#x3nee

I have the best husband ever. A few years ago, I lost hope in love. All love ever did to me was hurt me. I've been hurt so many times in the past to the point where I didn't think I'd survive. Thankfully now I have such a great husband. Someone who loves me for who I am and can support me. Someone I can wake up to and kiss me on my forehead telling me that he loves me. I wouldn't change him for anyone in the world. I am thankful to have a husband like him:)

I was forsure that I erased you out of my life but you just magically appear in my mind again. It looks like you're doing good with your life. It looks like you're finally happy with whatever you're doing. Maybe it would've been different? But I don't want to have to risk that chance... It's been a very long time since I have seen you... Hopefully one day, I get to see you again and tell you how sorry I am..Tell you that I am happy for you that you have your life back on track again.. and simply just give you my blessings... Maybe I was just in denial to accept you into my life... but you will always have a small part in my heart. Thank you for the experiences..because of you I have learned so much and figured out what I want in my life.. Thanks.

You know, sometimes I just don't get it. Why are you barely there for me when I need you? I honestly don't know what to think anymore. It honestly hurts. When I try to tell you something, you get mad before I even start explaining and tell me to shut up because you've heard enough. Enough of what!?!?! You only listened to me for like 10 seconds. Gosh! What kind of boyfriend are you!? We use to be so happy. Now we're yelling at each other and having relationship problems. I know that there is no such thing as a perfect couple but wtf. We've only been together for 2 almost 3 months and things are already falling apart. Is this a sign? I have this disgusting gut feeling in my stomach right now. Something is telling me to leave, the other thing is telling me to stay. We were so happy yesterday, and now we're like this today. I feel like I don't even know you anymore... I don't know what to do. Huuuh...I just don't care anymore. Whatever happens, happens.

Its christmas of 2012. You only live 15 minutes away from me. I look around and see all these couples spending their Christmas Day together. While I'm at home doing nothing you are chilling with your family. But I understand, family first. I just wish to spend this day with you too. I got you a present too..but I guess it can wait. Wish you were here..

What happened to those late night talks? Remember...those nights we stayed up talking countless hours. Those nights where we'd joke around and say stupid things. Those stupid nights. Gaaaah, I miss those nights. But that was BEFORE we started dating. BEFORE everything got so serious. Now, we're just like ehhh.. I don't even know or care anymore. BEFORE all you could hear was laughter through the phone. NOW, all you hear is silence. And why??? Because you knock out on my every night. I feel like I'm useless. I can feel that we're already fading away. I am not making any excuses but I just wished things were different. If you're going to call me and just knock out on me, you must be stupid to think that I'm going to sit there and wait for you. What am I suppose to do? Sit there while you sleep? I don't think so, I'm just going to hang up. Don't bother calling back either because there is no point in calling back. I'm just so done with it. The first couple times I thought it was cute, but now since it's more of like a routine rather than on accident I'm getting sick and tired of it. It's rather annoying THAN cute. Huuuuh, I just don't give two fucks about you at the moment. -.- I am ashamed to say this but I am better off alone. When I was single, I didn't have to worry about being stood up or waiting on someone. Gaaah, how I miss it but at the same time I miss being with someone who "cares" about me. Huuuuh, fuck it. I just don't care anymore. -_-

I'm so tired of you knocking out on me all the time. The first couple times, I use to think it was cute but now the thought of it is just so annoying and irritating. What happened? We use to stay up super late on the phone talking to each other. Now, all we do is talk a little, then it gets super silent, and the cycle repeats. We're drifting. You know, all I want is for us to return back to those late night calls. I understand you get tired but sometimes I want some of "US" time. I want to be able to talk to you without you knocking out on me. Goooosh! I'm having second thoughts and everything. We're fading and I am so close to giving up. Huuuuh, idk where to go on from here besides hang up the phone. I'm not going to sit here and wait for you to wake up from your stupid sleep. I'm done waiting.

I think one reason why I don't do we'll with relationships and school is because my relationship always seems to get in the way of school. Especially as of right now...I'm missing babe like crazy & I cannot concentrate on my homework;(

I'm a silly girl. It's hard for me to express how I feel. I bottle up my feelings so much that now I'm use to it and refuse to open up. People who know me, know who I really am and what I've gone through. People say I'm heartless because no matter how horrible situations are, I'm still smiling like crazy. I was born a happy baby. You'll rarely ever see me cry. You'll rarely tell if I'm telling the truth or not. You'll rarely ever tell if I'm mad or sad. That's how good I am at holding stuff in. I'll never show my anger nor will I show you my fear. Long story short, lets just say I'm a pro at holding things in and I found that one person who I can finally open up to. I am truly happy because of him. I don't remember the last time I was ever REALLY happy. But believe me now when I say this because I'm telling you the truth...I have fallen head over heels for you..