#ydk

Well you weren't lying. Jamie got along swimmingly with everyone, even you. And it was pissing you off.

“So, team workouts?” Jamie asked. They tilted their head down to watch you pound back another chug of your energy drink. You hummed in question. “Is it pairs? Or leader based with small group break outs? Or…”

You waved them off, shaking your head and clearing your throat as the two of you rounded a corner, “No, we kinda lose all of that when it's just the few of us…”

You were wracking your brain to think of how to explain how it'd work, “It’s pretty individual,” you start to say with a sigh, very very different from the workouts as trainees.

The gym doors were just within sight, you slowly pieced together your full reply in your head. It wasn't a super structured concept, surprising enough. More so you received personalized workouts based on muscle mass, tonality, cardio, and so on. Then, it was up to you to figure that all out for the next couple of weeks. Most people would find a buddy, others kept to themselves.

“Like, at best you'll see a couple others in the gym but they won't say much to you,” you explain, rolling your shoulders back as you shove open the door. You glanced at Jamie, “Team workouts aren't really-”

“ROOKIE.”

You nearly jumped out of your skin, stiffening as you sharply turned your head towards Steve. Your eyes snapped open, this was a better wakeup call than any caffeine, the whole team was standing in the middle of the gym. Banner stood off to the side while everyone else paused mid stretch to look at you and Jamie.

“You’re late.” Steve sternly scolded, his shirt was tight against his body and the seams at his shoulders looked like they were on the verge of bursting. Your ears burned red as you ducked your head down and mumbled for Jamie to follow you.

Jamie joined the group as you set down your drinks, somehow seamlessly looking at you with a similar exasperated look. You had to fight back a glare at them, they had been just as late as you were!

“It’s 12:13, training started at 12 sharp.” Steve chides as you walk over. Your jaw ticked, you could feel everyone's eyes on you as you tried to straighten up a smidge.

“Yeah, well, I didn’t think it’d be a group project,” you coldly retort. Meeting Steve's gaze wasn't difficult, he looked down at you with an icy stare but you held strong with your own steely look.

“Thought we’d, I dunno, ease Jamie into it,” Steve smoothly shrugs, turning his back to you and facing Jamie and the others. You didn't need to see his face to know there was most definitely a self-satisfied smile plastered across it, “C’mon, kid, we didn't let you flounder in the gym by yourself on your first day, did we?”

You felt small. I wasn't going to let them flounder… you wanted to spit back. Instead, you were mentally transported back in time to elementary school, and also middle school, and maybe a bit of high school too… No one else was doing much, it was all just him. Bruce gave you a pitying look that made your insides curdle, Tony looked moderately annoyed but that was his normal.

And Nat… holy hell, Natasha gave you the briefest sympathetic glance before keeping her eyes locked on Steve.

Proving yourself again. That's what you had to do?

Your mouth opened as you all but glared at the back of Steve's head, your jaw cocked to the side. “No.” you relented in a tense voice, feeling Natasha's hand trying to placate you with a light squeeze to your bicep, “Guess not.”

“Right.” He grinned at the team, eyes sparkling as he turned and clapped his hands, “Let’s hop to it then!”

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Your form was, to say the least, bad. You were just off the entire session. Tired (mentally and physically), sore (again - mentally and physically), and just fucking over this day. You wanted to be able to chalk up your off-ness to the mission you had earlier, but you knew it wasn't just that.

It’s because I was up at 2 a.m. You told yourself, It’s because an agent got cold feet about leading a mission on comms.

I was put in charge again.

I had to make sure no one else died.

Because that’s what I do.

I decide who survives.

I’m a hero.

You’d blocked a half-hearted kick from Clint. It was hard to tell by now who was going easy versus who was also getting exhausted. You dipped to the side, keeping your hands up, ready for more. Upon seeing Clint’s own fists drop slightly, you took the cue he was calling quits.

“Hey,” Steve was suddenly in your ear, his voice low and gruff, “Kid, keep your wits about you-”

“Wh--??” You didn't have time to react nearly fast enough as his foot kicked your own out from under you. What little air you had in your lungs was immediately knocked out of you.

Arms sprawled out, hands flexing slightly, you had only enough energy to open your eyes and squint against the harsh lights, “holy fuck…” you wheezed. A dry, airless cough made your lungs strain.

“Language.” Steve chided lightly. His shadow loomed over you, squinting up at him he was backlit by the white lights.

As your muscles screamed in pain and relief at laying down, there was a familiarity in how Steve stood with his hands on his hips. That's how everyone saw him, wasn't it? The stoic hero, the man out of time, the Captain America… When did he become such a dick?

You let out a breath and shakily sucked it back in again. The floor was comfortable. Ish. You could feel everyone's presence around you, breathing hard and clearly tired. Natasha's hand grabbed yours and pulled you till you were sitting. She lightly laughed as you grumbled. Were you just being a hardass?

“Steve, can we call it?” Natasha asked, helping you stand on your shaky legs. She had a bead of sweat down her face, hell, everyone looked like they’d just been to hell and back, “I think we’ve thoroughly worked out.”

