#writingagain

I don’t know how to start this, but I’m here, sitting at my work desk with my fingers on the keyboard, feeling the pull to return to something I haven’t touched in years: One Direction fanfiction.

Liam Payne’s death hit me harder than I thought it would. I didn’t realize how much of my heart was still tied to those moments when I was a teenager, writing about them, imagining a world where they were more than just the pop stars we saw on TV. I poured so much of my joy, my pain, my dreams, and my hopes into those stories. Back then, it was all about escape – the music, the camaraderie, the connection to a group of boys who seemed so real to us.

And now, with Liam gone, it feels like that piece of my heart has cracked open again.

I wasn’t ready for it. I wasn’t prepared for the flood of memories, the longing to go back to those days when the fanfics were all I could think about. The days when I believed in the magic of what if, in the safe space of fandoms, in the comfort of writing and reading about a band that gave us so much joy. The days when we were all just kids, learning and growing alongside each other.

I’m writing again. I’m writing for that younger version of me who found solace in words, in worlds I could shape with my own hands. I’m writing for the healing of the inner child that was never fully allowed to let go of those fantasies, those hopes, that feeling of being seen and understood. Because in a way, these stories helped me heal then, and they might just help me heal now.

I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know how long this healing process will take, or what new roads it will lead me down, but I do know that I’m doing it for the little me who needed these words to make sense of a world that didn’t always feel kind.

So here I am, typing away once more, remembering why I started writing in the first place. Not for fame, not for attention, but for the therapy of expression, for the joy of creating something from nothing, and for the love I still carry for a group of boys who made me feel like I wasn’t alone in this world.

Liam, thank you for everything. You’ll always be a part of this journey.

Sorry had to take a break from writing for a bit due to irl stuff, but I’m gonna start writing again soon ♥️ in the meantime feel free to read the other parts! Feedback and reblogs are much appreciated!! Thank yoouuu 🥰🥰

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

I can't even forget how it felt when your wrist bent at

my waist.

Or the sound you made when you were sleeping a

little too deeply in my arms; I was always afraid you

were never going to wake back up.

I don't even need to close my eyes, and I see you.

I can feel your skin under my fingertips just by

thinking your name.

What is this game of love, really?

My senses are blinded and my guard is down; I

tremble at the sound of your footstep.

I can't even forget the sound of your footstep.

Or the way your lips lay against your teeth like

silk against pearls. The way you'd hide your smile.

There's things in this life you can not achieve, places

that you may never reach.

But I've seen the ethereal​.

I've known the heavens, I have loved with a love only

the Gods could synchronize.

So please, tell me why, my bleeding knees and

pleading eyes do not compromise the anger in your

heart, or the bitterness in your mind.

Because I still remember the way you'd say my name

in your sleep, and the way you'd laugh at me.

And I still remember how we kissed, like we were

losing time. And the way your voice sounded when

you said the times you knew for certain.

And the times you knew it wasn't true.

Your love for me was see through

I want to write and decided to just write, even with unedited drafts, I’ll write and ignore those rough punctuations and grammar issues so long I can actually write something. This is also a sign. Start writing and finish your wip too!