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I just wanted make a confession lol. Do you remember your Chivalrous Man fiction? Ever since you published that wenever I eat pasta I read it. Idk why I needed to confess but yeah just wanted to let you know haha

Something happened yesterday and I kinda need advice from a trusted adult (I'm an adult too, but not a trusted one)

See, if this is a topic u don't wanna talk about it's totally fine, I'm sure just writing about it will help me understand what I'm feeling (but if you do wanna talk about it, here we go)

I have this friend of many years, but we've been long distance most of the years (she moved during the pandemic and we haven't seen each other a lot after that).

We were talking/discussing about a lot of things left unsaid, and one of the topics that came up was that we have different religions (actually, I'm a religious person and she's trying to figure out what she believes or not) and she told me one of the reasons she isn't fully invested in the religion she wants to follow is me. She said she's afraid I'm not gonna keep talking to her depending on what she chooses.

Now, I'm not someone to sugar coat things and I told her I'm never gonna be rude or mistreat her because she chose a diff path than me, ofc not. But I told her maybe this will be a topic we'll have different views on, so maybe we won't always agree, maybe this is a topic we won't be talking about as much as other things... which is fine, cause we have diff opinions about lots of things and it was never a problem.

I just think it's unfair that she says I'm stopping her from choosing her path, cause the way I see it, what you believe in is an important part of your life, and you shouldn't choose it based on your friends or family opinions, you should follow what makes sense to you.

But being realistic (which I try to be because it's how my mind works) it's like if you decided to be single and don't have kids, and your friend is married and has kids... You're in different stages in life and maybe you'll have different views regarding relashionship, motherhood... But will you stop being friends? No. Will you love each other less? No. You'll be able to talk about different topics, that's not all there is to life.

Idk if what she wants to hear is "nothing will change between us" but this isn't something I can promise, because it's just not real... things change all the time, why would I lie? It changed when she moved, it changed when we went to uni cause we had less time to talk, it changes all the time.

This is what happened. It was one of the main topics we talked about yesterday, ofc there's other things she complained and I'll think about that too... This is just the part I'm trying to understand first before moving on to different topics

Anyhoo, sorry for the big ah ask, writing helped me think a lil

(also can I be 🐍anon? — a snake, it's related to my profession lol)

"I'm an adult too, but not a trusted one," ahahah lol that made me laugh

Your points are valid love, and the way you're thinking about this makes sense - religion is a deeply personal thing and ultimately shouldn't be influenced by others. However when you're close to someone and they're a big part of your life, it's completely natural to be a little nervous about what that person is going to think, especially when it comes to bigger things like this. It seems to me like your friend views you as someone really important to her and she doesn't want her decisions to change that? She might be anxious that you'll drop her as a friend if she goes ahead with it - i don't think she's necessarily blaming you for not choosing that religion yet, it's more like she wants to keep you AND the religion and she's worried you won't approve?

Are you perhaps more on the judgemental and blunt side? I'm not saying you are since I don't know you or your friend, but to me it feels like maybe your friend is a bit scared of being judged by you. You said that you can't promise that nothing will change between you two, which is fine, friendships change all the time, but a key thing to a good friendship is that you respect one another's beliefs and religions. If you already don't respect what she wants to believe in because it's different to your own beliefs, then it's never going to work, you know? I think your friend is scared of that being the case, which is completely reasonable - she obviously likes you a lot.