#loveagain

Megint azt mondom, hogy szeretlek.

Megint Neked.

Tell me once again. Tell me you love me like you did that day.

Baekhyun was walking his way back home. The sun was going down and its last rays were streaking through the cloudless sky. 

The wind was gently caressing his golden skin, and pushing his hair backwards. He looked at his watch. 9pm. He sighed. 

If you turn away now, we can never come back to this.

He loved fashion and modelling had been his carrier for more than 6 years now. He had come to Paris in hopes of becoming someone, of meeting influential people and making a name for himself. He had succeeded, for sure. His name was on everyone’s lips ; Byun Baekhyun, the korean beauty, the face of perfection, the angel fallen from heaven. 

They had called him a greek statue. A statue he was, indeed. Cold, like frozen in time, unable to feel something as his heart was shattered into pieces. He was still breathing, his heart was still beating but he was dead somehow. He didn’t know how to smile anymore. He hadn’t heard his own laugh in weeks. His mind was oblivion, a black hole devouring even the slightest emotion. 

A statue, a rock, a nothing. Where is the difference ?

Tell me once again. Tell me that you love me again.

9 : 30. It was late and he was exhausted, but at least the subway wasn’t crowded. He had have a shooting not far from the Saint-Lazare station and had to go all the way back to Nation in order to go home. A 20 minutes journey. Not enough to his liking. 

The only journey he wanted to go to has a beginning but no end. Funny, he thought, how the beginning of that journey engenders the end of human life.

Come back to me again

The subway smelled like fat and sweat. Fat, because of the teenager enjoying his McDonald’s menu, three seat rows away from Baekhyun. Sweat, because it was the middle of July and the heat had been being sweltering for several days. It was quiet, except for the constant metal-on-metal grinding sound produced by the contact of the train on the rails and the feminine voice announcing the stations one by one. 

He didn’t notice any of that. He was floating outside of his body. He was trapped in his own head. 

It’s floating, like a balloon. I’m filled with those memories. I’m still just as I have always been.

Pyramides station. On the platform, two young persons, a man and a woman, were smiling at each other. They talked briefly and kissed.

Something inside Baekhyun broke. His dead heart ached in his chest and he went out of breath for a second. His stomach was twisting in his belly and he felt like throwing up.

I’m filled with those memories. I’m still just as I have always been.

His consciousness suddenly  reclaimed is body. Inside his brain, a powerful force was trying to break through, as a little insect digging his way out. The grinding sound became clearer, the smell of sweat stronger. The kids eating his McDonalds was making mouth noises. 

The statue was broken. The black hole was filled to the brim and not able to devour anything. He was awaken.

Baekhyun didn’t want to go home. He didn’t want to go back to that empty apartment. She had been gone for weeks now, but the smell of her hair seemed to be clinging on the walls, the furnitures wood and the bed sheets, like a nightmare he couldn’t get rid of. 

« Don’t think about her, Baekhyun. She’s a stranger. She’s no one »

The feminine voice announced Chatelet. Without really understanding why, he stood up abruptly, glanced at the kid eating his french fries and got out of the train. He had to get out. He had to escape. He was suffocating.

But now you’re trying to run away so that the race of our love can never end babe.

Paris is a curious city. When you come here for the first time, everything amazes you.  The buildings, the ceaseless flow of passersby, that man on the parvis of Notre Dame singing to French songs with his accordeon. But one day, you become an accustomed in this big city. One day, you notice the smell of dirt, the unhappy faces that surround you and the homeless guy singing songs for money.

Baekhyun had been in Paris for 6 years and he had come to hate it. If he could vomit a city, he would. 

The city of love, they call it… 

Tell me once again. Say that you love me again. 

He walked. The sun was down. The lights coming from the lamp posts guided him. One foot in front of the other. He was looking down and walking fiercely. But his steps was leading him no where.

« You can’t escape »

Tell me once again. Say that you love me again. 

Why was he thinking about her ? She had left, she had abandoned him, she had disappeared. He was doing fine. Why breaking down ? Why thinking about all of this ? Why torturing himself ? 

The apartment. Her sent floating in every room. 

9 : 45.

Say that you love me again.

He looked up. The sky was dark, the stars seemed to be mocking him and the tears that was rolling down his face. He had been dead for weeks but life had regained his body. And with life comes all the burdens of a human being. Love, regret, pain. 

Notre Dame was watching, gigantic and noble. Baekhyun was standing on the bridge over the Seine River. He wasn’t a believer, but he looked at the basilica imploring for help. Praying for help. 

And in the night she stood still and quiet.