Steve slowly sucked in a deep breath, his chest puffing out as he did. Your eyes were drawn to the movement as his shirt strained against his body. You glanced quickly, working on evening out your own breath and rubbing your sore back.

You weren't the only one who was staring at anything but Steve's face. Jamie seemed infatuated with his torso. And arms. And legs. And pecs. And ass… You felt a new coil in your gut as Jamie wet their lips, nodding along with Steve.

“Yeah, you guys did great today,” Steve praised, “You can resume your normal schedules for the week. Go on, shower, get some lunch, water too.”

He seemed quick to dismiss you all. Steve turned to fully face Jamie, effectively creating a wall between them and all of you. But, even with his broad shoulders blocking most of your view, you knew damn well Jamie was flushed and out of breath from more than the workout.

“You did… amazing today, honestly,” Steve softly told them as the rest of the team mingled briefly. A few members shot others looks of confusion, Tony even had a slight smug grin as he nudged Bruce.

“Ha, thanks,” Jamie replied with a puff, wiping their forehead, “You guys really don't hold back…”

Your face burned. Everything felt topsy-turvy again, it was impossible to place if you were embarrassed, ashamed, jealous, or frustrated. Maybe a mix of all of it? A horrid concoction of the worst emotions. Your eyes felt hot, you sucked in your lower lip a smidge and bit the flesh harshly. Your nose burned as the awfully familiar feeling of tears started crawling up your throat.

You hated how you cared. Steve's opinion had never mattered to you much. But why did Jamie get praise when you had worked your ass off and still got reprimanded?

You lingered by your water and energy source, trying to get your ears to listen to anything except them. But you heard your name, whispered like a folktale, a taboo subject.

“Did… you call them a Rookie earlier? Or did I mishear?” Jamie coyly asks. Their head tilted to the side just a tad, shoulder rolled back. Flirting.

“Oh, did I?” Steve sheepishly asks, “Rookie is, well y’know, just a nickname I guess.”

He waved his hand through the air like he could physically bat away his own words, "They're just the newest of us all. Still learning.” He humorlessly laughs as Jamie (from what you can assume) laughs along, nodding and mindlessly agreeing.

“Nicknames are cute,” Jamie trills, holding the ‘u’ in cute for longer than necessary, “The whole team is so close with each other. Much nicer than the training groups.”

You bit your tongue as you dipped past them, the two clearly too infatuated in their own conversion on fucking nicknames to care. Or even consider you could hear them. That, and everyone else was getting ready to head out too.

Your eyes were blurry as your breath hitched painfully in your chest, you walked with purpose to the changing room. Before you could shove open the door, a hand gently shoves you around the corner and against the wall.

“Nat-” You started to whine - since when did you whine?? You swallowed down the lump in your throat as you leaned for purchase against the brick wall. Your eyes squeezed shut, willing with all your might to blink back a tear.

“No,” She sternly interrupted, grabbing your chin and forcing you to face her. Even though you had an inch or two over her, she still somehow managed to seem bigger, “What was going on back there?” she whispers.

You peeled your eyes open, through a blur of unshed tears you managed to make out her worried expression.

It was quiet for a moment, both of you staring at each other for a long moment. Tugging your face from her hand, you rubbed your own hands over your face quickly. Musing your brows and dragging your fingers up through your hair, your nostrils flare as you breathe in. And out. And in… and out sharply, dropping your hands to your sides.

“He really likes them.”

Natasha's movements were always small. Unnoticeable most of the time. The twitch of her lip, pinching of her eyebrows, even the way her eyes scanned your face… it all happened so subtly.

“He does.” Natasha whispers slowly. You were staring over her shoulder, letting the tears build up and the buzzing in your head grow louder. Stupid Stupid Stupid. What did you think would happen? “But, Steve is-”

Her words were going in one ear and out the other. “He still hates me.” you mumble, jaw feeling stiff as your lip quivered. One blink and a hot tear rolled down your cheek. Immediately, your lips press together and you bite them to keep from ugly crying.

You felt her hands holding your shoulders, touch light and barely there, “Nat, why does he still hate me?” your voice was thick, you tried to swallow down the saliva building in your mouth but it was useless. You bared your teeth, breathing shallowly to keep your noise down.

“Haha, yeah… thirty minutes? I need to shower, Captain.”

“Mhm, thirty works… Agent.”

Your eyes widened slightly, Natasha's worried expression was just a toned down mirrored version of your own.

“Jesus Christ…” Natasha said under her breath, pulling back from you and firmly rubbing her own cheeks and eyes. You watched with confusion as you shifted on your feet, hearing Jamie walking towards the showers - right towards you.

“Come on,” Natasha grabbed your elbow, pulling you out and back into the main gym. Her face looked red, even redder than yours, her hair was even a little mused.

Moving like shadows, the two of you passed Jamie wordlessly. Hell, you didn't even make eye contact with them. In the same manner, you both dipped from the gym.

