was your support. And, apparently, your distraction. But he’s never been as talkative as Sarah.

He starts by asking you about your major. Stupid small talk, but easy. And it turns out you’re both business majors. By then, you take another step in the pool. Even though he’s only standing beside you, he can see the way your breathing gets shallower. The way your fingers shake before you grab the railing. He feels the urge to grab your hand or your arm. But this needs to be your pace. Yours to initiate. Especially after how you reacted after the kiss, and how terrible he felt his self-control is.

Rafe talks louder, as if that would help. He tells you about UNC. Anything he can think of. Parties. Classes that were easy and classes that kicked his ass. He gets you talking about your classes. About your jobs. About your friends, even if he’s not a huge fan of all of them. He kind of likes just talking aimlessly at first, it’s nice in a way. But it gets even better once the two of you talk to each other.

Tuesdays and Thursdays at the Tannyhill pool become routine. To the point where Rafe doesn’t feel the need to force a conversation in the silence. He gets used to your hand flying out and grabbing his arm when you start to panic. He gets used to standing in the water so long that his legs start to go numb.

But it’s not without setbacks. The first time you make it to waist-deep water, you panic so bad that Rafe has to carry you out. You shake so much and stay so quiet that he just holds you until you manage to tear yourself away, muttering that you needed to go home. And yet, you show up at the next session like nothing happened. He kind of wants to admire that, even if it isn’t healthy.

A few sessions later, you try to step further into the deep-end. Without thinking, it’s Rafe that reaches out and grabs your arm, holding you back.

“What? Don’t think I can do it?” Your eyes narrow at him.

“I just-” Rafe stops himself, trying to choose his words carefully. “Take it easy.”

“I have been.” Your words slip past gritted teeth. “We only have a few more weeks until you go back to UNC.”

“Doesn’t mean you gotta rush.” He keeps his hand on your arm, but you brush him away.

“Fine. Yeah, sure. That’s it for today, I guess.” Your voice drips with sarcasm as you get out of the pool, not even bothering to dry off before heading to your truck. And completely ignoring Rafe calling your name. He’d never, ever admit it. But it hurts Rafe to see you like that. To think that he could have upset you or fucked up your progress in some way.

Of course, that’s the day Sarah sees what’s going on and confronts him. The day that you’re obviously pissed, tracking water through the Cameron household. Sarah’s got that look in her eyes. The one Rafe has seen so many times. Shouldn’t have done that. Should’ve listened. Should’ve been her.

“Helping her in the pool?” Is all Sarah asks, brow raised.

“Yeah.” Rafe replies curtly, wiping up the water you’d tracked with his towel before Rose sees and loses her shit.

“Why?” Sarah asks bluntly. It’s a valid question. But twofold. Why did you pick him? And why is he helping?

“She asked. And I thought about how much I’d wanted someone to help me when I needed it.” Rafe’s answer is honest, and that makes Sarah soften.

“Don’t fuck it up.” She whispers with a sigh.

“I won’t.” Rafe would do anything to not let someone else down again. It would destroy him.

Things are slightly tense for a moment after that. You stop meeting his gaze at parties for a little while. And Rafe keeps wondering if you’ll stop showing up for pool sessions. But you always show up, which he’s surprisingly relieved about. And it doesn’t take long for you to go back to normal. The one day you have to cancel because of a storm, Rafe finds himself looking out at the pool anyway. He realizes he misses it. Misses you.

That was a problem.

The one day you couldn’t do a pool session because of a storm made you feel a little derailed. It was a change in the routine you’d built. It felt like a little setback, less time to improve before summer break ended. And you didn’t get to talk to Rafe. It was weird to not have that outlet after a shift at the Wreck. Good customers that left hefty tips or bad customers that cursed you out, he was there to listen.

You found yourself thinking back to past sessions. How at first you were hyper-aware of every shallow breath you took. Forcing yourself to inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth, deeply, like your campus counselor taught you. And yet at the last session, Rafe had been cleaning some bugs out of the pool when you arrived, and tripped over the pool hose. You’d laughed, and it had made him laugh a little. Rafe Cameron, laughing. Something you weren’t even sure that stoic man was capable of.

Every time, you were getting more and more relaxed. The next session you’re almost excited for, until Mr. Cameron calls for Rafe before either of you get in the pool. You recognize that tone. Polite enough for guests, but with a firm edge underneath. Rafe stiffens before heading inside.

You stare out at the pool, sipping lemonade that Wheezie got you. Every now and then, a dragonfly would pass over the pool, touching down for a second before flying away. You could hear the waves of the ocean past the dunes. The sun was just starting to set, slowly casting an orange glow across the pool. It’s so serene that the faint sound of Mr. Cameron yelling feels like shattering an illusion.

Rafe returns, pool gate slamming closed behind him. He doesn’t say anything, his jaw tense as he rubs a hand over his face. Without even glancing at you, he gets in the pool, waiting for you to join. You slowly do, your heart feeling like it’s stuttering as you stand beside him.

“What’s up?” You try to keep your voice casual, bracing for Rafe to snap at you. Trying to distract yourself, you step further into the pool. He follows.

“Nothin’. Just some stupid shit.” He mutters. Silence falls over the pool, and you can hear crickets as the sun sets. “You ever just work your ass off for somebody every single fuckin’ day, and it feels like they still only remember the fucked-up shit you’ve done?” His voice is quiet, and your body goes still in the pool for a moment.

“Yeah,” You reply softly. “It’s worse when it’s a parent, isn’t it?” Rafe nods, fists clenching.  His eyes are darting around the pool, refusing to focus on anything in particular. He paces a little, like his legs were restless. So many times, in this pool, he’d supported you. Grounded you. Helped you. Now, it felt like it was your turn.

You hadn’t held on to him for a few sessions now, but you reach out and grab his arm. Easy enough to pass off as nothing. Rafe doesn’t acknowledge it, but he does still for a second. Takes a shaky breath.

“You know what pisses me off about it?” He starts pacing again, and you follow. “I don’t know if he’s wrong. Like, I know I’m slipping a bit. He didn’t have to point that shit out again. But he said he knew I wouldn’t last. And maybe I won’t.” That’s all it takes for you to understand his anger, and you feel it rising in you, too. One mistake and the person Rafe wanted support from the most is already casting him out.

“You will.” You tell him, tightening your grip on his arm. “I think you will.”

“Thanks,” He scoffs, staring down at the pool now. “But you don’t know me. Don't know all the shit I did.”

“I know enough,” You insist, hoping he’d look at you to see how serious you were. “You’re so much stronger of a person than I thought you were. And you’re helping-” Water sloshes up your chin. Into your mouth, tasting like chlorine. Only then do you realize your feet are barely touching the ground. You were so busy following Rafe around, trying to comfort him, that you didn’t even notice how far into the pool you’d gone. And instead of panic, you feel excitement as you drop your hand from Rafe.

“I’m in the deep-end!” You exclaim, attempting to tread water. Rafe comes to the same realization and his blue eyes widen.

“Hell yeah, you are.” He grins. You notice he’s nice enough to extend an arm behind you, ready to grab you at any second if needed. But you’re so happy. So proud of yourself. You swim back to where you can touch the bottom, not wanting to push it.

“I did it!” You squeal, bouncing on your feet. And Rafe laughs. His smile is beautiful, you realize. In the golden light of sunset. You feel like you want to make him smile all the time. “Thank you, thank you!” You throw your arms around him without thinking, pressing your lips to his. It felt so easy, so natural, something you didn’t even think about…until you feel him tense beneath you. You pull away, startled at yourself. “I’m sorry, I-”

“Thought you made it clear we should never kiss again.” Rafe jokes, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“Changed my mind.” You admit, feeling heat rush to your cheeks.

“Well, thank fuck.” He mutters, eagerly kissing you again. It’s soft, gentle, and warm at first. Your mind slowly goes quiet, filling with the sound of the ocean waves. All the heavy memories and anxiety seem to float away.

Rafe’s hands move down, gripping your ass in a way that makes heat flood to your core. He groans softly, lowering his hands down to your thighs before lifting you up with ease. You gasp, and he uses that as an opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. He explores hungrily, like he’s making up for all the months since you last kissed over spring break.

“Ew, Rafe! Gross!” Wheezie shouts, and both of you pull away to see her grab her drying swimsuit off the pool fence. She glares at him, cheeks red. “Do you have to hook up with every single girl in the family pool? Creep.” She hisses before going back inside.

You can’t help but giggle at that. But Rafe is having none of it, using one hand to turn your chin back toward him.

“She’ll get over it.” He rasps, kissing you again. You gently push him away. As amazing as it felt, you weren’t quite ready to go further. And you’d heard enough about Rafe to know that he didn’t really take things as slow as you did.

“I really should go.” You say sheepishly, setting your feet back down on the pool floor and untangling yourself from him.

“Ugh, fine,” He relents dramatically. “So, can I make out with you next pool session, then?”

“Maybe.” You smile slyly, grabbing your towel. Quickly making your way to the small bathroom on the first floor, you rinse off the chlorine in the shower and try to calm your racing heart. You just made out with Rafe Cameron. And you liked it and wanted to do it again.

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