No one questioned you as you left, the only acknowledgement was Bucky's concerned glance.

Natasha led you down the hall the opposite way, walking fast enough you were nearly tripping over your own feet to catch up.

“Nat, wait, I-” you started protesting, voice sounding a little strained. You let her open a small, side room with a table inside. She heard you in and swiftly shut the door.

When she turned back to face you, the redness in her cheeks had started to subside. Her brows pulled up in a sympathetic look.

“You made yourself look like shit for me…” You whispered in realization, voice cracking slightly as a new wave of emotions hit you. That was why no one stopped you two.

“Yeah,” Natasha sighs, a tight smile forming on her lips. She guided you to sit, smoothing out her hair and sliding the tissue box towards you, “Because that's what a good friend does… Now, tell me about Steve.”

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

Two months.

It had been two goddamned months and you were certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that:

"Steve's trying to bang Jamie. Maybe he already has!" You bluntly tell Natasha as you slam her door behind you. You flopped harshly onto the assassin's bed. As of late, Natasha was your new Rainor, hearing any and all Steve thought that crossed your mind. The woman was a saint for dealing with it all. Truly, it had made any interaction with Rainor more easy. Instead of complaining about Steve, you put on a brave face and told her how excited you were about your new program! You wanted it to work out so well, it would be an amazing experience to show - unfortunately - Steve and Fury you could handle yourself.

Natasha looked up from her phone and rolled her eyes as you came bursting into her room, throwing yourself down onto the bed, face-first. You could hear her snort in slight laughter at your dramatic entrance.

“Well, you can’t exactly blame him,” she deadpanned, looking back down at her phone. “Jamie is hot.” You heard her nails clicking lightly against her phone screen as she scrolled through.

"I know they're hot!" You grumbled into Natasha's pillow. You sit up, looking vaguely like a seal as you pull her pillow to your chest. You furrowed your brows at your friend, giving her a skeptical look. "Do you think they’ve already hooked up?”

You paused only for a moment, shaking your head as you internally argued with yourself, “No… they can't have, not yet anyways. Steve would’ve told Bucky already…”

Natasha pressed her lips together to stop herself from laughing at your disgruntled expression. You merely shot her a half-hearted glare. Natasha sighed, laying her phone on her lap and turning to face you more fully.

“I mean, the way Jamie's been throwing themself at him, it’s bound to happen sooner rather than later,” she replied bluntly.

Natasha was painfully right. And it seemed that Steve was either too stupid to see it or was eagerly playing the himbo card. His flirting was, for lack of a better word, subpar. He thought workout tips and training sessions were the flirtiest thing a man could do, since he took up most of Jamie's free time in the gym.

You scoffed, sitting up and resting your back against Natasha's head board. You crossed your arms and stared at your feet, moving your body in small subtle ways now that you were hyperaware of it all.

"They're only here for a few months anyways... so it'd make sense if they did..." You begrudgingly say. You squinted at the door frame, miffed, "Do you think they'll just hook up? Or will they date?”

Natasha tilted her head to the side, tapping her chin with her index finger.

“I’m not sure,” Natasha admitted, shrugging slightly. “Steve hasn’t really dated much at all since he first got here. I’ve known him for a long time, and I could probably count on one hand how many dates he’s been on in the past couple years.”

She paused for a moment, thinking for a second.

“But the man does have needs, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind a quick, one night stand.”

You couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy as Nat said the words. If he wanted a one night stand why didn't he just go for it right away? Or go for any of the field agents who all seem more than willing to throw themselves at him. Or that barista at the coffee shop? She always seemed into him. OH, or that guy from IT! He always took a long time slowly explaining things to Steve, and Steve was always a little too kind to speed it along.

You didn't enjoy feeling like this, and it was almost embarrassing how upset you were about the thought of Steve sleeping with Jamie. Or with any other trainee… or the barista… or the IT guy. You tried to brush the feeling away, knowing Steve wasn't even yours to get jealous over.

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense." You mumbled, still staring at the door frame.

Why would Steve bother dating if he was only going to be with Jamie for a little while? He would probably be just fine just sleeping with them.

The thought of it left a bitter taste in your mouth.

You didn’t like it.

Your expression shifted from apprehensive jealousy, to bitter realization as you realized that Steve and Jamie probably would be sleeping with each other.

You brushed it off, schooling your face and relaxing your jaw. You cleared your throat and rubbed your hand over your mouth to hide the tic in your jaw.

You didn't miss the pitying look from Nat. Normally, she might have found some kind of humor in the situation, but you were genuinely frustrated.

“You could always just tell him,” Natasha suggested casually, “Admitting you like him can't hurt, can it?”

You scoffed, shaking your head as she leaned over to nudge your shoulder with her own. You ran your tongue over your teeth, need to brush them.

Her words made you stiffen, a tiny action you were certain she saw.

“I don't like him. Not like that,” you defensively sniffed, narrowing your eyes at her, “And, yes. It can and would hurt!”